What It Means To Be Free

Chapter 11

Sabay kaming pumunta sa room namin ni Brixz. Just like the usual remaining days before the end of the school year, we just continued the things we needed to continue since this week is also our completion week.

I'm with Talia who's busy sketching dresses while I sketch random celebrities in my sketchbook. Wala naman na akong kailangang gawin dahil naipasa ko naman na ang dapat ipasa days before deadline and checking pa. I always check my to do list and finish of the things I needed to finish dahil ang ayoko sa lahat ay ang pagka cram. As much as possible I do things right away para hindi ko na alalahanin pa.

"Good morning po, excuse ko lang po sana yung Muse and Escort po." Paalam ng isang SSG officer namin sa adviser namin na ikinatango naman niya bilang pagpayag.

Magakasunod kaming lumabas ni Brixz at sinundan ang babaeng tumawag sa amin papunta sa groundfloor. We were frequently excused in between class hours for the sports fest practice. Wala naman na kaming masyadong ginagawa dahil completion week naman this week. Kaya halos ang gagawin na lang namin sa room ay maglaro, matulog at manood ng movies.

"Jadie, may banner na kayo?" Zielle asked me as soon as she saw me.

Zielle is a morena beauty. She has a dark skin tone with black long straight thick hair that reaches her chest, pointy nose with a straight nose bridge and thick arched brows. She's very friendly, pero may pagkamaldita rin, she's the type of person who couldn't stand fake people. Hindi siya lumalapit sayo kung hindi ka niya gusto. But that side of her didn't stop people from admiring her beauty.

Wala namang mali sa pagiging morena. Having dark skin doesn't mean your dirty, poor and cheap. It doesn't make you a terrible person. Iba iba ang depinasyon ng bawat tao sa salitang maganda pero hindi ibig sabihin nito ay hindi ka na maganda. Lahat tayo ay may sariling katangian na nakakapagpaganda sa atin, sa loob man o sa labas na anyo.

That’s what I always say and believe on pero ang hirap kasi kung minsan tandaan.

We sat on the floor in order together with our team captains. Katabi ni Zielle si Zephyr habang katabi naman ni Leilia ang team captain at escort nilang si Shiro. Nagbotohan kami sa bawat section namin kung sino ang magiging team captain habang sa muse naman ay hindi na at mismong muse na sa bawat klase ang isinali bilang representative.

"Ah, wala pa nga eh. Maybe later, gagawa kami. Kayo ba?" I asked back and glanced at Brixz who sat beside me.

Medyo nagulat ako nang hilahilain ni Brixz ang dulo sleeves ng blouse ko sa kanan na para bang kinukuha ang atensyon ko. Hindi ko na lang siya pinansin at tinuloy ang pakikipagusap kila Zielle.

"Wala pa nga eh. Wala pa nga kaming materials." She answered before asking Leilia the same question.

Leila has a light skin tone just like me. She has a plump pinkish lips, flat nose and dimples. Hindi naman ikinabawas ng pagiging pango niya ang kagandahan niya, sa katunayan ay nababagay ito sa hugis ng kaniyang mukha.

All our features were created to suit each other. Everyone has their own kind of beauty. Lahat naman ay may itsura iba lang ang pagapresya ng mga tao base sa kahulugan ng kagandahan para sa kanila pero hindi ibig sabihin niyon ay may karapatan na tayong manghusga ng tao.

As I continued to talk to Zielle and Leila, Brixz didn't stop on lightly pulling the hem of my sleeves. Di nagtagal umalis din siya maging ang mga team captain at partners naming mga babae.

Natigil lang kami sa paguusap at tumayo nang dumating ang MAPEH teacher namin na siya ring mamumuno sa sports fest namin kasama ang Officer In Charge this month na naghahanda ng mga kaganapan ngayong buwan.

Bumalik na rin ang tatlong lalaking kasama namin at tumabi sa amin.

