The Psychopath's Obsession

Chapter 18

I removed my glass as I look my self in the mirror. I look like hell, so damn hell...

Why can't I cry? I badly want to cry...

I feel like I'm going to passed out because of my head, it's still spinning, I'm getting dizzy each passing second…

Monica really hate me to the point that she hurts me so much. How can I face Bullet or Brandon or Emerald with my face? I think it will last weeks to get okay. Especially my cut because of the folder she threw to me.

I pressed the cloth more to the wound. It's a little deep and long. The cold compress is on my lips, the bruises that I get from Monica is not a joke. I know, I can in win the court if I want to see her, but I don't want more damage. I want to keep it to my self. It's nothing serious, right?

My curly hair is tied up, it's sticking to my wound and its hurt. I'm now here at my apartment, it take me home to get home. I didn't tell Bullet anything that happened, I eve hide, I don't want him to See Me like this, I need to get better first. But it's week, I predict.

It lasted almost an hour because he didn't leave when I told him I'll be going home late so no need to wait and pick me, but he didn't listen. So I tricked him, I told him, Emerald called me and pick me up instead because of serious matter.

Do I really need to lie everyday just to escape Bullet's hawk like eyes? Sooner, he would knew that I'm avoiding him, and I don't know what reason I should tell to him. I don't want to tell him what happened, or even to everyone.

I wear my glass again and lay on my bed. Monica's angry voice still lingering on my head. The way she said that Bullet loves her, it's like she would bet her life for me to believe it, and I'm slowly falling to it. Bullet and I don't have clear relationship except that we're friends. But in his case to Monica, she his ex, they have shared something serious, right?

I can still remember the days when Bullet was visiting Monica to our department just to say good morning and bring flowers and chocolate. I'm still jealous of that part because, I never received flowers from Bullet.

I sighed as I cleared my mind. I don't want to think more, I just want to rest my mind, body and soul. Kidding.

I look at right to left, assuring myself that Bullet already left. I sighed as I hail a taxi. I'm early but I want to hide from someone, I need to hide my bruises.

As I enter the company, it's just me who is here already in our department, but in other, there's few. I opened my computer and check the datas that I re-arranged yesterday.

I'm so exhausted last day, I finished so many works that I didn't get to eat at dinner. Oh my! Some of my clothes were on Bullet place still! Ah, I'll just get it some other time.

"Oh, the who're 's early in the morning! What's new?" One of Monica's server insults me. I didn't gave any interest on what she says.

I remained silent. She cuss then I felt a grip on my hair, pulling it up so I could face her. Her red plump lips is grinning like she's enjoying it.

"There's nothing interesting on you... Maybe you're good at seducing, yeah? Guess you're expert in giving a head." She blubber boldly.

She accusing me of something I didn't do or thinkof doing. Why are they accusing me of something they are the one doing it? I'm not like them. I'm not a w***e, slit or anything related to snake. I'm just me, Milda.

"Cat got your tongue? Why? Because it's true, right? You seduce Monica's boyfriend, such a who're!" she exclaimed.

I bit my lip hard. Why can't I fight her? Why I'm so stupid and coward to fight them? Why can't I fight for my self? Why I'm me?

I removed her hands to my hair, luckyly I succeed. She smirks at me before leaving me. I just sighed and combed my hair using my hands. When will this stop?

I opened my phone and just seconds, it beep and vibrates non-stop. There's so many message and it's all came from Bullet. There's call too. Ah, just wait, Bullet. I just need to recover. I want to face you better.

"Good morning." his first message.

"Where are you? I'm already here at your house?"

"Hey, where are you?"

"Why you're not coming?"

"Answer my calls!"

"Damn it! What's wrong, my goddess? Tell me..."

"I brought you something..."

"Hey, I'm starting to get mad. Don't kid around."

"Milda!" and that's his last message.

I sighed and just ignored it. I did my work, luckily I did not have to do theirs right now. I already finished it yesterday.

