It's A Lot More Than That

I feel so stupid. How could I possibly think I'd make it through this? I'm a f*****g i***t. Will you just breathe, lunatic! Everything is gonna be fine. As you can probably tell by the way I'm arguing with my subconscious, I'm a little torn. Part of me is saying that I can accomplish this, but... Another part of me is saying I'm going to make a complete jackass of myself and fail, and cry... and die. Will you stop! You are not going to die. Shut up! I bet there's an 87% chance I could die. Really? How's that, Faith? Well... I could... I might... Oh just shut up. I shake my head in defeat and stare at the dark, opaque curtain in front of me. I can't do this. "Next: Faith Howard," a loud, rough voice boomed from the other side of the curtain. You can do this. I pull back the curtain and walk onto the stage. Mom is going to kill us. That's my last thought before I go to the center stage and get into the first position. I, Faith Howard, am about to audition for one of the most prestigious -- scratch that -- the most prestigious school for dancers. Julliard. But if I'm going to tell you my story, it is best if I start from the beginning. Don't worry, I'm only going back to the beginning of the school year. Ten Months Earlier... "No, no, no!" Everyone in the room stopped when an ear piercing scream from our instructor Madame Dumont echoed through the room. We followed her perfectly manicured fingered to LeAnn Sanders, who was at the practicing bar, pointing her toes incorrectly. LeAnn glanced down at her toes then back up at Madame's disappointed face. LeAnn, being one of the less motivated students, only rolled her eyes and went back to practicing. Madame Dumont dropped her head and sighed in defeat. I don't know what she expected. LeAnn has been doing this since Freshman year. She looked up at the rest of us when her eyes locked with mine. Her frown immediately disappeared and was replaced with a pearly white smile. "Faith! Would you mind showing the class how to properly point their toes when performing the Pointe Technique?" Even though it was a question, I knew that I wouldn't have a choice. I didn't want to do it. I mean, of course, I know how to do it, but Madame always calls on me to demonstrate this and demonstrate that. I'm sick of it. And so are they. 'They' equals all of the other girls and guys in the room. They all hate me. And when I say hate, I mean HATE. They hate me as much as the general population hates Mondays. Ever since middle school (when I started taking the school ballet classes instead of the community ones), I have been chosen to dance the main role, solo, or boy/girl duet, and that is when all the hatred began. I lost my best friend, and all the other friends I had and basically became the school outcast. The hatred actually is caused by one girl in particular, but... we won't focus on that right now. Point is: I'm considered a teacher's pet, show-off, know-it-all, and any other jealous teenage girl insult you can think of. "I'm pretty sure LeAnn knows how it goes Madame Dumont," I stated quickly before turning back to my practice bar. "Faith I insist. Come and demonstrate the technique." Madame snapped her fingers and tapped her foot on the floor beside her. I could argue with this woman all day, but we both knew it would end with me doing the technique. So I made my way over to the middle of the floor, hearing not-so-quiet protests on my way. I stood there for a second and looked at all the unhappy faces staring back at me. It's amazing how fast people turn on you because of one person... I got into the first position and began to perform the Pointe Technique. After years of dancing, I've learned that the most important thing you should know while performing is don't get distracted. So in the past six years, I have learned to tune out the fake coughs, whispering, rude comments, and any other noises that could throw me off. Once done I hold my finishing pose for a few seconds until I see Madame nod and turn back to LeAnn. "That is how you are to properly point a toe, Miss Sanders," she snapped. I walked back towards my practice spot only to see Victoria Young stretching in it. Remember how I said all the hatred I get is because of one person..... Weelll... Victoria Young is that person. Vickie has been the bane of my existence for the past five years. I don't know what caused it but ever since the first day of eight grade Vickie somehow started a chain reaction and I lost all of my friends. She just kinda shut me out of not only her life but also everyone else's at this godforsaken school. Till this day I still have yet to figure out why she has made it her life mission to make my life a living hell. "Excuse me, Vickie, that's my practice spot." I lightly tap her shoulder. "Um no offense Faith, but I rather you didn't come near me. This whole loser thing you got going on might be contagious." She holds her hand up and waves it as if she's expecting me to leave. She put a hand in front of her mouth and whispered something to her friend, Sarah, who was standing behind the practicing