If only

Silence. I was currently hiding under the island in the kitchen where I was beaten to a pulp daily. My father, the only guardian I had left, had the tendency of coming back home drunk, ready to lash out at me for his failures. Ever since my mother passed away while giving birth to me, he held all the hatred he could for me. Although I really loved and cared for him, my hopes for a nice, perfect family never stood a chance. I stayed still for a long time, hoping that he would forget that I existed and go to bed but unfortunately, luck wasn't on my side. Saying my prayers slowly, I looked up to check if he was still there when he suddenly got hold of me and shoved me roughly towards the door. The cynical smile adorning his face gave me chills, already giving me an idea of what he would be doing to me later. I tried looking around frantically for something I could defend myself with but there wasn't anything that would help me. Accepting my fate, I slowly curled up into a ball and let the blows land on me as intended. He continued with his usual abuse; his smirk showed me just how much he enjoyed it. The blows and kicks landed on me swiftly and painfully, injuring only the places where they couldn't be seen by anyone who came across me. At least he wasn't molesting me. The numbness invaded me as tears streamed down my face. All I could hear were the pants coming from my abuser and the silent whimpers that surprisingly came from my mouth. I felt the fear slip away as my body stopped jerking around due to the numbness and everything around me became a blur. My heavy breathing that was previously very clear to my ears started wavering and everything started going black. I looked up only to find my abuser's empty eyes staring back at me with a blank expression. His eyes were empty and void of emotion as he stared back into my soul, putting a halt to his lashing. We stared at each other, sharing the same expression and withholding emotion. I felt nothing. Empty. Emotionless. Just like a blank canvas. I wished things wouldn't have ended up this way. I wished he would've been a better father. I wished we could've been a happy family. The darkness started to overpower my senses as I started drifting away. The face I was staring at started to become hazy in front of my eyes and my head began to throb. Everything around me started to spin as blotches of black covered my vision and I finally succumbed to the darkness. I wish......