The Wallflower's Revenge

AWR Chapter 38: Carry my love

I woke up to the sound of my mother and father arguing inside the house. I slowly opened my eyes and I looked around. My head is aching like crazy.

I am not a drinker. I knew it to myself. I never even tried any of those. It was my first, major heartbreak. What I felt last night that triggered me to try something new. A common alternative for some people to forget a painful thing that has happened to them for a while.I am sure this is a hangover from last night. I remembered buying three bottles of a common alcoholic drink with a red horse print on it.

I hold my forehead as I get up because my head is really throbbing with pain. Suddenly, I felt like my stomach was all knotted and the pain was just excruciating. Before I knew it, I threw out, right on my bed. That stinky smell of that alcoholic drink from my mouth made me feel worse even more. I covered that yellowish brown colored liquid that spread in most parts of my bed with my blanket.

That sight is making me sick. I don't know how to feel right now. The spiralling mixed emotions is getting into my senses.

I felt really weak. I couldn't even feel my feet on the floor. As I took my first step, I felt really dizzy and before I knew it, everything went blank.

"What was that all about?" I saw my mom rushed inside my room with dad following her. I felt my mom's hands on my arm as she held me. She also touched my forehead and neck.

I can feel that my father rushed along with her but I can hear her whining some words that I can't understand.

"We are not done yet," My father insisted about the topic that they were arguing a while ago. He's not even noticing my situation right now, well, even my mother. She's just starting to ask how am I doing right now.

"Your daughter is having a problem right here and you're not done yet?" My mom's voice started to raise a little higher this time. They helped me stand up. However, I could hear my mom freaking out all of a sudden as she discovered that sickly stench of vomit under my blanket.

"f**k, what was that?" My father reacted, covering his nose and mouth with his hands. He started to look at the situation and there he is, cursing all over because of what he saw. I can never blame him. It's the very first time that has happened to me.

"Since when did Biellia learn how to drink? Look at her! She's a total mess!" He added and I could hear my mom groaned with disappointment.

Hearing those words from my parents left a pang in my heart even more. Well, what can I expect? I am totally wrecked by the love of my life. Also, I am the breadwinner of my family. I am expected to be the tough and resilient one. My family couldn't even see me cry because I never show it to them. It is better this way.

I hate constant naggers asking what's wrong with me. I hate it when somebody will make me feel how weak I am. I just want to be the Biellia they expect me to be, without any form of weaknesses.

However, when I thought I could always have that life, the happenings in it disappointed me too much. I feel like I've had enough. Maybe they were right. Not all forms of life are always ideal. But, do I have to really experience all of these? For me, it's so unfair.

I was conscious but I pretended to be asleep. I observed how my parents handle me being this way. I felt my mom removing all the mattresses and bed sheet covers of my bed. My dad was speechless but I felt him massaging my forehead. I want to cry because this is one of the moments I felt like having a real dad. The warmth of his hands touched my heart so much I couldn't stop my tears from falling.

"Bie?" I heard the gentle voice of my father as he touched my cheek. He got a handkerchief and wiped my tears. I slowly opened my eyes and held both of his hands. I realized I was lying on his lap while he is sitting on the floor.

"Dad," I answered as I couldn't stop my tears from falling down my cheeks. My cracked voice made my mom sit down beside dad, too.

"What happened to you? What is this thing all about?" My mom asked me in a raised voice. She's almost shouting at me in a reprimanding tone. Hence, I could feel she's being worried at the same time.

"Julia! You're a harsh witch! Can't you see? Our daughter is crying and you're shouting at her!" Dad hissed while frowning at her. Mom shut her mouth right away but she sighed loudly. She sounded really frustrated for not having the answer she asked from me.

"Let her speak whenever she's ready, okay? Argue with me instead, we can do that the whole day." Dad told her and it made her chuckle as she poked his arm with her fist. Mom looked at dad as if they were cats and dogs fighting. However, I can feel that they are both in love in their own, weird way.

I am just thankful that they both understood each other's differences and embraced them with love. While me? While my lovelife? I can't even understand why he left me without any reason at all. He just left me hanging and let me fall without nobody catching me.

I exchange glances to both of them. My tears were still falling like crazy.

"Oh, my baby," My mom held my back as she pulled to slightly get me up and hugged me. My dad was also beside me as he massaged my back.

"We can't understand what is happening to you. What's wrong?" Mom continuously asked. My father held my arms too.

"Dear, you have to tell us what happened. You can't scare us like this. This is not normal."

"Yes, this is not the Biellia that we knew." My father added that I looked at them in the eyes.

"Mom, Mason will get married." I could see them holding both their hands in excitement.

"Wow! That's great news! When is the wedding? I am glad that he already proposed—"

"Julia! Look at Biellia! She's crying for pete's sake! Don't be ridiculous!" My dad added as he noticed what is happening to me.

"Why? I guess she was just overwhelmed that she will get married soon, you know, our daughter might be frustrated because she will be a wife soon," mom added that my dad is also contradicting her because of what he saw in me.

"Stop! I said stop, please!" I screamed at them that they kept silent right away. I covered my ears with both my hands. I can't believe how my parents didn't understand what I meant. The argument stopped in an instant. They focused their attention to me and never dared said another word.

They exchanged glances with one another. When they realized that I am looking very miserable right now. I covered my face with both my palms. I felt sorry not for myself but for my parent's expectation of me to get married to Mason. I felt so bad of not fulfilling their wish for me to settle down at this age. This is getting really frustrating and it makes me sad even more.

"He is getting married to another girl, okay? Not to me. Mom, don't hurt me too much, will you?" I said as I gazed into my mom's eyes with tears running down my cheeks.

"Oh," She covered her mouth. She gasped from what she heard from me.

"Where's that i***t? I'm gonna kill him," My father said, attempting to stand up but mom stopped her by holding her arms.

"Leave a piece of respect to yourself and sit down there," She said as she pointed a finger at him. My dad gave an impatient grunt as she sat down to where he'd been sitting a while ago, avoiding her gaze to her.

"Mom, dad, am I not enough?"

I could feel my voice being miserable and raspy at the same time. I saw my father clenched his fist while my mom cried with me. She hugged me tight after trying to speak a word but she never did. I guess she's afraid that a word might hurt her daughter even more.

"Bie, you are more than enough for us," My mom said after taking a deep, calm breath as she looked into my eyes.

"Mom, dad, let me cry today. Let me be wasted today. I promise, I will be alright soon."

I could feel that my mom hugged me tight.

"Don't apologize, sweetie. Just cry if you need to." I felt my mother's words soothing as ever. Although she's a nagger most of the time, these words from her refreshed me so much.

Yeah, I will really be alright. I have to.