What It Means To Be Free

Chapter 17

"I thought you brought some ingredients? Pa'no na 'yan? Sayang naman 'yang pinagmamayabang mong cupcake." Nanghihinayang man ay nagawa ko pa ring asarin si Brixz na mukhang namumroblema habang nakasandal ang pangupo sa may gilid ng kitchen counter.

He hissed. "Bakit ko ba kasi nakalimutan?" Problemadong saad niya.

Magluluto na sana siya nang maalalang isang bag lang ang dala na naglalaman ng pinangluto niya kanina para sa breakfast namin at nakalimutan ang mga ingredients para sa cupcake. I don't have any baking ingredients since I don't even know how to cook an omelet.

Simula kasi pagkabata ay sanay na akong kakain lang ako. One time, I asked my Mom to teach me how to cook since she's the one who cooks our breakfast, lunch and dinner. Mas mabuting siya na raw ang magluto para paglilinis na lang ang gagawin ng mga katulong namin. Plus, Dad prefers her cooking than any other.

Nagpapaturo naman ako kay Mommy pero ang madalas na pinapagawa niya lang sa akin ay umupo at panoorin siya sa pagluluto. I wanted to cook food myself but she doesn't seem to let me do it on my own so I never got the chance to try it even before.

Ngayong nakaalis na ako sa amin ay sinubukan ko naman. I tried watching from YouTube videos but it doesn't seem to work. Sinusunod ko naman ang mga dapat na sukat at gawin pero iisa lang ang kinahahantungan ng niluluto ko at malayo iyon sa tama. It's either burnt, uncooked or raw, too savory or doesn’t even taste anything and even inedible.

Hindi ko man alam magluto pero alam ko kung anong kahahantungan ng lulutuin ko kung sakaling magluto ulit ako.

Failure.

The first time I tried to cook on my own it ended as a failure and I couldn't seem to grasp the fact that I failed the first time I tried since I always succeed even if it was my first time so I tried again.

And again,

And again but....

"Ruby Jade."

"H-huh? B-bakit?" I said without thinking. I cleared my throat and spoke. "What?" I spat and raised a brow at him.

"You looked bothered." He said.

I smiled teasingly. "I looked bothered?" I uttered and took a step closer to him while he lowered his head to look at me.

I took another step to go close enough to him, leaving us 2 inches apart as I looked up to him while he looked down at me.

Nakatingin lang kami sa isa't isa habang nakatingala ako sa kaniya at nakatingin diretso sa mga mata niya habang siya naman ay nakayuko.

At this point I kind of feel somewhat inferior because of our height difference but that didn't stop me from teasing him.

Bothered, I raised a brow and smirked at him when he looked disturbed this time, especially when I saw his adam's apple bob. Umatras ako para lumayo sa kaniya at humalukipkip.

"By the way, may napanood pala akong video," I glanced at the ceiling like I remembered something. "More like an advertisement." I gazed at Brixz who had his arms crossed over his chest while looking at me, listening.

"They're advertising a shop where you can make your own desserts...." I trailed off, feeling a little uncomfortable as I noticed Brixz looking at me so intently.

"So?" He said, oblivious to what I was talking about.

I grinned. "Punta tayo!" I said and clasped my hands together, acting cutely.

I stared at him while he looked at me like he wasn't expecting what I just did but at the same time....amused? Nang matauhan naman ako sa ginawa ay napangiti na lang ako ng alanganin at nilagay sa likod ang mga kamay.

"I-I mean, would you like to.... accompany me?" Tanong ko habang kinukurot kurot ang sariling daliri sa likod ko, hindi makatingin sa kaniya.

"Ha? Ano? Date? Arat! Yon lang naman pala eh. Sa’kin ka pa nahiya." I instantly smacked his arm which earned me an annoying laugh from him like he wasn't even hurt by the way I hit him which made me even more pissed.

"Date?! What were you even thinking?! Sa'n naman galing 'yon? Accompany ang sabi ko! Assuming mo." Humalukipkip ako habang nakasimangot at nakaharap kay Brixz. "Teka nga, check ko muna kung pwedeng mag walk in."

I grabbed my phone out of my short's back pocket. I typed in the store's name and clicked on the first link that came up which led me directly to the store's website.

I saw Brixz stand and walk towards my direction and stood beside me. I didn't mind him at first but then his presence and our distance distracts me. Ramdam ko ang paglapit ng ulo niya sa akin para sumilip sa cellphone ko.

"Bakit?" Bumaling ako sa kaniya na nakatingala at nakatingin na pala sa akin na siyang ikinabigla ko.

"L-lumayo ka nga." I pushed his forehead and averted my gaze from him.

I focused on the site as I felt my cheeks blush while my heart thumped like it's running for something, like it's about to leave my chest.

I exhaled when I realized that I was holding my breath when we stared at each other's eyes earlier. Napahawak ako sa ibabaw ng dibdib ko at humingang muli ng malalim habang sinusubukan kong pakalmahin ang sarili.

