Many the Miles

Part 2

Benji

Katie danced to a song I could faintly hear blaring through her headphones. I worked on my laptop trying to figure out how long I could stay in Sonoma, before I absolutely had to go back to LA. I was working on my next album, but I could write and record anywhere. I didn't have to meet with the label, I could just send Taj to handle that. There were a few movie premiers, but they weren't important. Before I knew it I had two months cleared to spend time with my kids.

Today with Alyssa felt special. I felt like we've always been together-like we've always known each other. She looked just like her mother. They had the same dark, brown curly hair, and soft, milky brown complexations. Amilia-Mia was black, or at least half black if Rafaela is her half-sister. I don't know how I feel about that. I have children with a black woman. A beautiful black woman.

Mia was incredibly beautiful, but she looked so sad. I could feel it. I could see it in her eyes. Someone so beautiful should never look like that. I closed my laptop and got ready for bed. I wasn't going to waste a second of my time with my kids.

Mia

My mom still didn't believe me that John purposely used a sperm donor. She didn't think inviting Benji over tomorrow was a smart idea either. It was rare that we agreed on things the first time around, so I wasn't completely worried. My mom liked to play devils advocate and she refused to just be on my side and fill my head with lies. It would have been nice if she would just agree with me, but it was nice that she was realistic about life.

"Honey you can't just invite this boy, you barely know into your home with your children. He could be a child molester or abuser. He might try to take your babies away from you. You know these white folks are crazy," she whispered.

"MOM!" I yelled at her. "He's not crazy. He just is very social."

"All that boy knows how to do is party and spend money. Two things those kids don't need. He isn't going to help you fix things with John."

I sighed. I don't know why her assumption was that I wanted to fix a single thing with him. "I didn't do anything wrong. I don't have to fix anything," I said putting the rest of Alyssa's cake away.

"What did I tell you, when you said, you were going to marry him?" she asked me.

"That I didn't know what I was getting myself into," I sighed. And of course my mother was right. I had no idea of what I was doing. I was a junior in college after all. I met John my freshman year. He was a junior and I was tutoring him in Spanish and Statics. He was an ass, but he always showed up at my shift, and insisted on me being his tutor. By the second semester we were dating more or less and I knew I loved him. My junior year he asked me to marry him, when he first started medical school, and I agreed. I stupidly agreed. We were married in six months and two years later we were having a baby.

"You were such a smart girl Mia."

"Mom please."

"You gave up everything Mia. I told you something wasn't right about this boy. Wanting to buy you cars, and a house with his father's money. Wanting to help dad with his business, and paying off the mortgage. This is what happens when you sell, your sold baby," my mom tsked.

"I just...I loved him so much, and I don't understand. I don't know what I did?" I cried.

She held me. "Baby you didn't do anything. Sometimes we do everything right, and still things just go wrong."

Just then John came down the steps in just his pajama pants. "Gracie, you need a ride?" he asked my mother and she cut her eyes at me.

"No honey I just wanted to make sure everything was cleaned up before I left. You two have a good night," she said and he gave her a hug.

"We will."

I grabbed the swifter and started cleaning the kitchen floor. John walked up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. "You should come to bed," he said putting too much emphases on the word come.

"I'm going to clean up. I don't want to live with filth," I said cutting my eyes and jerking away from him.

"Mia, get you're act together."

"No John, just leave me alone. I'm sleeping in the guest room. I don't want to share a bed with you, and I'm not having s*x with you," I yelled at him.

"We've been through this."

"And you seem to have forgotten who the f**k I am. I'm not some prissy little b***h that you get to control. We agreed to a lot when we embarked on this marriage. I've done my part and I have nothing to show for it!"

"You have everything, but you're so ungrateful. I gave you everything Mia."

"I didn't need it. I didn't need anything from you Johnny. I just wanted to be with you," I cried. "Why did you do this to me?"

"Mia," he said trying to hold me. "Don't do this, don't pull away from me."

"You hurt me John, and the worst part is you don't even know why you did this."

"I don't he admitted," he kissed my forehead. "I'm going to make this right. Just give me a chance."

