The Alpha and Her Secret Mate

Conflicting Desires

I walk through the pack house grounds trying to look calm. Trying not to look like I’m frantically searching for Dan. Alex and Taylor stayed in the office, making fun of me for wanting to rely on Dan, but I need his input. I don’t know enough about the pack, and I don’t trust myself to get it right.

As I look around the yard, I wave to several wolves, and stop to watch a group of kids kicking a ball around. Everyone looks calm, but I can see the distinct divide. Even though I don’t recognize most of the people by name, I can tell the longstanding pack members apart from the rogues. There’s an almost imperceptible distance between them. The Lunar pack members give the former rogues a wide berth, and the rogues are fidgety around so many people.

I don’t know how to fix it, but I hope that Taylor’s rebuilding idea will be a start.

I find Dan outside his cabin. I invited him to take a room in the house, but he wanted to have some distance. I think it was an intentional signal that I’m the one in charge now, but I still wish he was closer. He’s one of the few people to get a temporary dwelling besides the barracks. It’s just a little one room cabin, but he says he’s comfortable, and it gives him some privacy away from the house. Sometimes I wish I could just get away like that too.

“Morning, Dan. Can I talk to you?”

Dan made a show of checking his watch. “It’s barely 9 am and you already need advice?” He laughed warmly. “Sit with me.” He pulled up a folding camp chair for me, and I sat gratefully.

“Taylor thinks we should have the rogues rebuild the housing we lost on 4th Street as a way of trialing their loyalty,” I say, forgetting all other formalities.

“And what do you think?”

“That we need to either—” I lower my voice and look around quickly. “We need to either expel the rogues or integrate them into the pack. We can’t keep going like this, not with the increasing patrols.”

“That’s a good observation. And rebuilding will help relieve some of the strain around here.”

At this, we both look around the overcrowded yard. I cringe seeing what’s become of my grandparent’s yard. Grandma was so proud of her garden, but now the space that used to contain neat rows of flowers is rutted tracks of mud.

Dan seems to sense what I’m thinking because he says, “We can rebuild the yard.” He takes my hand. “We can even assign some omegas to start fixing the garden now if you like.”

I squeeze his hand, thankful for the sentiment. “No, I should be the one to do it. And besides, the space would be better suited for a vegetable patch anyways. We’ve got a lot of people to feed.”

“Don’t worry about them,” Dan says, and I hear the silent implication that I should be more worried about myself.

I ignore it. “So, I’ll set up teams of mixed omegas and rogues to go assess the land on Fourth Street, and we can start making plans to rebuild.” I hesitate before adding, “I’m sure you’re eager to get home?”

Dan’s face falls, only slightly. “I don’t think so…”A wave of sadness crosses his face, but he replaces it with a nostalgic smile. “The house I shared with Bessie is gone. I’m not sure I want to be there with only that shadow of a memory.”

I smile remembering his late wife. She was always so kind to me and Gracie, and I miss her like she was really family. “Well, I can’t pretend I’m not glad you’ll be staying nearby,” I say. “Wait, she was your mate!”

Dan laughs with a lightness I haven’t seen in ages. “Yes, she is. She is my mate and my match in every way.” I smile at the look of love in his eyes as he remembers her, and he misinterprets my look. “Don’t worry, you’ll find your mate soon enough. Now that you’ve shifted, it’s only a matter of time before the Goddess reveals her plans.”

“Oh, umm…” I cough, uncomfortably. “I mean, whatever. I’m sure she’s busy.” I look away. “And look, I am too. I have all of this to take care of.”

Dan laughs again. “It’s okay to want your mate, Layla. To be honest, I was a bit surprised it wasn’t the Hanes boy. You and Alex seemed to have a strong connection, even without the shifter sense.”

I feel my face heating, and I’m sure I’m bright red. “Oh, yeah. He’s nice. I mean. He’s been really great as a helper around the pack house. Like teaching me how the pack works or whatever.” I feel a pang of guilt for lying to Dan. Then a bigger pang for hiding Alex. I’m not ready to tell anyone yet. I want to establish our relationship to ourselves before involving everyone we know and pack dynamics and hierarchy, and my newly appointed leadership… I bury my face in my hands.

“Everything good, over there?” Dan asks, bringing me back.

“Yeah, I just have a lot to do. It’s a little overwhelming.”

“Tell you what? You go make plans for the pack half of the rebuilding excursion, and I’ll organize the rogues. I can already see some personalities that won’t mix. We can get them on the road, and relieve some strain here.”

Relief floods my heart. “Oh, Dan, thank you. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“I do. You’d find a way to manage. You’re strong enough, and the wolves respect you.”

I suppress a grimace, and don’t say what I’m thinking. They respect me for now. How long until I mess up, and start to lose them? “Thank you, Dan. I’ll leave you to it.”

We both stand, and he sips his coffee as he surveys the shifters before him. The task seems to give him a renewed sense of purpose, and he stands taller now.

“I’ll touch base with you at lunch,” I say, having no idea if that’s an appropriate amount of time. I guess we’ll see. I walk back towards the main house, carefully navigating so I won’t end up in any long conversations. I usually love talking to the pack, but today, I have too much to do.

Once I’m inside, I stop by my room in search of a sweater. Once I open my door, I’m struck by a chill that something is wrong. I drop my phone, and it bounces silently on the carpet. I hardly notice as my heart races with worry.

Then I see him standing by the window, outlined in the early morning haze. I breathe a sigh of relief. “Alex,” I call to him. “What are you doing in here?” I slip inside and close the door behind me.

If he heard me, he doesn’t acknowledge what I’ve said.

“Alex?” I say walking towards him.

He stares out the window steadily. “Go ahead to the meeting, I’ll just be another minute.”

Something nags at the back of my consciousness. “Alex, what’s wrong?” I ask as I walk up behind him. I start to slip my arms around his chest, but I freeze when he speaks.

“Would you still have done it if I wasn’t late last night?” His voice is cold, and he doesn’t turn to look at me.

I pull my arms away from him and clutch my own stomach, suddenly freezing. “What?”

“Would you have kissed me if I hadn’t been late last night?” He still hasn’t looked at me.

I sit down on the edge of the bed and pull my knees up to my chest. “I’m not sure what you mean.”

“Did you kiss me because you wanted to, or because you were afraid I’d stop coming by?”

“Alex, you’re being ridiculous.” My voice shakes. Even as I say it, I feel the frail peace between us shattering.

“I don’t think I am.” He turns to look at me now, and the look in his eyes is guarded.

I stand up and slip into the space between his arms. “Alex, you’re everything to me.” I slide my arms around his torso and hold him to me. My head fits perfectly in the nook of his shoulder, and for a moment, I feel at ease. His warm presence is reassuring, and I start to melt into him. But he doesn’t hug me back.

“You’re ashamed of me.” His arms dangle at his side, and I can see his fists clench.

“I’m not ashamed of you. Alex, I have to learn to be a leader.”

The tension between us rises. I start to pull back, but he catches me with a hand on my hip. His skin is hot with desire, and in another moment, his lips are on mine, claiming every inch of me and every ounce of my attention. I put my arms around his neck and lift myself to get closer to him, and he obliges, lifting me by my legs until I’m wrapped around him. My hands are buried in his hair, and I shiver when his fingers dig into my thighs.

“Layla,” he whispers, his voice shuddering against my lips.

“I’m yours, Alex,” I whisper back. “Only yours.”