Chapter 6: New year, No new Me
1574 Words
1st January 2020
Miami, Florida
My phone rang, waking me up . I crawled out of bed with a moan, feeling the wonderful softness of the carpet on my feet as I staggered over to the charging stand.”What’s the point of a phone stand if I have to get up anyway?” I mumbled, then taped “Hello?” to the screen.
Sally yelled into the phone, “Happy New Year, bitches!” When I looked at the time, it was 1:03 a.m.
“You have a lot of energy for someone in her first trimester.”
“Woohoooo, I’m turned up right now.” In the background, I could hear fireworks and rejoicing.
“Girl, where are you exactly?” I inquired as I put on my pajama top and bottoms. If you’re wondering if I sleep naked, you’re not far off the mark. According to Google, there are numerous health benefits to sleeping naked. You can thank me later for this ground breaking information.
“I hope you know you’re pregnant,” I said.
“Of course, I’m aware of what’s in my womb. I currently have orange juice in a bottle of henny to assuage any suspicions.Tys celebrating the New Year at the rest or rant, wish you were here yaya”
“Miss you too Sal, good to hear they’ve finally opened the restaurant,” I tried not to giggle.
“Ty’s abuelito has been on his throat since the incident, and you do not want to be in his shoes, Yaya , after a little investigation here and there, it turned out to be a set up by the head waitress.”
“You can’t be serious, such a ratface,” I faked gasped. “Camilla is so evil.”
“I sure am, a receipt for purchased pet cockroaches was discovered in her locker, but she kept denying it, could you imagine?Everything points to her so why did she keep on lying? When it was traced back to the seller, he said it was a young boy who purchased them that day for a woman who claimed to work at the rest or rant as the head waitress.”
“Oh my why could she do that to poor Ty,” I exclaimed again, seeming to be outraged.
“My pregnant instincts tell me that the other rest or rant down the street, the one with the food poisoning ish, bribed her pretty well to tarnish Ty’s reputation.”
“Oh yeah, I’m sure, to be honest, the food business is cutthroat, and you can never trust anyone.”
“She got fired in the end, poor girl.”
“She deserved it.”
Leaving my room, I strolled into the kitchen, my eyes heavy with sleep, looking for something to eat.I opened my refrigerator and grimaced at the brightness of the light.
I’m off to enjoy some cake now, Sal, love you, and don’t drink too much henny a la orange.”
I hung up the phone and placed it on the counter before she could say anything else.
It’s been 9 weeks since I went to Miami with Wena and took a job as a dog walker making at least $5,000 per month; yes, dog owners in Miami were that rich. Anddd I was fortunate to find a $4,000 a month studio apartment with a roommate, while I’m not wealthy enough to pay the entire rent. No, I’m not lucky; I’m blessed, to be sure!
“I need some motivation for this,” I grumbled to myself as I scrolled through Spotify music app.
“Yep this the one “ I played Miami by Nicki Minaj
“I ain’t really finna tell y’all how to get away with murder and s**t-“ I sure did get away with a roaches plan. TO FREEDOM “Just the other day I was out in miami” I sang along while cutting the perfect slice of cake to celebrate the new year. “Got some real pretty titties that come with a fatty too much money, I ain’t never need a sugar daddy….”
“With your fat head, of course you need a sugar daddy.” Nengi appeared out of nowhere.
“s**t I thought you were out celebrating with your girlfriend,” I thought out loud as I glanced at my beloved little cake being devoured by the kitchen floor tiles.
“We’re on a break”
“Hmm, I think I can tell”
“Piss off”
Apart from Sally, my housemate, aka my only friend in the world, is the biggest team player I could have asked for. She graduated from the University of Miami with a marketing major and a face model. Wena’s cuteness brought us together at a food court in MIA when I first arrived. She is the last child of a Nigerian oil tycoon and an ex-nollywood 60’s it girl, and she embodies many human characteristics, but silence is not one of them.
“Such a good way to usher in the new year with your bestie,” I retorted, looking down at beloved cake on the floor.
“Cheers to that,” she said as she handed me one of the glasses of Irish cream she’d poured while I was lamenting my cake.
“Spill everything right now.”
“Spill what?”
“It’s strange for you to drink out of nowhere, especially at this unholy hour, you guys broke up didn’t you?”
“Ooh you’re very perceptive, we didn’t break up, we just took a very long break,” she sniffed and murmured.
I leaned forward across the island unit, trying to calm her down.
“She wants me to introduce her to my parents”
“What’s the problem with that?Do you two love each other or not ?” I inquired.
“Oh my God, Tanya, as her girlfriend”
“s**t”
“How am I supposed to do that to my NIGERIAN CHRISTIAN parents?They’re homophobic, and I’m not ready to come out to them because I still enjoy my baby girl lifestyle. Zina has steadfastly refused to comprehend.” She pinched her lips together gravely and repressed a sob.
“Don’t cry, baby; you don’t have to come out if you aren’t ready, okay?Have you ever glanced in the mirror? You know what I mean when I say you’re a bad ass b***h who attracts both genders.”
“But she’s not just some random girl or boy,” she said as she looked down, her locks falling over her eyes.
I snatched her face in my hands, forcing her to look me in the eyes.
“I’m sure you’ve heard it a million times, but time is wise and heals all wounds. You are the strongest person I know, and I am confident that you will overcome any challenge. I love you, nengi baby.”
“Oh my goodness, Advice Tan is out.”
“I know, right, that’s enough fluffy s**t for the year”
“It’s just the first day of the year”
“Exactly!” says me .
“So.... Since Zina and I are currently on vacation...”
“Whatever it is you’re asking, NO!”I sobbed and dashed into the living room.
“Hey, that’s unfair; I’m not even done talking yet, you idiot.”
“I just hope it isn’t what I think it is”
“Hear me out”
“It’s not my scene, Nene, and you know that”
“Jeez, not that I want you to scissor me”
“I’d gladly do that instead, Chile... “My room or yours?”
“I’ve already told my father that I’ll bring a friend because it’s going to be lonely out there with rich old men,” she shudders.
“Yet, NO!”
She then displayed her emotional manipulating puppy eyes.
“I’ve given up” I sighed.
The event was dubbed “summer camp for billionaires,” with participants ranging from f*******:’s Mark Zuckerberg to Apple’s Tim Cook gathering for a week of outdoor sports such as hiking and tennis - as well as networking and lots of dealmaking.
Hundreds of the world’s most prominent people in technology, media, and markets made a pilgrimage to Carillon Miami health resort to attend an exclusive conference organized by the investment firm Ali and Brooks.
“Not Wena eating the cake on the floor” Nengi screamed, and I turned to find Wena lying on the floor, one lick at a time.
“How did you get here?” “I’m not sure what I’m going to do with you, this girl.” I scooped her up as she attempted to lick my face with icing on her tongue.
“Don’t worry, I’ll help you clean it up”
“If this is your attempt to persuade me to agree, it’s not going to work; March is enough time for you to find a new boo.”
“I don’t believe that’s how I approach to get a new person.”
“I’ll think about it every night until March.”
“Even if I have to buy a chocolate factory for you?”
I pretend to consider it. “My previous offer is still valid.”
“You should definitely...”
I switched off and went inside my room.
- Writer
