Kat undecided

Chapter two: the arranged marriage

The lady at the reception was in the middle of giving me a mini tour when my phone rang for the millionth time. I mumbled an apology before making the wise decision to put it on silent. Before I could shove it back into my bag I saw the screen light up with a text. It was him, the three words he sent made my heartache

Was it me?

I was tempted to reply, to put all his worries to rest and have him console me but I shook my head and focused on my tour guide. I’ll deal with everything later. I was so thankful that I saw that sign when I was on the verge of giving up. There it was written on a billboard on the side of the road

LOVELY NEW INN DOWNTOWN. GO NOW AND GET A 10% COUPON

“And at the end of the tour we have your room. It’s a little small. We have better but business’s been booming since the ad and the ten percent discount we offered. Hope you don’t mind?”

“no, not at all. It is perfect” I say taking the room in.

“okay then, get settled in and call me if you need anything” she turned to leave then immediately turned back as if remembering something “oh and dinners by nine o’clock, but if you get hungry before then there’s a pizza shop close by, their menu is on the table over there along with their number”

“Thank you” I said with an appreciative smile

“You are welcome sweetheart. Alright, I’ll leave you to it.”

The door closed and I was alone again. I took off my shoes and laid on the dorm-sized bed. Lying down staring at the ceiling I couldn’t help but remember how this whole nightmare began.

My mom has been pacing round my room for half an hour now, talking. I zoned out after the first five minutes.

Mostly because I get the gist and she just keeps repeating herself.

“kat, kat!, are you even listening to me?” there’s my queue.

“of course mother.” I say standing up “I am always listening to you”

do you think she can sense the sarcasm? I hope not, it is one of the few things that brings me joy these days and I would hate to have to stop.

“this is serious Katherine, your dad and I are really worried about your future” I wanted to scream ‘Exactly!!!! MY bloody future’ but it would be pointless

“yes mother, I know”

“So you understand why we are doing this” NO!

“yes mother”

“perfect, I’ll call the family and let them know that we are ready to begin the preparations”

“okay” I say completely drained of energy at this point “I’m going to use the bathroom for a second”

“Okay, but come right back, you have to talk to you future mother in law” I nodded not being able to form words

I head to the bathroom, close the door and slide down. I sat there without moving for at least ten minutes, I couldn’t think, couldn’t cry, couldn’t scream. I think my mind has still not fully processed what is happening, what is going to happen. I should feel happy right, I mean I’m getting married, isn’t that every girls dream? To find love, settle down and have children? Well I sure as hell knew that it was my mothers dream for me. She’s probably been thinking about this since I was born, being the only female child didn’t bode well for me on that front. My mom hopes to make up for all her mistakes through me, I know that sounds like an exaggeration but it is the truth. the way she raised me in comparison to the way she raised my brothers.

Not being able to go out as much if it wasn’t with her. Not being able to eat the way I wanted, even as a kid, good manners only applied to me at the dinner table. And when it came to the topic of marriage she hadn’t been too subtle in her hints over the years. When we cooked she’d drop comments on how I should learn to make meals properly because ‘the fastest way to a man’s heart is through his stomach’ good God that made me cringe every time I heard it. My reply to that would always be ‘well, I don’t want to get to his heart then’ never said it out loud of course, my mom would probably tell on me to everyone that cared to listen.

When i’d watch football with my brothers and we’d all be yelling at the players and the referees she’d always feel inclined to remind me how men hate lousy women and I should learn to control myself when watching football, my brothers would roll their eyes at her comment but I couldn’t really do anything. I’d always tried to be prim and proper to avoid a lecture, smiling politely, not complaining about the endless tasks she kept giving me, but it wasn’t enough, this marriage proved that. I thought I had at least a couple more years till I had to do this. But my mother had a mental calendar for me and no amount of groveling would deter her from following it, so I didn’t bother putting up a fight. My opinions about my life were not half as important as her opinions about MY life. Crazy, I know, but what can I do. She’s my mother and I gotta love her.

I heard a soft knock “kate, are you okay in there? Your Mom asked me to get you” Maria the maid said from the other side of the door.

