I hate that I love him

Is this what love feels like

I have been avoiding Aiden now for three days, or maybe its the other way around, but who ever is avoiding who its a living nightmare.

We eat at different times and we sleep in our own rooms, occasionally slamming doors to let the other know we are still pissed.

He has made no attempt to say sorry this time and I have to say it stings a little.

But on the plus side the apartment is almost finished and looks beautiful.

Walking into the apartment one evening I see Aiden in what will be his office from home, he is chatting with the two men installing computer screens, there are wires and tools everywhere and its not until I drop my keys near the entrance that Aiden looks at me for the first time this week, a look of sadness and regret etched on his face.

Holding my bags filled with new clothes and new perfume I head up to my room, I am so not in the mood for this crap tonight.

After a shower I change into my new black shorts and pale blue vest, considering its almost winter its pretty damn warm in the apartment, its probably the heat rising from all the apartments below us.

I head down stairs to grab a glass of wine from the fridge and see Aiden is sitting at the kitchen table when I enter.

He watches me closely, and I know it hurts him as much as it does me to act this way, but he had a choice and it’s up to him how this will end.

“We have a charity event this weekend” he says in a soft tone.

I do not look at him when he speaks, I just carry on pouring my wine in silence.

When I’m done I walk towards the door and back towards the staircase.

“Demi” he shouts making me stop on the first step.

I still don’t turn around, I just wait for him to finish what he started.

“Did you hear me” he asks leaning on the wall, and I hear a hint of amusement in his voice,

I turn to look at him sipping on my wine.

“Lillian has invited us to a charity event this Saturday evening” he says folding his arms across his chest waiting for my reply.

I think for a second and remember the last event I was invited too, how I was made to feel like a nobody.

“No thanks” I reply making my way up the stairs.

“Demi Monroe” he calls after me, “don’t you walk away from me” he adds coming to the bottom of the stairs.

“Or what Aiden” I call back behind me. “You’ll punish me with some twisted s*x game” I add with sarcasm in my tone.

I lean over the top banister looking down on him.

“Well f**k you”,; “and f**k your twisted games” I yell seeing the smile spread on his face.

I don’t have time to think when he starts sprinting up the stairs after me taking the steps two at a time.

“s**t” is all I can say before running towards my room at full speed.

I manage to slam the door and put down my glass just as he bursts through the door.

“What did you just say to me” he breaths catching his breath, looking mad as hell.

“I said f**k you” I reply with venom in my lungs.

“That’s what I thought you said” is his response.

He runs across the room at me with full force, making me scream and dive to the other side of my bed.

He grabs my ankles and yanks me back towards him.

“Don’t you f*****g dare” I yell, not truly meaning what I say.

“Oh I f*****g dare Demi” he breaths pulling down my shorts and not caring it he hurts me.

I spin around on the bed and with out thinking I slap his face hard, the sound making him stop, but only for a second.

He rips his shirt open like the Incredible Hulk and I see my chance to make a move.

I scramble to the other side of the bed and onto the floor with a lump.

It’s no use because he is on me in seconds, his full weight on top of mine.

We are breathing hard as I try to push him off me.

He grips my hips to pin me down as he moves his head between my legs, he doesn’t care that I am fighting him with all my might.

His tongue finds my sweet spot, but this makes me more angry.

I yank on his hair but this only makes him growl and fuels his need to teach me a lesson.

“Aiden please” I beg him over and over again pulling myself away from him, but he continues to yank me down and keeps his grip on my thighs, I finally give into the world of pleasure from him mouth.

Everything just melts away and I begin to lose control, my orgasm taking over my body until I cry out into the night.

He wastes no time in crawling between my legs slamming his hard member deep inside me, he is mad, like mad, mad and for a split second it scared me.

He grabs the top of my head and kisses me deeply, his breathing matching my own, his moans in sync with mine, over and over, thrust after deep thrust until he cant take it any longer and finally calls out with a gargled groan.

I drop my hands from his arms where I had been holding on for dear life and I let the tears fall.

Tears I have been holding in for the last few weeks.

He catches his breath and looks up at me with sadness in his eyes.

“Demi” he says all concerned shifting his weight.

“Please get off me Aiden” I ask through my sobs that have gotten more out of control.

He moves to the side and I sit up with my back against the wall.

“Demi please don’t cry” he says coming to wards me to put his hand on my knee.

“Don’t you dare f*****g touch me” I snap lifting my head up to look at him,; “don’t you f*****g dare” I add getting up on to my knees and walking to the bathroom.

I turn on the showers and walk inside.

I feel completely lost, and stupid for letting him make me feel this way.

I feel his arms wrap around me and as much as I want to fight him, I cant.

“I love you Demi” I hear him say through my gut wrenching sobs.