bar, beside us. They both quickly glanced at me and laughed as if it was one of the most hilarious things they'd ever heard even though I highly doubt it was. "Seriously, could you guys just move? You've done this ever since the first day of school. It's literally the same routine every day. I leave. You show up. You whisper something that is soo hilarious. And finally, I say some know-it-all comment causing you to get pissed and go gossip about me to LeeAnn." Vickie and Sarah stared at me with their mouths hanging open a little before turning to each other and rolling their eyes. I usually don't stand up for myself like that, but after two weeks of them doing this, I couldn't stand it anymore. "And what makes you think you can talk to me like that?" Vickie snapped. "Um, the first amendment," I respond bending down to grab my bag. I stood there for a second waiting for her usual bitchy-sarcastic comeback, but I only received a blank stare in response. I honestly worry about Vickie sometimes. She's a genius when it comes to schemes, pranks, and being evil. But when it comes to book smarts, she's not that bright. Which makes me wonder how she even got into MGHS. Mason's Gifted High School is one of the most prestigious private high schools in Texas. You have to at least have a 3.7 GPA to get in. When I first met her, I thought that she would grow out of it and get smarter, but I was highly mistaken. Going back to the topic at hand, I turn back towards Vickie to respond to her still blank face. "You know... Bill of Rights...The first amendment... we have the right to the freedom of speech." I said slowly so she would understand. "I knew that." She blurted out quickly, going back to stretching. "Then why didn't you say anything?" I raise an eyebrow. "Well see you were boring me so I just tuned you out, thinking you would eventually leave," she said smiling. Ugh. Ever since that dreadful first day of eighth grade, I have had only one wish: Vickie wouldn't be in any of my classes. Sadly, she is in all of them. I began to walk to another spot as I heard Vickie mumble the word "freak" causing people around her to laugh. The class was dismissed about an hour later and I stopped stretching to begin picking up my things. My phone buzzed from inside my bag. I had to shuffle through my dirty clothes and ballet shoes for a few minutes until I finally found it. It was Chase. My boyfriend... as in boy-friend. I may have exaggerated losing all my friends. It's just that I don't count him as just a friend considering I fantasize daily about the moment he might show any feeling other than friendly towards me. I thought nothing could ever change the fact that I only see him as a friend. Except I soon found out I was dead wrong. You see Chase went through something everyone goes through, but his process was way more life-altering. Puberty. Puberty changed Chase for the better. He went from a chubby, curly-haired, awkward phase, 11-year-old boy ( that I still loved even then) to a muscular, charming, mouth-watering hot, 17-year-old boy. His change was slow, but it was totally worth it. I know, I know. Totally cliche. Girl in love with her best friend, but my crush isn't just because of his face. I've known Chase basically my whole life. The thought of dating him passed my mind way before he was considered sexy. Him hitting puberty just kinda... Intensified the situation. "Hey, Chase!" I excitedly speak into the phone, glad I'm going to hear his voice. I actually haven't talked to him in a while. "Hey," his smooth, deep voice traveled through the phone. I heard background voices and yelling, so he was obviously still on the field. "Are you done with practice?" He asked. "Perfect timing, we just got dismissed." I tried to sound as casual as I possibly could, but instead, it came out rushed and shaky. "Sweet! You wanna come hang out on the field with us." "Us?" Surely he didn't mean the other soccer players. Cause he knows that I don't converse with those barbarians. Especially one in particular... My question was answered before Chase could speak. It's high screechy voice traveled through the phone, piercing my ears. I could clearly picture the overly excited redhead yapping on and on about something no one even cares about. The second bane of my existence. Kate McNarland. Aka Chase's girlfriend. Aka my fake ass friend. There was no way in hell I was going to sit there and listen to Kate talk about how "meant to be" her and Chase were. "Uh no thanks Chase, I have a lot of homework to catch up on," I said trying to sound apologetic. "Faith it's the second week of school and you're telling me you are already behind on homework? You? The OCD control freak, with a 4.3 GPA, that can't leave anything unfinished?" I should have known Chase would be able to see through my lie. Also, that wasn't one of my best lies. "Come on Faith, we've barely hung out since school started. If you don't get out here I will come get you myself." As much as I would love for Chase to actually chase me down just to hang out with him, I didn't want people to see me being carried out of