Shadowed Dreams & Rippled Water

Lavender

Chapter 15

Lavender

I remained seated on the landing, with my back towards the stairs, cradling my head. Behind me, the light of the morning sun streamed in through the windows around the front door, warming my back. I rose, and the stairs swelled around me. I closed and opened my eyes, and it stopped.

“Stacey,” I whimpered, steadying myself. “Baby Sissy...”

I sucked in a shaky breath and was suddenly overcome by an intense aroma in the air. I sniffed as the fragrance grew stronger. Lavender?

My nose led the way towards the end of the landing, the rich scent sticking to the tip of my tongue. Before I realised it, I had followed the trail to Stacey’s bedroom. As I stood there, running my hands over her bedroom door, the lavender began to play on my memories of earlier days when Dad was still alive and Stacey was my bright and bubbly shadow.

Oh, Stacey, lavender always reminds me of you, like purple. I inhaled the sweet scent again. Stacey’s image filled my mind, her sparkling blue eyes and precious tiny smile looking back at me.

I pushed open her door and peered inside. My jaw dropped. “What on earth–?”

A room that was bright, colourful, and full of life only two days ago had been stripped and left almost entirely bare. “Who moved all Stacey’s furniture—her things? Where’s everything gone?”

A thin white sheet covered her bed, and another covered the tallboy and dressing table. Everything else had been removed. My heart sank. Her weathered pink princess rug and all her photographs, drawings, and fairy pictures were missing.

The thrumming in my head began to return. “Who did this? Why are they doing this?”

I staggered through the room, running my hand over the lavender walls. The description ‘squeaky clean’ was an understatement. The smooth floorboards had been recently polished. I could see my stunned reflection glancing back at me. I lifted the sheet from the tallboy to find polished wood gleaming back at me. The pony stickers were still there, but the handles had been buffered. It was like they were trying to remove Stacey from the house while she was still alive. “How can they do this?”

The window in her room had been left wide open, letting the antibacterial cleaning scent out and the morning air in. Even the purple starry curtains Stacey had chosen herself were missing. Stems of lavender hung over the edge of the curtain rods, and two branches had been left on the windowsill.

That explains the smell, but why? I picked up the lavender branch. It was freshly cut and very strong. “What is going on…?”

I dropped the branch on the floor and pulled open all the drawers. There had to be some reassurance Stacey was still alive. Thankfully, I found all her clothes folded and placed neatly in the drawers of her tallboy. The smell of lavender lingered there as well. What were they doing to her room? “What’s with all the lavender?”

Overwhelmed by everything, I collapsed in the doorway, my eyes closed and my head in my hands.

***

Stacey and I played in the backyard between the old lavender bush next to the shed and Mum’s little flowerbed. Stacey was three years old and wore red overalls, her hair in tiny pigtails tied with red ribbons folded into bows. I was wearing my favourite white summer dress, with my long black hair loose and messy over my shoulders. The weather was warm and perfect. The grass was soft beneath our feet. Wild animals scampered through the tree branches, tiny birds twittered, and trees crackled in a gentle breeze.

It was a game of hide-and-seek. I counted while Stacey hid. I could hear her giggles as she tottered away. When I finished counting, I searched the backyard as a mischievous wagtail swooped towards me. Eventually, Stacey’s high-pitched giggles led me down the grass path to where she was hiding.

Dad and Dean were in the shed, and Dean briefly poked his head through the door to smile at me. I waved at him as I ran through the yard.

Stacey stood amongst the towering lavender bush, with purple dots scattered through her hair. She hid her face behind her hands, peeking through the gaps between her fingers.

“Not sees me...” she giggled. “Not find me…”

“Found you,” I laughed as I scooped her into my arms and spun her around, making her giggle.

Her laugh echoed mine. Then she hugged me.

***

I chuckled at the precious memory as tears trickled from my eyes. “Oh, Stacey, I hope we have another chance to play together…”

“Lucy?” called a voice from beside me.

