To Kiss My True Memories

CHAPTER 28

Chapter 28

Kung anong feelings man ang nararamdaman ko ngayon para sa kaniya - iyon ang aking kinakatakot.

"You really avoiding me, huh." he said again.

I'm facing him and I estimate he's two steps away from where I am while I couldn't look at him straight in the eye. Iwas ang tingin ko sa kaniya, naiilang nanaman sa tuwing magtatama ang aming mata!

"You text me and after that you did block me, huh." aniya sa seryoso paring boses.

I didn't speak I just rolled my eyes.

"Is there a problem? May problema ka ba sa akin?" he then asked.

"Wala." deretso kong saad ngunit nananatiling iwas sa mga mata niya.

He sighed heavily. "Why I feel that there's something wrong?"

I let a deep sigh too while I can't afford to look at him straight in the eyes. "There's nothing. Anyway, I know you know that this isn't my handkerchief." sabay abot ko sa paper na iniwan niya.

"Tell you problem about me why you're avoiding me." aniya, binalewala ang sinabi ko at ang nakalahad na paper bag niya.

"I'm not avoiding you. Bakit ko naman gagawin iyon?"

"Then why did you block my number and you don't want to meet me, probably there's a problem."

"First, I didn't block you. Maybe... maybe I accidentally did? Basta hindi ko alam o sinadya." paliwanag ko at nagawa siyang balingan ng tingin sa mata upang malaman niyang nagsasabi ako ng totoo.

Yeah, that's right, Kairra!

You know you're not good at lying, you should try more harder so he couldn't find out that you're lying!

"Second, I'm very busy right now kaya I can't meet you." napakibit pa ako ng balikat.

"Then why are you here now?" mabilis niyang tanong.

Pinigilan ko ang aking pag-irap. "I just get my handkerchief because ate Sam text me na dinala mo na... but you brought a wrong one." I pouted.

"Kung pupunta karin pala dito dapat hindi mo na sinabing hindi ka makakapunta para mabigay ko sayo ng personal." mahinahon niyang saad.

I almost rolled my eyes because of what he said.

Can he get it, I said I'm busy!

"I said I'm busy!" naiirita ko ng saad.

"But you still have a minutes to get here. You shouldn't text me... you can't come." his tone is still gently. "I guess there's really a problem."

"Wala nga!" I can't control my irritation now.

It's a relief that there's no plenty costumers and no one near us.

"Natapos ko na mga gagawin ko. Akala ko ay hindi ako makakapunta that's why I text you."

Liar Kairra, liar! Wala ka pang natatapos remember! You're busy thinking about him that's why you only finished one papers! Marami pang nag-aantay sayo.

He sighed heavily. "Then, can I have lunch with you?" he asked.

Luch? Hindi pa siya nagluluch when it's almost three in the afternoon!?

Gusto ko mang samahan siya ay pinigilan ko ang sarili. Hindi dapat ako manlambot sa kaniya. I don't want to get involved to him specially that he's already with someone else and it's a model. I should hide my feelings to him! He doesn't need to know it, anyway!

"I can't. I'm busy doing my school papers!"

"But you just said you done it all?" aniya.

Napakagat ako sa labi nang binalingan siya ng tingin. His brow now is arching seems he already find out that I'm lying. Hinuhuli niya ba ang pagsisinungaling ko!?

I didn't say anything, instead I shut my mouth.

He sighed. "Just tell me what's your problem with me so I could explain." sumamo niya.

"Wala nga! And if I have a problem to you it doesn't matter anymore-" pagtataray ko.

"It's matter." putol niya sa akin.

Why it's matter? Why he sounds so concerned if I have problems to him? It's driving me nuts!

I let out a silent sigh and look at him. "Just give back to me my right handkerchief next time, I will get going now-"

"I want to court you." he cut me off with his serious voice.

Tila nabingi ako sa binitawan niyang salita. Natulala ako sa kaniya, hindi makapagsalita and if ever I can to speak I don't know what to say.

What he just said? Did I heard a right words or I'm just imagining that he said it? Why did he tell to me those words? Nababaliw na ba ako!? Nababaliw bang talaga ako!?