the school like that. "I am perfectly capable of walking to the field. I don't need you to carry me caveman style, because as cliche as that is, it is also---" "Sexist and degrading to women. I know, I know. I've heard that speech a million times before. Just get your ass down here. Bye." I opened my mouth to respond but he already hung up. I threw my phone back into my bag and walked into the locker room. I grabbed a clean pair of Nike shorts and a tank top, slipped them on and quickly brushed my hair into a ponytail. I put on my backpack and grabbed my duffle bag then walked out the door. The field wasn't that far from the school. You just cross the parking lot and walk down the stairs to get to the bleachers or the field. I stopped by my car to put away my bags, keeping only my phone. I also grabbed a Longhorn cap and some sunglasses. I walked through the gate and immediately saw Chase doing some weird dance move at center field. Everyone else was doing sit-ups. It'll only be a matter of time before Coach Jenkins got mad and yelled, so I just waited. When Coach finally said something to him, Chase stopped dancing and said something back to Coach with a smirk on his face. Coach went red and yelled in his face making everyone stop for a second. While he yelled, Chase appeared totally unfazed. I remember Chase telling me once that the guys take turns having a go at Coach's nerves. Obviously, it's his turn. "That's it twelve laps around the field, Taunton!" Once Chase started running everybody went back to what they were doing. Chase was running but when he reached me he stopped. "Hey there Faithy, you showed your face. Looks like I don't have to hunt you down!" Okay, I know. Don't bash me. It's not the best nickname but it's the thought that counts. I looked back at the coach, who was looking at his clipboard, then turned back to Chase. "Hey, um shouldn't you be running?" "Ah whatever," he said swatting his hand in the coach's direction. "What's he gonna do? Bench me?" "He could if he wanted to." I pointed out. "Oh please. I'm the best he's got next to Santiago." Chase pointed over to the sidelines where Garrett Santiago was currently showing off what I'm assuming is this week's girlfriend. Poor chick doesn't even know she'll be gone and replaced by Friday. "You're telling me Garrett is the best the team's got." I laugh and roll my eyes at the thought. "Yeah when he's not being a total d**k, he is great. A little bit of a show stealer though." Chase mumbles the last part while brushing sweat off his forehead. I've known Chase for a long time to know that, even though they are friends, he has always been a tad bit jealous of Garrett. As for my feelings towards Garrett... Let's just say everything I have thought of him has been negative since that dreadful first day of eighth grade. "Faith?" The sound of Chase's voice brought me back to reality. "You okay?" he placed his hand on my shoulder with a sense of concern. "Yeah, I'm fine." I smile while trying to stay calm when he is so so close to me. Anyway, why was Coach yelling at you?" "Oh nothing he just caught me on my phone then I started ignoring him and doing my own thing." I immediately felt bad that I was part of the reason he was in trouble. "Oh sorry about that," I said meekly. Chase looked back at me with a confused look. "It wasn't your fault. I called you. Plus I was on my phone before I called you." He gave me a reassuring smile, and I smiled back at him. I looked around and was highly relieved that I didn't see Kate anywhere. "Uhh, where's Kate?" I ask hoping that she doesn't pop up at the mention of her name. "Oh damn! You just missed her. She said she had something to do and left." He pointed to a yellow buggy that was backing out of the parking lot. I watched as Kate hurriedly hopped in and drove off. Yes! Now I have him all to myself. "TAUNTON, STOP THE CHIT CHAT AND GET YOUR ASS MOVING!" Okay, not completely to myself. We both turned to see a very angry Coach, pointing his pen at Chase. "Ugh, I better go before he starts to really get mad." He winked at me and went back to running. That wasn't mad? Yikes! I walked over to the benches where some of the other players were and sat down there. As I was watching the guys practice and sneaking looks at Chase running, I could hear the guys on my right calling for me to come and sit with them. "Hey Faith, wanna have some fun?" I shifted my gaze over to Garrett, who was still clinging to his temporary girlfriend. "Sure," I respond with a smile. "But you will be the last person in the universe I will have it with." "Oops! Looks like I hit a nerve." He laughed before going right back to flirting with his arm candy. As if I would even think about going to hang out with them when I know that they would only use cheesy pickup lines while being total jackasses. Giving him and all the other guys a perfect view of my middle finger, I went back to watching the practice. They made "Aww" noises pretending to be sad, before going back to talking about the girls' volleyball team new uniforms. "I hate men." ---- Vote Comment Follow Share -A