Hitting Rock Bottom

Chapter 14 Balcony

Malachi's POV

I watch as Yvette cries to herself for a long moment. I want to wrap her up in my arms at the sight of her looking so broken-hearted. But that will not only freak her out but probably throw out any sign of trust she had for me.. I don't want to risk that.. I was willing to throw it all out to save her, but if I don't have to do that then I won't to guarantee something with her.

She huffs out and puts the safety on the gun, to place it back into the box. Then shutting the entire safety box, just to lock it again. I watch as she slips it over her lap and onto the bed besides her.

The only sounds heard at the moment are sniffling and crying, while I'm noticing the shaking of her head as she cups over her eyes with her palms. I can only hear the crying still happening but with only little light to show me what's actually happening, I can't confirm it.

Until she turns her face, taking her hands off of her eyes to wipe away the tears then looking around the room. I can vaguely see the glistening of the tears on her cheeks actually showing me she is still crying even though her weeping has now turned silent. Her elbows move to the top of her knees, holding her chin up, making it comfortable to stare out the glass doors directly in front of her.

I let out a silent breath to myself, just happy that she put that gun away.. I can't believe she would do this to herself, I wouldn't have ever known or maybe believed how sad she was in her life, if I had never seen this with my own eyes.

I glance back over to her just to keep an eye on her as she keeps staring out at the clear dark sky. Sucking in sharp breathes as she let's them out right away looking like shes trying to calm down. It appears like the breathing might be working with her overwhelmed body by finally calming her down, at least a little bit. This makes me feel better just to see as I nod and let out another deep breath as well, looking away for a small moment.

Before I have time to really process what has happened I hear moving as I glance back over again, to notice her standing up slowly, then walking towards the glass doors. She puts her hands on the glass staring out of it for a longer than expected moment.

She nods to herself as if she is convincing herself of something again. I just wish I knew what she was telling herself right now so I could try to do something to help.. But this is obviously her own internal battle to deal with.

I watch her hand drift from the glass and down to the handle, sliding one door open slowly. Then walking outside to the balcony just as slowly, as if she is meandering, or enjoying the scenery.

I take a couple steps towards her, then stopping just as abruptly, not knowing what to say or do to make her feel better but after looking death in the eye, she needs something to help her right now.

She doesn't know yet but she doesn't have to do this alone. I could help her if she would let me. But how do I involve myself in this, without alarming her? Or even making her feel bad about her feelings? I don't want her to beat herself up, I just want her to feel better.. maybe I can do that for her, but maybe not.. Maybe she needs to go to a therapist or other types of help out there.. There's plenty of options and I'm not here to judge just hoping for something to make her feel better, no matter what it is.

I watch her stare out at the open sky for a moment, then nodding as if she needs more convincing by herself for something. She steps up on the chair, then from there getting onto the edge of the balcony and onto her knees. She sits there for a moment with her eyes now shut as the breeze flutters her hair all around. I'm weary of this but I want to give her the benefit of rhe doubt.

I keep observing her, not taking my eyes off of her just in case she needs me. That is until she really gets my attention by helping herself stand up on the edge, looking down below her.. She nods and lets out a deep breath, extending her arms out as if they are wings, like she is going to jump and fly off of that balcony. But we all know she can't fly.

I feel my heart sink into my chest at this sight. No, no, no.. this can't be happening.. I can't let her do this. My heart feels as if it's going to beat out of my chest, and taking the air in my lungs with it. But I can't let this stop me. I won't let it.

Without a moment to lose I burst out from the shadows and running towards the patio try to get to her. The door is only cracked open so I have slightly turn and weave between the doors to make sure I don't stop at all.. I can't waste a moment dealing with doors because that could be her life at risk if I hesitate.

I never took my eyes off of her, so when I see her tipping forward as she starts to fall off the balcony. I jump out to her with my arms extended just hoping to be able to reach her in time. Without hesitation I grip her hip with one hand as I use the other to securely wrap my arm around her torso.