Shocks, what's going on!

"I will court you from this day." aniya pa ng maliwanag pa sa sikat ng araw.

This time I feel my heart beat too wild while I feel some butterflies on my belly. But still I couldn't speak because of shocked. Hindi ko alam kung anong magiging reaksyon ko habang ang puso ko ay nagdiriwang na sa saya.

But of course you shouldn't be happy, Kairra! You should get involved to him while he's already with someone! He's just trying your feelings! He's not serious with what he just said! Don't be so overwhelmed because isn't good, it's wrong indeed!

He's still standing from where he is. And he needs to take a two steps before he can get near me. Gradually I sighed upang mawala ang sayang nararamdaman ng aking puso.

I pretend to smiled at him widely. "Is that kind of your jokes? Maybe..." humigpit ang hawak ko sa paper bag, unti-unti itong binaba.

But shocks, I know na ang gaya niya ay hindi nagbibiro!

Why he's doing it? Was he already know that I've feelings for him? Was he playing with what I feel for him?

Umaasa ako na hindi - but I couldn't find a right words to know kung saan nanggagaling ang pinagsasabi niya!

"I'm not joking, I want to court you." he said, his voice is still serious.

Naging seryoso ang aking mukha. "You're not serious, I know-"

"I'm serious." his voice is really serious but there's still softness you can trace from there.

What the shock!

Why he's doing this to me!?

Umiling ako ng pauli-ulit sa kaniya. "N-o! you're not!"

My eyes quickly widened when he takes a one step towards me from where he is. I swallowed hard for times. Hindi na ako mapakali sa aking kinatatayuan dahil sa ginawa niyang paghakbang. He's almost near at me, just one last step!

"I am." he said as he take another more one step.

And now he's really standing in front of me, too near while his serious eyes is looking at me intently! Natulala lamang ako sa kaniya presensya na sobrang lapit bahangyan siyang tinitingala ngunit iwas naman ang tingin sa mata niya.

"You should tell me about your problem with me everytime you're mad. I'm your suitor." he said softly while I feel his eyes still on me!

Suitor!?

"Y-ou're not my suitor, I didn't let you." mariin kong saad, pinatatagan ang boses. "I won't let someone court me when he's with someone else. I pity your woman." I gave him a smirk.

He immediately scowled because of what I said. "What do you mean?" he asked innocently.

I laughed sarcastically. "Oh, you think I didn't know that you're with someone else? You want to keep your relationship a secret so you could cheat on your woman, huh."

"I have no relationship with anyone-"

"You still lying kahit alam ko na? It's all over the social media but it's deleted now. Maybe that's what you want? Ngunit hindi mo ako maloloko dahil alam ko ang totoo!"

Kung kanina ay hindi ko siya kayang matignan ngayon ay kayang-kaya na dahil sa galit na nararamdaman ko para sa kaniya! He's still lying, huh!

"You know I hate lying!" pinagtaasan ko siya ng kilay.

"I'm not lying, Kairra." he said softly.

The hell! Is he really still using his soft voice to me!

"Wala akong relasyon sa kung sino. Hindi ko alam ang sinasabi mo. Maybe, you're just mistaken!" kalmado niyang paliwanag.

He's still calm, huh!

"I'm not mistaken! Who's this woman again, name... Zurina right?" I asked sarcastically.

Mas lalo pang kumunot ang kaniyang noo dahil ata sa binanggit kong pangalan. "Who-"

"Don't deny her!" I cut him off angrily. "She's the model of your hotel and she's your woman? How could you do the to her! You're a cheater!"

Yes, I did research about Zurina!

"I'm not a cheater. Yes, she's our model but I have no relationship with her. I never had a relationship with her." mariin niyang saad.

Natahimik ako dahil nararamdaman kong nagsasabi siya ng totoo. But still I shouldn't fall for his trap. Maybe, that's his way!

"You're mad at me because of that? Ayaw mo na akong kitain dahil doon, hindi mo man lang ako pinayagan magpaliwanag?"

"It's already in a social media that's why I know it's true. Anyway, we're nothing, why would I let you explain?" pinilit kong maging mahinahon ang aking boses kahit may pait doon.

