Innocence Awakening

Shirtless men paraded themselves outside, lining up to help the freshmen move their boxes into their new homes for the next year. My dad and I waited in the line of cars in front of my residence hall, waiting for our turn for the volunteer college boys to move our boxes to my room. Today was move in day at Glendale University. After spending my entire life going to catholic private schools, I was starting my first year as a college student at a state university. I cast my eyes downward, shocked at all the exposed skin! Most of the college boys volunteering had no shirt on! Attending catholic school meant dress codes and skin covered. Even at after hour evens and volunteer opportunities. Even now, I had on modest jean shorts and simple black t-shirt. My long blonde hair was pulled into a high ponytail, and I wore no make-up. Although tired from lack of sleep, my blue eyes were lite with excitement and nerves. Seeing so many exposed men always makes you take stock of your own appearance. I played soccer and I looked like it. I am fit, 5’3”, and 130lbs. Being short with a decent sized butt and d-cup breasts made it hard to shop anywhere and find something modest. My father looked over at me, sensing my discomfort. “Kate, I know this is going to be a new experience for you, but you need to spread your wings. I know I may have sheltered you too much, especially after mom died, but after all the pain you’ve been through with her and that bastard boy, you deserve to go to school and build a wonderful life for yourself” Tears welled in his eyes. “Thanks dad, I know that things will be different here, but a good different.” I took his hand in mine and looked out the window, happy to know college would be my stepping stone to never have to return to my hometown and see the boy that ruined me, changed my life in the worst way, damaged my body and soul to the point that I felt unworthy of love. Who would want damaged goods? “Who do we have here?” A shirtless man asked as it was our turn to move my boxes up. My dad held out his hand and shock it. “This is Kate, and I’m her father”. The young man laughed out loud at the formality my father was showing. The boxes were quickly moved from the car and my dad went to move into the parking lot while I helped the parade of college men move my boxes. I felt more than one of the men with their eyes on me. I pulled down at my shorts, an automatic response to my body being looked over. Who did these men think they were? One of the men staring the most obviously at me came forward. I noticed he had binoculars around his neck. “Hey good looking, I’m Alex” he said with a grin and a wink. I had a feeling many woman on campus had seen the same wink before. Alex was handsome 6 foot, dark hair and chocolate brown eye. Too bad his arrogance and entitled grin killed it before it began. I’m sure many women flocked to his arrogant charm. “Hi, I’m Kate. Bird watching with the binoculars?” wanting to seem cool and keep conversation light. “More like to zoom in on hot chicks like you moving in.” one of the other movers chimed in from behind. I gasped, unsure of what to say. Then quickly recovered. “Best to keep moving in” I stammered, as I ran up the stairs to find my room. *** As I entered my dorm room, The other bed was already made with a black comforter. Supernatural posters and hexes painted her side of the room. She had her body sprawled across the bed, and was jamming out to music blasting in her headphones. When she saw me, she sat up, and took the headphones out. “Hey girl, looks like were roomies” she said with an air of ease. It was clear she was comfortable in her own skin. “Hi, I’m Kate” I waved awkwardly, causing her to smile and almost chuckle at me. “I’m Steph, do you want some help? I’m already done moving all my things” she said with a smile. “That would be great, Steph. That way Mr. Binoculars downstairs will leave me alone!” I laughed as we started heading down to get the rest of my boxes. “I’m sure they all have their eyes on you” Steph said as she kept chuckling. “What’s that suppose to mean?” I was dressed modestly, and I had done nothing to get their attention on purpose. I didn’t want my new roommate thinking I was a hoe or something. “You’re a total babe! I haven’t known you five minutes and I can already tell you’re innocent as f**k! That’s an attractive combination. If I wasn’t taken, I would ask you out myself” She said eyeing me up. I blushed a deep shade of pink. I had never been hit on by a woman before, but I could tell that it was all in good fun. “Sorry to be weird,” Steph said “I’m excited to get to know one another.” We moved up the rest of my boxes to the third floor, taking numerous trips. Many of the college boys there were offering to help. Steph kept stating we were strong and independent women, but thanks for offering. “Girl Power” Steph shouted as we moved in the last of my boxes. My roommate, Steph, was a stranger to me prior to today, but her energy was contagious. She has long raven black hair, pale porcelain skin, bright green eyes, is about 5’2” and 220lbs. Although she had a heavier build, she rocked it in black jeans and a matching Harry Potter T-shirt. I was envious of her pure, unadulterated confidence. “Who needs men!” Steph cheered, as we moved the last of my boxes. “Thanks so much for help, I’m glad I didn’t have to rely on Mr. Binoculars out there for help!” We laughed with one another. Moving the last box into our room, I noticed the door across the hall was marked “Tim and John”. “Steph, I think these doors are marked wrong, unless Tim and John are females” I said. “It’s coed by door Kate. Women have a bathroom on one end of the hallway and men’s is on the other”. She said while looking at me like I was majorly overreacting. This news took a minute to process. In high school, the nuns made women and men sit on opposite sides of the room. Now, men and women lived mixed together. I took a breath realizing that to anyone else I was overreacting. A few more deep breathes and I was okay. “Sorry Steph, I just grew up in such a sheltered... little town, I’m not use to… a lot of this, but I’m excited… to be exposed to it all” I slowed down near the end, feeling self-conscious of how sheltered I was. I felt like I was 5 years old.   Steph nodded, “You’re good, I’m excited help it expose you to it all!” she laughed. Steph reached into the mini fridge she had already moved in and offered me a water bottle, taking the cap off her own, and gulping greedily. Although I had never met anyone like her, I knew friendship would come easily to us.   My dad conveniently reappeared when numerous stair trips with many boxes were over. “Kate, come walk me out and say goodbye” my dad said, with a worry behind his eyes. We walked to his car a little more slowly than usual, savoring our last moments for a few weeks together. “Kate,” he said while hugging me “be careful. There will be many opportunities to test your faith and what you know to be right and wrong. Judging by the shirtless movers, and dorm rooms, you will be tested. Have faith, don’t go off of the righteous path. I love you” “I love you too dad” I responded with a raspy reply, determined not to cry until he drove away. He waved goodbye and honked as he turned the corner.  Katie and I spent the rest of the day to ourselves. Walking around campus, watching movies together in our room, and getting to know one another. I took my usual trazadone to fall asleep. The nightmares of the past still haunt me. Each night I see my mother slowly dying or the monster that damaged me forever.