My Mate Saved My Life (Book 1 of the Saved Series)

Chapter 23 (Sienna)

Sienna’s POV

After Lunch, we meet outside the doors. Amy can’t stand in place. She’s really excited about going shopping, and from Lucas and Mike’s look, they don’t’ seemed pleased at all.

“Do we really have to go shopping again? You do this every half school day. Don’t you have enough clothing?” Mike asks, looking exasperated.

“But it’s the first time Sienna comes with us, get over it guys, it’s going to be so much fun!” She says, jumping up and down.

I’m not sure on how I feel about this shopping trip. It could be fun, but it could also be a disaster. I’ve never really been shopping before. What if I do something wrong? What if I can’t find anything? What if they only go to stores, I can’t afford? I do have some savings, but I try to keep most of it to replenish my first aid kit. It empties out too quickly, especially this week.

“Are you ok beautiful? You look like you have something on your mind.” Lucas says, looking at me worriedly.

If you only knew... I don’t want to be the Debby downer today.

“I’m ok” I lie. I know he wouldn’t make fun of me for not being able to afford things, but it still makes me feel embarrassed.

“Are you sure, you can tell me anything, you know that, right?” He says, pressing his point.

“I know…” Maybe I should tell him.

Still pondering if I should tell him or not about my worries for today’s shopping trip, Amy pull me out of my thoughts.

“Let’s go” She says, lacing her arm with mine, pulling me toward Lucas’s truck. “We’ve got many stores to get too and little time before we go to the falls!” She says practically squealing.

She’s really serious about her shopping, isn’t she?  Brianna says, laughing at me.

I have a feeling by the time we get to the falls, I won’t have any energy to learn how to swim.

Amy opens the back door, letting me sit in first, but Lucas softly grabs my elbow.

“Sit in front with me, Please?” He asks, giving me the sweetest puppy dog eyes.

How can I refuse him when he’s looking at me like this?

“Ok, but I get to pick the music,” I say in the spur of the moment.

Am I getting bolder? Where did that come from?!

Laughing oh so dammed sexily, He agrees.

“Here, I added more of 80’ and 90’ songs on my phone if you want to take a look.”

Surprised, I take his phone and look through his newly added playlist. He even gave it a name. He called it “My beautiful fav music” Wow!  Reading the playlist name, I look at me sideways, blushing. He, on the other hand, is looking at me with a knowing smile.

I look back at the list and scroll through it. Finding a great song for this trip.  

“Oh my god, you and Lucas are made for each other, that’s for sure! You have the same weird taste for really old music!” Amy says, whining a little.

“Hey! It’s not that old. And good music never gets out of date, I’ll have you know” Lucas says, trying to defend our choice of music.

“Yeah, sure, whatever,” She says rolling her eyes

“80’ and 90’s music is the best, they don’t swear as much as today's music, they have great melody’s and they actually mean something. I’m not saying there isn’t any modern exception, but you have to agree on that much.” Seriously, when did I ever get this bold?! She’s going to get mad at me. I feel the panic rise inside of me. 

“I guess you do have a good point on that,” Amy says truthfully.

Huh!? She agreed with me. She’s not mad?

I feel all the muscles on my shoulder relax. At the same time, Lucas takes my hand in his, pulling it up to his lips and gently kissing the side of my palm.

“You have a right to your opinion, Sienna. No one here’s going to get mad at you for having one” He must have seen me tensed up after I gave my opinion to Amy. How can he be so perceptive of me, even while driving?

“Well Duh! Like I would actually get mad over a music debacle.” Amy says laughing.

Arriving at the mall, the boy already looks exasperated.

“Is it really that horrible, going shopping?” I ask.

 I’m starting to get worried about it, from the looks of them.

“You’ve never been shopping with Amy. She’ll want to go in EVERY store and try on EVERYTHING that catches her attention. It’s exhausting after a while. I hope you can keep up with her.” Mike’s not really reassuring me saying this.

“Oh, come on, it’s not that bad. All tough when I get to Urban Planet and Suzy Shier, I kind of lose control” She says, lacing her arms in mine again like she did at school. I’m starting to not fear others touch so much. It’s weird but comforting at the same time.

At least she says 2 stores you now you CAN afford to buy something …

Thank goddess for that. It would have been embarrassing.

After many, many stores later. I now understand what the boys were talking about. She really does try on everything she sees. It’s kind of funny. But I’m not sure I like this particular store. The swimsuit stores. I feel very uncomfortable. But thinking about it now, I am going to have to wear one tonight at the falls.

What was I thinking!?

You weren’t. Brianna says bitterly.

Thanks for pointing out the obvious.