He look at me with his soft eyes. "That's not true-"

"Then why it's already deleted!?" putol ko sa kaniya, pasigaw. "Maybe, ikaw ang nagpadelete nito."

"Yes, I asked someone to delete it because that's not true. Why would I let it spread if isn't true. That's nonsense things." mabibigat ang bawat salita niya ngunit ang mata niya ay malambot parin ang titig sa akin.

I shut my mouth, couldn't say any words.

I don't know if I believe on him or not. Isn't explain everything! At isa pa ay ayoko na lang munang maging-involve sa kaniya ngayong mainit ang usapan-usapan na may relasyon sila no'ng model na si Zurina.

"Is that the reason why you block me? Why you don't want to see me? Why you're mad at me?" he asked.

"O-f course not! And I'm not mad at y-ou!" muli, hindi nanaman ako makatingin sa mga mata niya.

"Then, will you unblock my number?" mahinahon ang boses niya.

"I-I will do it. Hindi ko naman alam, eh!" agad kong sagot.

He chuckled softly. "Okay." aniya pa na tila may bahid na ng ngiti sa labi.

Napairap na lamang ako sa kawalan, ayaw ibaling ang tingin sa kaniya.

"And will you take your phone wherever I text?"

"I will try. As I told you I'm busy." a ko.

I see him in my peripheral vision nodded slowly. "And will you not please get mad at me?"

"I-I said I'm not mad!" depensa ko.

"I guess so." he mocked.

I just rolled my eyes to him.

"So, you just came here to get your handkerchief?"

"Yes! Pero ibang panyo ang dala mo!" iritado kong saad. "Are you color blind ba? Ang layo ng white sa black!"

He chuckled. "Pagkatapos dito ay uuwi kana?"

"Obviously? Marami pa nga akong tatapusin."

"I can help you, you know?" seryosong aniya.

"No, kaya ko iyong gawing mag-isa." pigil ko. "Aalis na ako."

"Uuwi kana sa inyo?" agad niyang tanong.

I scowled but at the end I nodded.

"Sabay na ako sa'yo palabas."

"H-indi ba ay kakain ka pa?" naguguluhan kong tanong.

"I can eat in my office." he said simply.

Was he serious?

Then, why did he came back? Naiwan niya na ang maling panyo na ibinabalik niya sa akin. Bakit pa siya bumalik?

"Then, why did you came back... and you said you will take your luch here, e, pwede naman pala sa office mo." pinagtaasan ko siya ng kilay kahit nagtataka.

He smirked. "I waited you."

"Huh?"

"Just reply to my text, okay. And if you have a problem tell me. I'm your suitor."

Was he really serious?

No! Don't believe on him! He's just playing with your feeling because... maybe, he noticed that you have feelings for him!

Just get a hold of yourself sometimes, Kairra! You punk!

"I'm your suitor, Kairra." aniya sa napakaseryosong boses. "Sasabay ako palabas at ihahatid kita sa sasakyan n'yo." dagdag niya pa.

Tssk!

"Whatever!" I whispered as I walked first to leave him.

Kahit gusto ko ang mga lumalabas sa bibig mo ngayon hindi parin ako naniniwala ng buo. Even he could make my heart fluttered that so easily I still don't believe on him! I know he's lying saying that he doesn't have any relationship with their model! Maybe, he's just keeping it private!

But... I know I didn't know him more deeper but why my heart could sense that he's not like the man what I'm thinking. He's not the man could keep his relationship just to get more another women, infact he can get all the woman he wants. Dahil sa nakikita ko ay ang mga babae pa ang papayag na maging kabit niya!

Shocks, I don't know if I will believe on him!

Nang nasa sasakyan ako pabalik sa bahay ay tulala dahil sa nangyari kanina. Yes, he lead me where's my car was and he say his soft goodbye while I just gave him a rude attitude. I'm confused right now!

I want him... and I want him to court me but I'm not really sure if he's serious!?

