ReWritten

Chapter 10

Chapter 10

When their laughter had finally ceased, Nev and Tracy peered down at themselves, a bit lost for words. Tracy’s stomach growled and she hungrily eyes the burgers, brats, and dogs that had just been pulled off of the fire before glancing back to her filthy hands. Mimicking her gaze, Neveah tried to wipe the mud from her fingers, but only succeeded in smearing it about.

“Huh…” they both grunted at each other in dilemma.

“Come on,” said the shorter twin, “there’s a river half a mile up the road we can rinse off in.”

The six of them piled into the bed of an old farm truck to save the upholstery on the nicer cars and were shuttled to the river. It was just a small stream, shallow and warm from the hot sun. Closing her eyes, Nev floated on her back, letting the sun warm her cheeks. As she was scrubbing the mud from her hair a shadow covered up her sunshine. A hand slid under her head and positioned itself just between her shoulder blades. Slowly she opened her eyes and saw Sawyer’s stocky outline silhouetted by the sun. He was at her head, looking at her from upside-down, the way she would support a child learning the back float. A subtle smile crossed his lips and his eyes sparkled when he caught her glance. “You still have mud paintings all over your face,” he tried to sound soft but she only heard game. Even though he didn’t know her, she knew him, and she had learned long ago to be wary of his wit and charm.

Lifting his free hand he shook it dry and lowered it to her forehead. Rewetting it, he moved to her cheeks, and rubbed off the dried mud from her nose as well. Retracting his fingers, he stuck out his thumb, tracing the outline of her lips. His eyes were intense and as his thumb moved, they traveled from her eyes down to the corners of her mouth. Nev broke his gaze and from the corner of her eyes she saw Jay. He was frozen. Turning her face completely, she watched him watching them, his lips pulled into a tight, thin line and his hands balled into fists. She wondered how many of his small nuances she missed last time, what she could have changed had she just been paying attention, or who she could have loved had she thought of anyone but herself.

Sawyer’s thumb had moved from her lips to her chin, redirecting her back to him. His face seemed awkwardly close to hers when she returned and had lost it’s smile for a look strikingly more serious. He leaned even further into her, but Nev lifted a finger to his lips. “You’re not my reason,” she stated cryptically to him. Tucking her chin to her chest and letting her hips drop, she closed like a little clam. She slipped out of his grip and sank to the riverbed. Smirking to herself in the sensory deprivation of the stream, she focused on the frozen form of Sawyer above her. From what she could remember about him, it wasn’t very often that he was ever turned down. She could picture him blinking in shock at her denial of his advances. And even though she wasn’t necessarily surprised, she was still taken aback. Last time it had happened during the evening when they had all settled down for a movie and the lights were off. You know, typical. But then again, nothing about this re-life was the same since the day she decided not to go back, to miss her finals, to change everything. Nev realized right there, under two and half feet of dirty river water, that she was going to have to keep her guard up around him, at least until his friend confessed to him his own feelings about her.

Above her she heard muffled voices and then felt the current move as Sawyer left her, walking in what she had guessed was the direction of Jay. Shoot! The voices were getting louder through the water and even though she couldn’t make out the words, the tone was not pleasant. This was all her fault again and she needed to do something to lighten the tone. Finishing scrubbing the major chunks from her scalp, she planted her feet under her and stood, flinging her long hair in an arc above her letting it slap her back. The water ran like rivulets down her back, rejoining the river around her hips. She pulled her hair into a low ponytail at the nape of her neck and slung it over one shoulder, wringing out the excess water.

Tracy, Jay, and Sawyer stood with their mouths agape, silently watching her “pop goes the weasel” exit from the water. She turned, staring back at them blankly “Ariel.” Their look of confusion grew, “The Little Mermaid?” Still no recognition. “You know, she gets legs and goes bursting up through the water at sunset…Tracy? Come on…no?” She shrugged her shoulders and started wading past them to the shore. “Whatever…it’s my favorite scene.”

