Beaten but not defeated

It is time to wake up. It is time for a new beginning. I have been down and hiding from my past for way too long, it is time to open up and let it all go. I had dreams, goals, plans and I let him ruin them all by letting him control me. It is now time for me to take charge of my life once again. He kept me as a prisoner, not allowing me to have friends or family. Some considered him a monster, but I thought that was how a man was supposed to be. I was forced to have s*x with this beast of a man, and for what reason, so he could stay up all night watching p**n. How can you fake love for so long, how does love really feel? Was I ever truly in love with this man, or was I tricked into loving him? These questions are all hard to answer, but there is an answer to each and every one of them. My screams were never heard, bruises covered by my clothes, a fear that no one can see. To live in fear every day for your life, afraid that you may say the wrong thing, wear the wrong item of clothing. Just the mere mention of his name will have your stomach in knots. Some nights I was left wondering what I had done to be treated so wrong. Am I not good enough, am I not pretty enough, am I not skinny enough? Being a woman why are these the first thoughts that run through our heads? Why can one insult from a man, make us feel insecure about ourselves?