Ang akala ko pagkatapos kong pagbigyan ang gusto kong makita siya noong araw na iyon ay marami akong matatapos na paper ngunit pagbalik sa bahay ay mas lumala pa ako. Tulala lamang, walang ni kahit isang letra ang naisusulat kakaisip sa kaniya at mga pinagsasabi niya.

That day, I just want to fall asleep early so I can forget about him and about what he'd said, but even I'm lying on my bed I could still think of him. Indeed I couldn't take him out in my mind. He did text me again that night.

Darrow:

Just ask anything when you needs help.

Darrow:

Sleep early, don't stress yourself.

That night I become rude again to him. Though, what I said to him ay hindi naman iyon ang gusto ng puso ko dahil sa totoo lamang ay natatakot ako. I need to confirm something first before I will let my heart lead my decision about him!

Ako:

I can't text you back. I'm busy.

Darrow:

Sorry. Can we see each other next time, when you're not busy anymore. This time I will surely bring your handkerchief.

Tinitigan na lamang ang mensahe niya at hindi na nagreply. Ang handkerchief na iniwan niya kanina ay hindi niya tinaggap nang binalik ko it, that's why it's on me!

Matagal akong nakatulog ng gabing iyon kakaisip sa kaniya at kung ano bang dapat kong maging desisyon.

Nang dumating na ang Monday I take him out in my mind kahit mahirap dahil naaalala parin siya, ang mga salita niya at ang nararamdaman ko para sa kaniya. I tried so hard focus in my papers, hindi ko na hinayaang mablangko ang utak upang hindi na siya pumasok. From our school, even I'm in our way home I'm still manipulating my laptop to do my papers as well as to forget about him. Another one, the deadline of our papers was near that's why I need to focus more.

Darrow still texting me but sometimes I didn't bother myself to reply or even read his text. Isn't needed anymore!

Nang sumapit ang Friday at pasahan na ng mga papers nagawa ko naman iyon at lahat ay maayos kaya paniguradong hindi ako babagsak.

"Guy, bukas na! Uhaw na talaga akong mag-inom!" excited na saad ni Zandro kahit pa stress dahil sa mga pinasang papers.

"Me too!" sang-ayon ni Hannah, halata ang pagod sa boses. "At sa wakas makakatulong na ako ng maayos."

"Sheeme, Kairra, punta kayo!" anyaya nila. "I need this break! Stress na nga sa school papers stress pa sa pagkakagusto kay Darrow!" iritado niyang saad.

When I heard Darrow's name napaayos ako nangpagkakaupo sa aking upuan. Our class for this day was done, we're just still here inside our room to fix our things. We're chitchatting here while planning for tommorow while my others classmates busy doing their own things.

"It's really over for him." si Zandro muli sa malungkot na boses. "Zurina's best friend already confirmed that she and Darrow have something."

"Zurina's best friend?" naaletrong tanong ni Sheeme na tahimik sa aking tabi. "You mean, Sheenia?"

"Yup. Lagi raw magkasama si Darrow at Zurina. Minsan pa nga ay kasama pa ito sa dinner ng family ni Darrow." singit ni Hannah.

"Gustong-gusto mga raw ng pamilya ni Darrow si Zurina, eh!" si Stef naman na nananahimik sa isang gilid ngunit hindi na naawat pa na sabihin ang nalalaman.

What. The. Hell!

I'm really freaking hurt!

What was that? Introducing his girlfriend to his family!

How dare him said that he will court me! How dare him lying on my face! How dare him still texting me!

That's what I'm talking, Kairra! It's good a little bit that you didn't let your heart this time! Mabuting hindi ka agad naniwala sa kaniya dahil sa huli ay pinapaasa ka niya lamang pala! You should cut your connection with him! And forget him now!

Forget him!

"Huwag n'yo na ngang pag-usapan iyan." suway ni Sheeme.

Kahit nasa mga gamit na inaayos ko ang aking atensyon alam kong nasa akin parin ang tingin niya.

"Mabuti pa! Wala rin naman tayong mapapala! Sigurado akong hindi rin sila nagtatagal!" second demotion ni Zandro. "Anyway, bukas ah, Kairra you should come." aniya sa akin.

