The Psychopath's Obsession

Chapter 13

This is just another day but not normal. Every Sunday, I considered it as my rest for all the pain. I just focus my mind with my lord.

I dress myself with a blue below the knee dress. Always remember, that if you're going to a sacred place like church, you should wear something presentable because, if you can't respect the Lord with your cloths, then you're not fully respecting him.

The Lord may not command you to wear something formal but you should know it. As I get to sit, I cried because I know, I made a lot of mistake this past few weeks, and that's because of Bullet. I'm sorry for not thinking right just because of a man. I'm sorry because I think, I'm changing myself just to be accepted.

I wiped my tears and continue to say sorry. I want my old self. In just a span of time, Bullet immediately made a havoc in my life. And I'm kinda regretful because I let him in...

Because of what happened to me, I promise to not change myself for someone or just to be acceptable, 'cause the Lord made me like this, I'm accepted by him 'cause he made me.

I don't care if people don't see my worth, but I know, the Lord knows that I'm worth it.

After the mass, I can feel the light feeling in my chest. The burden, the pain, the loneliness just vanished. I emote for so long 'cause I don't have someone or family, but I forgot that Lord is just here, waiting for us to be needed. He's just here, we people just the one who can't see him.

Now that I'm back to myself, I can finally forget what happened all this time.

I smiled at that thought.

I stop at the vendors that selling street foods. I have my money for today. I want to treat myself today, self love first, always remember that.

Because I love eating, I buy every food that I want to eat. I'm so full when I'm done eating. I'm sitting the the bench, not so far at the church. I watch the children that running and laughing.

I flinched when someone sat at the vacant chair in front of me. My smile was already plastered on my face when I saw who it is.

Bullet's dark eyes met mine as I look at him. He was eyeing me dangerously. I suddenly felt the shiver ran down my spine! His effect on me evolved! Before just my heart that beating so fast.

I gulp. "Yes?" I'm thankful that I didn't stutter.

He smirked. "Long time no see, my goddess…" he bit his lower lip.

The anger that I felt and disappointment suddenly came back. "For you. I always saw you, every day." My voice was held with coldness.

He just chuckled. I'm just playing brave in front of him. I don't want him to see me as someone that needs a dependant. I lived my life for years, how could I not now? I'm just longing to have someone, but I don't want to first him. If he doesn't want to be friends with me, OR associate with me, fine.

"I always see you too. At least we're fair." He even shrugged his shoulders.

My blood boiled. Why is he acting like he didn't do anything wrong?! Does he forget it already? Or just playing with me again?

"What do you want from me, really?" Coldness envelope my voice. I bet that I don't held any emotion in my face and eyes too.

The happy aura around him vanished. He sighed deeply then lean on his sit. "I'm sorry, Milda…"

My brow raised. "Why are you sorry? Did you do something wrong to me?" I fired back.

His dangerous dark eyes gaze at me face, like he's remembering every part of it. "I know that you know that I did something wrong to you..." he sighed. "It's a long story but I'll make it short for you." he scratched his head. "I'm mad, Milda. My madness drove me to do that, but it's against my will. I don't want to do that to you, but my madness overcome my mind. I did the most dumbness way to get even to you. Fvck. It's hard than I thought."

He held my face like he missed seeing it. "I'm sorry... I'm so sorry. I just played with Monica. I don't really like her. I just want to get even to you. Bullshit right? I don't like her."

"Then... Why are you always there?" I asked.

His brow raised. "Aren't you listening? I said, I want to get even to you! Fvck!"

"Why? I didn't do anything wrong to you..."

"I know, okay? That's why I'm sorry! I'm an asshole to do that to you... So, do you accept my apology?" He suddenly asked.

He was apologizing?! How come?! I didn't feel any sincerity on his words. But, I'm a bit contented that he still apologized to me.

But... What really is the reason why he did that?

Should I ask him?

I sighed deeply. "Why now? You should have apologized to me sooner."

"Because I'm scared, scared that you'll not accept it, or something. I don't know what to think, so it lasted for weeks."

If it's sooner, maybe I accepted his apology for leaving me like we don't know each other. 'Cause of this, the pain that I felt came. It hit my heart big time.

Why are men do hard to understand? They always jump into conclusions! They should learn how to asked first before doing things that they will regret later.

If they're hurt or something, the exchange of their made has doubled of the pain that we're feeling or receives.

Bullet hurt me without me, knowing that I did wrong. He had done so many things that he is sorry now. He could have asked me! I'll answer him truthfully.