"I'll think about it," I said and honestly I knew I couldn't just walk away from him. He was the only father my kids knew, and even though Benji was here, how was I to know how long he planned on being here.

Benji

I arrived at Mia's house around two-fifteen. I left early because Katie wouldn't shut up about how I never let her do anything. She whined all night about how she wanted to meet her niece and nephews. I had barley met them, and judging by what Mia said yesterday, Katie wouldn't have been welcomed.

"You're early," Mia said as she opened the door.

"I'm sorry, I just couldn't wait," I said and she smiled.

"It's perfectly okay," she said and stepped aside. "Come in." A beat. "The boys just woke up," she said as we walked to the back of the house into her kitchen. "I was making them something to eat. Are you hungry?"

"Sure, thanks," I said as I smile at my boys. The twins were three and they were just as beautiful as their sister. They had blond hair like me and green eyes, but they had Mia's pouty lips, and her cheeks. They stared at me. They sat next to each other at the table in their highchairs, matching blank expression on their faces. "Hi," I said as I walked over to them.

"That's Logan, and that's Aiden," she said introducing us.

"How do you tell them apart?"

She laughed at that. "Logan's eyes are a little darker then Aiden's. But Aiden is a jokester, he likes to play tricks on people. Logan's really mellow and mild tempered. The more you get to know them the easier it's going to get," she smiled at me.

We ate and talked for a while and I got to hold the boys. Before I knew it the front door was opening and Mia was smiling at me. "Daddy," Alyssa yelled as she ran to the kitchen.

"How was school," I asked her as I bounced Aiden on my lap.

"It was fun, we did experiments like on Sid, and I got a sticker from Ms. Rowan with a birthday cake on it," she said as she jumped up and down.

I laughed at her enthusiasm. She was just like Katie. "That sounds exciting," I smiled.

"Can I show daddy my room, and Wilbert?" she asked.

"Yes, and don't forget to wash your hands if you're going to play with Wilbert," Mia said as she took Aiden and walked him and Logan to another room in the house.

Mia

I made dinner as usual John was nowhere around. That was good because Benji was still here. Benji seemed like a nice guy, and just like everyone else, Alyssa had him wrapped around her finger. Alyssa took him on a tour of the house and after they started to play Rock band with the twins. When the phone started to rang I knew it would be John with some lame ass excuse as to why he wouldn't be home for dinner.

"Hey," John said.

"Hi," I said, clearly annoyed.

"I'm going to be doing double duty tonight, I'll try to catch you before you go to sleep," he said.

"Have fun at work," I said trying to hide my disappointment with irritation.

"I'm going to be at the hospital all night," he said assuming I thought he was lying.

"I honestly don't care if you f**k her again, just stop acting like you want to be here. Let go John," I said and hung up.

"You okay?" I turned and Benji was staring at me. He came in the kitchen and hugged me. Before I knew it I was blubbering like a baby. "It's okay Mia. It's going to be okay."

After a while I pulled away from him. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay. You want to talk about it?" he asked me.

"You want to stay for dinner?" I asked him instead. The last thing I needed was to sit here and spill my heart out to a complete stranger. I honestly didn't know what I felt beyond betrayed, and I just didn't want to ruin this for Alyssa.

"I was just going to head out. My sister is at the hotel cursing my name," he laughed.

"Why did you leave her there?" I asked him.

"I didn't want to overwhelm you."

"You've met my sister, I can handle overwhelming."

"How about I bring her over for dinner?" he asked.

"That would be great. I could call Rafaela and see if she'd like to hang out with your sister, while you guys are here?"

"Really?" he asked sounding relieved.

"Yeah I'll tell her to come over so they can meet," I offered.

"Thanks Mia," he smiled and for a second my heart stops and I got lost in his green eyes. They have so much light in them, and I envy that. How such a simple gesture could make someone like him that happy.

"I'll be right back," he said.

