Once Upon A Wishful Ending

Home Sweet Home

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Trigger warning - self harm and depression

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Later after drama I felt so stupid and I let her see what I had hidden for over 4 years and now she know, but she accepted it, why would she do that? I walked into my house and walked straight up stairs and into my room and sat on my bed. I rolled my sleeve up and just sat there looking down at my arm at all the little cut, bigger cuts and scars.

Why did no one ever tell me this was a bad idea? Why did anyone tell me there was no going back? I'm a freak aren't I?! Why am I so different to everyone else? Why am I so ugly and fat? Why can't I be normal!?!

These thoughts rang round in my head. I stood up and walked over to my bottom draw where I had my secret box full of different razors and full of tissues and other medical stuff I used. I looked down at the razor as all them questions still rang in my head, I picked one up with a load of tissues and sat back on my bed. I looked at my arm as I let the cold metal thing slide over my skin. It left lines of blood after it. I felt the blood slowly roll down my arm, and I liked this feeling, knowing I'm the one that has caused my pain this time, I know that I have left myself down this time, I'm to blame. I'm too blame for everything. After about 15 minutes cutting my arm I rapped the tissues round my arm in hope to stop the bleeding. But it didn't work. I'm going to be okay.

Adter 5 minutes the bleeding hadn't stopped so I stood up to run too the bathroom, but I stood to quick and for a second everything went black. Once I could see again I ran into the bathroom and stuck my arm under the water in hope this would help as well.

But it didn't work.

I would just have to let them bleed then wouldn't I, I thought to myself. Why did I take it this far, why? After about 10 minutes the bleeding had slowed down and my arm was red and full of half shallow and half deep cuts. Why am I so messed up? I rolled my hoodie sleeve down and went to dinner.

"Honey why is there blood on your hoodie?" My mum asked with a hint of concern. "It's nothing mum, just a scratch from drama." I relayed quickly. "Let me have a look, there seems to be a lot of blood." "Mum it's fine! Get away from me!" I screamed at her. She look back at me in shock to what had happened. "Darling in just worried that you have hurt yourself." "Don't worry mum in fine, I've lost my appetite, I'm going to go and do home work. "I hope she's ok" I heard my mum say as I exited the the room. I'll be okay, I always am.