At Eight, I Paid Off My Birth Debt

When my teacher announced, "Natalie Lindsey, you got second place," my ears started ringing. The girl sitting next to me leaned over with a grin. "Wow, Natalie, that's amazing! If I got a score like that, my mom would totally take me somewhere fancy to celebrate! Why don't you look happy?" I forced a smile, but panic was already crawling up my throat. Second place meant I was ten points behind first place. Under my mother's rules, every point below first place cost me ten dollars. That meant I owed her a hundred. How many cans and bottles would I have to collect before I could even come close to a hundred dollars? Would that be enough to buy even two of her smiles? I shook my head and carefully slid the test into the deepest pocket of my backpack. My mother had warned me that my test had to come home without a single crease. If it came home wrinkled, even a little, that was another five-dollar penalty. When I passed the recycling bins behind the school, I quickly stuffed a few empty cans and bottles into my plastic bag. I had already saved twenty-three dollars this month by turning in cans and bottles for deposit money. Every extra dollar meant I could pay my mother back a little faster. My mother was still wearing her apron when she leaned out from the kitchen. She was not smiling. Smiles from my mother were expensive. One smile cost fifty dollars, so she didn't give them away easily. "Wash your hands. Dinner isn't free. You know that." I took out the three dollars I had made from returning bottles and cans that day, then counted out another seven dollars in coins and placed the ten-dollar dinner payment beside my bowl. My mother glanced at the money. "If you weren't my daughter, where else would you get a full meal for ten dollars? Even fast food costs more than fifteen dollars now." Guilt washed over me. My mother was right. She worked so hard every day and still had to come home and cook for me. Ten dollars really wasn't much. But that was all I had. It had gotten harder to find cans and bottles this month. I thought the school janitor might have figured out my secret because she always seemed to empty the bins before I got there. I lowered my head and said in a voice barely above a whisper, "Thank you, Mom." My mother took a bite of bread. "Where's your test?" My heart skipped a beat, and I handed it to her. "Second place again? Natalie, do you know Sarah Booker's daughter gets first place every single time?" I kept my eyes on the bread in my bowl and counted the grains on it one by one. "Ten points behind means a hundred dollars. Do you have any idea how embarrassing that is for me in the family group chat? Sarah is always posting her daughter's top scores, and I'm the one who has to see that and say nothing! That's another hundred for embarrassing me." Two hundred dollars... Where was I supposed to get two hundred dollars? My mother held out her hand. "Go get the money." I carried my piggy bank back into the dining room. It had been with me for two years. My preschool teacher had given it to me as a graduation gift. My mother glanced at it once and said, "Break it." "Mom, I can open it carefully. I can still use it next time if I..." "I said break it!" I clenched my teeth and slammed the piggy bank onto the floor. The ceramic shattered, and coins scattered everywhere. I crouched down and picked them up one by one. There were quarters, nickels, and even a few dimes. When I finished counting, I only had twenty-three dollars and fifty cents. At some point, my mother had brought over the thick ledger. "You're still short one hundred seventy-six dollars and fifty cents. According to my ledger, your total debt is now two hundred thousand dollars." I stared at the number in the book. In math class, we had only learned addition and subtraction up to one thousand. How many groups of a thousand made two hundred thousand? I secretly counted on my fingers, but even after I used all ten, I still could not figure it out. All I knew was that it was a lot. More than I could probably ever pay back. My mother's voice suddenly softened, which somehow scared me more. "Do you have any idea how expensive it is to raise you? From the day you were born, everything has cost money. Food, clothes, school supplies, all of it. I raised you by myself. I work all day, then come home and clean all night, and every dollar I have goes to you." She continued. "I haven't bought any clothes or gotten my hair done in years. I gave all of that up for you." I nodded. Tears stung my eyes, but I did not let them fall. Crying cost money too. My mother took a picture of my test and the ledger and posted both on i********: with the caption: [What single moms sacrifice.] Not long after that, my grandmother called. My mother shouted into the phone. "How I raise my daughter is none of your business! I'm teaching her responsibility!" After a few more angry exchanges, she shoved the phone into my hand. "Your grandmother wants to talk to you!" The moment I opened my mouth, tears started falling anyway. "Grandma." My grandmother's voice cracked too. "Listen to me, sweetheart. What your mother is telling you is wrong. Taking care of you is her responsibility. She is your parent. It's her job. It's also the law. You do not owe your mother money. Not one penny. Do you understand me?" I gripped the phone tighter and did not know what to say. 'The law?' 'Responsibility?' I did not really understand those words. What I understood was my mother's ledger. It was thick. The number inside it was huge. And every day, I was trying to make the number smaller. "Natalie, you need to remember this. You are loved, and you deserve to be loved. You do not have to earn that with money."