Roman

10 - I'm not doing this any longer!

Roman

Marley has been quiet all night. She hasn’t said a word to me, and as I watch her feeding Romany, humming a soft tune to her, I have to wonder if I’m what she really wants.

No man wants to admit that his woman might be having second thoughts.

But what else am I supposed to think when Marley won’t look at me when I talk to her?

Won’t talk to me if she doesn’t have to?

It’s beyond fuckin.g frustrating!

I have to wonder if Marley only said she wanted to be with me because she was scared of being alone. Perhaps she said it because she needed someone to be there for her. I’ll always be grateful to Marley for allowing me to be a father to my little girl, but I won’t force this relationship on her if it’s not what she really wants.

What kind of man would that make me?

I could keep her with me, but she would never be happy. I couldn’t bear to be the man who makes the woman he loves miserable. If that happened, Romany would never be happy either. Oh, she’d smile, laugh, and play. But even if her mother hid her sadness, my daughter would still feel it.

I find Marley in the bedroom putting Romany in her crib. I watch her for a moment as she hums softly to our daughter. Marley kisses Romany’s head, her lips lingering on the baby’s head momentarily. It makes me smile. Marley loves our little girl so much I know she’d die for her if need be.

“Dinners on the table when you’re done.”

Marley doesn’t answer me; she just nods her head, much to my annoyance.

I make my way back to my mother’s vast modern kitchen and grab two glasses. Marley can’t drink wine; she’s breastfeeding, so I pour her a glass of orange juice and a beer for me.

I’m no cook, but I can throw steak and salad together. I don’t even know if Marley eats meat; I never asked. I guess I’ll soon find out; she’s just walked through the door.

I look up at her from my seat at my mother’s huge oak dining table in her even bigger dining room. Marley looks beautiful, tired, but beautiful. She’s only wearing a pair of long pajama bottoms, gray in color, and a blue tank top, her boobs locked tight and high in her little bra. My lady doesn’t have massive boobs, but they’re plenty big enough for my hands.

Marley is such a petite woman, short and beautiful in every way. I know she doesn’t see herself that way, but a lot of women don’t. However, to me, Marley is the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on. She’s mine, but she’s not at the same time. I don't know what I'll do if she has changed her mind about being with me.

“Sit down. I hope you like steak?”

Marley nods with a smile and takes the seat opposite me, where I placed her plate down. I watch her eating slowly, there’s no conversation between us, and I’m growing increasingly pissed off!

She takes a drink of her orange juice when I blow. “What the hell is going on with you, Marley? Why the fuc.k are you ignoring me like I don’t exist? Do you not want this? Is that it?” She says nothing, and I can’t stop myself from losing it. “Answer me!” I bellow while slamming my fists down on the table.

Fuc.k, I didn’t mean to scare her, but I’m not doing this shi.t with her. Either she wants to be here with me, or she doesn’t, but I need to know now before we get in too fuckin.g deep.

“Tell me, Marley! Because I’m not doin’ this any longer!”

Marley places her orange juice on the table with shaky hands and finally looks at me. Ah fuc.k, I’ve made her cry.

“I’m sorry, Roman.” Her voice is low. She’s so damn scared of me. After everything she’s been through, I go and yell at her like that!

I have to stifle a growl at myself.

“I’m not trying to upset you, Marley, but I can’t help being frustrated. I didn’t mean to scare you. Please believe me when I tell you that I would never hurt you.”

“I know.” She whispers.

I breathe deeply, thankful she knows I would never lay a hand on her.

“I don’t think you really want to be here with me, Marley. I think when you told me that you loved me, it was just the spur of the moment. You didn’t know what else to say in order to have me in the baby’s life, so you told me you loved me. But you didn’t need to do that, Marley. I would never walk away from my child.”

Her tear-filled eyes are firmly locked on me. I see so much turmoil in them.

I hang my head and rub my hands over my face. This is why I never wanted a relationship with a woman and why I never wanted to fall in love. I should have known Marley didn’t really want me. Christ, if it was protection she wanted or even just a friend, I would have been that. She didn’t have to go to these lengths.

I should have known I was nothing more than a good time for any woman.

A little hand strokes the back of my head. I look up to see Marley standing right beside me. I lean back, and she climbs onto my lap, arms around my waist, little hands clutching at my back.

I hold Marley tightly against me. I don’t know what’s going on inside her head, but she needs me right now. I’m many things, but I’m not a cunt who’d turn a woman away when she needs a friend. She might not want me, but I love her, and I’ll make sure she’s happy and safe before I go.

“I’m so sorry I’ve made you feel like this, Roman. You are the last person I ever want to hurt. My mind isn’t all here right now, and I don’t know what I’m supposed to be thinking or feeling. Please don’t leave me.” She sobs so hard I have no choice but to hold her tight and rock her.

I kiss her head, smiling inwardly. Willow was right; Marley was just a little messed up after Romany’s birth. She needs a little time, and she’ll be fine.

“It’s okay, baby, I’m not goin’ anywhere. I’ve got you.”

I hold Marley close to me for a while. Until I realize she’s fallen asleep in my arms, that is. I carry her to my childhood bedroom and lay her on the bed. I pull the sheet over Marley and kiss her head. I check on Romany to make sure she’s sleeping soundly before making my way to the kitchen.

I clean up the mess. I can’t have my mother coming home to a mess. She likes her house clean and spotless. She worked hard for what she’s got, and I can’t blame her for being house-proud.

Once everything is clean, I return to the bedroom, strip my clothes, and climb into bed beside my woman. Wrapping my arms around Marley, I pull her against me.

She turns in my arms, her head on her shoulder. “I love you.” She mumbles sleepily, drawing a smile from my lips.

Tomorrow, we’ll be in our own home, and Marley will finally have a place to call her own. She’ll be safe and happy, and our little girl will never know the horrors her mother has suffered. I can’t say she won’t see a few things no kid should see, but it’s unavoidable in MC life. That’s not to say Romany will ever be in the line of danger, and I’ll fuckin.g kill any man who so much as thinks about hurting my daughter.

That fuckin.g includes any dic.k who thinks he can claim her.

I kiss Marley’s blonde head and tell her, “I love you, too, beautiful. Sweet dreams.”