Letters from the Girl I Buried

💌 Letter – To My Future Self (About Men) Originally handwritten. Translated from heartbreak. Dear Future Me, Today I decided something I used to be afraid to say out loud: The male race has not won my favor. From paw-paw to daddy, from my mom's old friends to random strangers— the men in my life have let me down. They hurt me in ways I still don't fully understand. They taught me how to flinch when I should've felt safe. They taught me that attention isn't the same thing as care. Sometimes I wonder: What's even the point of marriage? Of trying to build something with a man, when every example around me feels cracked? Maybe one day God will place someone in my life. Someone who doesn't break me. Someone who helps heal what others bruised. But until then, I'll keep flirting, keep talking, but guard my heart. Because no man's gotten close enough to hold it properly. And you know what? I'm not ashamed of that. If love is in God's plan for me, it'll come. But if not—if I'm meant to walk this road alone except for Him—I understand. All I ask is that He still gives me the life I dream of. I want to be a neurosurgeon. I want my daughters. I want 2 to 4 children—maybe from me, maybe through adoption—but mine. I want peace. Real peace. And if a man can't bring it, I'll find it in God. Love, Eri, God's Child 🖤 Journal Entry 4 – After They Let Me Down Again It doesn't phase me anymore. You hear me? I used to cry. I used to try to understand. I used to think it was my fault when they left, or lied, or chose wrong. But now? I'm numb to it. They keep choosing chaos. Keep disappearing like I never mattered. Keep making choices they know will disappoint me. And I keep thinking: "You know what? I'm done." This time, I really mean it. I'm not shutting down. I'm closing off. Not to love—but to harm dressed like love. Because your fake love doesn't hurt anymore. It just doesn't move me at all.