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Title: Seasons of the Heart

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It all began in the corridors of our college, a time when everything felt raw, unpolished, and full of possibility. I met him in the middle of our second year, a moment I didn’t realize then would become a chapter of my heart I would never forget. There was an ease to his presence, a laughter that lingered in quiet classrooms, and a warmth in the way he looked at me, as though he could see something fragile and unspoken inside me. For the first time, I felt a love that was steady yet thrilling, a love that grew in whispered notes between classes, shared coffees on the terrace, and late-night conversations that stretched into the quiet hours of the morning.We grew together, or at least I thought we did. Through assignments, exams, and the nervous excitement of graduation looming ahead, our bond seemed unshakeable. I would watch him across the campus lawn, his smile lighting up the dullest days, and I felt certain that whatever the world held for us, we would navigate it together. We dreamed big dreams: trips we would take, futures we would build, promises of always, whispered in the safety of youth. In those moments, I believed in forever.But life, as it often does, is not content to follow the maps we draw for it. By the time we reached the end of our college years, the world outside our campus doors began to exert its pull. The transition from familiar halls to adult responsibilities shifted things in ways I could not have anticipated. Then, with the abruptness of a storm, he returned to someone from his past—his ex-girlfriend. It was a quiet revelation, delivered with words that should have been simple but felt like shards of glass.I remember the sting, not just of rejection, but of confusion. How could the person I had trusted with my laughter, my dreams, my quiet fears, turn away so easily? The heartbreak was sharp and relentless. Nights were the hardest, when the silence of my apartment reminded me of the absence of his voice. I replayed our memories endlessly, wondering where it had all shifted, what signs I had missed, and why love sometimes chooses to leave despite the depth of feeling it once held.The first days were a blur of sorrow. I walked through the streets as if moving through a fog, noticing the world but not really seeing it. Friends offered comfort, though words felt inadequate. I cried quietly, stubbornly, even when the tears seemed to have no end. The heartbreak was not just about losing him—it was about losing a version of myself I had placed inside us, a dream that now existed only in memory.Yet, as the weeks turned into months, a subtle transformation began. I moved to the United Arab Emirates, a new place that was vibrant, overwhelming, and utterly unfamiliar. At first, the distance felt like a wound reopening with every reminder of what I had left behind. But slowly, it became a sanctuary. In this foreign land, I had no one to define me by my past loves. I rediscovered parts of myself I hadn’t noticed, the pieces that had been quietly waiting for attention while I poured my heart into someone else.I explored streets I had only seen in photographs, tasted cuisines I had never imagined, and met people whose laughter reminded me that life was still full of warmth. Each day, I reminded myself that moving forward didn’t mean forgetting; it meant reclaiming my joy, my curiosity, my freedom. The heartbreak remained, like a shadow that occasionally crossed my path, but it lost its power to define me. I began to write, to journal, to capture the fragments of my story—not to dwell on loss, but to honor the love that had taught me so much.In hindsight, I see that our love was never a failure. It was a season, one that came with lessons in vulnerability, trust, and resilience. I learned that love is not always about permanence; sometimes, it is about the courage to give fully, even when the world cannot promise reciprocation. I learned that heartbreak, as excruciating as it feels, carries the seed of growth. And most importantly, I learned that moving forward is not a betrayal of the past—it is an act of self-preservation and self-love.Now, years later, I can think of him without bitterness. I can remember the laughter, the shared dreams, the quiet moments of connection, and smile, knowing that those experiences shaped me into someone stronger. I no longer define myself by the love that left me, but by the love I continue to nurture within myself—the love for life, for adventure, and for the possibilities still waiting to unfold.The story of my past love is not just about heartbreak; it is about survival, transformation, and the courage to start anew. It is about learning to hold tenderness for a heart that once shattered, and finding strength in the knowledge that every ending, however painful, carries the promise of a beginning.And so, my heart remains open. Not because I have forgotten, but because I have learned that the capacity to love is boundless.

