Little Miss Perfect

Chapter 19

Chapter 19

"Did you enjoy that?" he asked me, his voice still husky.

"Yeah," I replied, pulling him closer as some cold air hit my bare body.

He smirked. "So did I"

We were met by another silence where we listened to each other's breath.

"What now?" he asked me.

I knew what he meant. If I stayed by Nathan, he would expect me to become close to him, into a 'more that friends' relationship. I couldn't trust boys, not after Connor. If I walked out and stopped talking to him, he would hate me again, and it would hurt both of us. And if he started hating me again, I could lose my friendship with Cory. And as much as I didn't want to rely on anyone again, it was nice having a friend. I knew Nathan was a player but I could see his different side very clearly. I knew that I couldn't get close to him. No matter what happened. But...there was the heat and the heartbeat and the passion. That Sam couldn't even give me.

"I don't know what we are Nathan," I said to him. "I don't want to walk away from you, but I know that you're a player and I don't know what you think about me and-"

To my horror I started crying. Why? I didn't know - maybe it was because I felt helpless and had no idea what to do, but hot tears started to wet my cheeks. I had never felt this confused before. I had never felt the need to consider other people's feelings, because there was hardly anyone I cared about. With Connor, it was simple, I liked him, I hated him.But to my surprise Nathan hugged me and told me that it was alright.

"What do you want to do?" he asked me when I had calmed down. "Friends, mates?"

I didn't know the answer to the question. I couldn't get mentally close to Nathan, because he could break me. But kissing him was out of this world.

"Nathan...I don't want to...do this anymore," I said to him. I was sacrificing everything I had with him because of the fear I gained because of Connor.

"Ok," he said. I thought that he would get angry or mad and start hurling abuse at me, but he simply said ok and got out of bed. He quickly got dressed and left me on my own.

As soon as he left the room, I felt cold again. Cold and lonely. I had lost him now, again.

But it was for the best my mind told me, but I knew deep down, I could have been a little more happier with Nathan in my life.

I got out of the bed and found my clothes on the floor and went outside. I couldn't go back into my room, because I would feel alone. I was hoping the fresh air would clear my head.

I went to the bench I sat when I first met Josh. I realized how much Connor had damaged me. I could have actually had a relationship with Nathan, if I hadn't been afraid of him hurting me. Connor did not only break my heart then, but he also broke it again when I made it clear to Nathan that I didn't want to see him again. And I hated Connor for that. He had no right to do that. I wanted to be the old Sandy Mathews again. The Sandy who lived in a carefree world with loving parents and awesome siblings. I imagined who I would be now if the accident hadn't happened. I guess I would be like Bridgit, the careless happy and gigly girl, whose only problems were what goes on in celebrity gossip magazines.

"Hey, Sandy," I heard Cory's voice say. He sat down next to me.

"Where were you, I've been looking around everywhere," he said. I couldn't tell him about Nathan.

"Just around," I said vaguely.

"Have you spoke to Nathan?" he asked me.

"Yeah...we sorted it out. We're mates now," I said. If I had left Nathan earlier, with just the word mates, he probably would be the least of my worries now.

Cory's eyes looked relieved. I noticed that his eyes were lighter than his brother's chocolate brown ones. I knew that they were half brothers, but they didn't look much alike. Nathan was more strong jawed and had harder colder eyes. His body was also bigger and more muscular. Cory, however, had a soft looking face, with soft, kind eyes. He wasn't muscular like his brother, but thin and tall. Cory was kind, full stop. Nothing more, nothing less.

I was never nice. Before the accident, I used to be care-free and shallow. I had no idea how harsh the world outside me was. I was like a stereotypical rich girl. Dramatic, petty and hurtful. I was so rich that if someone upset me a little, I could put them down in school. But I was always happy. After the accident, I became harsh and cold. I was only nice around my siblings. People avoided me, because tiny things could annoy me. And people thoughy that if they annoyed me, it could cost their parents their jobs because that's what would have happened before. But for some reason, people liked me. It was obvious that I meant the world to Stacy and Brandon. Luke and I were as close as best friends, and Mark always understood me. Maybe it was because I was their sibling, and they've been through what I've been through. But I still did not understand why Nathan liked me. I was not a likable person. I did not know Why Cory like me either. Maybe he was nice towards everyone. Bridgit seemed to like me as well, but maybe it was because she's an outcast, like me. I did not have to wonder why Connor ever liked me. He never did. It was because he was pretending. He was made to.

Cory's warm hand found my cold one.

"The only reason I wanted you to make up with Nathan was so he knows that you're nothing more that friends. If you wanted to be more that friends with him, you would have told me right?" asked Cory. This seemed like a cue to tell him the truth about what just happened between me and Nathan, but I couldn't. I just could not meet his warm eyes and tell him something that might upset him.

"If nothing's going on between you and Nathan...Sandy Cole...will you go out with me?" asked Cory.