The Wallflower's Revenge

AWR Chapter 42: All of me

“A-Abroad?” Puzzled, I tried to say the last word our guidance counselor told me. She nodded to confirm what she had said. 

It’s like my whole world stopped in an instant. I felt numb all of a sudden and I didn’t even notice the tears running down on my cheeks.

“I really hope you’ll miss my being annoying.” I could still hear her exact words from yesterday. Why didn’t I even notice those words that she’s saying to me is already indicating her final goodbyes? I think this is also the reason why I never even see her in school that often. I was so busy with figuring out things and even hunting down my stalker myself without noticing that my best friend is eventually moving away from me and my life as well.

“Miss, I’m so sorry but I have to go. Thanks.”

Before our guidance counselor would say another word or react to what I said, I stood up and ran away out of her office. I ran until I reached the mini-forest of our school. There, I covered my face and cried my heart out. Good thing there were less students in that area.

What was she even thinking? Am I that easy to forget that she never informed me about her going abroad? This really feels terrible. I wiped my tears with my handkerchief as I slowly looked around.

This time, it is really sinking into me that I will never get to see her again, ever. She couldn’t even sleep in my house anymore. How can she ever do that when she’s not here anymore. I got my phone inside my pocket and tried calling her number. However, it is already saying that it is out of coverage. My bad, I never got the chance to ask our guidance counselor of which particular country she went with her mom. Sheira’s mother and my mom were really close friends. However, I am not really close to her and she’s always busy with their family business. She personally does it herself. There’s no way I could really know what’s happening to my best friend unless she will really tell me about it.

I suddenly felt sad because I miss Sheira so much. I got used to her being very open to me that I forget to appreciate her presence every time. I am used to her not asking how she was, too. I cried even more when I realized how I am her best friend. I am not even doing my part.

I was insensitive and selfish. I realized that while she’s giving more of herself to me, I am only receiving her love and concerns without me giving something in return. Also, I even commented on most of the guys that courted her. It made her uncomfortable and sad, but since she treated my advice seriously, she followed me. She even broke up with her short-time boyfriend and the reason was me. It was because I didn’t like the guy for her. That guy has a lot of tattoos and trust issues.

He even cursed Sheira in front of me but their personality was only the same. Sheira loves to say things in curse language but it never defined her personality, somehow.

I realized while she’s being good to me all along, here I am being bad to her at all times. I felt terrible right away. I want to cry and cry all day for all of the realizations that swept over my senses. It’s like waking up from a sad reality that was unveiled before my eyes. Why did I even wait for Sheira to distance herself completely to make me realize certain things about my treatment to her and about myself, too?

I slowly drove my way home. Shoulders dropped and I haven’t even eaten a single meal. When I turn on the lights of my house, I can hear crickets singing along with the deafening silence around me. 

Looking at my situation, I can’t help but to have goosebumps over my body. This feeling isn’t normal at all. Even Sheira was the only person who is helping me forget that I have depression to cure and a battle to face. It’s because of her daily noise and personality that makes me feel that life is worth living after mom passed away.

 I hugged myself as I reclined on the sofa. I closed my eyes and let regret saturate my mood right now. Yeah, I deserve this one. I realized I am not a good friend because of what I did to Sheira. I slowly opened my eyes and as I was looking down, I could see a pair of feet coming towards me. I froze from where I am sitting. I am about to shout for help when I hear a familiar voice.

“Hey, slug.” 

“Sheira!” When I looked up and saw her, I was so surprised with full of happiness that I came rushing to her and hugged her tight. She laughed because of my exaggerated reaction as soon as I saw her.

“Eww..when did you learn to be this sentimental?” She said between chuckles as I hugged her tight. She gasped as she tried pushing me away but I was much stronger than her this time. I even pulled her closer to me.

“Gosh, is that your way of telling me to never go away from you or what?” I can’t help but cry because of  what she’s saying. Her facial expression suddenly changed. As I finally let go of her, she cupped my face with both of her hands.

“When did you become silly all of a sudden?” She even added.

“I thought I lost you forever.” I said with misty eyes. She laughed out loud like a madman. It’s as if she can’t believe that I would react like this to her.

“You know what? I love you so much.”

“Wow, coming from you?” She said as if not believing what I am telling her just now.

“What great mood happened to you that you became a totally different person?”

“I really thought you left me already that’s why…”

“Well, if I will really leave you then you will tell me that you love me too? I’ve never seen you that sweet Rebecca.” She said in a warning tone. However, I know she’s only fooling around. She grinned and raised her eyebrows.

“I’m warning you…”

What?”

“This might sound funny but I want you to be that distant and cold Becca that I used to know. You being sweet is really cringy...like what the hell?” She said in a raised, exaggerated tone. I laughed because of her reaction.

“No. From what happened today, I realized that I need to be more expressive when it comes to expressing my feelings.”

Gosh, like duh? You can’t even express your feelings to Gavin, you’re going to express your feelings to me?” She replied in disbelief.

