The Girl They Judged

▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ this book is dedicated to my friends who made me realise that opinions don't define me as a person. ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ Vanessa's P O V. Society is a dark place, a place where innocent people would get judged, stripped of their rights, a place where people would get tormented daily. Society is not abstract. There are people out there who would feed on hurt, so that eventually they would feel better about themselves. I was treated as a prey, they were all predators swarming around me as if I was a big feast. People fed on my pain, the distress I would feel when they would laugh at me, it was all amusing really. It made me realise. The world is a sick and twisted place. No matter how hard you would try to fit to society's standards, you will always have a flaw. No matter how different you try to be- you will always be the same. You will always be judged, hurt and eventually you will give up. Don't lose who you are, well that's what they say. But how can't you lose yourself when there's people out there who would destroy everything inside you and walk away as if they did nothing. I looked at my reflection, intensely unsatisfied with every strand on my hair. So frizzy I thought to myself as I frowned. Gazing at my outfit, I shook my head insanely, everything about me was just- unexplainable. I was a mess. My phone lit up to my surprise, I struggled to get it out of my pocket, abruptly leading my phone to drop. I bent over to pick up my phone, I slightly cringed at the way my stomach rolled. Standing up quickly I grabbed my back pack before walking out of my bathroom. "Vanessa!" my brother shouted, I bite my lip wondering what he wanted now. Was it that he wanted me to walk to school today? Due to embarrassment of course. "Yes?" I responded, quickly running down the stairs. There was hope today, it was the last day of junior year. Hope that Tyler would finally just drive me to school instead of leaving me to walk alone. He never wanted me to tag along with him to go to school, it hurts, knowing that your own sibling thinks of you the same way that students in your school thought about you. Once I was downstairs, my twin brother frowned as he creased his forehead. He looked at me before letting out a sigh that I didn't realise he was holding back. "Don't worry Tyler, I understand." I told him before opening the front door. "You want me to walk to school due to the fact I'm an embarrassment." Tyler looked as if he wanted to say something to me. "Save it Tyler, I know you have obligations that you need to fulfil." I stated bitterly. "I've always wanted a brother who cared about me- when will you grow up and do your duty like a normal older brother?" "I never wanted to be like thi--" I cut Tyler off, he didn't deserve to speak right now. I knew that his words alone would bruise me more. "I never asked for this, okay?" I pointed towards myself, life was not a blessing. For me life was to live or to give up. "I want you to grow up, so take your stupid prophecy about being embarrassed by being next to me and shove it." I left my house, slamming the door shut. I wiped the tears I hadn't realised that I let out. It's the same thing every day, my worth is nothing. I'm just here to live. But the people here make me want to rethink my decision of even existing. After a long walk of judgemental stares and glares, I finally walked inside the tragic place people called high school- a place where you would get tormented, a replica of what society really is. "Fatass." "Bitch." "You're so Fat." "So f*****g ugly that I would mistake her for shit." "Ew look what the wind dragged, oh wait she's too fat to be dragged. " "Saggy tits." "How is her Brother so hot? But she's ugh." The same comments every day. My response is always the same, I ignore them until I go home. When I would get home I would lay on my bed and shed tears for people who don't respect me- for people who don't deserve my tears. Every day of my life is a joke. People used to get to me. I've learned how to keep it in. Deep down inside I'm hurt, they've ruined me. They are the reason why I don't feel pain anymore. How is it fair that somebody is judged by their looks and weight? They don't know me, if they did it wouldn't change their opinion. That was only because of the way I looked. Why is life so complicated? I wish this ended. I had thought of self harming but before the razor could even touch my wrist I stopped. I decided that these people deserve the pain I had felt, that they can't accomplish. I want to conquer them before they could conquer me. It was time to turn pain into power, time to get revenge. Wait till senior year jerks.