By the time Benji is back Alyssa and Rafaela are setting the table. Rafaela was determined to marry Benji. She's been obsessed with him for years, and now she's finally getting the chance to have dinner with him. It's not the romantic candlelight dinner she dreamt of, in vivid detail, but it was dinner. When the doorbell rung I expected her to run to the door, but she just pointed for me to get it. I rolled my eyes and walked to the door.

"Hi," I said inviting them in. "I'm Amilia, but you can just call me Mia," I said as I went to shake his sister's hand, but she hugged me. His sister was a shorter version of him. They had the same piercing green eyes and curly blonde hair. She glowed with an aura of excitement, and I knew Alyssa was going to love her.

"Oh Mia your house is so beautiful," she gushed. "I'm Katie."

"It's nice to meet you. If I knew you were here I wouldn't have let him leave you by yourself all day," I said.

A blush covered his cheeks and she looked pleased. "I knew I'd love you," she said. "He's just a jerk, but he's my jerk and I love him."

"Thanks for thinking so highly of me sissy," he said walking to the kitchen.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to start a fight," I told him. He turned to me and smiled. "I just I did want her to think I wouldn't have welcomed her sooner."

"It's okay Mia," he reassured me as he brushed my hair behind my ear. "And thank you again, for this."

"Not a problem," I said leading them to the kitchen. Rafaela had the table set and the kids sitting and quiet, and I was amazed. "Katie, this is Alyssa, Logan, and Aidan and that's my little sister Rafaela."

"Hi," Katie and Rafaela said in unison going to give each other a hug. I looked over at Benji and he had a huge grin on his face. "Ohmigod, I love your dress where did you get it?" Katie asked as we all took a seat.

"There's this second hand boutique on Chelsea that has really great things that I alter," Ella said as she finished mixing the salad at the counter.

"She's amazing, I tried to send her off to fashion school, but she refused," I said making her blush.

"If you have a gift you should foster it," Benji said trying to encourage her.

"Maybe I will," she proclaimed. "Salad," she asked as she brought the bowl over to the table. "You know Mia is a really good singer. She used to tour the country and do choir competitions."

"Really?" he asked impressed.

"Yeah when I was in middle school. It's been a while," I said wishing Ella would shut up.

"She's just being modest, but she was great. My dad really got her into music. He used to have one of those teen garage bands with my uncles and they weren't half bad," she smiled with her flirty eyes.

"Wow," he said.

"Do you guys like chicken Marsala, Ella allergic to mushroom so I have plan chicken too," I said going to serve them.

"Benji loves mushroom," Katie said.

"Do you want some or do you want regular chicken?" I asked Alyssa and she just smiled. "What do you want?" I asked her again and she point to her lips and shook her head. "Why don't you want to talk?" I asked, they boys started to laugh, but she glared at them and they stopped. "Lissy!"

"We're playing Simon Says and Simon said we can't talk," she said and I looked over at Ella.

"Really?" she I said and Ella shrugged.

"I assumed they knew the game was over."

"Simon Says the game is over," I said and of course Alyssa went a mile a minute with her request.

"I want the mushroom, but I don't want the sauce, and I don't want this salad it has carrots in it," she frowned.

"There isn't that much salad eat it," I said and she pouted.

"But mommy," she whined.

"You know if you don't eat your carrots your eyes won't have what they need to be strong. Then when you grow up you'll need glasses, and you won't be able to see on your own," Katie said.

"Riley's mom wears glasses, and she always loses them," Alyssa said.

"And when you loses them you can't see to find them. That doesn't sound like fun does it?" Katie asked.

"No. It sounds hard."

"It is. I think you should listen to your mommy and eat your salad."

"Okay," she said and she ate her salad with no complaints.

Benji laughed. "You're the last person I'd expect to say that," he mumbled.

"I helped," she shrugged and ate her meal.

Benji

After dinner Rafaela took Alyssa out for ice cream with Katie. Katie wanted to get to know Alyssa, but Mia was reluctant to let her stay at the hotel. I knew this was an odd situation and I didn't want to overstep so I just let it go, but I did plan on taking the kids with me to New York to meet my parents for Thanksgiving. It was only the end of August, so I assumed the more we got to know each other the easier that would be for her.

