Do I Wanna Know?

June 22nd-2

He is still skinny but better built. Shirt, jeans, leather shoes. Oh, this is the new Josh. He was always good looking but he looks mind-blowingly good looking now, then he shows his half smile, which I used to love as a teenager.

-Hi Lucille! – his voice is deeper than I remembered. He is the only one, other than some of my college professors, who call me Lucille.

-Hi Josh! – my voice is very quiet, I feel like a small girl again. I have to get myself together, this is really not me. -Thank you for letting me stay at yours but it`s really not necessary, I can sort it. I can sleep under the bridge. So it was nice to see you.

-Lucille, your Dad already decided and I promised him I won`t lose you for three days so give me your suitcase and we can go.

-I don`t want to be a burden on you.

-You won`t be.

I get it, I have no saying in this. Men have decided again. I give him my suitcase while I quietly Mumble some things, then I sit in his car. When Josh sits next to me, his scent suddenly hits me. He still uses the same aftershave. My stomach sinks. Why has he got this effect on me? Previously I used to think, or hope, that if we ever meet again in life, then I will be surprised about why I ever felt like an emotional rollercoaster around him. I decided that this was a naive thought. Nothing changed. We slowly leave the street. One of Artic Monkeys` song called `Do I wanna know` is playing on the radio. I like this song. We sit in silence. Erm, are we supposed to talk now, since he is doing me a favour? I can't just sit here. We used to tease each other and bicker all the time. The awkward silence resolves when I realise that we are not heading towards his house:

-Where are we going, do you not live at Madison anymore?

-My parents do, but I moved out years ago. We are nearly there. – Dia and Bud are a couple who are 10 years older than my parents, Josh was a late child. We used to visit them a lot. Dia and Mum used to bake cookies for us especially when we went on road trips, so nearly every other day. I thought I would see them.

-Okay, so what did you do so your own parents can`t stand you now? And don`t think I don`t understand them. Let`s admit, you are not an easy case– I start to return to our old way of conversation.

-Let`s just say it was long due. – he cuts the topic short.

Super, so we are going to some kind of a bachelor pad? I`m going to kill Andrew when I see him next. I can already see a typical house full of boys, dirty dishes and laundry everywhere. What`s next?

-Tell me something! – he looks at me while he drives. I smile. He never remembers to be more specific because this way our conversations are always too long.

-Dear kids, once upon a time...- Josh is smiling now and interrupts me.

-...there was an annoying girl called Lucille Haggerty, who went to the other end of the world alone. Try and continue this...

-Alright!- I say – Lucille graduated with a degree in Middle Age history and philosophy at Princeton and feels unmarketable in the employment field, but she at least knows that her degree gave her an opportunity to be able to separate the relevant things from a huge amount of information.

-This doesn`t sound too promising – Josh laughs – and what will you be when you grow up?

-I can be anything I want to be. Carly Fiorina became the CEO of Hewlett Packard with the same degree as mine. – I say with a wide smile.

-Do you really comfort yourself with the fact that there was one exception? Am I right to think that you have no idea what`s next? – I leave him without an answer so he carries on. -What`s your specialty in the degree?

-From the Middle Ages to Renaissance, as independent era research.

-What else? -he nods, he knows I love Renaissance.

A few minutes later we stop at a cul-de-sac by a two storehouse. We drive into an underground garage and he takes his sunglasses off. Those blue eyes with black lashes were always my weaknesses. Josh walks me to the lift with my suitcase his hand. Underground garage? Lift? This doesn`t fit with my imagined picture. I look around quietly. Josh takes his keys from his pocket but before he puts the key in the lock he stops. He smiles at me and asks:

-Would you like to ring the bell maybe? – well, this needs an explanation. When I was little, Josh and my brother used to look after me a lot, once Andy once Josh. I used to love ringing the bells where it was okay when I was at school, and I never got into trouble. I shake my head. The door open and we go inside. The house is quite big and there is no trace of other guys. Typical Scandinavian style is visible everywhere with grey, black and white colours. It has a minimalist style, everything is simple and definitely suits Josh. He stops in his American style kitchen and looks at me:

-There are three bedrooms, you can choose any Lucille, but I would be your companion in the nearest one of you picked that one. – he points towards a door and smiles. I can feel myself blushing. So he has no roommates. Somehow this makes me feel more uncomfortable.

-I rather sleep alone. Don`t be sad I`m sure we can find something for you. And if you don`t mind I`d like to shower and get changed as I have left Princeton a while ago. – from our previous conversations, s****l themes were completely missing, and this is a new thing now. No doubt, this makes our conversation more interesting but we have to be careful about boundaries.

