The Alpha and Her Secret Mate

Beta Problems

When Alex leaves me, I feel only a cold void where his arms had been. I slip on the sweater I came for, but its warmth does nothing to calm the unsettled feeling I have in the pit of my stomach. That feeling lingers throughout the day as I go through the motions of running the pack.

In the back of my mind, I track Alex as he moves around the pack house. I’m desperate to run to him, to reassure him, to get his affection back, but I can’t get away. I feel a tightness in my chest through everything that I do. As long as I’ve known Alex is my mate, there’s been a sense of peace where his love rests, but now that space just feels cold. I miss him. I woke up in his arms this morning, and we spent the morning together, but I miss him as though I haven’t seen him in days.

I’m acutely aware of Alex’s position while I’m on a call with the Wolf Senate. I only half pay attention to what they’re saying until Dan’s voice breaks through my distraction.

“I really don’t think this is a reasonable expectation of our pack.”

“Then who do you propose should be handling this?” The woman’s voice is clipped as she admonishes him. “If the new Alpha Holland can’t contain the problem, we need to discuss an alternate arrangement.”

I open my mouth to defend myself, but I find I don’t have anything to say. Maybe they’re right. Someone else should take my place. Someone who knows shifters and knows how to lead.

“I hope I misunderstand your intent,” Dan snaps. “It would not do well to oppose the Goddess’ will.”

“I…no, of course not.” The woman stutters into silence.

Relief floods through me. The Goddess made me the Alpha of this pack for a reason. I just need to prove her right. “I appreciate the position that you’re in,” I tell her. “The Lunar Pack is undergoing a tragedy, so I’m sure you can understand our reluctance to do your busy work.”

Dan smiles at me, appreciatively, and I’m sure I made the right choice.

“I do understand,” the woman says. “And I’m deeply sorry for your loss.”

“Thank you,” I say. I let the silence linger for a moment, just enough for her to get uncomfortable. Then I say, “Our Warriors are working as fast as they can, and I assure you we’ll send word soon.”

The conversation ends quickly after that. She seems eager get off the phone. I slump in my chair as soon as the line disconnects.

“Why do they care about some stupid inter-pack rivalry?” I say with a heavy sigh.

“Alfred has been telling them that the Bassettes need to be contained for decades,” Dan says. “And they didn’t.”

“But why are they being so cold about it now?” I whine.

Dan chuckles. “You know they’re embarrassed?”

“What?!” I say. The theory doesn’t make sense. They’re a powerful Wolf Senate, and we lost track of two wolves while devoting half of our resources to tracking them.

Dan pats my shoulder. “If they had listened to us and dealt with the problem years ago, it wouldn’t be such a problem now. They’re just trying to foist the responsibility off on you.”

I pout with a teasing smile, and hope that I can convince myself that this isn’t my fault.

“They should have taken out Charles when they had the chance.” When Dan registered my blank look, he added, “Alan’s father. He died when you were a baby.”

There’s a cold ringing sensation in my ears, and I don’t miss the implication. None of this would be a problem now if Alan’s father, my grandfather, had been taken care of before I was born. Before even Alan was born. None of this would be a problem now if I had never been born.

If Dan notices my revelation, he doesn’t acknowledge it. He sits down across from me and crosses his legs in a comfortable gesture. I’m struck by the familiarity of his gesture, and I remember how many times he must have sat there in that same position across from Grandpa. I feel a prickling in my eyes, and I quickly blink it away. The wave of sadness threatens to overtake me, and I distract myself with a huge gulp of coffee I don’t taste. When Dan looks up at me, I see a split second of surprise in his eyes when he sees me. Like he’s surprised I’m not my grandfather.

“I wish he were here too,” I whisper.

The sadness in Dan’s eyes is replaced with a warmth I don’t fully recognize. He takes my hand across the desk and squeezes my fingers. “He would be proud of you,” Dan says to me. “You’re doing so well.”

I open my mouth to argue, but the door to the office bursts open.

“Have you considered redecorating?” Taylor says as way of greeting. “There’s so much white wood here, it’s too much.”

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Dan’s jaw clench, and I jump up to intercept this. “No redecorating,” I say firmly. “Most of this was done by my grandmother.”

“Exactly!” Taylor says. “So it’s terribly outdated.” She drops into a chair, and pulls her feet up.

“I like it!” I say, laughing. “It’s vintage!”

Taylor rolls her eyes. “Sure, vintage.”

Dan clears his throat. “You were supposed be on the call with the Senate this morning.”