"Do you need help?" I asked as she tried to clean Aidan while Logan finished eating his chicken.

"No you're a guest its okay," she said when I started to clear the table.

"Mia, it's fine," I said as I put the dishes in the sink. Once the table was cleared I wiped it down and went to rinse the dishes so I could put them in the dish washer.

Mia went into the counter under the sink and pulled out a dishwasher pod. She put it and and helped me load the dishwasher. The boys babbled to each other in the background, but all I could focus on was her hands and how they delicately placed each plate on the rack. Her hair flipped to the side when she reached up to grab the silverware from me. Her face was beautiful. Her lips were a warm pink, so pouty. Her eyes were this frosty blue. "That's it?" she asked looking up at me.

I could clearly see down her shirt at her plump breast, and I didn't know how to control myself. This was the woman that gave birth to my kids. She welcomed me into her home, and all I could do was think about bending her over the counter, or laying her on the table. "Yeah that's it," I said turning away towards the boys.

"I'm going to wash them up for bed," she said. "You want to help?"

"Yeah that would be nice," I said picking up Aiden, and she grabbed Logan.

"They don't really talk as much as I thought they would."

"I know," she said sounding worried. "My mom says it's because my dad insist on teaching them Spanish, and its normal for bilingual children, but Alyssa never shuts up," she said.

"I'm sure its nothing. They understand perfectly fine."

"Yeah, but it's a sign of autism."

"Albert Einstein didn't talk until he was four," I said trying to reassure her.

"Everyone says that," she smiled.

"So stop worrying," I said.

"I'm a mom it's like what we do," she said making me laugh.

"You're a great mom. Thank you for this," I said truly grateful she was allowing me to be a part of their lives. They're amazing kids and I just wanted to share that. It was my job as a man to take care of them, to make sure they had what they needed. That's what a father does. It's how my parents raised me. I was going to make sure my kids had everything.

Her bathroom was huge and upstairs was labeled. She had colored index cards with the name of everything, from the wall to the closet. Everything had a label. She kept all the kids' stuff in colored, plastic drawers with their names on them. Mia's was pink, Logan's was green, and Aidan's was red. She kept their toothbrushes and bath toys on top, and the boy knew to go get their washcloths and toys from their draws. Mia turned on the tub to filled it up, and I help the boys undress.

They threw all their toys in the tub first and then Logan held Aidan's hand while he got on the step stool and climbed in the tub, then Aidan did the same for his brother. I smiled watching them help each other, and they didn't care there was barely enough water in the tub to cover their feet, they started to play.

Logan gave me his spaceship, and Aidan gave Mia an Ironman action-figure so we could play too. The four of us played until Mia made the boys wash themselves. She washed their faces and cleaned their ears for them, and I scrubbed their back. The boys played with the bubbles putting them on their faces. "It's time to get out you're all clean."

"NO! Stinky," Aidan said as he filled his boat with water and poured it on his head.

"You're not stinky you smell yummy," Mia said. She gave him a hug and a kiss. "Logan drain the tub for mommy," she said, and he pulled the rubber stopper out the drain.

"No," Aidan whined.

"You can play until the water is gone. After that I'm taking you out."

We got the boys ready for bed and surprise, surprise Aidan ran out of the room the second Mia dressed him. He was giggling and screeching, and Mia just sighed. "I thought this was going to be the night he just went to bed," she smiled. "Aidan mommy's coming to find you."

I was beginning to see what she was talking about. Logan was just as playful and happy as Aidan, but Aidan had energy enough for the both of them. He was like lighting out the door. He was smart and resourceful and he could get Logan to do whatever he wanted. The boys had mastered nonverbal communication and you could tell they feed off each other. But now Logan was defiantly ready for bed. He looked at Aidan run back in forth in and out of the room, and he just held onto me with his head rested on my chest.

