Not Broken

When you get hurt because you let someone in you start blaming yourself for every amount of pain and scaring they caused you. Well through tough years I was able to save myself that suffering, during the times of crying and screaming I was able to practice. And to this day it helped me go through this type of life I was given. The first lesson I learned was of course don't trust people ,I made that rule at a very young age ,it and all the other rules were made exactly like that ,past happenings . I haven't had the best childhood,not saying I was a slave to my family or that family members stole my money but I guess you could say it was a physical and mental nightmare ,and for that I guess I had to get my s**t together and grow up faster than others,not that I'm complaining. But going threw my teen years I guess you could say it all came back and hit me ,I have had emotional break down to violent panic attacks threw the teen years and all. I have gone into the mentel hospitals alot of times , so much so that they even recognize me,to that point I was able to tell myself that I was already 19 years old and I could not spend another moment in that place so I guess you could say I cut all tides with my past self and grow up again. Now it has been four months since I've got out of that head space and about to graduate high school. And here I am sleeping, dreaming of sweet darkness and a sky full of bright stars while me just swinging on a swing at the edge of a cliff. But then "BEEP BEEP BEEP !" God damn it! I opened my eyes wanting to screaming but I new I had to get up and finish off this year alive . I reached quickly to my alarm before Mom can hear it and covered myself with my avocado blanket trying to get as much comfort as I can before I had to get up Just as I was about to go back to sleep my mom busted threw my door open. I mentally groaned . "Come on lazy bum, get up before I flip your bed upsidedown" Did I mention my mom is pretty aggressive to get me out of the house just so I won't stay go back to the state I was in before. But I guess she means well,I grinned. I covered my self with my pillow trying to block out the sound of my mother . "Sweetheart I mean it ,I'm going to count to 3 "she allowances knowing full well she is going to win this battle "I want to stay home "I muttered . "1"she began, "Uggghhh" "2.",she continued " Okay I'm up " I let out, " anddddd" "I said I'm up " i yelled ," 3!"she chant She used her strength to flip me and with a quick move I was on the thrown off the bed. "s**t!" Everything went quiet,she sighed"I'm going to let it slip ,but the next time you cuss I'll put a bar of soap in your mouth ,okay?"she smiled "Okay " I got up and hugged her. I really love her even if she doesn't understand what's been going through my head,I now what she does for me ,she does it to help me even if I don't need it .