STEFANIA

Chapter Nine

Our Memories

Are

Not in our things,

Our Memories

Are

Inside Of Us.

HOW WAS IT FOR HER? She has been running away from a being and has been running as fast as she could. But ironically, she doesn't know where she is supposed to go or who and what she is running from.

How was it for her? Fear has been her sole motivation for this long, fear that something or someone was after her. This fear pushed her this far, which made it impossible to live like everyone else and also made building a home unattainable.

When she was younger she would always watch children her age running around happily, she was upset even at that young age with questions like 'What are they so happy about? Why was she not happy like them? What could she do for everyone to like her? Why does she have to waste such a long amount of time doing basic things?

Everybody had something they had to do, it was like everyone woke up and knew what they wanted to do. But she wasn't like that she didn't know what she wanted to do. Why was it that she didn't have anything that she wanted to do? How did they find out what they wanted to become and why was she the only one with no dream?

Questions like that ran through her callow mind with a burning desire to live like others, even though she knew she couldn't she still wanted to live like them. But after Waldron suddenly left leaving her to grow up on her own, she'd learned that people are capable of doing horrid, unimaginable things to each other, don't expect anything. Because all things must pass, anything precious vanishes in the end and she'd learned that happiness ends.

But one thing that seemed not to end and has stayed with her longer was the fear. Fear that she would always be the weak one, always depending. When she was little and the nightmares became consistent, Waldron would always say these words slowly as he tried soothing her with a spell."Nothing in life is to be feared, it's only to be understood."

You can't fight an enemy you fear because a win is only sure if you understand the enemy you're up against. Before being faced with this difficulty, her fear has always been mentally influenced but now even her environment has an effort.

She could handle the fear but not the lack of motivation. She needed motivation and it was the time to understand more so she could fear less.

"You eventually resolved that it is time to wear that jewelry after so long?" As if caught doing something she shouldn't she quickly put the jewelry into the jewelry box and then shove it into the flap pocket of her high waist cargo jeans."It holds so many memories, it should be worn and not hidden." True it was the only jewelry and most expensive item she had.

A jewelry she refuses to wear or sell even after finding out how real and expensive it is because it was a gift from Waldron. Not just a gift but a parting gift, If only she knew it was a goodbye gift then she wouldn't have accepted it. Before he left for the first time he gave her the diamond charm necklace and the diamond golden ring.

When she first saw it she was wowed by the beauty and glamorousness and even up till this moment she felt it holds a connection with her lost memories, that's why staring at it brought back the motivation she wanted. Only when she understands her past then she would be able to face her future.

"Thought you were long gone to the hole you crawled out from? " She crosses towards the bed and plants herself on the edge of the bed.

She watched Waldron as he confidently strides further into the room like he owned the place. He was dressed in blue joggers paired with a white body-hugging T-shirt and brown leather boots, instead of the historic cloak he usually wore.

Gaze still pinned on Manya he pulled a seat closer to her and then placed himself on it."I told you I'm gonna stay by your side from now on. I only left to get things sorted out." He affirmed while she rolled her eyes at him.

His insinuativeness was something she was used to, he knew what to say and how to say the right things to play her into trusting him. A mind game she also was good at."Why the sudden change in focus or are you hoping to get something out of all this because after all, I could be the future Queen of the lycans"

"No, I'm here because you need me."

She leveled him with a glower."But you see, Waldron. This is my life." He was right when he said she needed him but she hates the confidence he used in saying those words, like he was doing her a favor by being here."My life that I must experience, learn, and deal with on my own. So you don't get to interfere because when I needed you, you weren't there, and if you haven't noticed yet. I handle life without you, that's why I can confidently meet your gaze and feel nothing."

She shut her eyes and brushed her palm over her face brushing away the emotion on her countenance. She was opening old wounds, letting them control and slip out of their box. Anger makes you nonsensical, nonsensical leaves you vulnerable but control is salient. Control has kept her this far so she wasn't going to lose it right in front of Waldron.

He rose to his feet, and with his back towards her, he stood still. A few minutes passed without any word spoken, If he wasn't going to leave then she would."So what's your decision?" He voiced before she could sound her taught. With his hands tucked into the side pocket of his joggers, he turned to meet Manya's heated gaze.

She wanted to ignore him, make it clear that it wasn't his business but she found herself doing the opposite."I'm not running away from this because I could have more to gain than lose." She had nothing to lose at this point. So it was decided, she would only let him go once she knew the truth.

He held her gaze with a serious look on his face."What are you expecting from this?" She knew he was expecting an answer to his question but she said nothing, letting his question hang in the air."I don't think you understand. . ."

"Don't." She bit into his words."I don't need your advice. If I'm faced with a dilemma I much rather flip a coin in the air and base my determination on whatever side it lands on.

