Revenge Before Love

April-2019 I took a long calming breath of my cigarette, and a swag of my ice cold beer, I let my darkness wrapped eyes scan the starless sky, I always wondered if it's the darkness around me that's preventing me from seeing the stars! It was his fault he made me into this! I used to always see the stars and the sliver shining of the moon that dominates the sky, bright and high, but now it's just dull, its brightness, its highness and all its might can't reach the depth of my darkened soul. Taking the last breath of the deadly stick that recently became my friend I put its red lit head out on the ground, just like I do to every other person; I put them down, it was just him that made me crawl away and hide behind the hatred a part of me has for him. Only him. I walk back down stairs and into the apartment that carries the mess I created, I was satisfied by the blood coated walls, the emotions that swirled in the air, and the shattered limps that gathered on the same floor, looking at them makes me hear their pleading whispers, promises of submission to my claws, the sound of their teeth singing the melody of their fear, it was satisfying, it still is. But it's not enough, it's never enough. The hatred I have had inside me is bigger, it's like a raging fire that just swallows and never gets enough, and I again blame him. This is not me! But I can't help it, that night ignited a side of me that I didn't know existed, as the memories of that night started flowing into my vision like a hurricane trying to destroy what I've built all those months, I shake them away hearing the whimpers of my wolf echoing inside my head. I took careful steps trying to avoid the blood stains, taking off the shirt that has the fallen beta's scent I pull on my underwear, and my clothes above them, taking the same careful path back to the door I exit the tawdry, emotional, boisterous apartment into the empty streets. Just walking aimless, searching for the trail that leads to the woods, the night is mine and the peak of morning is hers, I stood looking towards the apartment that carries my work of art, the smell of emotions is lurking into the streets but all I can smell is a putrid mistake that belonged to the beta who got a taste of my fangs and claws. Fear, submission, hope, and maybe a bit of admiration to my choices, 'good for a turned female' they say, that is followed by the pleading eyes, the plead for their life, but I don't travel and spare, I just take what I can, knowing that he's following the trail of bodies I leave out for him, with a hint of my sins and the smell of my new found powers. I continue my journey to the woods trail, the harsh whispers of guilt, regret and a peak of longing try to harass my thoughts but I only silence them, it's just the perfect riposte. I know I'm wrong, fighting the nature and the moon, I have all the elements of my creation against me, I'm still not complacent, I will never be, not when I can't have his throat or his love.  Not because he won't give us but because we won't take. My wolf perked up at this thought, meaning we disagree, it's just me, I won't take anything from him, even if it is the cure of my sentenced death, I won't... That's what got us here, he just won't understand that, he can't have everything, he can't save everyone, you should just submit when the reaper tries to kiss you, suck the last bites of life out of your trembling body, he just didn't budge, I begged and cried but he didn't listen, he didn't let me have my last kiss, he swatted my escort away from me, and instead of the comfort in my dark soundless grave I was met with the my screams of agony and pain. The wolf inside me rubbed those thoughts away, the soft pitch black fur of hers soothing me, stroking down my anxieties, taking a step by step to hold control of my tired skin, leveling it up into strong paws instead of slightly shaking legs, soft shining fur instead of dull hardened skin, sharp fangs replaced the straight teeth I had, she readies her posture and gets ready to hunt. It has been a while since I've had human food, she likes hunting, and I give it to her, it's just instinct and me trying to push past the humanity that I once had controlling my mind, aside from alcohol and cigarettes we don't consume any human food. As my wolf takes the control to steer the rest of my day, I take the chance to fade into the darkness of oblivion that lies in the folds of my soul, trusting that she would take me back to the apartment that we considered -for now- home. And so, I fade and the last emotion that flashed through me was his pull.    A/N: IK this must've  been a really dark chapter, but wait for it.... and please leave your thoughts in the comments :3