We went over the things we discussed last meeting and practiced how we should walk, did and planned our proper arrangement, and formations. Noong una ay wala pang music pero ang sumunod ay meron na. May kaniya kaniya rin kaming estratehiya kung paano makukuha ang atensyon ng mga manunuod pero hindi pa muna kami pinayagang gawin sa mga practice namin.

Halos isang oras din ang nailaan namin bago kami pinabalik sa mga kwarto namin pero dahil recess naman na namin ni Brixz ay sabay na kaming bumili ng pagkain.

"Ate, tatlong wiggles po, tatlong ham and cheese roll at isang hash brown po tsaka Minute Maid po." Sabi ko nang ako na ang nasa unahan.

"Sayo lahat 'yan?" Brixz asked who was next in line after me as I waited for my order.

"Oo. Bakit may problema ka?" I asked and rolled my eyes at him. Madalas kasi kapag marami ang kinakain ko maraming nagsasabi na baka raw tumaba ako lalo o hindi kaya ay baka hindi ko maubos.

"Wala naman. Favorite mo rin yung ham and cheese rolls?" He asked. Minsan ko na rin kasi siyang nakasabay sa pagbili ng pagkain at napansin niya yatang iyon ang madalas kong inio-order.

"Oo, favorite ko. Ang sarap eh." Sabi ko sabay kuha sa inabot sa aking order ko na nakalagay sa plastik pati ang Minute Maid na binili ko at nagabot ng isang daan bago umalis sa pila at pumunta sa lamesa namin nila Adie.

"Uy, pahingi!" Aambang kukuha si Adie sa ham and cheese rolls ko nang tampalin ko ang kamay niya.

"Aray! Ito naman. Isa lang naman eh. Please?" Paglalambing niya.

"Ew." Kunwaring nandidiri na sabi ko kahit na itinulak ko na sa kaniya ang plastik na may laman ng pagkain ko. "Isa lang, Alonzo." Pagpapaalala ko habang nakahalukipkip at nakasimangot.

"Anong gagawin niyo ni Brixz? Pa sneak peek nga. Kunwari 'di ko alam. Bili!" Adie requested while Talia, as usual, remained quiet.

"Secret." Nginisihan ko siya bago kumagat sa hash brown ko.

We were talking when Brixz stood beside me. Natigil ang pakikipagusap usap ko kay Adie kaya naman ang dinaldal niya ngayon ay si Talia na nananahimik.

"Nakalimutan mo sukli mo. Sayo na rin pala ‘tong wiggles, ayoko na pala niyan." Sabi niya saka ipinatong sa lamesa ang pera at dalawang piraso ng wiggles bago bumalik sa lamesa nila ng mga kaibigan niya. Oo nga pala, nakalimutan ko. Pero para sa’n ‘tong wiggles? Peace offering?

I was already smiling as I ate my second piece of ham and cheese rolls when Adie spotted me.

"Sure ka ba talagang hindi pa kayo?" She asked while I munch on my rolls kaya napatingin si Talia sa akin.

“No. Why?” Binuksan ko ang juice ko at uminom.

"Lagi mo na lang siyang tinatanggi at tinatarayan, yung isa naman, laging nangaasar pero minsan akala mo kung makaasta, boyfriend mo, pahingi nga ng wiggles." Sabi niya na agad ko namang hinindian.

"Wews, porket bigay lang ni Brixz, ayaw nang mamigay." Aba!

"Don't worry, one day, may magbibigay din sayo ng mga gusto mo. Wag kang atat." Sabi ko para tigilan na niya ako.

"Aba, mapanakit. Porket may Brixz ka lang ah. Yabang mo. Sige, hahanap na lang ako ng papa de asukal." Sabi niya.

Pagkatapos naming kumain ay bumalik na muli kami sa kaniya kaniya naming kwarto. I already finished running after my teachers for their signatures as a requirement after completing our school work for each of them. That's why I don't have anything left to do for now.

"Teka lang. Hanapin ko muna." Sabi ko kay Nyx nang hingin niya sa akin ang kulay puting 1/4 index card ko kung saan nakarecord ang mga scores ko sa seatworks, homeworks at quizzes ko sa Math dahil binigyan kami ni Ms. Destine ng isang Linggo para makahabol sa paggawa ng mga kulang namin.

