Stay Wild Moon Child

Scarlet   Music from an upcoming band rang in my ears as I passed the speakers on the way to the restroom. I clung to my best friend’s hand tightly. She was the only good thing that came out of the past that haunted me  Finally, we broke through the crowd making it to the mirror. As I looked at my reflection I was happy to see my fiery red hair maintain the curls we had worked so hard on. Leaning over I fixed my eyeliner which had slightly smudged below my emerald eyes and examined my ruby red lips. Stepping back, I adjusted my little black dress pulling it both up and down until I felt comfortable with where it rested on my upper hip. “You look great Scarlet stop overthinking it.” Ryan laughed playfully pushing me with her shoulder toward the door. I smiled looking back at her.  She wore her much shorter hairstyle than my own sheered to her shoulders with a slight wave. The cut was as edgy and dangerous much like her inner wolf and a red dress that mirrored my own black one. “I was just checking.” I defended with my own smile, we both knew it was a lie. Secretly, I always compared myself to those around me. Often, they were much prettier or more skilled with makeup than  I could ever hope to be. We slowly made our way back through the raging crowd-stopping once or twice to dance until we found our table. Normally, no one claimed the table when we were around because Ryan would be happy to remove them with a smile on her face. That wasn’t the case tonight, however. At it sat two men watching us with more than a little interest. One was blond with a slight curl to his short locks and had green eyes that rivaled my own. The other had long brown hair that fell just before his matching eyes. He didn’t really seem to be interested in this scene but, he was playing the dutiful friend just as I had tonight. “Hello, Gorgeous.” She whispered in my ear, “I’ll take the brunette I love long hair.“ She said smiling like a cat with a new toy. I laughed as we made our way over to them in truth I was not interested in either. I did my best to avoid relationships of any kind including friendships started in a club. I had more baggage than any man or woman would want to handle and a list of matching insecurities.   “Hello, ladies. How are you tonight.” The brunette asked eyeing us both with a fake look of interest.   “Better now,” Ryan said winking at him oblivious to the moody aura he radiated. “I am Ryan, and this is Scarlet.”   “I am David, and this is Eddy, want us to buy you around?” He asked eyes locked on Ryan now.   “Sure.” She replied, “We like tequila.” I shot my elbow into her side in a means of protest. Though we loved Tequila it didn’t love us. A hard lesson we learned in college multiple times. I had been drinking rum most of the night and intended to stick to it. “No, that’s alright I prefer rum tonight actually,” I interjected quickly before they could getaway.   “Got it we will be right back,” Eddy said standing up. As they walked away she elbowed me back slightly harder than I had her.   “What are you thinking we can’t do tequila,” I demanded half-heartedly my hands gripping her shoulders lightly as if I could shake her into the agreement.  “Just one or two, Scarlet I promise.” She said as they returned shots in hand without a single one resembling rum of any kind. Negative one point for Eddy I thought to myself shaking my head as Eddy extended his hand toward me. He held out a shot and a lime no salt insight. “Negative two points.” I corrected tossing the shot back like a professional and instantly biting into the lime. It was an all to familiar burn I knew all too well. Like it always did when tequila was involved one shot led to another and another until the club was spinning  and I couldn’t remember the total number of shots I had taken. It was so easy to get lost when tequila was involved.  Taking a deep breath and turning to face the crowd scanning the mass sea of unfamiliar faces I couldn’t help but imagine I was just like all the other girls in here, normal and healthy but, even in my drunken state, I knew that would never be possible. I was a rouge by choice and that meant also not having a pack anymore. This new state of my life was my normal and the closest I would ever be to being just like everyone else.   I sensed his presence the moment he entered the club, it was a sick link the universe created so I would always know where my protector was. Now, it served as yet, another reminder that I would never be enough for my family or anyone of their clan. A feeling of nausea waved over me briefly before I took control yet, again by taking slow and steady deep breaths. A trick my new therapist taught me for anxious situations, though in this case, it could also easily have been due to one too many tequila shots. Carefully, I turned back to the table attempting to avoid contact of any sort. This was the best move if I don’t look at him he might not feel the pull in the bond neither of us could get rid of. The only problem was I was a glutton for punishment and he was the source for misery.   