“I love you so much it f*****g hurts” he adds making me turn around to face him.

“I want you always, I want you to be mine” he says placing his hands each side of my face.

I look into his beautiful eyes and I see he is being honest with me.

“Please don’t be mad at me” he adds kissing me gently.

I wrap my arms around his waist and place my head on his chest, I have wanted to hear those words for so long, but now that I have heard them I don’t know what to do.

We stand in the shower for what seems a lifetime with him just rocking me from side to side, eventually feeling the water turn cool.

After I have dried I grab my top and proceed to dress, but Aiden has other plans.

“You wont need these” he says taking my clothing from me, “you have me to keep you warm” he adds walking me over to the bed and helping me under the covers.

He slides in behind me and I snuggle into his arms feeling more tired than I have ever done in my life.

“Sleep now” he says in a low voice, and it only takes me a minute to fall asleep.

Aiden wakes in the night making me stir from my beautiful dream.

He runs his hands all over my body like he is feeling it for the first time, he kisses me tenderly and continues kissing me all over my face and neck.

He takes my breasts in turn into his mouth and flicks his tongue over my hard n*****s making me moan softly.

He slides his hand between my legs and over my hard bud, I open my legs to give him access.

He insets his finger humming with approval.

“So wet and ready for me” his voice like silk in my ears.

He deepens his kiss as I feel my body beginning to lose control, I hate that he can undo me so quickly,

When my shaking has all but gone he climbs on top and enters me slowly, he is very gentle, something I’m not used to.

This feels like making love, not him f*****g me, this feels different, this feels right.

He moves his body carefully, rotating his hips in a delicious manner, I’m still half asleep and he feels wonderful.

His touch, his kiss, his breathing, and his smell, all of the things I love about him.

When he finally lets go its with care and grace, he is thinking about me, and when he tells me he loves me again and again it sends me back into a deep, deep sleep.

As it would happen we make love again in the night, something I could definitely get used to, and when the sun comes up I wake to see a sleeping Aiden next to me breathing softly.

I could stare at him all day.

“Good morning Demi he says when I come back from using the bathroom.

“Good morning Aiden” I reply climbing back into bed and into his arms.

“Did you mean what you said last night” I ask not wanting it to be a lie.

“Yes, every word” he answers still sounding sleepy and with his eyes closed.

“What about your sister” I ask not wanting to cause friction between them.

“Just you let me worry about Lillian” he replies opening his eyes and smiling at me.

We eventually get up after midday and decide to go out for lunch.

He holds my hand everywhere we go, which is so unlike him and this makes me love him even more, if that’s even possible.

We talk about the future and what will happen when the apartment is finished, which it basically is.

He said I can stay for good, which made me smile.

It’s not until we run into some friends of Aiden that I see the old Aiden shine through.

He lets go of my hand and becomes instantly cold towards me.

He introduces me as his interior designer again and I instantly feel betrayed.

Like everything he has said was a lie.

Once the conversation has ended we continue to walk, I remain cold towards him until we are home.

When we enter the apartment I slam the door shut behind me and proceed to stomp up to my room.

“Demi wait” he calls after me, but I ignore him.

“God damn it wait” he yells coming up the stairs behind me.

“Would you let me explain” he says grabbing my arm and making me stop.

I look at him letting him know how pissed I am and how hurt I feel.

“Why didn’t you tell them I was your girlfriend” I say sounding like a right spoilt brat.

“Because I haven’t told Lillian yet and I didn’t want her to hear it from the likes of them” he shouts putting his hands on his hips.

“Demi you need to understand” he sighs,; “People like them love to see people like me fail” he sounds genuine and I soften a little.

“I will tell Lillian tonight and then hopefully she wont be to hard on you at the ball tomorrow” he comes close to me and pulls me into his arms.

“Please don’t be mad” he ask kissing my head gently,; “I cant bare it when your mad” he adds kissing my head once more.

I wrap my arms around his waist and bury my head in his chest.

“I’m sorry” I say looking up at him.

“It just feels like we take one step forward and three steps back” I add leaning up to kiss him.

“I’m not mad anymore, I promise”, and with that I smile a big all teeth smile.

He leans down and we deepen our kiss.

After some dinner we settle on the sofa to watch a movie, the new tv is huge and a little over the top if you ask me, but Aiden loves it.

We watch the note book and when its finished he turns to me and tells me he doesn’t know what he would do if I ever left him.

I snuggle up close to him,

“I don’t think I could ever leave you Aiden” I reply with a yawn.

And I know it to be true, It would break my heart to walk away.

He carries me up to bed and helps me to undress, he is such a gentleman like that.

We climb into bed and fall asleep with our noses touching and him telling me for the millionth time today that he loves me.

I smile and drift off to sleep happy in our little bubble.