I tried to regain my focus and read the guidelines for the store. Hindi naman daw pala pwede ang walk in at kailangan pang mag-set ng schedule for appointment. Me and Brixz planned to go there without an appointment, good thing I checked their website and f*******: page.

"Sige, mauna na 'ko and please lang, magpakatamad ka naman pwede? Masyado ka ng masipag." Brixz said while standing in front of me, outside my unit.

Brixz and I decided to schedule an appointment the day after tomorrow since hindi talaga pwede ang walk in at hindi rin naman pwedeng the day after nakapag-schedule. I told Brixz that he could already leave since wala naman na kaming gagawin at magkita na lang kami sa susunod na araw.

"What do you want me to do? Lay down, sleep and eat? Gusto mo ba 'kong tumaba?" I said with my hands on my waist.

"What was that for?!" I spat as I massage my forehead when he suddenly flicked my forehead to which I didn't expect.

"Wala lang trip ko lang." At dahil hindi na ako nakapagpigil ay binatukan ko na siya. What kind of reason is that?! Trip ko lang? Ang sakit kaya!

"Anyways, text me the time." He said as he scratched his nape.

"Ha?" Naguguluhang sabi ko. "F-fine. Let's exchange numbers, then." I stopped myself from smiling when something came up on my mind.

Mukhang naguluhan siya sa sinabi ko na para bang hindi niya inaasahang iyon ang sasabihin at gagawin ko.

"Type your's and I'll type mine." I said as I began typing mine on my notes.

"Why? Hindi ba pwedeng ako na lang ang type mo?" I scowled and shook my head in disbelief when he said that.

"Oh." I showed him my number. He didn't look surprised which made me ask why.

He captured my phone number before he flipped his phone to me to let me see what he wrote on his notes.

I scoffed once I saw what was written on his notes.

It's his number written in capitalized letters.

"Nakahanap ata ako ng katapat ko." I heard him whisper which caused an involuntary smile to appear on my lips.

Don't worry, Brixz because I think I did too.

I captured his number and inserted my phone in my pocket. "Umalis ka na." I pushed his shoulder but he didn't even budge and even took a step closer,

"Isa," I counted.

Mukhang naguguluhan siya noong una at napatigil pero nang makuha ang sinabi ko ay ngumisi siya na para bang inaasar ako at humalukipkip.

"Dalawa," Pinanlakihan ko siya ng mata ngunit parang wala lang sa kaniya iyon kaya sinamaan ko siya ng tingin.

"Tatlo." He said and leaned close to my face as he looked at me with those droopy eyes as if he was hypnotized.

"Magpahinga ka na." He said and ruffled my hair which made me gasp.

I exhaled when he started to walk and leave. Sinundan ko ng tingin ang likod niyang papaalis hanggang sa mawala na siya sa paningin ko.

I suddenly remembered how he treated me back then. He would always make me feel tired by the way he disturbs me with his noisiness and tricks but I couldn't say that he treated me badly.

Hindi katulad ng mga napapanood at nababasa sa mga pelikula at libro na pahihirapan niya ako dahil sa mga kalokohan niya. Hindi rin tulad ng pagaaway ng mga pangunahing mga tauhan sa libro kung saan magkatunggali ang lalaki at babae pagdating sa akademiko.

We were just opposite teenagers that contradicts each other.

Palabiro si Brixz pero alam niya kung saan ilulugar ang mga kalokohan niya.

Naalala ko tuloy yung mga panahon na iba ang mga sinasabi njya sa ginagawa niya. That's why sometimes, when he says something, I would always thought that what he says are only jokes and lies even though it's not.

Sinara ko ang pinto ng unit ko at napasandal rito habang nakalagay ang kamay sa ibabaw ng dibdib ko. I started to lightly punch my chest thinking that it would stop from thumping hard but it didn't.

I cleared my throat and went on with the things I needed to finish within the day. There was a lot of stuff to do so technically speaking, I'm loaded with a bunch of work.

Bakit ba kahit anong gawin kong paggawa sa school activities ay hindi parin matapos tapos?!

Just like my daily routine, I exhausted myself with the tasks given to us by our professors. Wala naman akong magagawa kung puro reklamo lang ang gagawin ko.

"Hmm, paperworks again? Hindi ka na natapos tapos diyan ah." Bungad ni Brixz sa akin nang maabutan niya akong hindi pa handa para sa lakad namin ngayon. Well, I didn't even notice the hours that turned to days.

"Well...." I said and shrugged my shoulders. "Teka, ayusin ko na muna 'to. Wait for me ah?" Nagmamadaling sabi ko habang inaayos ang mga papel, libro, highlighters at mga plastic ng mga pinagkainan kong chips.

"Sit." Sabi ko sa kaniya nang mapansing hindi pa rin siya umuupo at nakatingin lang sa akin.

He pouted which I found cute.

I snapped out of my thoughts when he spoke. "Ginawa mo naman akong aso, babae." Sabi niya bago umupo sa sofa at humalukipkip na tinawanan ko naman.

