In Your Wake

Emily's POV One year later.... "No, Emily." I am waiting for his anger to finally kick into action because I know that I am pressing down on all of the wrong keys to this piece of music on the keyboard. I really cannot help it. I am playing what my heart feels like, but he is still perfectly composed and patient with me. "I am never going to get this." I huffed in aggravation and harshly pressed down on the keys. "You will. You just need to focus." He positions his hands on the keys and starts to slowly play. His movements seem so easy and simple that they actually fool me into believing that I can really do it. It has already been a week and I still can't memorize that damn sheet. I know how the song goes. I know how it should sound. But tell that to my damn fingers that can't seem to synchronize with my mind. Focus. The one thing that I am trying so hard to do. I am just finding it so hard to focus on anything but what I did. I am finding it so hard to focus on anything that is not surrounded around him. Him... The one name that I refuse to say aloud or even in my mind. The name that I refuse to say even though it has been over a year now. "Focus, Emily." The clear demand in his voice brings me back to watching his fingers gracefully gliding over the keys like it is nothing. "How can an old person like yourself memorize all of this?" I expect the movement of his fingers to halt and for him to scold me. But instead, he pushes my shoulder back with his, with a smile on his face, all the while his fingers keep playing all the right notes. "Stop." I placed both of my hands on top of his to stop him from continuing to play, "We should call it a day." He sighs and shifts sideways so that he can face me. "Why is it that you cannot seem to focus?" I committed a crime. "I am just really tired." I ran two frustrated hands down my face, sighing. "Tell me what is bothering you." He squeezes my shoulder gently trying to comfort me. "Nothing is bothering me. I am just really tired." "I don't believe that." He c***s his head to the side. I am still not looking at him, because I know that he has always known when something is bothering me. It's the second year that I have known him and I still don't understand how he knows me so well from the so little time that he has spent with me away in Washington. It is as if he knows me like I am his own. "You can tell me anything." I know that I can tell him anything. I know that I can trust him with everything. He knows everything that has happened. I know that I shouldn't trust him at all though. I know that I should've stayed away from him after all the times my mother has warned me about him. But I couldn't stay away, I didn't stay away. I went to him and I trusted him and I didn't have a single doubt about him. Not one. "I know that I can. It's just not really important." I say, "I don't know why I can't get this right. Maybe the song is too hard for me. Can't we just choose something else?" "The song isn't hard, Emily. You just need to focus. I can tell your mind is out of it since you walked in here on Monday." "I'm pissed that I can't get it right." I threw my head back and groaned, "I should go home and practice it again." "Your head is just not in the right place, and I can guess what it is....." He pauses and I pray that he doesn't bring it up, "I know what will get you back on track." "Monsieur Timothee...." I can't help the whine that escapes me, but I don't fight him as he positions my hands over the keys. "Trust me. It has been a while since you have played it." It's true. It has been a month since I last played this piece. I don't know how he figured that out. He presses down on the keys that start the song. He doesn't have to do anything else. I know every note. I don't need a sheet for this. I don't need to keep my eyes open to know that I am pressing down on all of the correct keys. I don't need to fight with my heart to make sure that I am pressing down on all of the right keys. I know it by heart. It is engraved in my heart, and I will never forget it. I don't think I am capable of forgetting even if I tried to. Even if I tried desperately. I closed my eyes as my fingers started moving on their own accord. They don't need my brain's guidance for this. They don't need any guidance for this. My fingers glide over the keys with ease and confidence. Feelings overtake me. Memories fill in every empty space in my mind, and remembrance replaces all the focus I have been trying so hard to collect. They say that memories don't just exist in pictures, what we see, sights, they also exist in different smells and sounds, in different seasons. And that is exactly what I feel right now, as my body is completely overtaken by goosebumps as I am flooded by millions of emotions. Emotions that align with all the memories playing in my head. Emotions that are bittersweet, wanted and unwanted. "Oh. She's at it again?" I hear Noelle's voice from behind me, but I pay no mind to her. I heard Monsieur Timothée shush her so as to not distract me. Once I start, I am dislodged from this entire world and everyone in it. It's just me, my thoughts and my memories. Both painful and beautiful. "That was perfect." He compliments me when I finally open my eyes again and my fingers come to a halt, "Now I think..." He takes the sheet and hands it to me, "When you go home, you'll be able