If Only (BxB)

Four years later [I]

“Happy birthday Irving!” I hear Ashlyn yell as soon as I pick her call, before I could speak Ashlyn cuts me off “I’m so so sorry for being late, I was sent out on a pack mission again and even though I set an alarm I accidently smashed it when it went off-”

“Ashlyn-”

“I swear I had already applied for a day off on October 18th yet something came up and I can’t come back-”

“Ashlyn! It’s OK!”

“…What?”

“It’s fine ok? I mean you’ve been a lot busier since Gayle took over the pack plus you’ve been kicking rogues’ ass all day long”

“ugh, I know! But it’s been four years since the last time we spent your birthday together, I wanted to be there for your 20th”

“Don’t worry bout me Ash, I doubt we’d be able to spend time with each other even if you were here, you see I’m off on a date with my mate”

“Damn it you cocky lil brat, have some sympathy for your sister, will you?!”

I giggle at her words and she starts laughing too, we go on for a while until she had to hang up cuz of work. I sigh as soon as the call disconnects, a self-deprecating smile spreads across my face as I realize just how much of a proficient liar I’ve become over the years.

As the eerie silence envelops me, I realize just how empty and big this house feels. Four years ago, after Gayle’s birthday on October 21st we officially moved in together. Since Gayle had a mate now, he was eligible for the Alpha position so he took over Alpha Zac’s company and the pack. He will officially be coronated as the Alpha once he turns 21. We now live in a beautiful villa that Luna Mia gifted us which is closer to the company but a little further away from the pack house.

It’s my birthday today, but like every year I spend it alone. Ashlyn has gotten busier over the last few years and is rarely home, as for Gayle…

 I make my way to the kitchen and start preparing a birthday cake for myself. As I pop it into the oven, I recall how my 17th birthday went.

After we moved in, Gayle and I rarely spent time with each other, our schedules never matched or maybe he was avoiding me on purpose. To cope with the problem, I decided to quit school, I never liked that place to begin with. 

Ashlyn however was furious “Do you guys plan on f*****g all day or something that you felt the need to quit school?! Believe me Irving Blue I will spank your ass if you don’t get a decent education!”... were her exact words which sent goosebumps all over me. After much deliberation, we finally reached a consensus. I decided to get homeschooled. Ashlyn was still against it, but I was determined to make time for my mate.

I learned how to cook, enquired about his likes/dislikes from Zac and Mia, did household chores and was committed in being an ideal mate for him. But he never seemed to notice, we occasionally ate together but always in silence. I was too timid to start a conversation and he was never interested in me. We slept in separate rooms, which was fine since we were still underage and yet to have our heat, but I still yearned for some contact. Wasn’t it normal since we’re mates? Did he never feel the urge to touch me? To be with me? Why do I never feel even a sliver of affection from him? I couldn’t decipher what he was thinking nor had any experience in relationships to deal with it.

So one day, I mustered up some courage and tried holding hands with him when we were together. But to my dismay, he shook it off like I was something dirty. “If you dare try something like that again, I’ll break your hands!” he yelled and walked away, leaving me dumbfounded.

His words were so heartbreaking to me that I came down with a fever for the next three days, yet there was no one to take care of me. I started missing Ashlyn and our cozy home, this place felt like a cold graveyard, sometimes I had the illusion of being the only one living here.

Why? Why has nothing changed? What am I lacking? Has he still not come to terms with his sexuality? Was our mate bond too weak since we had no skinship?... Help me moon goddess. Countless questions popped in my head, each one making me feel more insecure that I already was.

I persevered for a year, barely hanging on by my fingernails, continuously brainwashing myself into believing that there will be a day when our love is mutual, that my efforts will be rewarded.

But all my delusions were cruelly shattered by Gayle on my 17th birthday.

***

3 years ago

“What’s all this?” Gayle asked as he pointed to the candlelit dinner table overflowing with food surrounded by a romantic atmosphere. His nose scrunched up in distaste.

“W-well I thought that I’d make something special since it’s m-my birthday” I answered shyly. “A-and umm, I’d l-like to…”

“For f**k’s sake finish talking already! I haven’t got time unlike you” Gayle said with impatience in his voice.

My face paled as I said in a small voice “Um, would you like to go on a d-date with me today?”

“What? Did you just ask me out on a date?” Gayle asked with a ridiculing sneer on his face. Somehow, that look scared me.

 “Tell me you filthy omega, what qualifications do you have to go on a date with me?”

My heart stopped as I felt a chill run down my spine “Gayle how could you say that to me, I’m your mate -”

“Oh yeah? Well the moon goddess must’ve been pretty f*****g high when she made you my mate. If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t be going through this right now.”

No, no. I couldn’t believe the words coming out of his mouth. My mate couldn’t say such words to me, weren’t mates supposed to love each other, how could such terrible words be coming out of my mate’s mouth right now, didn’t his heart hurt for me?

“Listen well Irving Blue, I am ashamed to have a boy as my mate even more so a worthless Omega like you, I hate the idea of being spotted anywhere with you.” He said as he shot me a gaze filled with loathing. “Be grateful that I don’t plan on rejecting a freak like you since I still need to secure the Alpha position, but if you ever think you’ll be the Luna of this pack then I suggest you stop dreaming!”

I fell to the ground as my knees gave out, my eyes were hollow as tears dripped down my face, yet I couldn’t evoke an ounce of sympathy from my mate. He didn’t as much as glance at me before he stormed off, loudly closing the door behind him. It hurt to hear my mate throw such words at me, my chest tightened up painfully.

Where was I wrong? Why was I so unlucky every time? If only I had better parents, if only my mate cared for me. I ran to the woods behind our house and shifted into my wolf. 

I ran without aim, my hind legs pushing me forward. Whether the tears were from heartbreak or the wind stinging my eyes I didn’t care. I kept running until I saw a secluded meadow.

There was a lake next to it, with the moon shining above and fireflies all around. I shifted back to my human form, I didn’t even care that I was naked and cried my heart out. I cried until I felt my voice grow hoarse, with each sob sending shudders through my body. I didn’t suppress my voice at all.

What’s the point of me being alive? What’s the point of having parents when they didn’t love me? What’s the point of having a mate when he didn’t care? All I know is to cry and be a burden to Ashlyn.

I let it all out. Without even realizing, I fell asleep against a tree. 

The next day, I woke up to bright sunshine shining on my exhausted face, I saw my body covered with my own clothes. Guess I had enough sense to bring my clothes along with me. But I remember sleeping naked though…

While fighting the drowsiness, I hear my phone ringing, it was Ashlyn.

-------------------------------

Werewolf tidbits: -

1. Werewolves are divided into four groups- Alpha, Beta, Gamma and Omega.

2. There’s only one Alpha in a pack and everyone has to obey their commands. Usually, the position of Alpha is inherent by blood and always given to the firstborn of the Alpha regardless of their gender. But in the rare case when the Alpha has no offspring, he can choose a few candidates from his pack and conduct a duel for the position of heir.

3. There are several Beta, Gamma and Omega werewolves in a pack. The Betas and Gammas who work directly under the Alpha are awarded the title of Warriors. An Alpha can have as many warriors as they wish.

4. The Omegas however are considered physically weak including the males, and are rarely included in physically taxing duties.

5. When mated to an Alpha, all genders, whether Beta, Gamma or Omega, are capable of bearing an offspring.