Mind of a Lycan

Aaron (Jackie)

Dear Journal,

This isn’t Jackie, I’m Aaron, her mate.  She asked me to write down what happened the night she came and tried to bring my first mate, Shari, back to life.  So, here I go, please forgive me if I’m not a good as Jackie, but I will try.  It was about midnight and I was woken up by a shining light inside my room, despite the rain pouring down outside.  After blinking several times, I figured I was just dreaming and rolled over to go back to sleep taking a pillow to cover my eyes to block out the light.  A hand reached out and removed the pillow from my face causing me to shift into wolf form automatically moving to protect my pup from whoever broke in.  Growling I spin quickly to confront the intruder only to drop into a submission pose at who was standing there, the Moon Goddess herself.  Continuing to bow, I shifted back into human form in front of her.  She motioned for me to sit back down and she joined me on the edge of the bed before telling me that my mate, Jackie, was there on pack territory about to throw away her own happiness in order to make me happy.  Man, I have to tell you that the Goddess seemed pissed off, but I can feel her anger is directed at me, not Jackie.  I bristled at why she would be mad at me for Jackie’s action, I mean I never asked her to give up anything for me.  Even though Aiden was driving me crazy bugging me constantly about when we were going back to see her.  I really should have sent her flowers or something for healing my son’s heart defect, the pack doctor here said Aiden’s perfectly healthy, thanks to her. 

The Moon Goddess smacked me on the back of my head making me come back to the present.  She kept her hand there and showed me that Jackie was planning on bringing Shari back to life.  Truthfully, part of my heart sang with joy at the news, but it silenced when the Goddess showed me what the cost of having Shari back would be.  There in a cold throne room sat Jackie, I could feel her pain as she watched those around her know the love only a mate can give.  The scene shifted to her mind where her Lycan cried out in pain since she couldn’t shift and help others the way she was meant to without her mate to protect her.  Without me there, she was forced to shift alone in the bathroom where no one could see her true self and for a wolf or Lycan not to be able to show anyone who they are is worse than any torture ever created.  Tears were running down my cheeks as I could feel her still longing for me, but thinking I was happy and content with my Shari back with me.  Only the Goddess showed me I wouldn’t be happy because any pup we tried to have would be stricken with the same illness Aiden had and without Jackie around to heal them none would live past 10 years old.  I would get to the point of blaming myself for their deaths and hating Shari for making us try 7 times to see if even 1 more would make it to 13 and be able to shift.  Eventually, she would stop trying and we would stop sleeping together for the rest of our lives.  Then I was shown what life would be like as King, besides my Queen, Jackie, of all the Lycans.  I saw the sons and daughters we would have, our children and grandchildren standing beside us in years to come.  Aiden would grow up to be one of the most fierce warriors commanding the entire Lycan army in an epic battle against several witches and rogue wolves, only with his leadership can this war be won by our side.  She showed me all the happiness our hearts would find in one another.  I got to see myself walking my beautiful daughters down the aisle to their mates.  Hell, even if Jackie and I only have 1 daughter along with Aiden it would be 1000% better than the future I saw with Shari.  Selene tells me I need to go now and stop Jackie before she can reach the casket, stop her from bringing Shari back to life.

I link with my Beta and tell him to get a few warriors and stop the woman in the graveyard who is digging in Shari’s grave.  Outraged he sends 6 warriors to bring this grave robber to justice.  He waited for me at the packhouse until I was ready to follow the warriors.  The Moon Goddess stayed my hand before I could get up to head there as well and she thanked me for having the courage to give love another chance with Jackie.  She also warned me that since I had taken so long to make this decision that Jackie was set in her pursuit to heal my heart the only way she thought she had available to her.  So, I would have to show her my choice aggressively if needed and with that, she patted my head before disappearing.  I shifted and told my Beta to meet me outside so that I could find my mate and stop her from digging up my past.  We all knew the stories of the power given to the White Lycan’s oldest daughter, but I have to say seeing Jackie command my warriors the way she did was HOT!   I am not ashamed to admit that Ron and I were thoroughly aroused by her Alpha voice because it was so sexy, but when she began to start digging again I saw RED!  Running toward her I planned on tackling her to get her to stop what she was doing.  The last thing I expected was to be tossed aside like a rag doll into my own men.  How humiliating for a wolf my size to be thrown like that by a small female in human form even if she was a Lycan.  Again, yes, Ron found it very erotic to have a mate that was fast and oh so agile.  He couldn’t wait to see how much agility she would show while under us in bed.  We know she is pure because her Dad made it very clear she had never even been kissed, despite spending a month in the same territory as her 1st mate, a Lycan Alpha, who she rejected.  *Mental note* I have to remember to get the full story on what happened with that male after I mark her and claim her as my own first.*  I shift back to human form and move to try to stop her again, but for some reason, I am frozen in place.  Ok, this girl has got some serious skills.  She instructs my men to return back to the packhouse before she lets me go and starts digging again.  Talk about a one-track mind and now RON IS MAD!  He takes over and gets aggressive by ripping the shovel from her and carrying her out of the hole.  Once she explains what she is doing, I stop her by kissing her with all the love I have been denying myself and her for the past month and a half.  No way am I ever letting her go again now or ever.  Ron almost took control of me once more because he wanted to claim her right there in the graveyard.  When we broke away in order to breath I began to talk.  I was willing to crawl on my knees to beg her forgiveness.  I asked her to make me a Lycan so that I could finally mark her as MINE for all the world to know.