I jumped up and spun around. Valery stood before me, wearing a long satin pink gown and matching slippers. I wiped the tears away and stared at her. The corner of her mouth twitched as she tapped her fingers against a mug of black coffee in her hands.

“Morning,” she nodded, attempting a smile that faltered. “I am surprised to see you up at this early, especially on a weekend. It is only six thirty. Even early bird Dean is still in bed.”

“Morning,” yawning, I turned for the stairs, hoping to put Valery behind me.

“Lucy,” she called after me. “How are you feeling?”

In my state, all I could think about was Stacey, and everything around me was irrelevant. Valery’s voice seemed to fit that category, flowing through one ear and out the other.

“Lucy,” she said, her voice tight. “I am sorry about last night. I worry about you.”

Heat prickled on the back of my neck. “You should be more worried about Stacey than me.”

“I do worry about Stacey,” she defended softly. “But I worry about you too.”

I blinked at her. “I need to speak to Mum, so if you don’t mind...”

“I can see how unhappy you are,” Valery said, studying me as she sipped her drink, “And for some reason, you seem to be taking the anger out on me.”

“That’s not entirely true,” I grumbled, rolling my eyes.

“Lucy, I wish I could understand why we struggle to get along, even when I try so hard.” She glanced down at her mug and then back up at me. “Can we chat for a second, please?”

Crossing my arms over my chest, I faced her. “I guess, but make it quick. I need to talk to Mum… It’s important.”

“Okay,” she continued. “I am so sorry for the way I have handled things... It wasn’t fair of me to tell you how to grieve.”

“No, it wasn’t.” I huffed.

“And,” she added. “I changed your clothes last night and had Dean help me put you to bed…”

“I figured that, Valery.” I groaned, turning away again. “You had no right to do that… and to try to win me over by putting an expensive dress in my room... uncalled for.”

“I know,” she sniffed, “But you were crying for Stacey on the floor of your room. You were in pain. I care for you, Lucy, and seeing you like that was horrible.”

“I cried for Stacey?” I asked, meeting her eyes. They were dark and shimmering with tears. Valery was crying. “Really...?”

“Yes, you did, more than once.” She tightened her grip on her mug. “It broke my heart…”

“Stacey,” I whimpered, hugging myself.

Valery’s eyes softened as she reached for me. “Lucy, I am here for you if you need me.”

I stepped aside, avoiding her touch and puffed out an annoyed breath.

Sighing, Valery pulled her hand back, studied me briefly, and then retreated down the stairs. She paused halfway and turned back to me. “I stayed with you last night… I was so worried about you that I could not sleep.” She turned around and continued down the steps. “And as for the dress, I saw it in a window at a local store in town and thought of you…”

“Oh,” I whispered under my breath.

Valery had spent the night watching me. She had cleaned and cared for me like Mum would if she was here. In the years I had known her, I had never seen her like this—raw and emotional.

“Valery,” I called after her. “Thank you…”

She stopped at the last step and let out a breath that sounded like it had been held for too long. “Lucy, I have never been very good at handling big emotions, sickness or death. It has something to do with how I was raised…” She attempted to smile, but again, it faltered. “But I am here for you…”

“Weren’t you and Mum raised the same?” I asked as I stepped onto the stairs and headed towards her.

“Ah... yes, right,” she replied, a tone of panic edging her words. She waited for me to join her on the bottom step before she said, “I felt different from the others... I was different—the black sheep.”

“I know how that feels.” I agreed, leaning against the banister rail.

“Look,” she said, holding her cup to her chest. “Would you at least let me take you out to find a gift for Stacey? Maybe we can grab lunch…”

“That won’t be so bad,” I agreed, with a nod.

“Hopefully, we can break this barrier between us...” She added with a tight-lipped smile. “And you would be the best person to help me decide which rug would suit her room.”

“What happened to Stacey’s room?” I asked. “It’s changed, everything’s gone, and there are sticks of lavender everywhere.”

“I forgot to tell you,” she gasped, almost choking on her coffee. She cleared her throat. “The twins cleaned Stacey’s room. I am so glad they did. It smelt terrible. I washed her teddies, and once they are dry, I will take her favourite ones to the hospital. And the lavender was my idea. It is meant to be calming and healing.”