My name must be a bit confusing by now so I’ll clarify. My parents decided to name me Katalina because of how versatile it was, their words, not mine. They loved how it could be shortened, i was Katherine, katalina, Kate, and kat. Some of my friends would even call me k. It was a bit difficult at the beginning but I got used to it, so now people just call me by anyone they think fits me the most.

I cleared my throat to sound more like my usual self “tell her i’ll be right out maria, thank you” I struggled to pull myself off the floor, glanced at the mirror and noticed to my surprise that I had been crying.

I sniffed a couple of times before rinsing my face. I stared at the mirror trying to summon up the courage to walk out the door. I had bags under my eyes, no doubt from the stress of my upcoming exams, I was taking the bar finals in three months and I know that seems far but it felt like days to us who had to write it. I shook my head took a deep breath and went to go speak to my mother inlaw.

I walked in to my mom’s room to find her laughing, no doubt to an unfunny joke that my mother-in-law just told. We all do it honestly, laugh at jokes that aren’t all that funny just to please the person telling it. We do it so much that it becomes second nature to us. My professor’s jokes sound like a doctor telling you that you have lung cancer but we always laughed like we are at a trevor Noah performance. Why? well because we are trying to please him.

“kat, come, come. Say hi” I took the phone hesitantly and gently put it to my ear

“Hello”

“Hello my child, how are you” i feel like my life is over and an assassin should just walk into this room and put me out of my misery.

“I am good ma’am, how are you”

“I am happy knowing that you will soon be my daughter in-law. your mum told me you can make delicious Russian dishes and pastries, my son will have big belly in the first year of marriage.”

Knowing fully well that was intended to be a joke, I burst out laughing. She does too and my mum is just sitting next to me with an expression that I deciphered to mean ‘this could not be going better’.

After the conversation was over, I left my mum to chat with her new best friend. Closing the door to my room, I reached for my phone and called the one person I wanted to talk to. He picked at the first ring.

“Hey baby, how are you”

“How am I? are you freaking kidding me vlad? Well I just got off the phone with your mother, how do YOU think I’m doing?”

He huffed and was silent for so long that I thought he hung up. I was about to check when he finally spoke “I know how this seems and I honestly wanted be the one to tell you but your mum insisted and….”

“Tell me? Meaning I don’t have a say in this”

“No, that’s not at all what I am saying”

“Then what are you saying?”

“I’m saying, I want marry you”

“Then why didn’t you ask me”

“We’ve spoken to about it”

“Exactly vlad, Spoken!!! not decided and definitely not in the next three months!” I said in a low shout.

“You are ambitious kat, I knew you’d want to wait till everything was figured out and I didn’t want to wait that long”

“So you decided to go behind my back?”

“its not like that babe”

“Then prey tell how is it like, because from where I’m standing it seems like my entire life has been decided and I’m not even a part of it”

“I promise this is all for the best” he said with so much conviction it scared me “I have to go but we’ll talk later. I love you”

“yeah okay” I hung up and stood rooted to my spot, I felt paralyzed, physically and mentally.

I was brought back to the present by a ring from the telephone on the bedside table. I gently picked up and listened for the caller.

“Hey, sugar sorry to bother but I just wanted to remind you that dinner’s at nine” I looked at the time and it was already past eight. I had day dream the day away.

“thank you, I appreciate the reminder”

“its nothing. see you at nine” and the line went dead

Wanting to take a bath I got up but stopped when I remembered vlad’s text. I picked up my phone deciding to call first.

“Hello” just hearing his voice made me feel better

“Hey” I said hesitantly not knowing what mood he was in “where are you?”

“I’m in my car, heading home. I just left your house”

“oh” oh? Really katalina?? That’s the best you can do??

“yeah”

“I’m sorry”

“why…….why didn’t you just say you didn’t love me anymore?”

“because I do. That’s not what this is about vlad, I’m just not ready for this.”

“Then why didn’t you say so?”

“I did!! But you weren’t listening. No one was listening”

“So you decided to run away on our wedding day? Great plan kat, you’re a bloody genius”

“I didn’t know what else to do. I still don’t know what to do”

“how bout you hit me up when you figure it out” he hung up before I could say anything else. Well that went fantastic. His words hurt but I knew it came from a place of hurt too.

I decided to take a shower, head downstairs and eat before calling my mother because I was going to need all my energy for that conversation.