The Royal Pain

CHAPTER FOUR:

I laughed nervously and scrambled to come up with an excuse. Now was not the time to let Nathan know about my little problem. I needed to stop making comments under my breath if I wasn’t prepared for the consequences.

"Don't you remember?" I asked, begging my mind to remember the last time I'd been fatally injured during a complication with a band of rogues. I was grasping at straws but it was the best that I could come up with. "That time when I came back and my ankle was literally hanging off my leg. Good thing I've got wolf healing," I added as I cringed at the memory, my answer seemed to sate his rage and satisfy him.

Nathan seemed to become calmer, yet his stance did not relax. In fact, he looked pained. Apparently my answer hadn’t satisfied as much as I thought it had. I wanted nothing more than to go back to how things were before I’d left for the Falling Star pack. I had never been this close to Nathan and it was making me feel uncomfortable and awkward. Jex was usually the blocker for that and I wanted him desperately to be here, but he’d just found his mate and they probably weren’t wishing their bond was non existent like I was, Jex and Bethany were clearly trying to find out as much about each other as they could.

This was such a mess and of course it had to be Nathan – the guy who felt like the world owed him something and wouldn’t rest until he got what he wanted, not that that was a bad thing, it just showed how determined he would be and how, as King, he wouldn’t rest until he made sure the people under his rule were treated right. But, I couldn’t help thinking that if it was Jex who had been my mate, he would have understood my decision and let it go, let me go, he wouldn’t have kept trying.

"I want you to resign as my family's guard," Nathan whispered suddenly, deflating.

I walked over to him and reassuringly put my hand on his arm, it felt like the right thing to do and it was the least I could do considering the circumstances. I just hoped he didn’t take it the wrong way; a sign of false hope. "You know I can't do that," I said softly. I didn’t understand why he couldn’t just accept my answer, maybe if I could actually feel the mate bond I would have felt differently and would have given up my position to be with Nathan.

I wanted, needed, to feel something, so I tightened my hand on his arm, but still I felt nothing. Once again, tears brimmed in my eyes. No matter what I thought or did, I couldn’t deny the fact that whatever had happened on that horrible night, it had changed me forever – there was nothing I could do. "I'm so sorry," I said to him in a rough voice.

Nathan drew me into him for a hug, and he rubbed my back soothingly. "What for?" he asked. The action, though strange and uncomfortable, felt quite nice and for once, I actually felt secure and safe.

I opened my mouth but slammed it shut once it registered that I was actually about to tell him – even though I couldn’t feel the full effect of the mate bond, I wondered if there was a tiny slither of it coming through, after all Royal mate bonds were the strongest bonds of all time. I weighed up the advantages of telling him, but then that would only give him hope that he fix whatever had been done to me. And, if it was unfixable, which I was certain of, that would only cause Nathan more heart ache and it would crush me. It was one thing to think something but it was another thing to have your worst suspicions confirmed.

I didn't want to be his cause for pain. But, I didn't want to utter the words that would break the bond forever. "I think you should choose another mate," I whispered into his chest. Maybe I was a coward after all, it was easier for Nathan to be the one to end this, so that I didn’t have to suffer with the guilt.

Nathan stiffened and pulled away, holding onto my shoulders, fingers digging into my skin, so that his dazzling green eyes could stare into my watery grey ones. "Did what I say in the hospital mean nothing to you? I'm in love with you, Aisling. I don't want anybody else. Even if I did, you know how easy it would be for me to do that. Isn't the fact that I haven't rejected you enough to show you that?"

His face scrunched up as he uttered the taboo word like someone had just slapped him very hard. Rejecting your mate was something that the werewolf world didn't take lightly. However, no one would question it if a Royal were to reject their mate, though it would be kept very quiet, because if a Royal could reject their mate then what was to stop everyone from doing it? And if it was done all the time, the bond would cease to exist and the bond was the foundation of the werewolf world, without it werewolves might have come to an end altogether.

I knew that this was hurting us both, and I felt yet another weak onslaught of tears coming, I had to get rid of him. I refused to be a coward whilst he was still here.