For the first time, I wasn’t angry or annoyed by her or attempting to find the nearest exit. Valery had spent the entire night caring for me. She had sacrificed her sleep and cleaned up the blood without a second thought. And she had taken it upon herself to clean Stacey’s things. “That’s very sweet, Valery. Stacey would be thankful.”

“Oh, call me Val.” She insisted.

“Okay,” I nodded.

“Oi Lucy,” Dylan shouted from downstairs. “Mum’s on the phone and wants to speak with you. Hurry it up. I have things to do!”

“And I better give Malcolm a hand with the shopping,” With a sideways glance, Val left the hallway and headed to the front door.

I made my way down the hallway and headed for the living room. Dylan was in the archway, his face screwed up into a vicious scowl, making his good looks contort.

“Here,” he grumbled, shoving the phone into my hand.

“Thanks, Dylan.” I smiled weakly at him, wanting to change his mood.

“Hmm,” he huffed, leaving the room. He marched out the back door, slamming it behind him.

“Sweetheart, are you there?” Mum called through the phone.

“Yes, I’m here.” I pressed the receiver against my ear. “Sorry, Mum, Dylan’s in a mood again…”

“Oh, sweetie, I thought he was...” She sighed, and I could imagine her shaking her head. “I wish that boy would learn to control those mood swings. He needs counselling, but when I mention it to him, he storms off in a huff.”

“It’s alright, I guess… He’s not doing any harm to anyone but himself.” I replied as I continued to watch Dylan through the kitchen window. He stormed into the shed and closed the door. I curled up in the recliner, holding the phone against my ear with my shoulder, “He’s just acting childish…”

“Dylan has not been himself for a long time,” she replied. “Anyway, enough about him... How are you, darling? I miss you all so much, and I’m beyond exhausted. It’s hard to sleep here. Between the nurses checking Stacey’s vitals every half an hour and her sleep-talking, I don’t get much sleep. And when you think it might be easier to rest during the day, Stacey decides to chat with all the nurses about anything and everything.”

“Oh, that’s typical.” I laughed. Then I realised what Mum had said. My heart fluttered. “Are you telling me Stacey’s awake?”

I was so thrilled I almost fell off the chair. But the excitement was short-lived when my nightmare came flooding back in waves. Stacey had left the dream world because she had woken up, but she was dying… Dad had told me she was dying!

Mum yawned, making her end of the phone crackle. “Yes, she did, sweetheart. She woke up early this morning, asking for you. She also mentioned something about a silver river and a strange electric snow globe—I guess it was a dream.”

How could this be? I stiffened in the seat. Stacey recalled the very river I had seen her dancing in… The river where I had seen her death.

“Mum,” I choked, clinging to the phone for dear life. “Did she mention seeing Dad in her dream…?”

“How did you know?”

I began to panic. Sweat dampened my palms. I stood and began to pace. “Did she tell you the water changed colour, like one of those coloured kaleidoscopes, and a white room?”

“Yes,” Mum’s voice had grown higher. She sucked in a shaky breath. “Lucy, how do you know all this?”

“I had a dream,” I replied sharply. The hand holding the phone tensed. “I-I saw Dad and spoke to him. I saw Stacey…” I dropped back into the recliner, my heart thumping against my chest. “Mum, while I was in this place, Dad told me something—”

Mum gasped, interrupting me, the sound rumbling through the phone. “Lucy, we need to talk…”

“Talk?” I swallowed. My head swirled with images of the dream place... or the kaleidoscope river. “About what?”

“Sorry,” Mum said as she cupped her hand over the phone to muffle a conversation with someone on her end. She removed it and began talking again. “I will be home about dinner time. We’ll discuss this then. I think it’s time I tell you the truth.”

“Truth...? The truth about my nightmares?” I straightened. “Can’t you tell me now? Dad said they were visions… that he was my guide!”

Mum didn’t answer. Her end of the phone crackled and buzzed, and I swear I could hear two deep male voices in a discussion.

