LOVING YOU WITHOUT A NAME ...a love that had no labels, only heartbreak.

"You all are crazy in this group, except Newton mine, my sweet boy", I said in a group interaction in w******p. "So, I'm also crazy baa, i***t girl", Prince Vicky responded while tagging my message. Unizik medics was a group created for Nnamdi Azikiwe University aspirants and most times we catch cruise in the group. Almost every member has an opposite gender they love and Newton mine was my partner, in the group. We catch cruise and have fun as if we were in actual relationship but it was just a fun thing but deep down, I really liked Newton and Prince Vicky and some group members knew it. Newton mine never came into my dm till I picked his throwback funny pictures from f*******: and posted it in the group for fun. He messaged me privately to delete some of the pictures and that was how we saved each other's contact and talk few times. I felt it was an opportunity for me to create a real bond with him but he wasn't flowing with my vibes, so I decided to restrict all the fun to the group to avoid being seen as desperate. One day during a group conversation and cruise catching, Prince Vicky came into my dm and that was how we continued having fun conversations till..... while till we started catching feelings for each other. That was after we played truth and dare game asking each other questions that were somewhat deep. Two weeks into steady conversation, I fell for Vicky in a way I couldn't explain. Well, it was how he gave me attention that got me in. We talk everytime and we never run out of topics to talk on. Everything just flowed, no extra effort, just love happening. One day I realized Vicky didn't apply for Unizik but rather University of Nigeria Nsukka and that was the school I applied for too. He got admitted and left for school but our communication never waned. During the course of the relationship, oh I mean friendship, we engaged ourselves in s*x chats. And I enjoyed every bit of it, so does he... I waited for him to ask me out but he didn't, he promised he would when we meet physically. "Babe, send me a hot video I want to go crazy with you"... He said. I made a video of myself squeezing my boobs, I added my saliva on my n*****s and caressed it and I moaned as I did those. I put my fingers into my p***y and gosh I was already dripping down there, all I had to do was think of Vicky's d**k and imagine it inside of me. I was in the bathroom and no one was home, so I moaned and moaned while fingering myself and squeezing my boobs, the video recorder was on. By the time I was done, I sent the hot video to Vicky. "f**k, damn, you are f*****g sexy babe", Vicky replied. I haven't satisfied myself, I needed more naughty video to carry me on in the mood, so I requested he strokes his huge d**k and send me a video. As I played the video, I went crazy. I deeped my hands deeper into my p***y and kept going back and forth through my clitoris... I needed to feel myself and Vicky's moan was doing it for me. I fingered myself so well I felt satisfied but Vicky wasn't yet, he lasts longer. So I made one more video for him and I went back into my room with a mixed feeling of guilt and s****l satisfaction. I never regret my intimate sections with Vicky but I feel it makes me a bad person going against God's will and touching myself but deep down. I enjoy every bit of how it makes me feel. Now, Vicky is in University where he can meet every and any girl he wants but he said he loves me, now few guys are asking me out for relationship but the guy I love hasn't asked me out yet.... What should I do?