Alpha Luna Diary: My Personal Obsession

CHAPTER 3: My Worst Enemy

Dear Diary, I Think My Heart Is My Biggest Enemy. Open this diary only if you’ve ever liked someone so much that simply seeing them smile at someone else felt like the end of the world.

Because today, I learned something very important. I am not brave neither am I confident. And I am definitely not the kind of girl who can walk up to her crush and say, “Hi, I’ve been hopelessly in love with you for three years, and most of my diary is about you.”

No.

I am the kind of girl who sees him coming and immediately forgets how to breathe. Honestly, my heart should come with a warning label sometimes.

I barely slept after that night, which is last night. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw Jack’s glowing blue eyes. Then I remembered the strange man with golden eyes. Then I remembered that Jack was apparently a werewolf. Then I also remembered that he had been the one standing outside my bedroom window.

Then I remembered that I might have dreamed about him confessing his love and then, I remembered that it was only just a dream I wished could have become my reality.

At that point, sleeping became impossible.

By morning, I looked like I had been personally attacked by exhaustion. I stood in front of the mirror and stared at my reflection.

“You know what?” I told myself. “If there were awards for looking tragic, I would win first place.”

I tied my hair into a ponytail, then untied it. I felt unsatisfied, so then tied it again. My mind, all through, wasn’t in my present, to be sincere, I could say my mind haven’t left the previous night.

Nothing helped. I still looked ordinary, painfully ordinary. I wasn’t ugly, I knew that of course, but I also wasn’t the kind of girl people looked at twice.

I was just Marionette Miche, the girl who lived in a small house close to the forest in the neighborhood, the girl whose parents argued over everything, the girl who spent her evenings writing in a diary because paper listened better than people did, and the girl chasing after him, Jack Briggs.

I picked up my diary and opened it, updating it as usual first thing in the morning before heading out.

Dear Diary,

I found out werewolves exist, and somehow my biggest concern right now is whether I look tired in front of Jack Briggs.

I sighed at this point because I think I possibly need some help.

The moment I walked into Crescent High Academy, I saw him, and of course I did. I always saw him. I could spot Jack Briggs in a crowd of a thousand people. Actually, I could probably spot him in another country if he were there.

He was standing beneath the old oak tree with one hand in his pocket. The morning sun touched his dark hair. He looked calm, too calm.

How was he calm?

I had spent the entire night questioning reality, and he looked as though he had slept for ten hours and solved world peace.

Then he looked up and turned around to my direction, as if he sensed me beforehand. Our eyes suddenly met. I froze, unable to keep look at him for long. There it was again, that stupid, ridiculous feeling.

My heart suddenly started beating too fast, my stomach doing strange little flips, the urge to smile for absolutely no reason and wave at him. I hated it.

No.

That was a lie. I loved it, and I hated that I loved it. Jack started walking toward me. Wait, toward me? I immediately panicked. Why was he coming over here? Did he want to talk about last night? Did he want to explain things? Did he somehow know that I had written thirty-seven pages about him?

I nearly turned around and ran. Then someone stepped in front of him.

Eliza Reels.

The universe truly enjoyed tormenting me. She looked beautiful. No, beautiful wasn’t enough, she looked effortlessly beautiful. The kind of beautiful that made girls secretly compare themselves to her and lose every single time.

She just head up straight to him and said something to Jack. I couldn’t hear it. He nodded at her back. Then they started walking away together. Again, another chance is lost. I watched them leave. And I suddenly felt ridiculous.

There they were, the mysterious handsome boy and the elegant blonde girl. And there I was, the girl carrying a backpack that was starting to tear at the edges.

Mina appeared beside me. She was my sympathizing friend, but our relationship were not that close.

“You look like someone stole your happiness” she said, calling my attention. I sighed. “Maybe they did.”

She followed my gaze with her eyes, and noticed who I was eyesighting. “Oh Yeah.”

She crossed her arms and tries to offer guidance to me. “You know, you really should stop doing this to yourself.”

“Doing what?” I asks her. “You see those two standing together and immediately convince yourself you’ve already lost,” she replied. I looked away, pondering on myself, comparing myself to the status of someone like Eliza Reels. “Maybe I have.”

“No, you haven’t,” she barge in, trying to encourage me to mutter up courage and stand for what I want. “Mina, look at them,” I said, pointing her to Jack and Eliza together.

“And what about them?” she asked.

“They look like they belong together,” I said, admitting that I have lost. Judging from our look, one could tell that Eliza got the upper edge because she is rich and of Jack measure.

She stared at me, then sighed, “And you don’t think you belong beside him.”

I didn’t answer because she was right, that was exactly what I thought every single day.

Classes passed slowly.

I couldn’t focus. I tried and I really did. But my thoughts kept drifting particularly to Jack, to werewolves, to the way he looked at me last night, to the way he had said my name.

I glanced toward the back of the classroom. Jack was writing notes alone and he looked serious, focused, handsome and… hot.

I sighed. This was a problem, a very big problem. As if sensing my stare, he looked up. Our eyes met again in class. I quickly looked away, trying to keep him from finding out that I was staring at him.

Wonderful.

I had embarrassed myself before lunchtime, a new personal record for my diary on today menu.

During break, I opened my locker and immediately groaned. As regular, there were always these flowers, they were annoying because they weren’t Jack’s. Again, a whole bouquet of roses.

I didn’t even need to turn around to know who kept it there.

“Good morning, Marionette.”

Gabriel Sterling smiled at me. Tall, handsome, rich, annoyingly charming, he is also one of those guys pestering me around.

I was beginning to suspect that this boy woke up every morning and made it his personal mission to embarrass me. “You really need a new hobby,” I said to Gabriel.

