Kingdoms of Division and Unity

/On the 4th day of the 7th Moon/  The Queen’s Commemoration in the Capital of Qamaria, Najam “Her Royal Reverence, the Queen of the Qamaria, the rightful heiress of the dearly departed King Masir and the Queen Samawat. The protector and defender of the lands stretching from the Northern Borders of the islands of Najamites to the Wall of Separation.” Hearing, my parent's name so loudly, so clearly... did something, something too painful to explain, to raw, despite their passing almost 5 summers ago. It was rare to hear their names, not just their titles, but the sacred names of royalty. Whilst royal members lived, they were called by their titles or by what they were expected to do, never by their names. Names were a powerful force.  I stood still, allowing my Naas (subjects) to take me in. It was something that had once felt pridefully arrogant and excruciating, yet now as I stood there in a gown of profound midnight, silver and gold moons and stars winking sultrily against my form, my cape flowing meters behind me, pooling like the waterfall mist as it hit the ground. I let time slow. I let my power traverse the hall. I embodied my political allure and I accepted my hold and responsibility for these people. My people. Don’t get me wrong, it had definitely taken losing myself and finding other things along the way to get here. To step into these alluring shoes of silken power. I had only been 18 when I was forced to prematurely take the Qamaria throne.  There was no bowing in my court, it was a tradition that was disrespectful to the one God we worshipped. After the deafening silence of my introduction, we all silently raised our index fingers to the sky and we looked up in unison. The sound of the drum marked the beginning of my descent down the hall’s cascade of steps, an icy blue merging with the white marble of the hall where court officials bestrewed every inch of the castle’s hall.  In this very room, stood a plethora of individuals: supporters or betrayers, I never really knew behind their honeyed words, military officials whom I raged battles of toxic masculinity against in my court, scholars who would be colleagues if destiny had unravelled differently, religious leaders who could be friends or fiends, merchants searching for gold-lined opportunities, travellers with curious appetites and artists searching for patrons. Whatever their beliefs or intentions they had all made it on time to experience the annual event of my anniversary as leader, protector and Queen of Qamaria. In due habit, I detached my mind from myself, focusing on what was expected of me. Focusing on what these people would be seeing. The dissociation enabled me to be the resplendent leader they expected, the thorn in the side of my enemies, the Queen worthy of reverence for my Naas, the role model in these uncertain diplomatic times. What would an objective traveller see if he looked at me? Perhaps, a woman tall for her gender, narrow-shouldered, curved form with a cape pinned up by a golden moon and star at each shoulder. Perhaps, a woman skin tanned by the sun’s caress, brown eyes slanted by the Kohl, gold and purple that she was never seen without. Perhaps, a woman with the tattoo of the crescent and sun dormant on her slanting cheekbones, the tattoo of her lineage and the symbol of her kingdom. Perhaps a child adorned with responsibility and future to grand for the truth fraud she was.  “Naasy, at ease, I am grateful for your attendance at the 5th Anniversary of my rule, the prosperity and resplendence of the Kingdom of Qamaria would not be possible if it were not for you,” I began, with the endearment, my people,  intonating every word in a way I had just rehearsed in front of my mirror. “This festival of 3 days is a tradition we should be proud to uphold,” the crowd reverberated in agreement, “remember your duties upon your neighbours, comrades, brothers and sisters, pay your charity, arrange your open houses, and donate what you no longer use. Our Kingdom prospers seamlessly through the social cohabitation of all our people, those of you blessed enough to be in this court should not forget their duties to the needy and poor. So, as you enjoy our evening of entertainment, a splendid lineup the Master of Festivity has curated for every taste, remember your responsibilities.” The crowd erupted in agreement, “Here, Here”,  “The truth”,  “Unity”.  The words bounced on the stucco pillars, marble floors, landing on the pastel gauzes of curtains that lined the walls. I put my hand up to silence the crowd, “Before we begin, we will send a prayer to our Lord, we will ask for the blessings and forgiveness of the dead. Pray for your King and Queen that you lost unjustly and prematurely, “ I paused to steady my voice,”my mother and father.”  One of the older men of the religious congregational stepped forward to begin the prayer, supplicating for the mercy and forgiveness of the dearly departed, supplication for their ease and blessings in the afterlife, supplicating that we learn from their mistakes and inherit their wisdom. I added a supplication for justice to be restored to those who had inflicted this suffering. My suffering.  