to practice it and perfect it." "She'll practice it again?" Noelle settled down onto the bench beside me with a loud groan. "She has been playing the same piece of music over and over again. It hurts. It really hurts." She over-exaggerates and covers her ears while fakely crying. "I am sure that she will get it this time. She just needed a little push in the right direction." "Thank you." I smiled at him gratefully as I stood up. "Leaving so soon?" I am about to answer him, but Noelle locks her fingers around my arm and yanks me back down. "No, she is not going anywhere. I am thinking that maybe we could eat dinner at your house tonight?" Noelle casually asks him without any introductions. Last year, Noelle's mother and Monsieur Timothee broke off their engagement. I don't really know all the details or any details for that matter, and Monsieur Timothee never really talked about it with me. He would come more often to the bakery and talk to me and I found myself drawn to him and I enjoyed spending time with him whenever he was around. One night while we were talking over a cup of tea, he mentioned that he owned a small music studio and he offered to give me lessons if I was interested. At that time, I would have given anything for that kind of distraction, so I agreed in a heartbeat. I first began taking piano lessons last year, a month before I left for college. It was my one and only outlet after everything. I have been spending so much time with him, almost all of the days of the week, for more than three hours, just playing the piano and talking to him. I am not the only one who has been spending more time with him, but also Noelle. Ever since Monsieur Timothee and Ms. Louise broke off their engagement, he had magically become one of the best people she had ever known, and she said that if she had any idea of how great a father figure he would have been for her, she wouldn't have pushed him away. But then she takes it back and says that she prefers it this way. A soft smile was on his lips, "I would be delighted if you would join me for dinner." "No, I can't." I stood up again and pushed Noelle's hand off of me, "I promised my mother that I would be back home for dinner tonight." Noelle pulls my arm back down, forcing me to sit down once again, a little harder this time. "I have already spoken to your mother and she said that you can stay over for dinner at my place." "But I have already eaten three times at your place. She will get suspicious." My mother hates Monsieur Timothee's guts and she has warned me about him a gazillion times. He never talks about what is going on between them and I have given up. I really have. I don't ask either of them about what is going on between them. I just lie to my mom about where I stay so late at night, but I have already done that three times in a row, and I cannot afford her asking me any questions. "I believe Emily is right." He interjects, "I also think that Emily should eat dinner at home." And what is crazy about this whole thing is that he always supports me in hiding it from my mother and I don't mind it at all. "No." Noelle shouts, "Look, I have already spoken to your mother and she is totally fine with it. So, we will eat at my place and you know what will get you all excited?" I really don't want to know. Surprises related to Noelle have never had the history of ever being good. One time, one of her big surprises had landed both her and me in the hospital for four days. "Eras is back with Vivian." She throws her hands in the air, squealing. "Nooo!" I dropped my head onto her shoulder, "Why did he bring her this time?" She pushed me back and flashed me a teasing smile, "That was Valery. Tonight, he is gracing us with Vivian." I stare at her long enough that she breaks out in laughter. "He has been on a nine-day job and he didn't get some, and it is only natural to--" "Okaayy.." Monsieur Timothee claps his hands together, "I don' think that you should be discussing this now." "Oh, come one. We are all adults here." "I think it is time for you to leave." He pointed towards the door. "Are you kicking us out?" Noelle places a hand over her heart, feigning offense. "You." He corrects her with a smirk, "It's time for you to go home." "Just me? Whatever, you old man." She rolls her eyes at him but doesn't fight the smile that appears on her lips. " Too bad for you because Emily goes where I go. Come on, Emily." "Thank you." I said to him, "I will try to practice it again." I take the sheet and fold it neatly, placing it inside my bag. A small, warm smile spreads across his lips and he opens his arms to hug me goodbye like he always does. "No need to thank me." He says, "My door is always open for you if you change your mind. I know how Eras and Noelle can be when they are in the same room." "Again, Timothee. Real funny." She rolls her eyes as she bends down and grabs her purse. She locks her arm with mine and waves to him. "See you on Monday." "Take care and clear your mind, Emily." He waves back as she drags me out of his studio. "I'll try to." I yelled back. I am completely lying to him right now. My train of thoughts has deviated out of the right track in only a matter of seconds into only god knows where and is no longer in check after what I have done. There is no turning back now. I will just have to bear the consequences of my stupid, stupid heart. Damn you heart!