-The second room functions as an office but there is a bed in there. The third room is the guest room. Whichever you want...- I pick the guest room.

Josh shows me the bathroom, he gives me a big grey towel while he smiles.

-I don`t know if I`ll be able to dry myself with a grey towel. The lack of stimulus is killing me – I look around.

-I knew this was going to be a problem. I ordered some pink `My little pony` towels, but they have not been delivered yet. It`s only a matter of time, I can help you towel dry.

-Great idea. Should I call Andrew and ask if you`re allowed to do that? – I laugh and walk towards the bathroom.

The bathroom is dark grey with a white sink, a big mirror and there is a white bathtub. I lie in the bath while I think about how I can act like such an i***t.

I just shake my head. I am no longer that awkward teenager whose knees used to crumble whenever Josh spoke to me. Where`s that time now? I am a twenty-two-year-old graduate and from September I already have an assistant job at a well-known online music store called Bandcamp company. I have a big group of friends and some lovers behind my back who ran after me day and night.

Of course, there must be a reason why I wasn`t interested in any of those guys. My friends used to laugh at this. While I wait for the charming prince, they used to say with a glass of wine at our favourite place, my life will be gone. If I want to be honest, none of the guys interested me. I always ended the short-lived relationships before it could have got serious.

It was nice to relax. After my bath, I go straight to my chosen bedroom which is the furthest from Josh`s. I look around the room but I can`t find anything interesting. White walls, light blue curtains. There is a light blue blanket and sheets on the bed. In the wardrobe, there are only blankets and bedsheets. There is a really nice picture above the bed. I recognise the small forest behind our street where we used to play as kids and later spent a lot of time with Josh there. He must have taken that picture. I unpack my suitcase. I check my emails and reply to some. When I finish, I lay on the soft double bed and I fall asleep straight away. I must have only spent twenty minutes and it`s getting dark when I wake up to my phone ringing. First I don`t know where I am. I wake up confused, I had a nightmare. I slowly wake up. On the other end of the line Andrew is being worried:

- Hi Berry! Is everything sorted now?

- -Yeah, don`t worry about me. – I try to calm him. -Look forward to seeing you. Andy, don`t keep me waiting. – I moan a bit.

- That`s fine. You know, I feel better knowing that you are with Josh. – it`s nice that he is worried.

- At least you`re happy. I`m happy that you`re happy. Who cares about me? Right? Help, I want to be an only child. – I burst out.

Andrew laughs, we have a chat about his new place and about what we are going to do when they are back home then we end the call.

I put my favourite jeans on and I grab a black t-shirt with gold Chinese words on it from my suitcase. I look for chewing gum, brush my hair and I go to the living room. I really like the hidden lights in the living room. Josh is standing by the fridge behind the bar. He got changed as well. He is wearing jeans and a white t-shirt. When he hears the door closing, he turns around, smiles then checks me out. The thin material of his white top makes his six pack perfectly visible. This is harder than before. `Fifty shades of grey` is written all over his top, with each line being a different shade of grey. I like it. I don`t even have time to say anything as he picks on me like he always used to:

Ohh, so you have more clothes. That`s alright. I was just thinking about which one of my clothes should I give to you if you only have makeup in your suitcase.

-Nice of you to offer, however my make ups are usually replaced by my books since I don`t need them. You know, natural beauty is a great advantage.

-Sounds good Lucille but you should never underestimate the power of makeup – he says ironically, then says: -Guessing you`re hungry...let`s order something, or should we cook something, he asks.

-I`d rather live, so if you don`t mind I`d prefer to order something. Despite being a single man you should not have to cook.

-What makes you think I am a single man? He remains quiet after his question. I don`t know what to say so I just stay quiet and smile when Josh carries on:

-By the way, I support your idea, let`s order. I usually make food that requires a fine taste, you wouldn`t like it anyway.

-Do you mean like fries? I ask then we both smile.

-What do you crave, besides me of course? Should we get Chinese, Indian or a good old burger, or do you only eat salad like three-quarters of the female population?

-I`ll have anything but you, I have a good taste. I give him my best smile.

His eyes remain on me for a second then he laughs and calls hid old team`s favourite restaurant, Dominoes, then asks for a medium three cheese pizza for me with coke and caramel ice cream. My eyes widen for a second. He remembers what my favourite food was. It felt nice but it made me blush. Josh turned the radio on and the Perfect Strangers by Jonas Blue is playing. How convenient. Josh really is a perfect stranger to me but maybe we can get in well in the next few days. While he sorts the food out, I have a look around in the living room.