As much came, I leave lastly. I need to hide so I didn't eat at cafeteria and didn't go to 7/11, Bullet knew that I would go there if I'm not in cafeteria, so I changed my routine and find some cafe to eat.

Luckily I found one. I ate with silence and just look at me phone that's ringing. Bullet's calling me. Should I answer this or not? I chose the first one.

In order to hide nicely, he shouldn't suspect that I'm hiding.

"Hi!" I exclaimed half smiling.

I heard his heavy breathing. "Milda."

Just my name but I know better that he's already mad. He's mad at me. "Y-Yes Bullet."

"Where are you?" he asked coldly.

I bit my lower lip. "I'm doing something important. Did you eat already?" I mislead.

"Don't change the topic. I'm asking where are you?" okay, he's cold and scary. But I still want him.

"I'm just somewhere. Anyway, let's not talked about where I am." I sipped from my coffee. "How's your day? Have so many meetings?"

"I canceled them all." he answered shortly. I bit my lip hard. God, Bullet. This is hard but I don't want to face you like this.

"Ow..." I don't know what to say anymore.

I heard his sighed. "Where are you? Please... Just please tell me. I'm getting insane thinking where you are right now"

I shared my head to throw the thoughts of just telling him. I need to stand on my decisions. "I'm just somewhere, I told you. Anyway---"

"Babe let's go!" I heard a very familiar voice of a woman. It's none other than, Monica. So they're together right now? Wow. Amazing.

I'm doing my best here to get healed faster so I could be with him, but his with Monica. s**t. I sounded like a jealous girlfriend, but that's what I really felt.

All the time, Monica's telling the truth about her, being Bullet's girlfriend. I'm just denying it because I can't accept. But because of what i heard, it answered all my questions.

They're still together. And Bullet lied to me again. For the second time.

He hurt me again.

Why do I need to get hurt? I just trusted him, why do he need to break it again?

Why Bullet? Why do you keep on playing on me?

Monica's right. Maybe, just maybe, Bullet's just hanging around with me because of boredom, because of fun. He's just bored. He easily get bored. I'm sure that's the reason why he befriended me.

I didn't wait for Bullet's answer and just hang up the call. He called me again but I didn't answer it.

Such a liar Bullet.

Why I'm hurting this days? Do I deserve this?

Bullet... Why do I need to feel so much pain because of you? Why did I let my self fall for you...?

I gulp as I look at Emerald. I don't know why she's here but I'm thankful. At least just this moment I'm not alone. I want to tell Emerald what's my problem, but I don't have the courage… I'm not Bullet's girlfriend to whined like this. God I don't even have the right to be like this to him.

I know, Bullet didn't do anything wrong, he can't tell everything to me. But, why do he need to lie? If he's still with Monica I would understand. I can even support him!

"Cuz, by the look on your face, I could tell that something's wrong. What is it?" Emerald's concern voice pulled me out from my thoughts.

I look at her. I'm strong emotionally but how much I can endure this pain? I'm not a masochist for god's sake! But I can't let go of Bullet. Just by thinking, I can't... Really can't. He's too precious to me.

"I-I'm okay... Yeah, I'm okay. Nothing's wrong…" I said as in faked my smile. She looked at me seriously.

She tsked. "Don't f**k with me, cuz." she held my hands. Suddenly, the looks on her face soften. It's like she's about to cry. "Milda, you're too precious to me, so if something's wrong? Just tell me. I want you to be open to me, I want you to rely on me! I'm your cousin, your friend, don't treat me like someone you just knew." she cried.

At the moment, I know, I can't hold it anymore. I burst into tears as I stands up and hugged her, she did the same too... We just cry our heart until the burden that we felt disappear,but not for me, there's still the pain.

I cried to her shoulder but I didn't say anything. I thought I could open up but I'm afraid, afraid of the reason I don't even know myself.

As long as we want to spend the night together, she can't. Her parents will call the police just to find her. They don't know that we're still having a connection. They're that disgusted to me.