He smelled like the lavender baby wash and something sweet I couldn't identify. He yawned and I knew he was fighting his sleep, trying to keep up with his brother. "Bud you want to read a book?" I asked as I walked him over to the bookshelf. There were tons of classic children's stories in there all in alphabetical order. "How about this one. If You Give a Mouse a Cookie," I said handing Logan the book. He looked it over. "Doesn't the mouse look like Wilbert a little?" I asked and he shook his head. I noticed out the corner of my eye. Aidan crawl in to the room. My guess is he snuck down stairs, because that's where Mia's calls for him were coming from.

I sat down in the rocking chair between their beds. "You have to help out bud, hold the book up like this so I can read it," I said and Logan silently complied. Soon Aidan was crawling over to us little by little. When I got to the middle of the book Aidan wanted to sit on my lap too, and Logan was sleeping.

"Aidan," Mia yelled down the hall.

He perked up a little at the sound of her voice, but he was half asleep. She walked to the room and just watched from the door way as I read to them. When I was done, both of them were asleep and I wasn't sure if I could put them in their beds. Mia walked over and grabbed Aidan. She put him in his bed and gave him a kiss. Then she took Logan and did the same. "I should have told you he was in here."

"It's fine. They love that story. It's one of the only ones Alyssa knows all the words to," she smiled.

"I want to talk to you about the kids, before Katie and Ella get back. Is that okay?" I asked. I planned on staying here for two months to get to know them, and I wanted to be a part of their lives. I didn't know what that meant, but I knew I needed to do it.

"Yeah let's go to the kitchen," she said and turned on their nightlight and turned off their room light.

"I want to be a part of their lives and I'm going to do everything I can to make that happen," I started once we sat down. She made coffee and it was starting to fill the room with its fragrant aroma.

"I really want you to be a part of their lives, but I will do whatever I have to to protect them. I don't know you, Benji, and your life is salacious from what I hear," she said and it stung a bit.

"A lot of that is from years ago. I'm not that guy anymore."

"I don't want you to get bored one day and hurt them. Especially while they're so young. I can't do that Ben," she said looking me square in the eye.

"Why are you assuming that? I'd never just up and leave my kid. I'm not that type of guy."

"The simple fact is I don't know that. I'm not comfortable with you coming and going when it's convenient for you. When you're a parent you don't get that luxury."

"Well I didn't know I was a parent. Now I do and I want to take care of my kids. I want to be a father to them." Mia looked up at me and her face screwed up into a scowl. I didn't mean to make her upset, but I just wanted a chance. A chance to prove myself. A chance to be a part of their lives. That was simple enough. "I just cleared two months out to stay here in Sonoma with you guys. I was also thinking of taking them to New York for Thanksgiving. To let them meet my parents."

"I don't feel comfortable with you taking my kids across the country. How will I know you'll bring them back?"

I was shocked. Did she honestly think I wanted to take them form her? Was that why she was being like this? "Mia... I'm not trying to take them away from you. You're an amazing mom, I would never do that to you, or them," I said reaching for her hand. "Of course I want you to come with us. If you didn't my mom would find you," I said and she laughed softly.

"A lot's going on, and I just don't need a custody battle."

"I would like to spend time with them, but I think we can work something out. I know you and your husband love them and you're their parents, but I just want to be here too."

"I'll think about New York. It's three months away," she said. "You can spend the afternoons with them if you like. Today was fine."

"Thank you," I said as I squeezed her hand. "Thank you so much Amilia."

"Mommy," Alyssa said as she came into the kitchen. "Aunty Katie said she's going to teach me how to ride a two wheeler."

Katie saw me and Mia's hands and gave us a look. I stood up and picked Alyssa up. "It's really late and you have school in the morning," I reminded her.

"Are you two going to leave?" she asked as she looked into my eyes.

In that moment I knew why my dad gave Katie whatever she wanted. That look of sadness in her eyes made mad. I never wanted her to hurt, even the slightest bit. It was as if some primal force was awakened in me and I needed to protect her from that sad, lonely feeling.

"I'm coming right back," I promised her. "I kissed her forehead and sat her down. "If you go get ready for bed I'll come tuck you in. That okay?" I asked.

"Yep," she agreed before she ran upstairs.

"Walk," Mia warned.