A smattering of muffled laughter started behind her in a single tone, but slowly grew to include deep smooth tones, airy lofty tones and a few in between as well. She turned to see the boys shrugging off their perceived insults and dipping low into the water to continue their river baths. Tracy and the twins climbed up the embankment and were making their way back to the pickup at the edge of the dirt road as Sawyer, with his closely shaved head and t-shirt rinsed in hand, made short time of decaking himself of mud. He quickly followed them to the river’s edge but turned before climbing out, “Coming?” he asked Nev, turning back to the only two left in the water.

Jay was yanking fervently at the mud dreadlocked in his hair at the base of his neck, his back towards them showing a swath of mud he had failed to scrub between the shoulder blades of his now dingy white/brown t-shirt. She smiled and turned back to Sawyer, “go ahead. Tell them not to wait, he looks like he could use all the help he can get,” she nodded back toward Jay, “we’ll walk.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, we’ll be fine,” and she turned, heading back to the middle of the little stream where Jay was now aggressively pulling tufts of matted hair from his scalp. “Ouch,” she started as she reached him, “let me help.”

“Nah, I got it. Go ahead up, I’ll catch up.”

Leaning forward, she lifted her hand to his, tangled in the knotted mess of blonde locks. “What kind of lifeguard would I be if I left you all alone here?”

“You know I’m not gonna drown,” but he let her hand still his twitching fingers.

“You’ll be bald if I let you do this by yourself.” She pushed his hand away and guided him into a floating position, starting to work water into the dirt, kneading it into pliable mud again.

“What? You don’t think that look would work for me?” He smiled and then closed his eyes when she started massaging his scalp. “Oooh, ok. You can help.”

She scrubbed at the base of his neck for a bit before moving behind his ears, up to his temples and then to the back of his head as if lathering up the river water. Oddly enough, it reminded her of bathing Ava. Her dark and curly locks always tangled and matted easily too. She smiled and let the tears swell in her eyes, but she never let one go. It seemed fulfilling to Nevaeh to think of her now, to somehow include her in the joy of the day instead of connecting her with the depression of the past few months. She looked back down and noticed Jay watching her. Giving her a brief smile he took her lead from a few minutes ago and closed into a slightly larger clam, sinking to the bed of the river.

They both paused, one above and one below the water, both thankful, both cautious, both anxious.

Jay rose from the water much less dramatically than Nev had before but pulled his hair into a ponytail at the base of neck just the same. “Thanks,” he sounded relieved as he effortlessly ran his fingers through his hair. “You alright?”

“Yeah…I think so” she paused, briefly before turning him around to pour water from her palms down his back, rinsing out the areas he could not reach.

“You sure? It’s ok not to be, you know.”

“No, I’m fine…I think. Kneel down, would ya?” Jay kneeled, submerging himself chest deep. She followed suit behind him, reaching up his shirt with both hands. She folded the cloth between her palms and rubbed it together, dislodging more mud from the cotton fibers.

“Really?” He asked as she let go of the hem of his shirt and grabbed a handful higher up, scrubbing it together similarly.

“Really, really..”

She let go a second time and reached for the cloth between his shoulder blades. Her fingers brushed against his wet skin sending little shivers shooting up her spine. Really? Shivers up her spine, how long had it been since that happened? She was a bit too seasoned for that, well, her mind was, at least. But her body was still fresh and innocent. It still sensed the excitement (or endorphins) of physical contact even in a simple brush. And so she let it work its way up her spine sending a rush, not into her mind where the memories of the future still scared her, but into her soul, where her spirit took hold of the love, the innocence, and banished a bit of the fear and mistrust. For the first time in a long time, before this re-life, before Dave, even before she estranged herself from her father, she felt like it was all going to be OK in the end.

Letting go of his shirt, she removed her hands, stood, and tapped his shoulder. “Looks good,” she said turning towards the bank. As she waded to the side, Jay followed her up the shoreline.

“So...Tracy was glad to see you,” he steered them away from the serious direction their physical contact could lead to, knowing she was nowhere near ready.

“Yeah, how could you tell?” She joked with him, trying to keep it light.

“She was pretty excited,” he shrugged at her.

“Are you sure?” she questioned him, “cuz she looked pretty hurt.” They made their way through the brush and onto the winding road back to the farm house.

