The Turmoil of The Moon Goddess (#3)

Chapter 3- Lilianna

My name is Lilianna I am apparently 18 years old; I have a head injury and I cannot remember the last 7 years of my life. My parents are dead, and I have left my pack, The Snowmoon, to live with my auntie Daphne in the Crescent Moon pack. Everyone looks at me funny, they talk to me about people I do not know and places I have never been. I just cannot believe I am never going to see my mother and father again. All I remember is daddy driving fast, and mummy shouting. And then boom, I am here and apparently, it is 7 years later. The pain of losing them is overbearing.

I like auntie Daphne, but she seems different from how I remember, she calls me Anna a lot. That is different. Mummy always insisted on ‘Lilianna’, but it felt too long, too formal for me. Maybe Anna could work? I do not know. The way everyone already calls me Anna makes me feel like I’m going to find out soon one way or another if Anna is an acceptable name.

Daphne takes me to my bedroom... but it is full of stuff I do not recognise, clothes that are too old for me and photographs of people I do not recall. I feel out of place. Like an imposter because this feels like someone else’s life, one I feel no connection with, and I feel like I am letting everyone down because they look at me expectantly like I'm a performing seal and I have nothing for them. 

The big red wolf stays with us, Daphne says he is my friend and that he is here to look out for me, but it freaks me out when he stays outside my bedroom door the whole time. I ask him to cut it out, but he does not listen, so I call him a bad dog, which I know is naughty of me, but I am so frustrated! I end up comforting red wolf, who whines, and groans likes I have mortally wounded him.

I do not talk much, but when I do red wolf is who I like to talk to mostly because he does not talk back, and I therefore feel like my thoughts and feelings are safe with him. So, when I am processing everything, I talk away to red wolf while I groom him and stroke him. He likes being scratched behind the ears but does not like me brushing his coat. I think red wolf is the closest thing I have to a friend; does that even count though?

Daphne got me a baby doll that I like to dress up and hug. I called her Holly. She said she is going to show me how to make clothes for her. 

A couple of days ago an eye doctor came to see me and gave me some eyeglasses that help me see better. I can now read without straining which is a relief. It’s a bit strange wearing glasses, Daphne has to remind me a lot because apparently, I look over them not through them but I suppose I will get used to them. The best thing is the headache has gone away.

Today Auntie Daff wants us to go for a walk and suggested the little bit of forest at the border of the crescent moon. Red wolf comes with us and its fun to see him run faster and roll about in the leaves, it makes me feel envious, I cannot wait to get my wolf, I wonder what she will look like?  I want to roll in the leaves too.

As we approach a clearing Daphne stops I have my doll in one hand and She takes hold of the other one.

“Lilianna please don’t be frightened. The reason I brought you here today is that Alpha Andrew has a gift he wants you to have. Its just ahead in the clearing.” 

I nod to show my understanding. A gift! I wonder what it could be? A gift from Alpha Andrew, the massive scary man they say is my fated mate. The man I have no recollection of apart from when I was in the hospital and he was sad because I could not remember him or ‘us’. And when he got angry because I could not remember we loved each other and was going to get married it scared me.

I feel nervous as we walk further into the clearing. The truth is I want to remember, of course I want to remember! If Alpha Andrew is truly my fated mate then he is my future, he will be my everything. But I don’t trust anyone right now, I don’t remember or recall anything from that  time before I was in hospital. When I was Anna, the other me.

Alpha Andrew has left his gift to me in the clearing ahead. The gift whines noisily from within a large brown box that is wrapped with a big red ribbon. 

I look at it wearily before I pick up the gift tag which reads

Lilianna

I thought you could do with a friend

Meet your new puppy ‘Odyssey’

Love

Andrew  xxx

I remove the red ribbon and the most beautiful grey and white husky puppy jumps up at me and he yelps and licks my face with his warm rough tongue that tickles and makes me laugh, oh how I love this puppy already.

“Can I keep him Auntie Daffy? Please.. I promise to look after him” 

Daphne is smiling at me,

“Yes, Anna of course you can keep him, Andrew did ask for permission first. He was hoping you wouldn’t feel so lonely if you had a pet. Do you like him?”

I nod my head vigorously,

“I love him. This is the best present ever. I will call Alpha Andrew when we get back to say thank you, thank you for this beautiful blessing"

I try to get Odyssey to walk along side me but he is too excited, he does the most pathetic bark which makes me laugh so loud.  When I finally get his lead on he takes me for a walk pulling me along like he is a horse  not a mere pup!

 “Come on Ody”  

I like that, a little nickname, 'Ody' and despite not being able to remember him yet it feels nice that if Alpha Andrew is my mate that we now have  Odyssey between us.

When I get back to Daphne's house I think about how kind it was of Alpha Andrew to do this for me. I am a bit nervous to call him to thank him but I love Ody and I must let Andrew know how much I appreciate this kindness.

Daphne shows me how to use the little phone and then leaves my room to give me privacy. I have butterflies in my tummy and I feel like my heart is thumping really hard.

He answers on the second ring

"Hello"

"Hello Alpha Andrew... this is Miss Lilianna"

"Miss Lilianna, is everything okay?" His voice is deep but soothing and very appealing. I bet he could do the voice over for audio books.

"Yes. I'm calling... I wanted to... I... thank you for Ody, he is the best gift I have ever had"

"Ody? I like that. You are very welcome. I am so glad you like him"

"I love him, he is so cute, he peed on auntie Daffy's carpet before because he got so excited."

I hear Alpha Andrew laugh down the phone, he has a nice laugh.

"Oh dear, is Daphne mad at me?" I find myself laughing.

"No, although she did give me a stern look for laughing!" 

That makes him chuckle a bit more. 

"Its nice to hear your laugh Anna, I miss that."

I feel strange now, he called me Anna. He thinks I'm Anna. He misses the other Anna not me.

"Daffy's shouting me I have to go, Goodbye Alpha Andrew, and thank you again."

I feel sad again. He is not my mate, he is Anna's mate. He loves Anna and misses Anna, not me. He doesn't even know who I am. I don't know who I am.

Ody comes and sits next to me as I cry, I feel so completely and utterly broken and lost. At sea in this world and I don’t know how I’m ever going to make it better. Ody climbs on my lap and licks my tears, one of his ears has flopped down and he looks completely adorable. 

The loneliness starts to fade and having my little puppy here has made things more bearable for now. Maybe with his help I can start to remember. Maybe in time I will remember enough to be able to find a way forward. I scratch Ody behind his ears which makes his tail wag ferociously and I realise the little bugger has peed all over me and my bed! 

“It’s a good job I love you Ody!” I can’t help but giggle a little when he does his pathetic bark while looking extremely proud of himself. He might have peed on me and my bed but he has also brought a bit of moonlight back into my bleak life, and with it a hope for a better tomorrow.