Trace

12 - How did I not hear him?

Fallon

The note I found in my mailbox said to meet him here at the park just outside of my town. I’m nervous as hell, like, trying not to throw up while my whole body is shaking, kind of nervous. There’s no one in the park, but I feel like I’m being watched. It’s creepy.

God, I can’t stand still!

Do I even look okay?

I’m only wearing jeans and a tank top. My hair is tied up, but I’m not wearing much makeup. Then again, I never do. I’m finally going to meet my brother’s father, or at least that’s what the note said.

It’s time we talked about my son.

Meet me at Emerson Park. 6 o’clock.

I wonder what he looks like.

Does he look like Scott?

How old is he?

Does he have dark hair like my brother, or has it gone silver with age?

Is he coming here to hurt me as payback for what happened to Scott?

All these things have been swimming in my head all day. Usually, I’d talk things through with Trace. The man has a gift for making me see things logically. However, he’s not here; he’s in Nashville with some of the others from his MC. I have no idea why they went there, and I didn’t ask. It’s none of my business. I learned that from when my brother was with the Cutthroats. Ask no questions, and you’ll be told no lies. However, I’d be a liar if I said I didn’t wish Trace was here right now.

I wish I’d confided in him what I learned about Scott’s father from the man who came to my brother’s room. Trace would have known who the man was. He could have even helped me find my father. But I didn’t say anything because I couldn’t get my head around it all. To be honest, I was scared of what I would find out.

I don’t know what’s going on with Trace and me, but I know that I need him more than I’ve ever needed anyone. The sad thing is, I know we could never be anything more than what we are now – What are we now? – because I know about his reputation with women. I know how he cheated on his once fiancée with more than one woman. She even caught him at it while in the clubhouse. He couldn’t even keep it in his pants at a party with his woman in the next room!

So, what kind of hope do I have with him?

None, that’s what.

Anyway, it’s not like I want a real relationship with him or anything. Trace might tell me that I belong to him when he fuck.s me, but I know that’s for effect. He takes me out of my head with the things he does to me, and I need that from time to time. However, there will be others who can do that for me. Trace is not the only man in the world.

“Evening, Fallon.”

With a shriek, I turn on the spot.

Jesus Christ, how did I not hear him approach?

How is it possible a man his size could move undetected, unheard?

“Red,” I acknowledge. He’s a big bastard of a man, mean-looking, and I know he’s dangerous; I’ve seen him beat on someone, after all. “What are you doing here?”

He pushes his big hands into the pockets of his jeans. “I believe you’re expecting me.”

I gasp for air. This can’t be.

Red is Scott’s father?

But I’ve seen him a lot since that first night at the club. He has to have known who I was. Maybe he didn’t; he’s not my father after all, and it’s not like I knew who he was.

“You’re...” I can even finish.

“Yes. I’m Scott’s father.”

“Oh, my God,” I sag onto the bench, thankful that there’s one here to catch me.

What kind of sick joke is it that I would be working for the man I’ve been looking for for the past three years?

“I understand this is a shock to you,”

Shock?

Is he fuckin.g kidding me?

It’s beyond a damn shock!

“If I’d known who you were before now, I would’ve approached you sooner.”

“I guess you know about Scott?” I sense Red nodding his head while taking a seat beside me. The bench creaks with the weight of him, and I adjust myself so that I don’t slip off the end. “Have you been to see him?” I’m curious.

“I have. A couple of times since I found out where he was.”

How did I not know that?

Scott’s nurse never mentioned anyone else visiting my brother when I was there last night or any other time I’ve visited. I’m supposed to be informed of all visitors, dammit!

Not that I’m really angry; Scott needed this. Red needed it also. Maybe now Scott can rest; perhaps now I can let him go, knowing he knows his father has always loved him.

“Shock?” He nods, and I see so much sadness in his eyes as I look at him. He’s missed all those years with his son.

But surely that’s his own fault?

Surely he has no right to feel sorry for himself?

He was the one who walked away from the little boy who idolized him.

“Why did you leave Scott with that woman? Why didn’t you take him with you?” I can feel my eyes clouding, but I’m not going to cry. This isn’t about me; this is about Scott.

“I didn’t leave him, Fallon. My son was everything to me. There’s no way I would’ve walked out on him.”

“Then what happened? Please tell me, because I had to watch my brother praying at night that his daddy would come back and save him from the hell he lived in, and I have never been so confused in all my life because of it.”

Red sighs and nods his head. “Your mother and me, we were never together. Not in a relationship, at least. We slept together a couple times, and Scott was the product of that.”

I keep my eyes on Red, never looking away, scared I’ll miss something if I do.

“Of course, bikers always try to make the mother of their child their Old Lady. Well, any decent one would. Jade was having none of it. ‘Course, I couldn’t make her be with me. However, I wanted to be in my son’s life. Jade promised me that she’d never take Scott away from me.

“I had a good father-son relationship with Scott. He was my little soldier and wanted to be just like his old man. He’d always tell me from the minute he could talk.” He chuckles, and I see such love in his eyes.

However, if he loved my brother so much, why in the hell did he walk away from him?

“I took that boy everywhere with me whenever I could. Your mom didn’t care as long as I had Scott back by the time I said I would. Months passed like days, and Jade was with someone else by then...”

“My father?” I shouldn’t have cut him off, but if there’s a chance Red knows who my father was, then I want to know.

He looks at me, his eyes searing into me.

What is he looking for?

“He wasn’t your father, Fallon.”

I sag with the weight of it all. It’s like being a child, one minute so excited that Santa Claus is coming, to find out the next that the man in the big red suit is actually the old man down the road doing a favor for the parents of the town. Not that I ever believed in Santa; he never brought me anything.

“I know you don’t remember your mother much, Scott told me. He also told me how she left you both. If I’d known, believe me, I would’ve had you both living with me.”

I smile slightly. That was nice of him to say. To be honest, just looking at him, I know what he’s saying about taking care of both of us is true. It eases my heart a little.

“I never walked away from my son, Fallon. Regardless of what your mother told you both, that wasn’t what happened.”

I say nothing. There’s nothing for me to say right now; I just want Red’s side of things.

“When Scott was eighteen months old, your mother started seeing a man much older than herself,” Figures. He probably had money. “That man was my wife’s father. That’s how I met Tammy. She was seventeen and so beautiful.” He says dreamily. “She tried so hard to get me to notice her, but she was too young. Then, when she was eighteen, she told me to grow a set because she knew I liked her. It didn’t take me long to fall in love with her. Never wanted to thank your mother for anythin’, but I can’t deny that I thanked her and George for bringing Tammy into my life.”

What the?

But that would make Tammy my sister if that man turns out to be my father!

However, just like he could read my mind, Red says, “That man wasn’t your father, Fallon. I had thought it might be possible at one point, but Tammy assures me that her father could no longer have children when he was with your mother. Moreover, it’s not like your mother was faithful.” Oh. “I don’t want to hurt you, but I just wanted you to know that.

“Besides, George died before Scott was two and a half. Your mother met someone else soon after. I’m assuming he was your father.”

I am never going to find my father because there is no way I could track down every damn man that slut slept with.

Christ!