Not Broken

My Sanctuary(Chapter 4)

    The roof is my secret place because it is off limits ,no one goes up there and as far as they know I don't even go up there but I do and I love being  up there ,the air feel much more breathable, the sky feel so close and yet so far.

I usually go up there to breath but also write,draw and let my imagination run its course.

As I go to the forbidden door that leads to the staircase for the roof I noticed that probably nobody would actually be looking for me if I actually left but then again my attendance is very important so long as I show my face every now and then it's all good.

I open the door and walk to my beautiful section to sit down and began to write.

As I sit down I pull out my book and start to write , My therapist who has known me since I was nine has always tried to convince me to write about my feelings but when I was growing up it kinda felt off , mostly because I feel like if I write about how I felt I would let everything out and I would not stop but recently I began to try it and right when I start to feel myself panicking I stop my self.

So here goes ....

Dear diary

I am so sick of being this numb , and now I f*****g hate myself more and more every day,I'm losing my mind,I feel hopeless ,worthless,ugly ,angry but most of all I'm sad,a part of me wants to die and I know mom will be better off without me .but I can't seem to let myself go ,im sick of this feeling ,it's like the need to cry but when I do I just begin to feel empty ,I can't even breathe ,god I want to die ,I just wanted to not feel like this anymore . i wish I couldn't feel this damn thing . I wish I couldn't feel anything!

I quickly close my book and cover my eyes,I don't want to feel like this,this ....pain , god why do I feel like this.

I'm tired of this s**t

I suddenly heard something fall ,I quickly get up and turn to see where the sound came from but nothing was there.

Someone must be checking the vents again to see if they are working ,I guess that's my que to go.

While I was making my way back into the school I heard a howl and I have no doubt it was that wolf.

It has now turned to Lunch time and that was my reminder that school was almost over ,as I walked into the cafeteria the whole room became quiet but then again I'm not shocked and I go to my regular seat And soon everyone went back there own way.

As I was eating my lunch I started getting annoyed by the sounds people were making and also the screaming so I pulled out my headphones trying to untangle them when I heard the cafeteria doors slam open .

I turned and saw 'Alastiar' and a group of guys I've never seen before walk in ,which doesn't surprise me because I have been gone longer then a month , I quickly turned back to my food and put on my headphones and listen to my music .

I soon began to feel eyes on me so I decided to see who was exactly burning holes into my head but When I looked up I saw Dalia and her little minions glaring at me and boy when I saw the damages I caused I was Soo proud of myself I had to give myself a pat on the back for it but then I felt other eyes on me so I turned around and saw Alastair staring at me while he's talking to his group at a table .

And to this point I am slowly beginning to believe that he is crazy.

He looked concern until he saw me looking at him which caused him to switch because he then smiled and winked at me .a

What . The . f**k .

So I did the most appropriate thing to do which was flip him off and turned away from him Wich caused all of them to bust out laughing.

God this duds going to be the death of me.

As my last class was ending  I put on my headphones and listen to music to pass the time.

Halsey - gasoline

"Are you insane like me , been in pain like me

Bought a hundred dollar bottle of champagne like me, just to pull that mother fucker down the drain like me would you use your water bill to dry a stain like me"

I closed my eyes and put my head down.

"Are you high enough without the Marin Jane like me

do you tare yourself apart to entertain like me

do the people whisper about you on the train like me

saying that you should have waste your pretty face like me

And all the people say you can't wait but this is not a dream your part of the machine you're not a human being put your face-"

Suddenly was pulled out of my zone when I felt a tap on my shoulder, I looked up and saw everyone was gone, everyone except me ....and Alastair.

Goddamn it i thought .I didn't even know he was in the same class as me.

I quickly got up and began to walked out of the classroom and towards the exit .

While I was leaving I heard my name being called" Hey , wait up".

I knew it was Samuel but I didn't want to talk to him so I started running ,but this guy never gives up and he started chasing me "hey hold on "He let out,

I hate to admit I was having a little fun with this.

I grinned "Sorry ,can't stay asswhip ,got to go."

Then I heard him chuckle"what about your phone love?"

At that point I stopped dead in my tracks and turned around to see him a few feet from me with my phone in his hand.

Karma's a b***h , ain't it ?