I poked her arm as I giggled. She’s really silly when it comes to giving examples. Sometimes, I don’t really know if she’s my best friend or mortal enemy. She can also be in between.

“I beg to disagree. You know what? You and Gavin are different from each other. We knew each other since we were made from our mother’s womb. Gavin is just new in the picture. Why would you include him?” As soon as she heard what  I said, she almost rolled on the floor laughing. She’s crazy. Literally. I don’t know why I ever happen to be friends with this woman in the first place. I can’t help but to shake my head and smile at her too. Her way of laughing is enough to  complete my day.

“But I really thought you left me already.”

“Who said that to you?” She giggled as she drew closer to me. She even hugged me and she even rested her head on my shoulder.

“Of course, I happen to go to our Guidance counselor. I was able to ask her about you. You know, I need to ask her about you since you didn’t take the exam this morning.”

“I don’t need to do it.” She smiled meekly. 

“What do you mean? Are you really leaving?”

“Yes, Becca. I have to and I need to.” I hugged her again. She explained everything from the very beginning. She was tasked to study  a course relating to business. Her mother was the one who influenced her to do this. I know from the very beginning that she hated this course. I know how she loathed even imagining herself being enrolled in that particular course. However, that was the condition set up by her mom to both Marvin and her. She will only accept Marvin for her if and only if she will accept to her terms. She will be the heiress to their family business and she needs to study on how to manage it very well.

“So, you’re really going to leave me all alone?”

“Gosh, good thing I was able to say goodbye to you rather than leaving and not saying anything at all.” She replied right away.

“When are you leaving, anyway?” 

“Monday next week, Becca.”

“Please take care in going to Europe. I will miss you so much.” I hugged her once again. 

“Yes, me too. Don’t worry. If I finish this course, I will go home right away. Anyway, it’s only two years.” I was thrilled and more than excited for her. Even if I am sad and anxious, I prefer to be happy for Sheira’s another milestone in life.

“I remembered the other day, you’re trying to push me away. What was the reason for that?” I don’t know if I will do a facepalm right away. What kind of mind does my best friend have? Does she have a photographic memory or something similar?

“Nothing.”

Hmm, I don’t know...it looked like nothing-something.” I chuckled because of the way she described what’s on her mind.

“Don’t mind my ever-blank expression. You know I am not always in the mood, right?”

“Yeah. I am just checking on you. I don’t want that you’re not well before I leave.” I nodded and smiled at her. I assured her that everything is under control. I know she’s my best friend and she also deserves to know the truth. The truth about our stalker...I mean, mine alone. This is the exact reason why I don’t want to bother her anymore. Especially that she’s about to leave this place. I don’t want Sheira to worry too much about me and my stalker. It will really be possible for her to cancel her flight right away if she will know the whole truth and why I worry so much. 

I treat this as my own problem that will be solved by myself and not rely on other people. This was about mom, myself and dad. Our family. Our already broken family but the questions inside my mind are still endless. 

“You know what? You still have time to tell me everything…”

What if those things might lead you to cancel your flight? Do you want it?” I tried to challenge her but I can see that she’s really serious and she’s really going to do it by the way she looked into my eyes.

She’s more than a psychic and she’s crazy. She’s a great friend but she’s getting creepier. I don’t know if she’s really being silly or she’s really going to do that. I know challenging her will trigger her to really do something rather than to stop it. 

“You’re sure you’re alright here?” It’s her turn to have misty eyes. Days had passed quickly and here I am, sending my best friend away from me with my permission. She was with her mom and Marvin who was beside her. The last person she hugged was Marvin. He even got a bit emotional because she will miss Marvin and their endless dates. Marvin was the only person who had spoiled her in almost everything. Food, dates, experience and many good things that impacted her life for good.

“I will miss you sweetheart.” Marvin whispered to her ear. It was then that she cried a bit while hugging him once more.

“Two years were only short, okay? I promise we can see each other and get married after you finish your studies.” She was surprised when Marvin put a ring on her finger. It was an 18-carat diamond ring that served as an engagement ring.

“Thank you so much sweetheart. I will do my best for you. I love you!” I was the one who cried because I was touched by the moment. Indeed, their love for each other was so great that it changed Sheira’s perspective in life for many times ever since they became in a relationship with one another.

“I have to go. Please wait for me, sweetheart.”

“I do.” Marvin answered as she kissed her on the lips. I waved goodbye to her, as well as Marvin and Sheira’s mom who was crying that time. Of course, what is the distance of Europe from their house. It’s a thousand miles away. You can’t easily take a bath there because it’s really cold. Sometimes, it gets extremely hot in summer, too. But then, when Sheira makes a promise, I know she will really do it faithfully and all of her heart.

We watched the airplane take off from a far distance. I even waved goodbye to her. I was so thankful that she bothered to go to my house even if her flight will be on the next day. I really appreciate Sheira for being the best of my friend and I will truly miss her so much.