I opened my bag and took my Math notebook out. Madalas ko kasing iniipit iyon sa notebook ko. To my horror, wala sa notebook ko ang index card ko. Nagsimulang manlamig ang mga kamay ko dahil sa kaba habang iniisa isa ang bawat pahina ng notebook ko pero wala parin.

I checked my other notebooks, nagbabakasakaling naipit ko roon dahil sa pagaakalang Math notebook ko iyon. Panicking, I took out all of my school stuff outside my bag.

"Jadie, nahanap mo na? Pasa ko na ah? Hinihingi na kasi ni Miss sabi ni Sorin, nasa labas kasi siya naghihintay, ihabol mo na lang siguro kay Ma’am mamaya sa faculty kapag nahanap mo na. Pupunta pa kasi si Sorin sa kabilang section." Nagaalinlangang sabi ni Nyx na nasa tabi ko na.

I glanced at her worried face as well as our opened classroom door where Sorin's waiting and continued looking for my card.

"S-sure. Ihahabol ko na lang mamaya." Sabi ko habang hinahalungkat parin ang mga gamit ko.

I started to inspect under my armchair. Inisa isa ko ring buklatin ang mga libro kong nasa ilalim ng upuan ko.

Maybe it's just here?

My chest started to tighten up as I remembered my mother's words.

"Friday Cleaners!" Tawag ng Vice President namin sa mga maglilinis ngayong araw kaya naman inayos kong muli ang mga libro ko at ang mga gamit na nakakalat sa upuan naming dalawa ni Brixz.

I arranged my belongings back in my bag before wearing it on my shoulder with one strap and walked straight to our classroom door to leave when I bumped into someone on my way.

"Nyare do'n?" I heard him say before I completely stepped out of the room.

I searched for Talia who's already seated at the edge of the line, fully focused on her sketch pad.

"Talia, pabantay. Punta lang ako kay Miss Destine." I told her. Tiningnan niya ang mukha kong problemado at agad isinara ang sketch pad niya at akmang tatayo nang pigilan ko siya dahil paniguradong sasamahan na naman ako nito.

"Sure? Is there something wrong?" She worriedly asked. I just told her to look out for my bag and wait for me to come back before I left.

Bumaba ako at pumunta sa room nila Adie at Sorin para kausapin ang adviser nilang si Miss Destine pero nang tanungin ko sila ay nasa faculty daw ito kaya naman nagpaalam na ako at umalis kahit pa bakas sa mga mukha nila ang pagaalala at pagtataka.

"Jadie, may problema ba? Bakit ka nandito?" She asked curiously when I approached her right before she entered the faculty room.

I exhaled and tried to calm myself. "Miss, hindi ko po kasi mahanap yung card ko. Pwede ko po bang ihabol mamaya o bukas po. Try ko po ulitin." Agad na bumigat ang dibdib ko nang umiling iling ang Math teacher ko.

"Pa'no 'yan? Jadie—" She heaved a sigh. "Sige, ganito na lang, hahantayin kita hanggang sa hindi pa ako umaalis dito. Until today lang, Jadie. Mage-encode na kasi ako mamaya kaya nga binigyan ko kayo ng time until today na last day ng completion week para mauna yung mga ginagawa niyo sa ibang subject na maaga ang deadline. Hanapin mo na lang ako. You know where to find me." She walked pass through me and went inside the faculty room.

My hands were cold as I nervously walked on my way to the Primary Department's Faculty Room. I was greeted by teacher's surrounded by paperwork.

Mabilis kong pinuntahan si Mommy na palipat lipat ang tingin sa isang papel at sa laptop niya na mukhang nageencode na ng grades ng mga bata.

"My." I called her once I kneeled beside her chair to whisper. She hummed as an answer.

"My, kasi pinapapasa na ni Miss Destine yung record namin sa Math." Panimula ko.

She wasn't giving her full attention to me but she still acknowledged my presence by replying short responses to me.

