DANCING WITH THE DEVIL

MEMORY PART 10: WELCOMED TO THE BED OF DEAD ROSES

JEEENA’S P. O. V

It's the morning after the party and the bright sunshine crept through my curtains to wake me up from my deep slumber. I looked at my IPhone, expecting to see a 'Good morning' text from Dane which I have grown so used to that it became my coffee in the morning . However this morning a frown fell on my face as my notifications lacked my Good morning text which has been making my mornings for a while now.

Sadness filled my heart as worry filled my mind but I quickly shook it off convincing myself that he is probably still asleep. So, I texted him instead and the worry which I earlier shook off crawled back as my message only had one tick. With the thought that his phone is probably dead and he is still asleep, I forced the worry and sense of insecurity to the back of my mind and began my day.

I spent around two hours shopping, it helped me take my mind of stuff and I felt alot more relaxed by the time I went home. I took a hot long shower which eased all the tension which had built up from last night's episode. After my shower I made myself I cup of tea and reached for my phone.

My cup slipped out of my hands, the tea which it held was now spilled all over my wooden floor as shock hit me hard. He blue ticked me, for the first time ever. I couldn't think straight, all my patience and calmness flowed out of my body as panic settled, I knew something was terribly wrong. I tried to call him and it took me to voicemail, I tried countless more times eager to get a hold of him but each failing time, my heart sank a little more and my hope drowned a little deeper. I crawled into my bed as I fought to control a few tears from escaping my eyes as I closed them and sleep comforted my suffering soul.

It was dark but I could sense his presence. I held out my hand for him to take and I waited but I couldn't sense him anymore. So I kept my hand out in that position still hoping that he would entangle his with mine like he always did, but then I heard the footsteps. His footsteps...and the sound of them got softer and softer. Realisation hit me that he is walking away... away from me. "DANE" I fell to the floor screaming in pain, as I woke up from this terrible nightmare, my face wet from the tears, my body trembling and my heart racing so fast as if it trying to get out of my chest.

I grabbed my phone, dialling his number once again. "Hello" his voiced calmed my storming heart. "Hey" I said hiding my recent experience with a soft and composed tone. "How are you?" I asked. " Fine and you?" he asked using his soft voice, making the feeling that something is wrong, come back and hit me like a tidal wave. " I'm not so good, I missed you today" I replied hoping that he would say something to make all this negative emotions go away. " Yeah, I think we need a break. I think we were too caught up on one another and we need to take a step back" his words numbed me, leaving me speechless. A tear drop splattered on my foot as my brain registered what he was saying, my heart beat racing a thousand beats per second as my worst nightmare unfolded in front of me. "Bu... But we were happy" I said more to myself then to him, however he managed to catch my words. " Yes, we were, but we need time, bye" we whispered as if he is forced to do this, as if he is at war.

I sat, still, unable to move, afraid in fact. As if I was a pile of ash and would crumble with the slightest disturbance. I felt a sense of hollowness settle inside me. Darkness overcame me as all my happiness left when he put down the phone. I was lost, I was in pain, tears flowing uncontrollably down my face as my heart cried and  a loud cry escaped my mouth, as if it was a part of my soul leaving my body. My world spun around him but now my world was standing still as I was experiencing a pain worse then death. Everything became meaningless and I cried until I had no tears left. I didn't eat, I didn't sleep, I just laid there like a corpse with an inactive beating heart.

Not once did I think that last night was the last time that I would get to satisfy my soul by laying my eyes on the most attractive person to walk this earth or be able to physically touch him or be whole and genuinely happy with my heart in one piece instead of a thousand shattered pieces. The moon light lit up my room as I spent the night dying a million painful deaths.

I sun eventually rose and I found some energy to get back up. I looked at the broken girl with puffy red eyes. I didn't recognise her, I have never seen this person before. Someone so broken, someone so soul less. Her eyes were the windows to her tortured soul and weeping heart and I refused to spend another minute looking at her. Instead, I set my mind to help her.

I took a shower and had some breakfast which helped me feel a little better. With a clear head I began to think of all the reasons which would lead Dane into taking such a drastic decision. The only reason I could think of was the incident at the party, it must have really had an effect on him to cause such a sudden change .

"It's all my fault" I whispered to myself as thoughts flowed through my mind. If I didn't invite him to the party, that incident would have never happened. If I said something and defended him, maybe he wouldn't be so hurt. A sob escaped my lips and tears escaped my eyes as I realised that I'm the reason that he is so hurt that he actually ended our relationship...and with this, hatred began to build up in me, hatred for myself. I ruined the best thing that has ever happened to me. I have to fix this, I have to fight for our love and our happiness. If he is too hurt to fight, I will fight hard enough for the both of us, I convinced myself. As I remembered that he asked me to give him some time, I came to the conclusion that I would give him exactly that. Maybe staying away for a while would strengthen our bond. It was a difficult decision to make as it would be like fighting a war to stay away from him. But if staying away means, allowing him to heal and eventually come back then I will find the strength to do it at any cost.

So I started to work on a little video, consisting of all our photos and a background Taylor Swift song to keep me busy. I decided to work on it for about a week and then when it has reached perfection, I would send it to him with the hope that it would freshen up some memories.