He looked offended but I know that he is too into me to take fault in whatever I do. It is like he is expecting my reply at all turn, and I find him annoying. “You wound me,” he said.

“I mean it,” I replied, turning him down as always because literally, my heart already belong to someone.

“I brought flowers,” Gabriel mutters with confidence. “You always bring flowers,” I said, trying to persuade him not to turn it to an everyday routine.

“One day you’ll appreciate my dedication,” Gabriel spoke out, tagging along with me like he is literally obsessed with me. I laughed, because I couldn’t help it. Gabriel had a way of making people smile and that is the reason I still like having him around, and why he is my obedient school partner. Gabriel, unlike Jack, is a free going boy, who loves to express his mind as it comes, and is slow to anger, and to top it, he is a noble as well.. His only downside is rivalry with Jack, those two doesn’t mix for once.

He held out a single rose. “Will you go out with me?” he asks while on his knee, in the middle of the school hallway.

I sighed because he knows what I will say. “Gabriel…”

“I know, I know. The answer is no,” he said, yet didn’t stop. “Then why do you keep asking?” I asks him. Another thing is that anytime I am with Gabriel, I gain this confidence which I do not normally have toward Jack. He smiled and said some sweet words. “Because hope is a beautiful thing.”

I stared at him. “You actually practiced that line, didn’t you?”

He laughed. Then his expression softened. “Because I like you, Marionette,” he simply said. The way he said it made me feel guilty because he was sincere and I couldn’t return those feelings, not even a little.

“I don’t want to hurt you or your feelings, Gabriel,” I replied to him. He smiled sadly. “You already reject me every day. I’m getting used to it, Marionette.”

I frowned at him, “That’s not funny.”

“I know,” he replied. His obsession is this, and mine is simply Jack. For a moment, neither of us spoke. Then he gently brushed a strand of hair from my face.

I froze instantly not because I liked it, but because I didn’t. Because the entire time, I was thinking… Jack has never touched my hair. The thought startled me. I took a step back and that’s when I saw him.

Jack.

Standing at the end of the hallway, looking at us. His expression didn’t change, not even a little. But for some reason… Something felt different, then he turned and walked away.

Again.

I watched him go, and my heart hurt all because of Gabriel’s drama as always.

Again.

After school, I stayed behind to clean the classroom. I liked being alone. Alone was simple. People complicated things but feelings complicated things even more.

I was stacking books when I heard footsteps. I looked up and saw Eliza standing in the doorway. She looked at me quietly. “You’ve been spending a lot of time with Jack, Marionette.”

I blinked at her, and turned away. Eliza is actually not someone I could mingle with. The right term to it is Bully.

“Not really,” I answered.

“He talks to you,” she said. I could already see the tension, and where the conversation is headed. “So do teachers,” I replied her. A small smile appeared on her lips.

“You’re funny,” she said smiling, like she is planning something on her mind about me. I wasn’t trying to be actually.

She walked farther into the room. Then she sighed, suddenly saying some Strange words. “Jack has always been… different.” I frowned. “What do you mean?” I asked her.

“He worries about everyone,” She said looking at me. “But lately, he worries about you.”

I swallowed. The room suddenly felt warmer. Jack… actually thinks about me. Could it be about the previous night?

“Why?” I asks her like I don’t know anything. She stared at me for a long time. Then she asked softly, “Do…you like him?”

I nearly dropped the books. “W-What?”

“You heard me,” she said, her tone changed. I laughed nervously. “That’s a strange question.”

“Is it?”

I looked away because if I looked at her, she might somehow read my face. She might somehow know. And my secret… my precious, embarrassing secret…would no longer belong only to me and my diary.

“I don’t think someone like me should answer that question,” I politely replied her questions, moving on to the next table.

Silence.

“What does that mean?” she began to bombard me with her disturbing concern and suspicion. I hugged the books closer. “It means…” I swallowed. “It means that some people are stars.” I looked toward the window. “And some people are just… people.”

She stared at me that moment. I laughed softly. “I think Jack is the kind of person everyone notices,” I looked down and continues with a pitiful sentence, “And I’m the kind of person people forget.”

For the first time, Eliza looked sad. “You really think that little of yourself?” she asks. I smiled, a small, painful smile. “I think exactly enough of myself.”

That night, I sat beside my window with my diary. The moon was bright. The house was quiet, and I am back alone with my only personal friend once again.

I opened a new page and document down I just discovered about myself and… Jack.

Dear Diary,

I think my biggest flaw is that I fall in love with impossible things.

I paused for a moment, before I continued again.

I like Jack Briggs so much that I’ve already convinced myself I could never be enough for him. I rejected Gabriel Sterling again, did I do the right thing? Or am I being impartial?

I swallowed. Maybe that’s why I never tell him, because if he rejected me as I did with Gabriel, I think it would possibly break something inside me.

I wrote one final sentence:

My personal obsession isn’t making him love me. It’s learning how to stop being afraid of my own heart.

I closed the diary.

Then suddenly,

Tap.

A pebble hit my window. I frowned.

Another pebble.

Tap.

I stood and pulled the curtains aside. My breath caught. First is a guess, the second is a coincidence. The third definitely is a pattern.

Jack was actually standing beneath the tree again. But this time… He wasn’t alone. Beside him stood a tall man with glowing blue eyes. The man looked exactly like an older version of Jack, and he was staring directly at my window.

Then the stranger slowly spoke. Even from this distance… I somehow heard him.

“She’s found.”

My blood turned cold instantly because somehow… I knew they weren’t talking about someone else. They were talking about me.