The prayer felt fast, I had no time to pacify the storm of emotions that was crashing in my chest, the anger that rose when I thought of the murderers, the Kingdom of Solis, the pain when I thought of the affection and experiences that had been ripped away from me, the desperation when I thought of my loneliness, the vengeance when I thought of the retribution I would get.  Musical symphonies filled the hall, the crowd dissipated as some of the subjects, stood in a circle to begin the traditional dances of the North, others lingered by the sweet and savoury delights towering on tables parallel to the swung open doors, a few people milled about gathering in groups to talk family, reminiscences or perhaps political plots.  I would go to them eventually, I would converse, laugh and command with someone from every sector of importance as I had to as a Queen. I would try to keep my ears open, but who would dare to let plots slip in front of me. I often thought I needed spies, but it was difficult trusting. At that very moment, as I surveyed the colourful splashes of silk and velvet, royally jewels glittering from veils of older married women, engraved swords that were more accessory than weapons, I suppressed my every emotion. “My Queen, does anything take your fancy?” Nima’s playful words danced out of her mouth as she approached me with a chalice of lemony and mint liquid, my favourite. I knew what she meant as she looked over to the group of young men, huddled close to my dais.  “I have a feeling you don’t mean food-wise, Nima,” I replied, taking a refreshing sip of the intoxicating drink. It was one of my faults, I drank too much and Nima, bless her,  did nothing to stop me, she indulged me, every guilty pleasure. She was my escape and the one who I could be myself the most. “Well, a man can be sustenance as much as food, your Reverence,” I laughed back when she winked suggestively, her eyes alight with such life, I sometimes felt jealous that I lacked that vitality. The sound of my laughter ringing in my ears strangely, and I noticed subjects turn to observe me. I didn’t laugh a lot. Yet tonight, I supposed, was a day of celebration and well she wasn’t entirely wrong.  A man could definitely be a form of nourishment if he had any skill... “Nima, you go get them, tiger. Don’t worry about me. If I need anything, I will ask one of the servants or God forbid I may get it myself.” “Marra,” she whispered her tone seriously, “you know I won’t leave your side.” She was playing a dangerous game calling me by my diminutive. No one was allowed to hear my name. In public, she should never say my name. She was forced to call me by my position. It was a form of protection in a world, where the power of names could change the fates of families and destinies of individuals. I took her hand into mine, “Don’t” “I’m sorry,” she whispered instantly, knowing her mistake. “It’s just sometimes I feel it’s the only way to keep you here,” she pointed her yellow-painted fingers, covered with tangling fillis of bright orange henna onto my chest, “the real you,”. I ignored her sincere implorations, it was a conversation we often visited. Nima insisted I let go a bit, find my old human self again, whilst I struggled with being a leader let alone being, a being, a woman. “Nima of the Najamites, your Queen commands you to enjoy the festivities,” I raised an eyebrow daring her to refuse me again, I suppose it was slightly unfair to use my power over her like that, but she deserved this evening, deserved someone to admire the playful aura that she exuded, hair glinting auburn, ginger, blonde and brown all at the same time, her eyes twinkling the same shade.  “That’s unfair,” she half-smiled, half pouted, she knew my tactics well. She was the closest I had to family. “Whatever, leave me be, I have queenly duties to do,” “Like sitting on your behind and watching your naas from your vantage?” Nima inquired, her arms crossed. “Shall I call a guard to drag you away?”  Nima rolled her eyes, smiling at me sadly, before kissing my hand and flitting off. the yellow of her gown leaving a trail of aura brightness behind her. Nima was my only family and yet because of and rather than in spite she sheltered much of the responsibilities and hardships I shouldered. I watched her as she slowed her pace and joined the group of dancers. She stood close to a tall man, I suspected was more than a friend. I let a smile cover my face as I watched them enter the circle of dancers.  The flutes and drums married as the courtiers jumped into rhythmic squats, rotating and twirling in beautiful designs of infinities, before swivelling into circles, women’s skirts forming umbrellas of scintillating balls and men twirling their heads, their arms waving napkins.  I scanned the room, officials nodded in recognition as I slanted my eyes, a fake smile plastered on my face.  “Leader of our armies,” I was being addressed here by one of my responsibilities. I thought that at least on this night, I may be able to ignore work and just melt into some entertainment. Yet, there stood one leg on my dais, Sirat the Commander of our legions, a middle-aged man broad and almost gigantic, “I offer congratulations on this precious occasion, your parents would be immensely proud,” I nodded gracefully and gratefully, inclining my head slowly, at one of my parents oldest advisors standing before me,  “Sirat your words mean a great amount, I thank you for all your assistance and advice,” Sirat was someone I tried to trust but there was always a repelling factor, disabling me from complete submission to his military power.  He was aware, he was not in my complete favour, he never knew where I stood. It aided me in stringing his loyalty, it allowed me to keep my power without rescinding any to him. Yet, my problem with him lay not in his ability to do his job but mainly in a personal fact. He seemed to view women as objects. He had never outrightly said anything to my face, but just because I was Queen didn’t mean I was immune to rumours. I heard about his string of mistresses and the way he betrayed his wife countlessly. I was almost sure this betrayal of the mother of his offspring meant he could betray me too. Yet, in these 5 years he had never given me any reason to doubt him professionally, in disagreements and court meetings, despite disapproval especially in these recently tense months he had always followed my orders.  After some small talk, we finalised the timings for tomorrow’s Assembly meeting. I dismissed Sirat inclining him to enjoy the festivities, hinting at an upcoming belly dancing parade. As I settled into the softness of the velvet pillows, I allowed my trail of vision to lazily observe the fire and water dancers, it was a beautiful spectacle of unison and opposites. The dancers twirled in costumes of red and blue gauze fluttering in the light and wind, throwing flames and spurting water from harmless guns in arches, stars and symmetrical lines in such synchrony that the forms seemed to freeze in the air. The Master of Revels, a recent circus leaver had outdone himself.  I eventually left my throne, stepping off the dais in deliberate slowness to make myself seen but primarily to avoid tripping. I wandered the room, easing into small conversations that I almost did with my mind switched off. I wasn’t able to join the dancing, not until I married, but I stood close, memorising the steps and admiring the grace of the figures. In those moments of trance, I almost forget war was brewing against the North and South. I almost forget I was the Queen who would lead these battles. I almost forget the impending visit of the   All of these problems resurfaces as I noticed Chieftess Khabirat split crowds into two, to get to me. My primary advisor approached, it seemed responsibilities could never lay dormant, even on a night dedicated to celebrating my successes. I sat up straighter to welcome her, she was a woman nearing her 50’s, intelligent, perceptive and ruthless.  She was also my paternal aunt, a servant who had been adopted by grandfather.  She had been elected by the Kingdom’s Assembly but it still bothered people, specifically men, that the kingdom was being run with no official male. As she neared, she was shadowed by a soldier. I had never laid eyes on him before. I was sure I would recognise him otherwise, he was handsome. His skin, a deep brown that felt like a single touch by him, could seep warmth into my soul. His black hair curled in a short fringe, revealing a face with the sharp edges of square jaw, high cheekbones, a nose that had been a victim to many fights and lips so full and outlined, I almost licked my own.   “Your reverence, I bring urgent news,” Khabirat whispered. I focused my attention on the grey-haired, short but strong woman before me, she wasn’t wearing a gown but a tunic and trousers, her tan belt resting low on her hips, her sword reminding me we are in uneasy times. “Pray, I hope all is well, Chieftess,” I beckoned her closer, moving back to my dais and throne. I made a show of all my actions, Khabirat wouldn’t have interrupted if there wasn’t a problem but the Naasy did not need to be privy to that information. The man of a shadow, a man of my daydreams followed us. Far from eavesdroppers, she leaned into my ears, in an attempt to look as tranquil as possible, I plastered a smile to any onlookers. I smiled as though my aunt was whispering a joke. I stifled my own joke. BIG As if, I never saw her laugh, let alone a joke.  “Soldiers have reported an infiltration through the western walls of our Capital, it seems someone made them aware of our impending celebrations and the soldiers on the Western walls described 30 men climbing the ramparts, they have killed 12, 11 have been captured but there are 7 unaccounted for.” “How many men did we lose?”  “30” Khabirat grumbled,  My gaze focused on the handsome stranger,  formulating the proper responses to this military and social problem. Well, would you look at that, not even one evening of peace?  “Have you alerted anyone other than me?” “Not yet, Queen of Protection,” there we go again, more responsibilities. “Good, we will not ruin our city’s joy just yet.  