"N-nawawala yung akin." Mahinang sabi ko habang nakayuko.

I didn't hear anything from her so I lifted my gaze and saw her still busy with work.

"Ano ba 'yan, mali tuloy. Wait, why is it like this? Miss Jeanne." She nervously called out to her co-teacher who's an expert when it comes to laptops. Mukhang nagkaproblema sa laptop niya.

"Mamaya na, Jadie. Kasi naman....’wag mo muna akong istorbuhin" She said which made my eyes burn and water as I felt my heart clench in pain.

I-I'm sorry for bothering you.

Lumabas ako ng faculty nila at tumawid muli papunta sa building naming mga Highschool students. A lot of students were scattered and occupied the ground floor. Mukhang pinababa at pinalabas na ng mga adviser nila ang klase nila.

With my head bent down, I walked my way towards our school's secret garden which was behind our building, hidden from the people outside.

Buti na lang at mukhang abala ang mga tao at nasasabik ng umuwi sa kanila at gumala kasama ang mga kaibigan at kasintahan ng iba dahil walang pumansin, humarang sa dinaraanan ko o magtanong man lang kung okay ako.

I sat myself on the swing just in time when my tears began pouring down my cheeks.

Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry.

I kept on telling and repeating the same phrase like a mantra just to calm my nerves and to stop myself from shedding tears. I lifted my chin and looked up at the blue sky to prevent my unshed tears from falling.

Huminga ako ng malalim at nagisip ng iba pang bagay para mawala sa isipan ang pumapasok na ideya mula sa sinabi ng ina.

Kasi naman.....

I remembered how she turned to me with fury written all over her face. Alam ko namang stress na si Mommy lalo na't pasahan na ng grades bukas. I informed her that I lost my Math records anticipating for her to help me find it but what did I expect? She's busy, as always.

I felt blamed for the sudden error that happened to her.

Kung hindi ko ba siya pinuntahan para humingi ng tulong mangyayari kaya iyon? I shouldn't have come to her.

Nasa'n na ba kasi yung records ko? If I wasn't careless of my belongings then it wouldn't have been taken away from me or lost somewhere.

I sighed and wiped my tears with the back of my hands as I sobbed.

Ang OA ko naman.

I laughed at myself thinking that I looked dramatic from a third person's point of view just because of a missing card.

"Rubyane." My heart thumped as I heard his voice calling me.

I turned my head to my left side and stood up from the swing, mortified seeing Brixz standing approximately two meters beside me. Seryoso ang mukha niya pero nababakas ko parin doon ang pagaalala niya lalo na sa mga mata niya.

"Okay ka lang?" Tanong niya habang lumalapit sa akin hanggang sa harap harapan na kaming dalawa.

I stood up and bit my lower lip and turned my face away to avoid his eyes as my eyes started to water again just because of a mere question.

No one asked me that yet. No one even helped me with my problem.

That's when I realized that when it comes to tornados like this, everyone will always choose their own safety.

Nasa kalagitnaan na ako ng pagpipigil sa iyak ko at biglang napatigil nang maramdaman ko ang pagpulupot ng mga braso ni Brixz na bumalot sa likod at balikat ko.

"I heard na nakababa raw ng stress hormones. According to research, it also increases serotonin. Why not try para mapatunayan diba?" He said while he embraced me between my tornados.

Napahagikhik naman ako sa gitna ng paghikbi ko at hinampas ng mahina ang dibdib niya. "Ginawa mo pa kong hamster para diyan."

I never thought that a simple hug could give me such comfort, protection and assurance.

"Nga pala," Rinig kong sabi niya nang tumahan na ako kaya kumalas ako sa yakap niya.

"Here." He handed me a small hard paper which I quickly assumed as my index card.

Kinuha ko ito at tiningnan ang mga nakasulat. It was indeed my index card where my records were.

"Nahanap ko sa mga libro ko." My eyes left the card and turned to him. Maybe it got mixed when I was supposed to insert the card in my book but instead, I inserted it into his.

I sighed. What a relief!