OBSESSION

His promises were such the most scintillating words for me but now it sounds preposterous. His exuberant attitude excites me before, but now? It's insipid. But I'm a pathetic fabulist. Cause even if I lie to myself thousands of times, he's already tattooed in my mind. People around me tends to believe that we were more than friends, I concede that, but I stay reticent. I often had reveries about my future with him. How ludicrous am I for anticipating that there will be an us til the end! I was caught off guard with my feelings. Now, here I am, trying to dissemble happiness in my heart, knowing that he found his standard, an impeccable and voluptuous lady. An epitome of beauty. Who am I compared to her? A little girl who lacks aplomb, aloof, inscrutable. What a shame! Maybe I need a total transmutation, funny isn't it? So I've changed. I vehemently change myself. Change to make him mine, mine alone. Funny that people around me starts to impugn my actions, seems like I'm no longer a frivolous person. Can't they just act like nothing happened? I know it's ideé fixe. I'm obsessed and it's precariously detrimental but it just feels so good. It was a cold night, a concrete representation of how frigid he was towards me. Yes, he isn't oblivious about me being obsessed into him and that is the reason why he turns back and never came back. I even wished I just succumb that day when he left without leaving a word but suddenly I discover my real clay. Standing beside his bed, hearing the quietness of the night, watching him in his deep slumber is the only chance that I can freely stare at his formidable features. Reminiscing our times together is such a painful happiness. I can still feel his warmth despite the coldness. I can still see how beautiful his eyes are even in the darkness. I can still hear his laughter amidst the noise of silence . I didn't know that fate can be this awful. I am just loving him but why did he chose to love someone else? I tried to suppress the pang that i felt but tears are inevitable traitors. Watching how tight his embrace with the lady next to him stabs me millions of times. He's happy and comfortable and it's visible even in his sleep. Am I the reason for that happiness? But why am I here, standing and watching them while silently weeping? I want him mine, I know he's mine. I am here because I love him. And this is the best thing to do. I lied beside him, feeling his body. I stared at his handsome face, his eyes wide open, mouth agape. I embraced him tightly knowing that he will not hug me back. I am very happy because finally he's mine. I kissed him good night while hearing the cacophony made by sirens. The sharp edge of the knife gently slit my throat, I never felt any pain because happiness already wrapped my heart. As I close my eyes, preparing to rest forever, I can still clearly hear his voice, struggling for air while saying my name. After three years, he called my name again. He called my name before he died and that makes my life complete. Yes, he's fate is to marry someone else not me but I find a way to cheat with our destiny. We still end up dying together. Now, I'm proud to say that I am a murderer because I am in love.