La Vie En Rose

I heard her footsteps. She's running. Towards me. She's here. Kneeling. She have never knelt to something. To have something. She knows we'd give her anything. We'd let her do anything. Just not this. This one thing. It should not happen. "Momma, you know I want it so much since day one, ye?" Her sparkling eyes tells the truth. Tells how she does want it. Tells that she'd do anything to do it. The way she spoke without pause and regret. The way her eyes sparkled like she'd cry if I'd utter a "No." She did want it. I knew all along she'd want it. But I never knew she'd argue and pursue it. I thought. We thought. But hasn't it change? I thought those worked. "Momma, I'm twenty years old already." Yes she is. "I'm too old." She added. " Too old not to know what it is out there." She's grown up and she grew up as beautiful as the pink roses in the garden. She's a young lady. But she know nothing about the city. Was it thirteen years ago? "Momma, momma! Nana Hilda gave me this." Excitedly she ran towards me while waving a picture in her tiny hands. Her fingers almost crumpling it, trying to hold it real tight. What could this be that our little angel is so excited showing her Momma. "Yes darling, what is it?" She smiled from ear to ear. "Look Momma!" She said with eagerness. I was amazed of what it appears to be. A picture of Paris. She's amazed and I was horrified by that look. The city which took our dearest. "Momma, isn't it beatiful?" She softly said while caressing the picture. "No, darling. The city is not what you see it is." I blurted without holding myself. "Is it? Do you know this city so well Momma?" She asked in disbelief. "No, but I've heard a lot about it." I answered. I did heard a lot about it from your mother. "Paris is beautiful just like home." She said. I'm aware it's beautiful that's why it appears to be horrible to me. "I'd keep this picture then." She ended the conversation with a kiss on my cheek. And the other day... "Momma! So this is Bali." Bali? That does sound familiar. Was it the same? "Momma, it's Bali. Heard about it right? An island in Indonesia." Oh yes that one! "Never seen such beautiful seas. Have you Momma?" She's curious. "No, but I've heard about it. It's horrible." I said, again. "Horrible like Paris?" She furrowed her brows. "Yes." I turned around to continue what I was doing. "I'll keep it then." She whispered to herself. I looked back and saw her smile. Why is it making her smile? I said it's horrible. And in another day,.. I heard her talk with Nana Hilda. "Nana, what else?" Asking for more information about don't know what place this time. Nana Hilda walked to the right and closed her eyes. Thinking of a great place. I bet she could say none this time. It took her long to say, "Oh California." "Caifornia?" She stood up and held Nana's hands. "Like Japan's Sakura?" She nod. "Like Texas' fields?" She nod. "Like Australia's Ulura?" She nod. "Like Canada's Maple Tree?" She nod. "Oh how beautiful could that place be?" She laughed and danced with her Nana. "Nana." I barged in. "Oh, Madam, you're there." She smiled shyly. "Momma, have you heard of California? It's a great place." She ran and hugged me. "Okay darling." I pat her head. "Nana please join me at the rose garden to pick some fresh roses." She immediately moved and went to the garden. I know she's a great nana, and great individual. But she's so chatty. Better let her go. Our little angel will live a life nowhere near those beauties you said they are. They're nowhere beautiful than the rural. If only you kept "Nana Hilda?" She cried while getting up her bed. She had a bad sleep. So young and such a cry-baby. "Momma, where is Nana?" She climbed up to me and sat in my lap. "She had to go." I said coldly. "Why? She did not told me." She hugged me. "She had to." I said. "Where?" She got curious, like kids are. "To Korea?" She asked. I moved my head from left to right to say no. "To Venice?" She asked. I moved my head from left to right to say no. "To Cape Town?" She asked. I moved my head from left to right to say no. "To Amsterdam?" I moved my head from left to right to say no. "To where?" She stood up and bit her lip. "Where could an adventurous soul be going?" She added. "To Zamboanga." I answered while having a sip of my hot Cocoa "Oh." She was disappointed by my answer. "No place is as beautiful as here my darling. Trust me." I said while moving her to sit to the next chair. "Have you went to other places Momma? You seem so sure." She got a piece of bread and dipped it on the hot choco. She did not look at me. She is so focused with eating her favourite pair. She looked so gentle and so tiny. Even her toes did not touch the floor. She's gentle but she sounded a bit harsh when she say that line. "No, but I heard." I said. "You wouldn't know how it really looks and feel like to be there if you haven't been there Momma." She added. I stood up. I felt defeated. Who taught this girl to talk back to her Momma? "I don't want to be there. I know I'd regret it. And don't try to talk like a grown up. It doesn't suit you." I don't know but I feel so angry right now. "How would you regret? It's like knowing how to get hurt but wasn't really hurt? Bitten by a cat without really being? Tasted wine when you have not really? Is it called imagination?" She talked while the bread is on her mouth. Sounds like she's murmuring. "Stop it! You know nothing. One more word from you and I won't let you play in the garden with your minions!" I shouted. "They're not my minions! They're my friends. You won't stop me from talking. I won't play today!" She stood up from the tall chair. Ran and locked her room. Like she always does when she cry. It was thirteen years ago. I'm sure of it. This time she did not went to her room to bury her face on her pink pillows. She ran to me, knelt, did not cry but she looks like on the verge of crying. She's here in front of me, begging. "Get up. You won't!" I said, for the last time.