Despite knowing I shouldn’t I followed my nature glancing back into the crowd towards the back door. I knew he would be there yet; my heart still skipped a beat when I saw him talking to another man with red hair a few shades lighter than my own. It had been quite a while since I had last seen him nearly, six years yet he looked mostly the same. Though darker and edgier compared to the carefree boy I had known my whole life.  He was an inch or two taller than the other man and his ebony hair now fell loosely into his ice colored eyes. Before he kept it short and out of the way of his vision like a solider might but, looking at it now I could definitely understand Ryan’s appreciation for longer hair. His skin was still a deep tan like I remembered but was covered in new scars I knew nothing about.  Even from here I could make out the defined muscles on his arms and the lines of his body beneath the thin gray shirt he wore. Peaking from the edge of the shirt was black ink from a tattoo I  found myself wanting to see.  He definitely looked like the man of my dreams but, that beauty was only skin deep I reminded myself shaking my head internally. Even now I could taste the betrayal from the last time we ever spoke in the back of my throat. It was sour and tart or maybe that was the leftover flavor of the lime in my throat, either way, I didn’t like it nor the memories it dredged up to the surface from deep in my soul.  I realized my true mistake seconds too late. I had staired to long and he sensed it, I could tell by the tension in the muscles around his neck and in his arms. Being a part of a wolf did have its advantages and this was one of those times. If I were truly normal like those girls in the crowd I would never have seen it. Sensing someone was watching him he glanced up looking around and instantly locked eyes with me. They were hard, angry and, cold. I had never directly had someone look at me that way before least of all him and yet here it was,  Nervously, I began reaching for my drink instantly regretting coming out tonight. Even with the buzz of the alcohol in my system I still felt unsettled and hurt. Conrad had been destined to protect me from birth by tradition and yet, like everyone else he had cast me aside for my twin sister, Samantha. What had I really expected from him? Sure he was my first friend, my first kiss, and my first love but, that hadn’t been as mutual as I thought it was. In the end, it was I who had been heartbroken and lied to reminded once again I would never be the right one. The Pack which was supposed to care and support me cast me aside, after all, how can I be a Luna for the pack when my wolf was weak and never rose to the occasion. Feeling my emotions swelling I stood carefully. I had to go to escape his gaze and all that came with it.  I wasn't the same girl he walked away from anymore but, my past was still like a knife twisting in my stomach reminding me I could never be who I was born to be. “I will be right back.” I muttered to Ryan, “I need some air.” Whatever she saw in my face had her nodding and scanning the room for a reason I was suddenly so shaken. “If you’re not back in ten minutes I will hunt you down.” She replied meeting my eyes with her wandering ones though I doubted she had realized who was here. If she had there would be an entirely new problem on hand and I likely would be helping to conceal his corps.  Ryan was the ideal best friend in every way when the pack exiled me she taught me what being a  wolf meant and how to fight just as Conrad had before he left. Ryan always had my back no matter what even against the entire pack or just her elder brother. This would be no different, she always thought about both of us and what was best in every situation because of this I knew she would be exchanging numbers with our dates and paying the tab so we could leave quickly and quietly when I returned. Later she might want answers and I would give them but for now, she was in action mode fixing all the problems she could for me as she had done so many times before.  She had predicted the eruption of Mount Scarlet coming from miles away even when I lied about the anxious feelings building in my gut. It was one of the reasons she insisted on coming out tonight in hopes of getting me to relax and let off a little steam in a positive way before it hit a breaking point. Well, that and also that it was my birthday. I was twenty-two years old and somewhere out in the world so was Samantha. Despite our rocky relationship and my mixed feelings about her taking Conrad, I did hope her night was going better than my own.  