Help a girl out.

Chapter Thirteen

Jessie's POV.



The first kiss was a disaster! It was stiff and none of us were moving, it was literally just stiff lips on stiff lips. But this? What’s happening right now, this is completely different! And no way near stiff. Liam is taking total control this time. His lips moving gently against mine. They are soft and feel great. I know I have nothing to compare this with, but I’m pretty sure this is how it’s supposed to be! My hands automatically find their way around Liam’s neck and my fingers grab the ends of his hair, deepening the kiss. His one hand still cupping my cheek moves down to my neck and he angles my head to give him better access. He let’s out an almost frustrated groan. At the same time, a moan escapes my lips. The pace of our movements quickens and Liam gently nips at my bottom lip, making me part mine and then he slips in his tongue! OH MY GOD! It takes me a second to get over the shock of it and start to move my own tongue in the same way as his. Before I can stop myself, I move so my knees are on the outside of his hips, full on straddling him. Like I’m desperate for more, to be closer, to feel more of him. A hungry moan s***h groan leaves me. Sounds I never heard coming from myself. Liam’s hands move from my neck down my back and stop at my hips, clenching them hard. It feels like my whole body is on fire!

He releases my lips and kisses down my jaw to my neck. I feel something stirring beneath me. Suddenly, Liam grabs me by my waist but instead of pulling me closer, he lifts me off him. “Sorry, we can’t do this.” He says, both of us out of breath! I know he’s right, but immediately my lips feel like they are missing a part of themselves. A cold shiver from the missing heat runs through my body. I swallow the lump that has formed in my throat. “No, you’re right.. I’m sorry too. I should never have kissed you in the first place!” A sting of guilt clenches my heart and brain. This is all my fault, I feel like I need to explain myself. “I’m sorry Liam, that was not cool of me, to use you to get my nerves for a damn kiss over with.” I finally catch my breath. “Hey, I was the one who suggested the second one, and I admit I got a little carried away there for a second.. You don’t have to be sorry..” He try with a smile, but somehow it doesn’t look like his usually carefree one. “I should probably leave, so you can get some sleep.” I don’t want him to leave, but what can I say to make him stay. Plus, he’s right. He’s my brother's best friend, and that makes him off limits. Liam stands to leave. “Goodnight.” Is all I manage to say, and even then it’s almost just a whisper. “Goodnight Peanut.. oh and by the way, you don’t have to worry about being bad.” He says, closing my front door, putting a wall between us, and it doesn’t feel like it’s just a physical one!

*****

I’m sitting here eating lunch with Julian, but I feel kind of guilty because my mind is somewhere else. My mind is stuck on last night and the kiss with Liam. The way it felt, the way it made me feel with his lips and hands on me. I didn’t get much sleep last night, just tossing and turning thinking about it. It’s probably just because it was my first kiss, maybe it feels like this every time. Maybe it had nothing to do with it being Liam. Yeah, that’s probably it!

“Jess, are you alright?” Like I’m being pulled from my thoughts. “Huh?” Is all I muster. “I asked you a question, and you haven’t really touched your food..” Julian asks, with a concerned look on his face. This is not fair to him. He’s been really sweet and caring, and here I am thinking about something else entirely.. I feel like a big jerk. “I’m sorry, Julian. I think I’m just tired, I slept really badly last night…” “what was your question?” I ask with a smile. Julian is a great guy. He doesn’t deserve this. And also, since I’ve decided that what happened last night was the kiss and not the guy that made me feel the way I felt, I just have to kiss Julian and that will prove my point. Okay, that sounds like I’m using him. I’m not! I like him and he seems to like me. “It’s okay, I just asked if you wanted to go watch the first football game of the season with me? It’s tomorrow, Sunday..” Julian smiles. He does have a really nice smile. “Um.. I actually already have to go, you know, because my brother is on the team.. So I planned on going with Lily. But I can’t see a reason why we can’t all sit together, if that’s alright with you?” I say. “Sounds good to me.. Now let me walk you home, so you can take a nap or something.” He chuckles and winks. “That actually sounds like heaven right now.” I join him laughing..

Just like last night, Julian insists on walking me all the way up to my apartment. “Thanks for lunch and again, I’m sorry for not paying enough attention. You are so sweet to understand my lack of sleep.” A giggle at the last part. “You’re welcome Jess.. You don’t have to apologize. I just like spending time with you.” He says with a smile. Can you believe this guy? I mostly ignored him for our entire lunch, being stuck in my own thoughts. And he’s still smiling and saying all kinds of nice things to me. He’s too good to be true! He wraps his arms around me for a hug, he pulls back and lingers for a second, we just look at each other. Making a rash decision this time, I’m the one leaning in for a kiss. I don’t want to overthink it anymore, and somehow knowing that this isn’t my first kiss anymore makes it easier. Our lips meet gently. His lips are soft but not as full as Liam’s. Stop thinking about Liam! Goddammit! Julian moves his lips against mine, it’s nice. It feels like we have all the time in the world, that there is no rush. I hear a door open and close, which makes me open my eyes. The instant our eyes meet, I regret opening mine..

Liam…