I have way too many scars on my body. My back is healing, so are my arms and hand but they are still really red and way to apparent for me to wear a 2-piece bikini for sure. I also have so many white ones all over my body that never when away. I have a disgusting body. No one wants to see that. They’ll want to barf. I know I do when I look at myself for too long in a mirror.

Amy pick-out some very cute 2 pieces for me to try on. I try them on one by one, feeling worst and worst with each one I put on. I’m starting to have a hard time breathing. I look so disfigured and disgusting, I start to silently sob, all alone in this tiny fitting room.

Why did I agree to try them on, knowing I’d look disgusting in them? I should have agreed to go to the falls either. I won’t be able to bear them looking at me, gross-out by my ugly body.

“Sienna, are you ok? Are the swimsuits the right size, I wasn’t sure?” She is so nice to me and I don’t want to disappoint, but I also can handle looking at this. My ugly body.

“T-They are f-fine.” I manage to tell her. I hope she can’t tell I’m crying…

“Sienna, are you ok? You don’t sound right. I’m coming in”

Before I get a chance to refuse her, she pushes the curtain and comes in. One look at me and she seems horrified. I try to put my shirt in front of me to hide my body.

“Oh Sienna, you are not ok!” She says, pulling me into a tight hug. “What going on in your mind? You can tell me, I won’t judge. There’s definitely something going on, or you wouldn’t be crying like this.”

How can she be so nice and not repulse hugging me like this? Hasn’t she seen or noticed my ugly scars?

Scared still, I sob a little louder, struggling to take in a breath.

“It’s ok Sienna, just take slow deep breath, you’ll chock if you don’t calm yourself a little. In, and out. In and out.” She says, coaxing me to take in deep breaths.

Helping me concentrated on my breathing, just like they do with pregnant women in labor, I finally start to breathe normally.

“That’s better now.” Sitting down on the bench inside the fitting room. She asks again. “What happened for you to get this upset?”

Whipping the remaining tears from my face, I take in a deep breath before telling her shyly what’s on my mind.

“I can’t wear something like this.”

“What do you mean, you can’t? It seems to fit just fine to me.”

Did she really not notice all the scars? Brianna asks, just as confused as me.

“I-it’s not that it doesn’t fit right… I-I just... I c-can’t wear something like this. It shows my…” I look down as new tears start falling down my cheeks, not able to finish my sentence.

“What are you talking about? What shows?”

 Is she for real?  Brianna asks, still confused, just like me.

“M-My s-scars…” I finally manage to say out loud.

From the look on Amy's face, it seems a light bulb went on.

“Oh!” is all she says at first.

“Now I understand what Lucas didn’t want to talk about.” I look at her confused.

“I tried ambushing him with my millions of questions like he says. I couldn’t understand why he never wanted to tell me what was going on. He kept saying he wanted to help you and protect you. I think, now, I get a better picture of why.  I’m so sorry, I never even asked you if you were ok with a 2-piece swimsuit. I knew you were hurt. I was there when Lana pushes you the first time. But at the same time, you shouldn’t feel ashamed of your body. If I’m right with what I think, you’re not responsible for all those scars, are you? And even if you were, it’s not like we; Me, Mike and certainly not Lucas would EVER judge you or say means things about them, or you. You’re gorgeous! And I know for a fact, that Lucas thinks so too. He NEVER shuts up about it. ‘Sienna’s beautiful, Sienna smiled is so pretty, did you see, Sienna eyes, they shine like stars.’” She says, mimicking Lucas's voice, making me laugh at the same time.

“Sienna, if you don’t feel comfortable with a 2 piece, we can look for something else that you’d like more. They do have some short sleeves too, you wouldn’t be too warm in it and it would cover some of the scars if that’s really what you want to do. I won’t judge you for it, I would never judge you for not being at ease. But you shouldn’t feel ashamed either about your body’s appearance, Your smoking hot!” She says, making me want to cry again, but for a totally different reason. I have a friend. I have a real friend that wants me to be at ease with my look and body. How lucky am I to have her as a friend!

“They… There was a cure frilly short sleeve one piece in the front of the store that was cute. I could maybe try that one on” I say, a little unsure.

“That’s sound like a great idea, I’ll go get it for you. I’ll be right back.”

When she’s out of the fitting room, I take another look at myself in the mirror. Is she right? That I shouldn’t feel ashamed of my body … of my scars?

“Here you go. Is it this one?” Amy asks, passing me the swimsuit on the curtain side.

“Yeah, it’s that one.”

Putting this swimsuit on, I feel so much better than in a 2peice. It still doesn’t cover all of my scars, but it covers more of them. Pairing the one-piece with an overskirt. I actually feel quite good in it. It might not be so bad at the falls tonight.

At least it’s only us 4 going.