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A love that left me broken
CHAPTER 1: Ang Unang t***k (2008) Lumaki akong sanay sa isang klase ng buhay na puno ng pagsusumikap. Hindi kami lumaki sa luho. Hindi rin kami ‘yung tipong basta na lang nakukuha ang gusto. Sa amin, may kapalit ang lahat—hindi pera, kundi pagpupursige. Tuwing card day, hindi sapat ang “okay lang.” Dapat mataas. Dapat magaling. Dapat laging nasa top. Simula elementary hanggang college, ganoon na ang sistema ko. Nakasanayan ko nang maging achiever. Nakasanayan ko nang i-prioritize ang pag-aaral kaysa kahit ano. Kaya masasabi kong isa ako sa mga top students talaga. Hindi dahil gusto kong makipag-compete, kundi dahil iyon ang naging mundo ko. Grades. Responsibilidad. Pangarap. At sa totoo lang, hindi ko kailanman inisip na darating ang panahon na mas mahirap pa pala sa exams ang isang subject na hindi kailanman itinuro sa classroom… Ang pag-ibig. Hindi ako interesado sa love life. Habang ang iba kong classmates kinikilig, may ka-MU, may textmate, ako… busy sa acads. Tahimik lang. Simple lang. Walang distractions. Akala ko ganoon na ako forever. Pero mali pala ako. 2008: Isang “Hi” sa Hallway Second year college ako noon. Taong 2008. Wala pang f*******: sa amin noon, lalo na sa probinsya ng Apayao. Hindi pa uso ang social media. Ang uso lang talaga— Text. Call. Load. GM. At kung may gusto kang kausapin, hindi mo siya ma-iistalk online… Kailangan mong lakasan ang loob mo sa totoong buhay. At doon nagsimula ang lahat. Isang ordinaryong araw sa campus. Mag-isa akong naglalakad sa hallway papuntang washroom. Tahimik ang paligid, maririnig mo lang ang yabag ng sapatos at ang mahihinang usapan ng mga estudyante sa malayo. Sanay akong mag-isa. Kung hindi ko kasama bestfriend ko, ako lang talaga. Library girl. Quiet girl. Yung tipong uuwi agad pagkatapos ng klase. Hindi tambay. Hindi palachika. Hindi palalandi. Focus lang sa goals. Pero habang naglalakad ako… may biglang bumati. “Hi.” Napahinto ako. Paglingon ko, may isang lalaki. Kasama niya pa ang kaibigan niya. Nakatingin siya sa akin na parang matagal na niya akong kilala, kahit hindi ko naman siya masyadong napapansin. Ako naman, nagulat. “Hi…” sagot ko rin. At bigla siyang ngumiti. Tapos sinabi niya, parang casual lang… “Pwede bang kunin phone number mo?” Parang biglang tumigil ang mundo ko. Phone number? Ako? Hindi ko alam kung anong mararamdaman ko. First time may lalaking humingi ng number ko nang ganoon ka-diretso. May mga katext naman ako noon—pero puro kaibigan lang, pinsan, pamilya. Hindi ganito. Hindi yung may ibang meaning. Bigla akong nahiya. Ramdam ko yung init sa cheeks ko. Gusto kong tumingin sa sahig. Pero hindi ko rin alam bakit… binigay ko pa rin. Kinuha niya agad, parang importante. Tapos bigla niyang sinabi— “Ang galing-galing mo kasi.” Napakunot noo ako. “Ha?” Ngumiti siya ulit. “Top student ka diba? Classmate kita sa isang subject.” Classmate ko? Doon ko lang narealize. Sobrang focus ko kasi sa pag-aaral, minsan hindi ko na napapansin yung mga tao sa paligid ko. Lalo na ang mga lalaki. Tahimik lang ako. Simple. Pero siya… napansin niya ako. At hindi ko alam kung bakit, pero may kakaibang t***k sa dibdib ko noon. Parang may bagong emotion na biglang nagising. Ang Unang Message Pagkatapos nun, nag-thank you lang ako. Tapos dali-dali na akong pumasok sa washroom. Sa loob, nakatingin ako sa salamin. “Anong nangyari?” bulong ko sa sarili ko. Bakit ako kinakabahan? Bakit parang ang bilis ng heartbeat ko? Paglabas ko, bumalik ako sa classroom. Mahiyain ako, kaya dumaan ako sa hallway na walang masyadong tao. Ayokong makita ulit siya. Pero pagdating ko… may message na siya. Hindi ko pa binuksan. May class pa kami. At kahit nasa harap ang professor… ang utak ko nasa phone. Nasa message. Nasa kanya. Tinapos ko ang class na parang lumilipad. Hindi ko na maalala ang lecture. Pagkatapos, vacant time namin. Two hours. Bumaba kami ng bestfriend ko papuntang canteen. Gusto ko lang sana kumain at magpahinga. Pero pagdating namin… nandun siya ulit. Parang hinihintay ako. Tumayo siya agad. “Uy, nag-reply ka na ba?” Napahawak ako sa bag ko. “Ah… hindi pa…” Ngumiti siya, parang natutuwa pa. “Hinihintay ko kasi reply mo.” Narinig ng bestfriend ko. Narinig din ng ibang classmates namin. At biglang— “Ayyyy!” “Uy may something!” “May manliligaw na si ate!” Grabe ang asaran. Ako naman, gusto nang matunaw sa hiya. First time ko mapansin ng ganito. Maganda naman ako, in fairness… pero sobrang simple ko manamit. Plain lang. Walang lipstick. Walang arte. Tahimik lang talaga. Kaya siguro nagulat ang lahat. Simula ng Ligawan At doon nagsimula ang ligawan stage namin. Minsan sabay na kami sa canteen. Minsan dumadaan siya sa hallway kapag vacant ko. Minsan nagtatanong siya tungkol sa lessons kahit alam kong excuse lang. At ako… unti-unti rin akong nagbago. Unti-unti akong natutong makipag-usap. Unti-unti akong natutong tumawa kasama ang iba. Hindi na ako palaging nagtatago sa library. Dito rin ako nagsimulang maglagay ng konting liptint. Simple lang. Pero parang malaking bagay noon. Dito rin ako nagsimulang mag-ayos ng pananamit. Hindi dahil gusto kong magpanggap… kundi dahil may isang taong unang beses tumingin sa akin hindi lang bilang achiever… kundi bilang babae. At sa bawat “hi” niya… parang may bagong mundo akong natutuklasan. Hindi ko pa alam noon… na ang simpleng “hi” sa hallway… ay magiging simula ng pinakamagandang love story ko. At ng pinakamasakit na heartbreak ko rin. Pero sa ngayon… dito muna nagsimula. Sa 2008. Sa hallway. Sa canteen. At sa unang t***k ng puso ko.

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