“Mum, are you there?” I asked as the pit of my stomach twisted in knots.

There was still no answer.

“Hello?” I repeated until finally, I could hear her sobs on the line again.

“Something has come up. I need to go. When I get home, I want you to tell me everything.”

“Mum, is everything alright?”

“We’ll talk when I get home, okay?” She sounded so distant.

“Mum, in my dream, Stacey died!” I shouted at her. Trembling, I cuddled up to a cushion in the recliner. Mum was silent, and I feared she had dropped the phone. “Mum… talk to me!”

“Lucy,” Mum replied, her voice was suddenly coarse. “When you spoke to Dad, did he say anything important? Something he wanted you to pass on?”

“He’s the one that said Stacey will die.” I swallowed a sharp breath.

“When – when did he say that will happen?” she demanded to know.

“On the eighth of August, in the early morning, but it’s not true, right? She’s not dying, is she?”

“We’ll talk when I get home. I must go now.” She said nothing more and hung up the phone.

I put the phone in its base and wiped away the tears. I was more confused now than I was before. I glanced around the warm cream walls of the lounge room, gazing into each photograph of Stacey and the family. Had there been signs of Stacey’s illness? If there was, I didn’t see any.

My eyes landed on the cabinets against the walls, where all Mum’s collectible antiques lived. In those cabinets were photo albums, ribbons, trophies, and anything we had won or earned that Mum held dear. Dean’s apprentice chef certificate and Dylan and Kane’s graduation photos were on the top shelf. Stacey’s birth certificate and a photograph of my Christmas piano performance were on the second shelf.

I closed my eyes. “Why can’t my life be as peaceful as this room?”

“’Cause, little sister, that would be completely and utterly boring.” It was Kane. I knew by the playfulness of his voice. “Could you imagine how dull your life would be without people like me to spice it up?”

His footsteps neared me. I opened my eyes enough to see him through my thick eyelashes.

“What are you doing in here all by yourself, Sis?” he asked, tilting his head to the side.

“Because it’s a peaceful place to think…” I sniffled, hiding my tears from him.

Kane collapsed in Mum’s recliner beside me. His jeans had rips in the knees, and white paint dotted his grey shirt.

“Why are you so messy?” I asked, pointing at his clothes.

“Ah, ‘cause I can be. Why? Don’t you like the new fashion?” He chuckled as he pulled at a loose thread in his jeans. “It’s breezy.” He squinted, waving a hand before my face. “How can you see me with your eyes closed? Unless you’re psychic or something, you know, one of those...” He circled his hand around his head. “Woo-hoo, you know—crazy people.”

“That’s it!” My eyelids flew open as I sat forward. “Kane, that’s it!”

Kane fell back into the chair across from me, pressing his hand to his heart. “What’s it? I was only mucking around, you know. We’re all crazy, some more than others…”

Ignoring his playful bantering, I sat up and thought about how right he was. As Dad had said, the visions were my gift, and he was my guide. I could see things from the past and the future.

I’m psychic! I realised, snapping my gaping mouth shut.

“You’ll catch flies that way, sis.” He laughed.

His taunting flew through one ear and out the other. I heard Dad’s words, his message replaying: “I’m here to guide you through these visions…”

“My guide… He is my guide…” I repeated, tapping my fingers against the arm of the recliner. “I have a gift… the gift of foresight!”

“Ah,” Kane frowned. “Sis, was it something I said?”

“No, not you, Kane.” I waved him away. “I’m trying to work something out…”

“Oi Kane, ready to go?” Dylan bellowed from the kitchen.

“Alright, I’ll be there in a second. Keep your pants on!” Kane called over his shoulder. He turned back to me. “I better go before Dylan blows his top. Maybe you should talk to Mum about whatever is on your mind.”

I half nodded. “Mum’s coming home tonight. I’ll talk to her then.”

“Alright,” he stood in the doorway and waved. “I’ll see you for dinner.”

“Bye, Kane…”

“Ciao,” Kane winked, clicking his fingers in front of his face before disappearing into the kitchen.