I looked at my ceiling as time past. Bullet stopped calling me, and I'm relieved. If he continues, I know I'll said hurtful words that I'll regret after. I don't want to lose him, but how about me? Is he afraid to lose me too? Or is it true that he's just playing with me?

Before I knew it, it already midnight. I thought it's still early. I rolled to the other side as I hugged my pillow.

"f**k you, Bullet..." my mouth had it's own life.

"Yeah, f**k him." My eyes got widen. He's here. I got froze on my spot as I felt the bed sink a little.

Why is he coming? What do he need this time? Is he here to hurt me too? I'm tired...

I felt he's cold hands touch my hair and stroke it gently. Suddenly, my eyes closed itself. Why do I felt comfortable to him all of the sudden? Am I that lonely to feel comfortable to the one harassing me?

"He's not worth the tears, baby. He's not. He's just another asshole that taking advantage of my baby." That's right. How do you know what I feel?

"He's just a liar bastard. He's just playing with my baby... Hell rot in hell soon... Forget about him, baby..." he whispered to my ears as I fell asleep.

When I woke up, I thought he did something again to me, but I don't feel any. I just know that, the pain that I'm feeling was not the same anymore.

I don't know how to face That Monica, but I'm Milda. I've experienced worst than this. I can do this. I'm strong.

As I went to the company, I'm having a thought if I really can face her. Does she know that I'm hurting? If it is, then I bet she's celebrating now.

The moment I get in our department, it's so loud and messy. They're laughing so loud like they're really happy about something. I sat in my seat, open my computer and started my work.

I thought they're going stopped soon but it's still there. They're still gossiping about something.

"What happened next? Did you two do it? How's the feel? Is he good?" They asked.

Please, stop it already. I know what they're talking about. It's Bullet. And the fact that it's true, it hurts so much...

"Gosh I'm shy! Stop asking me, it's a private thing." Her face turned red.

My fist balled in anger. You got the nerve, Bullet!

"Oww! So you did it, yeah? You look blooming! You're face was glowing!" They tease her.

I endured the 5 hours of my life with they're teasing. I feel like floating in hell. I can't feel my surroundings. I head in the comfort room, I don't have some appetite to eat.

"Bullet... Why does it hurts so much?" I whispered.

I heard the door opened. I didn't give it attention. The sound of someone's stilleto's heel echoed.

"So... Do you believe to what I told you?" She smirk as we looked at each other in the mirror.

Her face held with victory as defeat is what I saw on mine. I bit my lower lip.

"Oh? Cat got your tongue? Haha, don't worry, you're invited in our wedding. Still, you're part of Bullet's past, but sadly, just a toy." She laughed evilly.

She bumped my shoulder as she passed me by. I head back to my cubicle not in my self. I saw Monica talking to Brandon. When they saw me, Brandon sign me to come to him. I followed him to his office.

He opened the door for me, I couldn't even utter a single words. Monica drained my energy.

"Have a problem, Milda? You look lost..." He started.

I didn't answer him. I just look at his face that's full of concern.

He sighed. "f**k it. Is it about that dumbass? He's no good! He don't deserve you!" He hugged me tightly as I felt him kissed the top of my head. I didn't do anything, nor say something. I just let him.

"Damn. You done eating your meal?" he asked.

I shakes my head.

He sighed again. Am I a burden to him too? "Come, I didn't eat my lunch yet. Eat with me." he leads me to his table that's full of food.

"I'm not asking anymore about that brute, but, how are you?"

"Fine."

"Really? How do you define 'Fine'? By looking like hell?" he said sarcastically.

"Just eat!" I hissed.

He just laughed and continued to talk nonsense. I'm thankful that he look for me. Somehow, it distracts me from thinking about Bullet.

But I'm still not seeing him, my bruisesare still fresh. I'm thankful that Brandon didn't asked more about these, but I know, he's curious how I get it. I'm not planning to tell him the reason tho.