"No relationship is easy, Manya." He ignored her words, face blank, his tone restrained."In a relationship, nothing can be taken for granted and it can also be scary. What are you expecting from this relationship?"

More silence. At this point, Waldron would do anything to see into Manya's thoughts. Knowing Manya, she would never decide without having a rationale and at this point, Manya would do anything to keep Waldron in the dark.

"Can you take this off?" She says deflecting his attention towards the bracelet around her wrist.

His gaze slid from the wrist back to her face. With an exasperated sigh, he plants himself on the chair directly in front of her. The look on his face tells her he is dissatisfied by the shift in conversation but that quickly changes as he takes her wrist in his hold.

"I can sense the power in this, Who gifted you this?" He traced his thump over the bracelet, gaze intent on it like he was enchanted by it.

"It was a gift from my exquisite beloved, made by the royal sorceress. It stops me from tracing." She groaned feeling a painful shock around her wrist.

"I have heard a lot about the royal sorceress, so the rumors must be true that she is remarkably powerful..."

She groaned trying to pull her wrist but his hold kept her in place. "Can you get it off?"

"Yes, I can but not right now?" He lets her wrist drop."I thought you've grown passed the crying phase, It's minor pain?"

"I can handle pain I'm just not good with these minor pains, They seem to hurt me more because I don't expect it to." She rubs her wrist trying to ease the soreness.

"You know I've never been comfortable in my relationship with you. I know some things in this world are just impossible, like my relationship with you. I also understand that it gets difficult and exhausting, that's why we become more upset and hurt in relationships." She starts, answering his previous question.

She averts her gaze to the bathroom door behind him." Even relationships created by a mate bond are more difficult and exhausting. It is the most unreasonable relationship and upsets you the most. You don't even get to choose it, but there's so much responsibility." She turns to meet his gaze." I understood all these before I came to my conclusion."

That's why she would do what she is best at. Defense, she would defend herself so this won't be any different.

"Then I hope you continue to bravely go down the path that you've chosen to take." The earnestness in his voice and the look in his eyes made her feel like he was seeing her for something she was not. It made her feel uncomfortable."You're made of magic, don't let him treat you like you're anything less."

To ease her discomfort she rose to her feet, and buried her fist into the flap pocket of her high waist cargo jeans which she'd shove the jewelry into."I don't trust the Lycan, I trust his money and power because those don't lie." She tilted her head as she gazed at him."I can do that as an adult, right?"

"The most important thing is that you slow down when you start struggling, maintaining your energy is also important in a fight because it makes your next calculative attack powerful." Her gaze swept over his face with understanding.

Even though she hates him she still has respect for him and acknowledges the years of perspicuity he had over her. Above everything he saved her, taught her how to survive. He was the first person who made her feel she existed like every other person. That's why the depth of damage is always directly proportional to how much you like them and it also means you won't let go of them despite knowing that. It's absurd and accursed.

"Let's ignore each other and pretend the other person doesn't exist." He was going to leave anyway but she didn't want him appearing whenever and however he wanted because now things were different.

"I'm staying and you don't have to worry because I have an unfinished business with the Lycan King." He rises to his feet, standing in front of her with only an inch between them."You should wear it." He said, referring to what she had hidden inside her flap pocket.

At his words, she pulled her shoulders back, raised her chin, and leveled him with a steady and determined gaze." Keep a distance of 10ft from me. It's an order." With one last heated glare, she walked away.

MOMENT. Everything has a moment, built up to take part in a certain time of our life. A brief, unspecified amount of time, the smallest portion of time. It's an instant, weight, or importance.

We all have a moment when we feel like bursting out in tears or moments when we feel nothing is going as planned and we can't come up with an ideal solution for the problem, so we just have to wait for it to get better as time permits. Then when it does get better we feel euphoric because everything seems in place and things are moving terrific but that's until we get knocked off our feet when the moment of trepidation comes in making us doubt ourselves and the people around us.

At the moment for her, there was nothing in her life that relaxed her and it felt like she was getting ruder by the day. She might seem to be getting along with people in the kitchen and everything in general without any problems, but in truth, there was not a single person she truly liked. She can't help it, she is just lethargic and tired of social interaction in general.

She was slowly losing interest in everything again.

From the moment she woke up and now into the early afternoon, she has been dragging herself along hoping to finish another day. She should be by this time locked away in her personal prison and not seated in the foyer, watching everyone walk into the pack house. It seemed she had been ghosted by the person she wanted to see at the moment and now she was putting herself through the torture of sitting with a book up on her face, pretending to read while receiving stares from the people walking in and out.

Either Waldron had decided to disappear again after their conversation yesterday or he was keeping 10ft from her like she demanded. She hoped it was the formal but he wasn't the one she was patiently waiting for. She has been waiting through the long stretched hours for the ginger red-haired sorceress.