Mabilis akong nag-angat ng tingin sa kaniya at nginitian ito. "Oo naman!" siguradong-sigurado kong saad.

Kung noong nakaraan ay nagdadalwang-isip ako ngayon ay hindi na. I need a break! I need a break for my broker heart!

Shocks, am I really broken hearted now!

Oww!

"Pupunta ka na, Kairra?" si Ken, malaki ang ngiti nang lumapit sa akin.

"Yup!" sinuklian ko siya ng ngiti bago nag-iwas ng tingin.

Sa aking tabi ay nasulyapan ko si Sheeme na malungkot ang titig sa akin na tila sinusuri ako.

"What?" natatawa kong tanong sa kaniya.

She just shook her head slowly.

Though, I'm hurt but I keep it to myself. But I know Sheeme observing my every reaction. I know she noticed that I'm hurt but she chose to keep quiet and not ask about it. Maybe, she could feel that I don't want to talk about it.

When the Saturday night came I prepared. Mom and Dad let me go out because they know that I will be with Sheeme. I prepared with my simple black off-shoulder long sleeve dress with my simple sandals. Ready to go to have fun.

Sa byahe ay tumunog ang aking selpon. Alam kong ang mga kaklase na iyan, nagtatanong kung nasaan na ako. I get my phone and read their names. On the screen there's also Sheeme and Darrow's name.

Sheeme is asking me kung nasaan na raw ba ako dahil kompleto na sila.

Ako:

I'm on my way now.

Binalik ko na sa bag ang selpon. Sinadyang hindi basahin ang mensahe galing kay Darrow. Though, simula kahapon hanggang ngayon ay hindi ko na pinapansin ang mga text niya. Kung dati nagagawa itong basahin ngunit hindi nirereplayan ngayon ay hindi na binabalingan pa ng pansin. Yesterday, he called but of course I didn't answer his call. I off my phone for the whole night so he couldn't contact me.

Nananadya ba siya!

Why the freaking hell his problem? Why he still contacting me! He should focus to his woman! Nakakairita!

To confirm more about him and their model I read also some article about them. Though, he has no opinions was indicate in every articles I read... but his words doesn't need to! May mga litrato rin silang dalawa ni Zurina, model nila. Marami iyon.

Karamihan sa mga litrato ay ang pagsabay nilang kumain sa ibat-ibang restaurant. Mayroon ding party, magkasama sila. Sa bar, at mayroon pa sa hotel. Though, hindi sila magkasabay na pumapasok ngunit magkasunod naman sila, nauuna si Zurina at nakasunod naman si Darrow!

There's also a short interview video of Zurina. She's asking about her relationship with Darrow. She's just laughing genuinely and say the words 'no comments'.

What the hell! No comment means yes!

How dare Darrow still texting me! How dare him! He think he can fool me! No the hell way!

"Ang tagal mong dumating, Kairra!" bungad sa akin ni Sheeme nang makarating sa aming table. "I thought hindi ka na makakapunta."

Nagsisimula na silang mag-inuman, siguro may mga nakadalawa o tatlo ng shoots habang ang iba ay nasa dancefloor na. Marami-rami kami dahil halos kalahati ng klase ang narito ngayon. Namataan ko si Clarence sa tapat na upuan ni Sheeme, sa tabi ni Clarence ay si Ken na nginitian ako. I smiled at him back.

"Sadyang maaga lang kayo." depensa ko at naupo sa tabi niya.

She just rolled her eyes.

"Alam n'yo, parang nakita ko kanina dito si Darrow, kasama niya iyong gwapong kasama n'ya noon sa party."

Narinig kong kwentuhan nila Zandro papasok sa aming table mukhang galing silang dancefloor.

They mean, my cousins? My cousin is with Darrow again?

Narinig ko ang iritadong pagtikhim ni Sheeme sa aking tabi. I don't know what her problem.

"What is it?" baling ko sa kaniya.

She shook her head. "Nothing!" iritado parin.

"Ohh, nandito kana pala, Kairra! Ang akala namin ay mang-go-ghost ka." si Zandro nang mamataan ako.

"Nahuli lang."