"To be fair with you. I don't want to forgive you. I didn't do anything wrong that may trigger you to hurt me, I always do what you want. It's always on your favor." I brushed my hair. "I came to party because you want me. I risk my life, Bullet. You don't know any s**t about my life! Maybe, you knew something, but it's just a small part... I have so many secrets that I want to keep for myself 'cause I don't want others to be in danger. I risk to be with you, to be friends with you... You know what? You really hurts me big-time. You acted like you don't know me in the office, but the truth is, you did."

"That's why I'm sorry, Milda… I know I'm an asshole. Please... Please, give a chance. I'll not do it again, I'll never let the chance go. I'll not break it... Please? I'm so sorry..." He plead.

He plead to me!

I don't know if I should accept it, but I don't want to be apart to him. I want him to be my friend, still. I still want him to be by my side.

I can't put up a right word to describe what I'm feeling. I'm confuse at the same time, happy. He said, he don't really like Monica, I don't know why, but the pain the pain that I'm feeling suddenly vanished like it's not there in my heart for 2 weeks.

So, the truth is, he just used Monica for what? To get even to me? In what matter? I can't really recall what I did.

"Answer my question first, Why did you used Monica?" I fired.

He lean on his sit then look at me as his lips tugged upwards. He's now smirking at me like this is just a joke. I don't really understand his attitude. Does he have bipolar disorder? Is he mentally healthy?

"My answer may caused havoc to you, My Goddess…" He answered seriously but there's a tease on it.

I made a face. "Beat it."

He slowly chuckled as he lean towards me. He stopped when the distance is just inches away from his face. I didn't backward even my face is flustered as hell. It's burning!

"I turned my back to you. I didn't talked to you for so long. I used Monica, is because..." he leans more that his lips already touches my ear. I shiver at the sudden sensation that I feel. "I'm jealous, My Goddess… I'm jealous as fvck and thanks to your jerk of a Boss." he said the last phrase casually. He really don't like my Boss, well Boss doesn't like him too. It's eww.

Silence.

I can't find any words to say. I just stared at him who's now looking at me too. We savor the silence, and I know that he already knew my answer just by looking at me.

Yes. I accept his apology. I accepted him again in my life. That's how dumb I am. But I'm proud of it, it's part of my personality.

Please, don't waste the chance Bullet. I'm not a saint to always forgive you...

We end up eating our lunch together in my apartment. I don't feel any awkwardness between us, as I say, I still want Bullet to be my friend, I'm just hurt of what he did. I sounded like a girlfriend.

I cooked our lunch while he just help me cut the vegetables. I cooked 'Adobong Manok' it's a very famous dish here in the Philippines.

As we eat, we continue to talk, for the days that we're apart. All this time, my heart won't stop to beat so fast! I can't calm my nerves 'cause I know, I'm happy that we're okay again. Every bit of my being are celebrating that Bullet is here and talking to me again.

"You're really messy when you are eating," He wiped my lips.

His boyish grinned shows as he lick his finger that he used. My cheeks burn with heat. My gosh.

"Is it bad?" I asked.

He shake his head. "No, never. Well, if you're with me. Only me."

I don't want to assume but his voice held with possessiveness, I'm indeed crazy for thinking that way! I shouldn't put any malice in his actions! Stop it, Milda.

"So, who made you a goddess that night?"

My brows furrowed in a curled manner. "That night? You mean, the party?" I gulped. "My cousin. I called her to help me. I'm thankful to what she did to me 'cause my workmates didn't even recognized me! They did not bully me the next day." I tell him like a kid. I even clapped my hand because of happiness.

Well, there's still good thing after that party, right? They think that I didn't come, but they are wondering who's the woman who came that night, silly them, I am that woman they're talking about.

"I should meet your cousin, Milda. I want to meet her." I had a goose bumps so sudden. Why does he want to meet my cousin? What if... What if he would like her? Like romantically? And why am I even afraid? This is not me! If he wants my cousin then I should be happy!

I think I'm a bit advance to think that. He just want to meet my cousin and I jump to romantic relationship. I just go to church then I'm doing sins again.

"W-When? When do you want to meet her?" I bit my lower lip as I pretend that I'm eating. I hoped that he didn't notice my stuttering.

He looked like he's thinking. He even put his hands on his chin then smiled. "Tomorrow. I want to meet her tomorrow."

I closed my eyes.

God, please, let me have a good day tomorrow.