"You should leave," I said, trying my best to keep my voice strong. My eyes were downcast so I didn't see his face, or his reaction as he pushed past me and stormed up the stairs. I managed to drag myself over to the wall, but then I slumped against it and I couldn't help the cascade of tears that poured out of my eyes.

***

I didn't know how long I sat there, crying and begging for a release, but I was broken out of my reverie by shouting voices. Strange, I thought. The Royals were always professional, even in their own home – a result of the relentless training they had to go through as children.

I wiped away my tears and threw on a plain white jacket, zipping it up as I went, before I rushed out of the basement, towards the raised voices. Hopefully, it was nothing serious but it was my job to be around just in case there was a threat and instead I was wallowing in self-pity. I mentally scolded myself, I needed to get my head back in the game.

"I forbid her to go!" a voice that sounded like Nathan’s yelled.

"It's her choice, son." The sombre voice sent chills down my spine and I immediately recognised it as the King’s. He looked and sounded menacing, but he was the sweetest person I had ever met, possibly too soft to be a King.

I threw myself into the King's office before I had a chance to think about the consequences. The King – a plump older man – sat in his chair behind his sleek black desk. This office had been my sanctuary many times; the King was like a second father to me.

A fire was lit in the room, radiating a soothing heat, and the golden couches glinted from the flames. I stalked towards where Nathan was standing facing his father, he looked thin and fragile compared to his father, but just as powerful all the same. There were no windows in the room, for fear of someone being able to hear from outside the house.

Crucial business happened in this room.

Pack rules, rogue plans and most importantly death sentences – though they were very rare.

The King was growing older, it would not be long until he asked Nathan to take his rightful place on the throne. The desk at which the King sat was littered with an array of papers. The silver Dell laptop was powered off, and its lid was down. The black phone that was plugged in at the wall behind the King flashed red; he had a voicemail.

The King's face was covered in wrinkles and worry lines. The grey hair upon his head was thin and he looked weary, almost ill. The pallor of his skin was too pale for a man of good health. As I took in his black pin suit that screamed sophistication, I worried for the future of my King.

"Sir," I said respectively, whilst bowing my head.

The King chuckled. "My dear, how many time must I tell you to call me Anthony!"

"Maybe just once more," I joked back. My heart warmed at the caring nature of the King. I hoped that Nathan would do him proud, though I was fairly sure that he would.

Nathan growled and slammed his hands on the desk, frightening me and making the King jump back in surprise. The King raised his eyebrows at his son, who shrank back.

"Now, will you let Ash speak for herself!" Nathan nodded silently, but I could tell he was still fuming. "My dear, there is a rogue problem in the east. They are growing large, and nearby packs are too scared to attack. I've been asked to dispatch as many soldiers as I can spare. I am asking if you would be willing to lead a group of ten to deal with this little...complication."

I nodded my head eagerly. This was the escape I needed to clear my head. I would throw myself into battle, taking vengeance on the filthy creatures; make them pay for the distress that they had caused. It wasn’t like the werewolf world was cruel or unjust, there was just a need for respect and calm, something that rogue werewolves were determined to destroy.

"No!" Nathan roared. "You're not going anywhere, and that's final!" I had never seen Nathan angry before, but then, I'd never seen him anything but silent. It unnerved me but excited me at the same time.

Though I couldn’t help but feel aggravated that Nathan was telling me I couldn't go and protect the people I loved. I felt the blood surge through my body, and I suddenly felt light-headed. "Why are you trying to stop me from going? You've never had a problem with me going before!" I seethed back.

Nathan growled and his father chuckled, like he knew some dark secret that he was not allowed to tell me. I looked at Nathan expectantly.

I understood that we were mates now, and he probably didn't want me to get hurt and risk his own sanity, knowing that I could be injured and there was nothing that he could do to prevent my death.

But then, I felt vexed that it was only after we'd found out we were mates that he even bothered to care that I was going at all. He'd said he'd been in love with me from day one, so why had had he hung back all the times I'd been out on missions before? Especially ones much more dangerous than this.

Nathan couldn't stop trembling, and his fangs were at a precarious risk of elongating.

"Because," he said in a menacingly low voice. "Before, I was always there to protect you."