"Sinunod mo naman." I uttered as I cleaned up my mess as I tried to stop myself from looking at him because of the states that he was giving me.

"Magpahinga ka kaya muna? You look tired." Sabi niya na saglit kong ikinatigil.

I touched my face and grinned. "Alam mo, ikaw ah. Masyado ka ng concern sa'kin...." Kahit noon pa.

"Sino? Ako? Sayo?" Sabi niya sabay turo sa sarili niya at umarte pang hindi makapaniwala kaya inismiran ko na lamang siya at dinala ang laptop at papeles ko sa kwarto ko.

I went for a quick shower and wore an oversized sleeveless black muscle shirt tucked in my beige cropped trousers and black leather belt. Hinanap ko rin ang cream colored purse ko at inilagay doon ang mga importanteng gamit ko. I also wore gold accessories like a necklace with a small ruby droplet-shaped pendant and a simple ring.

I blow dried my hair and combed it before I applied sunscreen and a natural makeup look and lastly a lipstick a shade darker than my lips. Sinuot ko na rin ang mini hoop earrings ko at isang beses sinuklyan ang buhok ko patalikod gamit ang mga daliri ko.

I stared at my face through the mirror and the longer I looked, the longer I noticed that my face is really asymmetrical. I had a downward cheek which is my left cheek that made it look more fatter than my right cheek.

Hinawakan ko ito at kinumpara sa kanang pisngi ko habang nakatingin sa salamin.

I look......

Ugly.

Napalunok ako at umiling.

Inayos ko ang curtain bangs ko and forced myself to smile as I saw myself through the mirror.

No. I'm not ugly. Maganda ako. In fact I look blooming.

I thought, and this time, I walked towards my room's door with a genuine smile on my lips.

"Let's go?" Aya ko kay Brixz nang makalabas ng kwarto habang hinahalungkat ang bag ko para tingnan kung may kulang o may nakalimutan.

Nagangat ako ng tingin ng wala akong marinig na sagot mula kay Brixz na naabutan kong seryoso ang tingin sa akin. He suddenly smiled as he inserted his hands in his pockets.

"What? Do I look pretty?" Tanong ko sabay yuko para tingnan ang sarili.

"Breathtaking" Eksaheradong aniya kaya inismiran ko siya at tiningnan ang suot niya para sana asarin pabalik.

He's wearing an oversized grey button down long sleeve shirt, folded just below his elbows and a white undershirt tucked in his black pants partnered with a pair of white sneakers.

Tinanggal niya saglit ang sumbrerong itim para suklayan at ayusin ang kayumanggi at maalon niyang buhok bago ito isinuot muli.

He's....

I gulped and looked away.

Nevermind.

"Tara." He said and slightly tilted his head, motioning me to go first.

Nauna na ako at saglit na tumigil sa may gilid ng pinto ko para sana kunin ang puting rubber shoes ko nang mapalingon ako kay Brixz na nakatayo at naghihintay sa akin sa tabi ko.

Instead of wearing the doll shoes I insisted on wearing my cream high heels. I heard Brixz whistle so I glared at him that caused him to raise his hands, surrendering.

"Tapang ah, parang 'di nadapa nung presentation ah. Remember?" Panunukso niya habang pinapanood ako mula sa likod ko.

I suddenly remembered our group presentation for our P.E. project which was a waltz dance performance and the girls were required to wear heels kaya naman noong inikot ako ni Brixz ay namali ako ng tapak at nawala sa balanse.

"It was your fault kaya ako natumba." Nilakasan niya kasi.

"Pero sinalo naman kita ah?"

"Heh!"

Kumapit ako sa shoe cabinet ko na hanggang bewang ko ang taas para suportahan ang sarili habang sinusuot ang sapatos. Biglang tumabingi ito dahilan para mawalan ako ng balanse at bumagsak ang kalahati ng katawan sa dibdib ni Brixz na agad namang hinawakan ang magkabilang braso ko.

"Lampa." I rolled my eyes and pouted. I stood properly before I properly wore my heels.

"Tutulong ka na nga lang may kasama pang insulto, salamat ah?" Reklamo ko.

Together, we stepped out of my condo building and went to the parking lot. He suggested using one car but I declined and told him that I'll be driving my own car.

Mula sa kulay berde ay naging pula ang kulay ng traffic sign kaya tumigil ako at sinulyapan ang rear view mirror kung saan makikita ang nakasunod na itim na Aston Martin sa pulang Mercedes Benz ko.

I unconsciously smiled before shifting the gear and resumed driving once I saw the green light.

Napailing na lang ako sa sarili nang mapagtanto ang ekspresyong namutawi.

I've never considered taking a break from all the school works dahil gusto ko tapos na agad para wala na akong gagawin sa susunod. I'll choose to do everything in one sitting that I wouldn't even stop until I finish them but that guy trying to chase my car with his car made me stop and taste what break tasted like.

What are you doing Brixz?