“Yeah, well, she really tried not to say too much about it. But trust me, she’s so glad you’re here.” He lifted his beautiful eyes to hers.

“I know,” she wandered with him, side by side, down the gravel road. “We had a pretty good conversation back at the apartment. She actually gave me some pretty good advice.”

“She did?”

“Yeah, and I’m sure there’ll be more later.”

“There will be?” His tone was nervous as he implied what he and Tracy were both questioning all day.

“You mean is this a one time trip?” His eyes dropped to the rocks at his feet but she kept talking before he could back pedal. “No, as terrifying as it is, I think it’s about time for me to get back out there. Like you said, sometimes you have to go searching for your reasons, you know, find the ‘why’ to live your life.”

His smile slid back onto his face and his eyes lifted to the horizon ahead, though he changed the subject ever-so-slightly. “So, what was she spot on about this time?”

“What? Tracy?”

“Yeah.”

“Keeping a cool head, ya know, not being rash.” It was Nev’s turn to watch her feet kick at the gravel as they shuffled along. “I feel like sometimes it’s all I can do to talk myself into breathing from day to day. How do I know I won’t do something stupid when I step outside my basement?”

“If you can’t trust yourself, Nev,” he reached out to her, stopping her forward progress. “You can trust me...for now.”

She let her hand settle into his, “really? You want to protect my heart?”

“I would guard it for eternity,” he took her other hand as well, letting them swing between the two of them.

“From who?” she quirked an eyebrow at him, “the likes of guys like Sawyer?”

“I mean, if I must, I will...but...” an almost devilish smile crossed his lips, “You’ve proven you can handle him.”

“Ok, but how can you save it from myself? I’m the one who ultimately always makes the wrong choice.” She broke from him and started back down the road but only a few steps until he caught her shoulder again.

“Not true, Love.” There it was again, his incredibly intimate pet name for her. She was still unsure what exactly he meant by it, but she did notice that this time it had not slipped out by accident, and he was not fumbling around trying to cover it up. “You’re here now, making deliberate decisions to help yourself heal. I find that to be a very good choice, don’t you?” He had taken both her hands in his again and was now drawing circles on the soft skin between her thumb and forefinger. “And also, as for Sawyer, I’ve never seen a girl shut him down like that. You should’ve seen his face when you just slipped under the water.” He almost laughed, letting her go to continue down the dusty, dirt road, “Yet another good choice.”

Nev was still mulling over her most recent questions from their latest conversation, but was sparked with interest at the mention of Sawyer, so she packed them away to revisit later tonight. She could hear the water slosh out of her shoes as she jogged to catch back up to him, “Yeah, speaking of which…I know he’s your friend and all but why didn’t you tell me Sawyer was such a major cad?!”

Jay laughed, “did you just use the word cad?”

“How else would you describe him?” She loved the way he knew when to change the subject or lighten the tone just after he got his point across but before she let her guilt fester inside. His timing was impeccable.

“Well…yeah. I warned Tracy.”

“OK…and…” He was stalling but she couldn’t figure out why.

“I know it doesn’t seem like it, but Sawyer does have standards and he just would never,”

“Are you trying to say I don’t meet his standards?” Nev interrupted in mock offensiveness.

Jay rolled his eyes, scoffing “obviously not. It’s just that he would never move in on anyone else’s girl. I never thought to warn you because you were always…and now you’re…well…now that you’re not...”

“Now that I’m single I’m game,” she finished for him. “It’s ok, I’m not gonna break down if you say it.” She could see him squirming about, fumbling over his words to save her heartache. It was clumsy and sweet all at the same time.

“Right,” he sighed in relief.

“Thanks for throwing me under the bus,” she winked at him as they rounded the corner of the yard that led back toward the patio.

Everyone had practically finished dinner. Tracy, Sawyer and the twins waved them over to the space they had originally sat at by the bonfire pit earlier that afternoon. They filled their plates with cold dogs and warm potato salad and headed on over. The afternoon sun was beginning to sink in the evening sky and a few clouds were gathering in the distance.