You and Sirat will deploy all trainee soldiers and any soldiers on break or leave, space them equally around the entire city wall. We don’t know if Solis is planning more of an attack, it’s not really their style to attack at night, but those beasts find new ways to surprise us every time, we best be prepared,”  “Yes, that will provide us with around 3,000 legions.” I stood slowly, smoothing the midnight gauze over my curves, I smiled at the courtiers, clapping my hands and extending my arm as if to implore them to continue enjoying the festivities. Khabirat sighed as I continued my charade of calm and ease. I didn’t have the luxury to be stern and cold like her, I had enough enemies as it was. I had an act to play. I stepped off the dais and without a word they followed me behind thick brocaded curtains that led to an intimate room used for impromptu meetings.  “What information can you provide me about the attack?” “This soldier was the one who found me,” Khabirat, turned to the soldier who had been mute up until now. The soldier raised his index finger to the sky, his eyes finding mine before he looked away, his face was unreadable.  “My Queen, we were patrolling the walls, when these men climbed up the walls with such stealth it was as though they had used magic, we had heard nothing nor saw anything until it was too late. Their black clothes seemed to absorb any light, they were already on the ramparts when we realised we were being attacked.” I focused on the man’s words, yet his voice awoke an envelopment of warmth within me. I shifted uncomfortably, he was doing a great job at avoiding direct eye contact, his gaze was empty, his gait serious and professional.  “We fought as best as we could, they were eerily silent.”  “I’m sure you did Qamaria proud,” I murmured. I surveyed his form, his cape covering the majority of him, yet upon inspection, I could see the splatter of blood on his boots. “Have you extracted any information from the prisoners?” I asked them both, Khabirat shook her head miserably, it was enough to fill me with dread. I thought it would be impossible for her to look even more sombre. “They are refusing to talk, Your intelligence,” the soldier spoke, “We have offered recompense, began torture and yet nothing is encouraging them to speak,” My face winced, in this room away from the crowd of people who looked at my for guidance, I could be myself for a moment, my aunt had seen me at my worst and best and this soldier, well as beautiful as he was, as much as I would dream of his face, I would never see again.  “What in hell is Solis planning now? These beasts never stop!” I blurted, pacing.  The soldier looked taken aback and literally took a step back from me, Khabirat sighed taking the tone of a harsh director on a misbehaving child, “Niece, I think it’s best if you go into hiding for the night, if you do not want to alert your Naas then you shouldn’t be a sitting target at a public event. The Kingdom of Solis have never attacked in this manner.” I fixed my angry gaze on my aunt, unleashing years of hatred and anger I held against the kingdom of Solis on her, she was collateral damage but she could handle my anger. She knew it wasn’t directed at her.  “So you want me to hide like a coward,” “If that is what you want to call your protection,” Khabirat had learnt a long time ago to ignore my emotional digs.  “I understand that this attack is strange,” I began, “but I won’t run at the first sign of danger.” “You are not running,” Khabirat began, “You are being smart, A-,” Khabirat stopped herself there, remembering the soldier. We both turned to look at him, who looked stoic at worse, like the statues of the Solis Kingdom at best. I coughed uncomfortably. “Khabirat… “ I stopped, there was no point trying to explain the emotions that currently swarmed my intellect, not to this aunt whose existence was more responsibility than human.  “You will place every available soldier around the castle and city, you will instruct that they are running a practice mission with punishments for the last 100 in each legion, to ensure full participation You will allow the festivities to go on until midnight and you will alert everyone that my departure was due to a private surprise celebration, not due to any weaknesses of health. I will hide in the passages of Sirr. ” “Very well, your intellect, but three guards will go with you,” “No, Khabirat, we can’t have three people knowing about the Sirrs and we don’t have time to find the chosen associates,” “You are too much like your father,” she grumbled, almost softly, although she had shown herself incapable of affection in the past. “Take this soldier, then,” Khabirat said, getting ready to leave the room, pushing the soldier forward, who squared his wide shoulders.  “Whatever,” She left without another word and it suddenly dawned on me, I was alone in a small room plush with its royal emerald and ruby interior with a man as royally handsome as they came. A man that awoke things I didn't know I was allowed to feel.