It's been four days now and it feels like she never crossed paths with the ginger red-haired. Manya wasn't sure if Terina was gonna return if she traveled or was doing something outside the packhouse. There was no one Manya could ask, does Terina have friends? She should because having such a bubbly and confident personality like hers makes her attractive to anyone.

If her personality doesn't attract you then the connection and power she holds would. What attracted Manya and made her go this far wasn't Terina's personality, instead, it was the latter. Manya seeks information about so many things and since her mate has also disappeared from her, she has no chance of getting anything from him. The resolution she had to loosen the knot and with the highest probability for success was Terina.

"What are you doing?" A shadow cast over her. Manya stops herself from giving a sarcastic reply as Terina slumped down on the couch beside her."You look discarded. And I don't think anyone still reads Pavel magazines anymore." She said gesturing towards the magazine Manya still had above her face.

Manya who was still surprised by Terina's unexpected appearance finally grasped the knowledge that Terina was seated beside her. Shutting her mouth she tossed the magazine on the coffee table where she had found it before turning her gaze fully on Terina.

"I can see why no one does, it is filled with false chasm and obscure topics." Truth be told she only went as far as the first page before she got lost in her thought.

Terina let out a loud yawning sound which drew attention toward them. She leaned her head back on the sofa and then shut her eyes. Manya thought she had fallen asleep until she spoke with eyes still shut."I envy trees. I wish I was one then I won't wander around, It would be nice to just put down my roots in a place and settle there for the rest of my existence." She muttered indistinctly.

Manya could see Terina was exhausted and heavy dark bags under her lids proved that she hadn't slept for so long. Gone was her tidy appearance replaced by a brown bomber jacket over a black oversized hoodie paired with black joggers. Her red hair was forced into a messy bun with loose strands.

"Where have you been?"

"Why? Did you miss me?" She turns her gaze to meet Manya's glare."You missed me? I'm sorry I didn't inform you before leaving." A tight smile slowly spread across her lips.

She pats Terina's hand. " That's just so horrible. I'm leaving." She stands to leave.

"Wait." Manya turned as Terina reached out to grip her wrists. As if cogitating over a taught Terina moved her gaze to the stairs and then to the entrance door before meeting Manya's eyes.

The expression on her face was easily read by Manya. Her lips pressed together in a slight grimace."What do you want?." Manya knew what the expression on Terina's face meant because she was like an open book but Manya wanted her to say it.

The last thing Terina needed at that moment was to be alone, her mental state wouldn't allow it. Even if it meant walking into Manya's challenges to admit that she didn't want to be alone at that moment then she would without selling off her pride.

She tilted her head as she looked up at Manya's challenging gaze."What do you say about doing something to burn out the stress?"

Manya raises an eyebrow, unsmiling."Explain the term burnout?"

Terina stands." When we get there you'll find out." She hooks her hand around Manya's arm, without protesting Manya allows her to win. Terina pulled her towards the entrance of the pack house.

'Child Nock the arrow and now pull the bowstring with your right hand, let your left foot be your front foot and left shoulder to the target. Pull your arm across your body to draw the bow. Back flat, face the target, get your sight set and now find stability, keep straight, forward, firm, and alert.'

Waldron didn't only train her through physical combat he also made sure she got equipped with a weapon. He trained her in the art of Archery and knives. Looking back, Waldron never had the intention of staying by her side that was why he made sure she wouldn't succumb to her harsh reality.

He trained her but she alone made herself strong. Bow facing the target carved on the tree trunk she slowly released her fingers from the bowstring but at the last moment, she turned her body towards the opposite direction and let the bow release through the air.

She never misses a target, never.

Terina let out a soft, gasping breath as the arrow whoosh passed her hitting the tree trunk behind her. She took a second to fully escape the shock before turning her gaze to the arrow tucked in the tree behind her, which missed her face by only a few inches."Now I am going to kick your ass," She lifts her fingers to clean the blood created from the cut on her cheek with her glare sharp.

"You seemed so lost in thought, I can see something is bothering you so deeply." Manya states, her focus fixed on her hands as she slowly takes off the hand gloves.

Even without knowing her well, it was clear something was wrong. In the past Manya would never show concern or ask personal questions because showing or asking questions meant she was also opening herself to questions. But for her to get the answers she needed she would have to cross over her comfort zone. She has to show emotions and ask questions she would never ask.

"Are you okay?" She delivered the question flatly, keeping her face blank. Her eyes were still on her hands, slowly pulling off the gloves.

Terina drew in a ragged breath." Sorry, I've so much racing in my mind it's exhausting." She chuckles awkwardly.