I find myself instinctively swinging her away from the edge of the balcony, pulling her back with me until we collapse on to the ground of the balcony. Both of us are panting but she starts to react, differently than I ever imagined after I just saved her life.

She is fighting my hold as she cries and begs of me. "Just let me die.. I'm not worth it.. I swear, I'm not worth it.. I'm a waste of space. Please just put me out of my misery. No one wants me anyways." I shake my head and pulling her onto my chest as I practically start cradling her in my arms, letting her face nuzzle into my chest.

I coo her as best as I can in this hard situation. "Shhhh.. it's ok.. your not a waste.. You're not. Please don't do this.. You're better than this." I beg of her as she grips my shirt tight, crying into my chest. I can't help but hold her tight just wishing there was something to make her feel better.

"I'm not worth it." She keeps repeating as I continue to repeat right back. "You're worth it.. You're worth it to me." She vigorously shakes her head as I feel her body relax into mine. She is shaking and still crying but not fighting me anymore which is a plus. But I'm going to still be on watch with her just in case she tries again.

With my back pressed against the glass door I find myself just staring out at the beautiful scene. Until I jump to attention with her moving, pushing herself away from me.

She is shaking her head as she glances up. She looks confused to see me as she should be but hopefully I won't have to explain why I'm here. "I'm a nightmare.. I'm sure there's a good reason he cheated.. he always told me that I'm difficult and hard to deal with. I swear I'm not worth any effort you could try to put in." She says to me as I get even more confused.. Is she trying to ward me off or just trying to make herself feel better about her attempt to kill herself?

"Why are you being so heartless about yourself? You're a sweet human being who does deserve better." I reply as I watch her shake her head. "I wasn't always like this.. heartless.. hating myself. " She replies softly to me. I shake my head at her with confusion still evident as I start to rub my hands on the outside of her arms as she adds. "Too much rejection makes you almost heartless.. and I swear I wasn't always like that.. But maybe if I was just as heartless as I want to be, then I wouldn't be hurting like this.. I would rather have no heart than be heartbroken." She says to me as I shake my head at her again.

"Sometimes in situations it is good to put your feelings to the side.. but that shouldn't be the case with a relationship and especially with something that has gone on for this long. There is nothing wrong with you getting attached to your husband like you should, especially after 13 years. But you can't let him win this break up.. You're stronger than this. Besides, it's not your fault he didn't appriciate the gem you are.. and you definitely shouldn't blame yourself for how he chose to react.. his actions are his own fault, not yours." I reach up wiping her tears away as she stares over at me with confusion at my statement.

"Why do you care what happens to me?" She asks in disbelief I shrug my shoulders trying to be as nonchalant as I can. "I had a bad feeling when you left and I had to make sure you were ok.. because I think you're sweet.. and deserve better than that assh*le." I say to her as she c***s her head to the side. "You're just pittying me."

I shake my head instantly taking her cheeks into my hands. "You listen to me.. this has nothing to do with pity.. you had my attention long before you told me any of this.. and as much as you have tried to scare me away, I can assure you I won't be easily deterred."

"You're not scared that I'm probably looked at as mentally unstable after attempting something like that?" She asks me as I shake my head. "We have all had hard situations occur that makes us want to jump off that ledge.. but you need to learn to not act on those and figure something else to help you out. Taking the easy way out is not ok. There are plenty of options to help you in your time of need. These lifelines can help make your life exactly what you want it to be.. you can grab any of the lifelines, if not all of them.. and just know I'm one of those. You can talk to me about anything with no judgement and I'll always be here for you.. But.. You have to do something about your heart being in pieces.. you can't just leave them there shattered, you have to be the one to pick up the pieces and put it back together.. Only you can help yourself.. There are options to help when you need it but this has to be done by you first and foremost.. because if you keep all this in, then the silence itself can kill you.. Let me help you." I explain to her as I watch her shining gorgeous orbs bouncing around my features.

"You mean all of that?" She asks softly as I nod vigorously making sure she knows for sure, without any question. "Every word."