Some of the color drains from Taylor’s face, but she covers it with an easy smile. “Did that happen already?”

Dan’s sigh is almost a growl. “I had Carol email both of you the schedule this morning.”

I nod, even as I pull up the email from Grandpa’s secretary on my phone. Carol’s organizational skills are unmatched, and I was so relieved when she agreed to keep her position without question. I don’t think we could keep up without her, and I can tell that Dan feels the same way. Abruptly, I realize that I can’t sense Alex anymore, but I focus back on Taylor. I can find him later.

“Oh yeah,” Taylor laughs. “I guess I did miss it. How did it go?”

I sigh. “Not good.”

Taylor grins, and her face lights up. “Spill,” she orders, excitedly.

Dan slams the papers he’s holding down on the desk. “This isn’t classroom gossip, Taylor. These are our lives, and the lives of your pack members.”

Taylor cringes in her seat. “I was busy,” she mutters.

“Taylor…” I start to tell her how much I needed her there, but the words are caught in my thoat.

Dan scowls. “Busy with what?” he demands.

Taylor shrinks in on herself. “I…”

I desperately want to hear her excuse, but I also don’t think I can take it. “Dan, stop,” I whisper.

“Fine, brief her on the call. I’ll see you both at the two o’clock warriors assignment.” Dan puts his half drank coffee on my desk, and slams the door behind him.

I blink into the new silence, and Taylor starts to unfurl her limbs from the chair. “So what happened?” she asks. Her voice is cheerful, but she keeps her shoulders hunched. Her gaze is trained on my desk.

I spend a moment trying to decide what to say. “They’re upset we haven’t contained…my parents.” What I want to tell her is that I miss her.

Taylor nods. “That doesn’t seem like a productive conversation?”

“No,” I agree. “Dan thinks that they’re trying to cover their own mistake, but I feel so guilty.”

Taylor scrunches her nose at me. “This is exactly what I meant. You already feel bad about it. Now they’re just being jerks and piling on .”

I laugh because I know she’s right. “This is why I wanted you on the call.”

She looks up at me. “You were better off without me.”

“I don’t think that’s true,” I say, suddenly feeling bolder. My wolf grumbles to me in agreement. She always does when I’m feeling confident.

“You had Dan there.”

“Dan’s not the Beta anymore,” I snap. When she jumps in surprise, my expression softens. “He’s here to help us. And I need you to learn from him so you can help me when—” I can’t bring myself to talk about a time without Dan around to help.

“It’s just a lot, all at once,” she whispers. “I miss just hanging out. I miss being your friend.”

Relief floods through my chest. “I miss that too.” I jump over the desk to hug her. “We can be friends and run a pack too?”

She wraps he arms tight around me. “I actually require it. The two are mutually exclusive.” She giggles when she says this, and I pull back enough to see a glint of mischief in her smile.

“Hey!” I say, suddenly remembering. “A bunch of the younger wolves are having a movie night. We should go. Stop being responsible for an evening.”

“Oh my god, yes!” she squeals, jumping in my arms. “And we can have a sleepover after! It’ll be perfect!”

“Oh, I—” My thoughts rush to Alex as I remember his body wrapped around me this morning.

“Unless you already have someone spending the night?” Taylor says with a teasing wink.

I panic and wonder if someone saw him go to my room last night, then I immediately feel guilty for it. “N-no.”

Taylor sits back down. “Hey, no judgment, girl!” She casually crosses her legs. “If I didn’t have Sammy, I’d be all about Warner too.”

“Warner?” I ask, my heart rate slowing closer to normal. “Ew, no.”

“You sure? I mean, Alpha is a stressful job, and no one said you have to be someone’s mate to enjoy some time with them.”

“That’s true…but I promise, that’s not what’s happening with Warner.”

“If you say so! I’m sure you’d tell me anyways.”

“Yes,” I tell her. “I promise that if I start hooking up with someone who’s not my mate, you’ll be the first to know.” I feel a twinge of guilt for twisting the truth like this, but not enough to correct it.

“Too bad about Alex’s stupid mate rules, right?” Taylor says. “I thought you two would have been good together. Even just for fun.”

“Hmm…yeah. Too bad,” I say. We keep talking, but my mind wanders to Alex, but I still don’t sense him. I feel like I’d know if he was hurt, but I don’t like not feeling his presence. I glance at my phone a few times, and tune in to the pack mindlink briefly for any word about Alex, but I don’t hear anything. I’m sure he’s fine, and I keep telling myself that, hoping I’ll believe it.