"Let's drink, then! Gusto kong malasing ang daming pogi sa dancefloor. Lalandiin ko nga!" si Zandro na matino pa naman ngunit parang may tama na dahil sa mga pinagsasabi.

Nagtawanan ang lahat nang nakarinig ng sinabi niya, nangiti lamang ako. Si Sheeme sa aking tabi ay nasulyapan kong mabilis na uminom ng dalawang magkasunod na shoots.

I scowled. She have a problem?

"Sheeme, are you okay?" nakatitig kong tanong sa kaniya.

"Yup. Inom ka narin." aniya at nginitian ako.

Mga hard liquor ang lahat ng nandito sa aming lamesa kaya naman ng uminom ako ay pinangalahatian lamang. Though, I'm hurt right now but I don't want to be drunk! Naisip ko ngang magpakalasing ngunit sa huli ay umuurong.

Tssk, I'm not here to forget about Darrow because there's a right time for that. I'm here to take away all my stress!

Nilibot ko ang mata ko sa aming table. Nag-iinom na ang lahat. Sunod-sunod ang bawat inom nila kaya hindi na ako magtataka kung sakaling malasing sila at hindi na makaauwi pa sa bahay bahay.

Beside me, I caught again Sheeme drink another glass. I noticed that she's too serious and silent now seems she's thinking something deeply.

"Sheeme, dahan-dahan baka malasing ka."

"Nakakatatlo pa lang, K! Malalasing na agad. Just drink too, para sa puso mong sugatan." aniya, inirapan ako.

Napaawang ang bibig ko sa sinabi niya. "What was that!?" lito kong tanong.

"Darrow is seeing someone! Hindi ka ba nasasaktan!" aniya na tila may pinaghuhugutan.

Of course, nasasaktan ako! Ayaw ko lamang isipin dahil nararamdaman ko ang sobrang-sobrang sakit sa dibdib!

I'm here, trying not to think about him but my best friend reminding me about how hurt I am!

"May problema ba, Shee?" seryoso kong tanong.

"Wala." mapait niyang saad. "Gusto ko lang talagang uminom dahil stress ako."

"No! I think you want to drink to forget something - or someone."

Mabilis ang paglingon niya sa akin. "Someone?" she said sounds so bitter.

"Guys, let's go to dancefloor. May lakas na 'ko ng loob para lumandi." excited at malakas na saad ni Zandro.

I don't have any plan to dance but Sheeme quickly grabbed my hand at pull me to stand. Sinamaan niya ako ng tingin, nagsasabing huwag na akong umalma. In the end, I just let her pull me until where the dancefloor was.

Ang mga ibang kasamahan namin ay naroon na, nagsasayawan sumasabay sa maalong tugtugin. Sheeme start dancing, dahil nasa tabi niya ako ay bahagyan niya ako natulak dahil para bumangga sa taong nasa aking likuran. Someone hold my waist from my bank and when I turned I saw Ken, smiling at me. I just smiled at him back too.

"Thanks." sabi ko sa kaniya ng nakangiti.

"Are you drunk?" natatawa niyang tanong.

Bahagyan din akong natawa. "Nope. Kaonti pa lang ng naiinom ko, noh!" utas ko.

Sheeme grabbed my wrist without my permission while she's dancing. Nilapit niya ang bibig niya sa aking tenga upang makabulong 'ata.

"Someone's watching you from up." she whispered while laughing.

"Lasing kana ba, Shee?" pagalit kong saad. "Tssk, lasing ka na nga. Balik na tayo sa table."

"I'm not drunk, duh!" iritado siya. "Darrow's watching you." dagdag niya sa kaninang sinasabi.

Because of what she said my slow moved stopped as I quickly feel my heart beat faster! What the hell! What just she said!?

Kung kanina ay nakakapagsayaw pa ako ng mabagal, ngayon ay hindi na makasabay sa maingay na tugtugin. My surroundings are chaotic but my world seems to be stuck with what Sheeme said. Mas lalo ko pang naramdaman kung gaano kabilis at kalakas ang kalabog ng aking dibdib!

Shocks!

Totoo ba iyon? O talagang lasing lang si Sheeme!

Then, why don't you confirm it, Kairra!