I didn’t wait for Ryan's eyes to find him any longer as I stumbled towards the door needing the crisp cool air of the night to invade my lungs and remind me how to breathe again. As I neared the shaking in my hands grew and I knew I was diving headlong into an anxiety attack. Nothing nor no one could stop it now. My sickness demanded it’s due, I had held it off for far too long allowing it to build quietly within. Scanning the scene before me I spotted a bench across the road hidden by the shadows of the buildings nearby, at the mouth of an ally. As I took a few deep breaths I felt more uneasy than before like something or someone very bad was coming. I began making my way to it by crossing the thankfully empty street. It was empty as well and provided some cover from the cold wind picking up  and the prying eyes of curious people. I was close enough that Ryan would find me if she came looking but, far enough the drunken men wouldn't bother me. I sat down breathing in and out as my stomach rolled. It was not a sick feeling anymore but, one of extreme unease. I didn’t understand why Conrad had looked at me that way nor why the encounter had activated my flight or fight system but, it did and I was no doubt falling apart. “Deep breaths name the fears it is only the anxiety raging again.” I reminded my self over and over slightly rocking back and forth. "After all that had happened, I should have been looking at him that way if anything. He left me behind in the dirt and I haven’t been the same since. So why did I care what he was doing, or what look he gave me? He only holds the power so long as I give into it." Several minutes of deeper and deeper breaths and self-motivation later the I felt soberer and more in charge of my reactions and body. Everything was far from okay and my heart hurt but, the danger had passed to a degree or so I thought as I moved to get up. It was then a  strong hand covered my throat crushing my windpipe and making white and black dots pepper my vision. I tried to scream and yell but, the assailant began to squeeze leaving only desperate gasps of air to escape. The option to claw and maim him with my body being all I had left I sank my nails deep into his arms with one hand and scratching him deeply with the other the scent of blood filling my nostrils. “Again, and again he hurts you. Why don’t I fix that for good this time?” A male voice crackled in my ear as I flailed my arms and legs trying to get a grip on the individual or leverage on the ground to surge forward and pry his grip free but, it was to no avail. Today was not the day to skip meals or drink away the night yet, I had and it left me at a disadvantage.  Now I was paying for it with my very life. I heard him continue chuckle in a sickly manner as if he were enjoying my defiance. His grip stayed firm as he pulled me back off the bench until my feet slammed to the groundbreaking the thin heel of my shoe. I couldn’t see him as he dragged me to the ally as he stuck to the shadows but, could smell a strong scent of grease and oil mixed with cinnamon. I shut my eyes tightly trying to focus on the other senses  I possessed like the smells radiating from his direction and sounds he continued to make for clues to who he might be and what he might want. I listened as he argued against himself and muttered in what sounded like gibberish mostly or a poor translation of some language unknown to me but, I was able to pick out words like "awaken the luna" and "bite". All the while he still held my neck in his iron grip tightening the hold more than before if possible like I might escape him somehow robbing him of this moment. I was weak and helpless as my blood began to stain the concrete beneath me I could feel my body draining of what life it had. Though I was unsure the extent I could feel wounds all over my body aching and stinging from contact with the blackened road below me. He had been careless in his capture and me in my struggle to escape.  I needed help and knew it was a few feet from where I lay my vision beginning to dance away from me. The crazed man moved my hair aside and bent down biting deep into the flesh, as the pain coursed through my body I realized that this man was actually attempting to awaken the Luna within but, she was too weak and I was fading fast. As he released me laying me back down I found myself staring at the blood-covered full moon shining brightly at me from the cloudy sky.  It was the last image I saw before my vision faded into a haze of colors and I was left inside my own mind. Fear rolled over me in waves as I began to slip in and out of the world. I fought to stay alert but, it was impossible as the cold sank deeper and deeper into my bones until I felt nothing at all. All I wanted and needed was to rest for a while no matter how dangerous I knew it to be. Finally, I could be at peace in the world no longer tied by the bonds of man nor the beasts of the night. I could be free and could never be held down or berated for who I am again.  It was as easy as floating on the water the sensation consumed my soul telling me to rise with it. I had to rise with the feeling to move on from this world but, there was something pulling me back down weighing heavy on my soul.  The images of Ryan smiling beside me as we watched t.v. and ate leftovers on the couch. The matching smile of Theo, her elder brother just before stealing her food or drink or giving us a lecture on life. A lone red wolf standing in the forest her coat of fur bright red as a flame in the night and eyes emerald green urging me to fight through this. Though I had never seen her before I knew her to be the wolf part of my soul not ready to die. Perhaps the heaviest was an all to familiar pair of consuming ice blue eyes that seemed to be in pain begging me to stay.