Even without lifting her gaze, Manya could sense the tension rolling off Terina. Something must be wrong but Manya wasn't going to push further over her comfort zone so instead she said."When ever is our mind quiet? We always have something to reflect upon."

"True, I tend to overthink everything and sometimes it could be a malediction or a benefit." Manya stops herself from visibly wincing as she senses the heavy emotion threaded In Terina's voice." Can I ask you a question?"

Manya's eyes dragged from her hands to meet Terina's gaze."I feel like I have no right to say no to you."

She tilts her head in question." I don't know how to say this but how do you live so undisturbed...I mean a vampire away from family, a home?"

She blinks slowly, eyeing Terina. What started as a simple dialogue had turned serious, requiring honest replies."Are you feeling lonesome or nostalgic being here?" Manya inquired with a raised brow.

"What?" She straightened up swiftly."I am only asking because you seem too nonchalant for someone who has a life outside this place and unlike me, I was practically raised here."She explains.

She lifts her shoulder in a half shrug"Breathe, eat, sleep, wake up, and do it all over again until one day, it's just not as hard anymore." Her words were witty but lacked any real emotion."That's how I have survived but truth be told right now I have no option."

"Are you saying outside this territory you've no place called home?" The look on Terina's countenance showed she genuinely wanted Manya's reply.

And Manya had no problem answering because it was no a longer secret that she had no family, the King knows so it won't be long before Terina would find out the truth from him.

"No, I don't. And before you ask I don't feel lonely." Manya believes that there is a difference between being alone and feeling lonely. A wide gap."What kind of life have you been living staying here among the Lycans?" She questioned, shifting the focus off herself.

Terina stays silent, legs fixed to the same spot. She stretches out the silence, letting it grow heavy between them, expression going from curiousness to pensive and reflective.

"I do the same things every day, nothing good happens, nothing bad happens either and I never seem to want anything." Manya was just the same, living and doing the same mundane things because time is nothing but something that passes. She just wants nothing to happen in her life, she would like every day to be the same where nothing good happens and nothing bad either.

"Why would you live like that, a life others would judge as vapid and pathetic?" A life a lot of people would do anything to escape.

"That's why I move alone. Being alone is better than enduring and knocking into people. I have lived my life with that philosophy."

They both found a quiet and peaceful path, going in the opposite direction of everyone else that wasn't as crowded. But the difference between them both was that Terina made her choice while on the other hand, Manya wasn't given the opportunity, from the beginning she had just one path to walk on. That made them see and experience things differently.

At that moment Mitzi's words came back to her."Someone once told me and I quote 'If someone is by your side, it's possible to go on.' Don't we all need someone on our side when it gets hard?"

When Mitzi said those words to her she had questions like, why would having someone by your side make your pain hurt less? Does having someone by your side during hard times make things easier? Does it make the problem disappear? No, it doesn't.

It might feel good venting out to another person and may feel relaxing crying on someone's shoulder but nothing changes the fact that it's yours. It's your pain, your feelings, and your emotions. Nothing and no one can handle and know how it feels except you, so why then do you need anyone? It would only become a burden to the other person. That was why even when she was with Mitzi she felt like she was a burden to Mitzi.

Curtly, Manya's lips bend into a pleasant smile. . . A fake, manufactured smile."Don't cry. It's okay to be lonely." Manya teased.

Terina straightens. Fakes a smile with a glare."I think we should settle this with a fight so I can finally teach you some respect." She motioned behind me with her chin, towards a building, her inn.

When Terina said she wanted to burn out some stress she meant she wanted to go away from everyone else, to a place only she could assess.

Within the hours Manya spent with Terina she now sees Terina in a new light, passed the smile and expression on her countenance.

Maybe expressions are like make-up, like people put on make-up to hide their bare face. Expressions hide the truth of our emotions. As make-up gets thicker and thicker, it gets more and more difficult to keep on because it starts becoming uncomfortable.

Terina was just like that. It has gotten so much thicker to the point it has become too heavy to hide or carry, and right now she was taking it off layer by layer not because she's planning on taking it all off but because she wants to fix the broken lines and make it stronger than the last. At this point, she was wavering but it won't take much time before she builds it back up.

Building it back up is hard but destroying it is more difficult, it takes everything.

"It won't take me thirty minutes. Come on, let's see how long you can hold such confidence, little red-haired." With those words, she turned and made her towards the one-floor building with the bow and arrow.

Who doesn't have a painful memory or two? We all fight through it and hide it. That's how everyone lives. But we all have different sole motivation that pushes us to fight.

Terina has to have something that pushes her. What was Terina's sole motivation?

She wanted to know this not because she thought she cared but because in other to get information about her mate from the red-haired she needs to get close to her.

Madness, as you know,

is a lot like gravity,

All it takes is a little push.