Why I'd Rather Be Wrong

Chapter 11, Part 1: Secrets

Jaze D'Angelo

     I just woke up due to the warm sunlight penetrating through the windows of my room. I stretched my arms out while I'm still in bed and rummaged through the space around me, looking for my phone. I found it right beside me, thankfully I didn't inadvertently c***k its screen while I was asleep. Half-awake, I turned it on, which made me open my eyes all the way as I saw that it's already 6:34 AM! I threw the blanket covering me away as I jumped out of bed and hurriedly went to the bathroom to fix myself up. I don't think I'm able to take a shower today but it doesn't really matter. I don't really emit an awful stench anyways even though I didn't shower. Unless my sweating problem attacks, I might. I was hastily panicking while I prepare for school that I create so much noise. I don't really care if I wake them up, I just wanna get there on time.

     I've already worn my school uniform, I grabbed my bag and headed to the front door to wear my black shoes.

     One of my roommate's doors opened, I looked back and I saw Ian peeking from his room. "What's the noise all about?" he asked while he rubbed his eyes.

     "Aren't you going to school today, sleepyhead?" I asked as I stood up after wearing my shoes.

     He squinted his eyes on me "It's HOLIDAY today, dummy, it's Memorial Day, quit all the noise, I'm trynna sleep, I had a night shift last night," he replied, and my jaw just dropped as I stood there, frozen still while I stared at him go back in his room and slammed his door shut.

     H-holiday? Memorial Day? What the fuck...

     I completely lost track with the days passing by, I didn't even realize that my birthday's just 2 days away now, time actually flies, but with all of this thing that happened, I feel like so many things happened in just a short period of time.

     As always, I don't have anything else planned to do today. Maybe I should hang out with Chase today? Hmm, but I feel like we've been seeing each other for several days in a row now. It's not like I'm sick of him or anything, I mean - kinda, but I guess I just wanna give him and myself a break from each other, just today. It's hard, but I feel like I need this, to refresh, to help me clear things up in my head. Everyone else is still asleep, as always, ugh, how I missed mornings like this. I grabbed my coat and decided to go out for a walk since the weather is also great today. I waved the curtains of the window in the living room aside to take a nice peek before going outside, and yeah, winter's over, it's just so nice to finally see fresh green again.

     I plugged in my earphones as I set foot outside to have a nice little walk in the morning, it's been a while since the last time I had done something like this and it feels good. I just kept walking while listening to music. I don't even know where I'm going and I just decided to keep walking and walking. And yeah, this is a pretty good time to think about the stuff that's happening to me lately.

     Ever since I came back home from the hospital, everything kinda like went to normal again. Well, except between Flynn and I. We gaze upon each other multiple times a day but we haven't exchanged words yet. I am still building up the courage or maybe I'd even let him be the one to initiate the talking. But - that's gonna take so much time, I suppose, just by judging on how I knew him... Also, he's been going out so much lately, so much that the four of us start to get really suspicious about him since he also doesn't tell us where he's always heading to. He started to get really...shady...

     I am all okay now, I've been seeing my therapist and she really helps me cope with my depression as if she herself is a survivor as well. I still don't know what I'm gonna be doing on my birthday, I don't have anything else yet in mind. I'm pretty sure the guys would help me with that so I'm not so worried. Besides, being with them was already enough for me - and yeah, I wanna see my family back in Seattle already, I freaking miss them so much. I guess I'm just gonna give them a call later.

     I whipped out my phone as I decided to call Chase, just to say hi and see if he's already up.

     My phone rang and in just a second he picked up "Hey, good morning, did I wake you up?" I asked immediately.

     "No. Not really..." he replied, then remained silent for a second. "I'm just here, chilling, at my balcony. What's up though? Why'd you called?" His voice felt cold, almost as if it's like answering my call was utterly against his will, for some reason. I don't know, I may just be overly reading between the lines. I just miss him, but I couldn't even stand to say it, I'm an absolute coward, despite being already so close to each other.

     "Nothing. I just wanted to call you, am I not allowed to?" Sweetly, I asked sarcastically while I kept walking and turned into a corner. Again, he kept unnaturally silent from the other end of the line which made me stop walking. "Is everything good? Are you okay? Are we still...good?"

     He sniffed, and all of a sudden I heard indistinct noises, rumbles, and an impact as if his phone fell off from the balcony he's at.

     "Chase??? Are you there?" I asked, then glanced at my phone to see if the call already ended but it's still there. Worriedly and without hesitation, I hung up as I was immediately compelled to go to his place.

     I rushed to his place by grabbing an Uber, and for f**k's sake, I couldn't get there fast as there was so much traffic caused by this freaking holiday. I was gnawing my nails all the time as I feel tremendously anxious. I hope everything's okay. I hope he's okay...

     As soon as we reached the gate of their subdivision, an ambulance was charging after us, recklessly driving and sounding the sirens as if there really is an emergency, which made me more freaking anxious. The driver had to move aside and give way to the ambulance. As we headed to his house, my heart skipped a beat as I saw the ambulance right in front of his house, and the medics frantically running around. I quickly went out and it felt like time slowed by a hundred times. I just stood there, at the opposite pavement, trying not to think of the worst. I couldn't move, nor walk closer and see what happened for myself. But - as I saw him being escorted into the ambulance on a stretcher, with blood all over his head, I was devastated. Trying not to cry, I facepalmed as I try to calm myself up.

     I sprinted towards the ambulance and someone immediately blocked me "Sir, it's obvious that there's an emergency going on, please do not make this harder for us," she said, but still in a polite manner despite the situation.

     "I'm uh - I'm his boyfriend, is he alright?" nervously shaking, I asked while I try to look at him through the windows of the ambulance.

     "He will be - if we bring him at the hospital as soon as possible, so, please. Thank you." Then she also went inside the ambulance and then headed off already.

     I just watched the ambulance drive away then I closed my eyes, still trying not to think of the worst.

     "Hey big guy, you haven't paid me yet." I glanced at my side, and the Uber driver just approached me.

     "I'm not done with you yet, we're following that ambulance," I spoke to him while I'm already walking back to his car.

     Chase, what aren't you telling me...

     It's been hours, hours of sticking both of my palms directly at my face as I'm still struggling to breathe these all in. I'm having a hard time processing all this. His situation, the possibilities, and why he hadn't said anything to me. He was so focused on my situation the past few days that I haven't really cared to ask him about his - because I know for a fact that he could've told me if I actually asked, not that he'd just spit it all out in front of me. I've been sitting here at the bench outside of the ER. Patiently yet anxiously waiting...

     "Hi, miss, I'd like to know in which room my son, Cassius Clifford - is admitted to?" A lady spoke, I glanced in the direction of the reception as the voice seemed familiar, and what she said just caught my attention. Yes, it is indeed Chase's mom, with his husband. I quickly stood up as I saw them and started to approach them.

     "Ma'am, I'm afraid - Mr. Clifford is still in the emergency room..." she replied with genuine courtesy.

     She facepalmed then looked around, and that's when she saw me. She looked at me "Jaze?" she asked as she walked towards me "Oh, gosh, darling, why are you crying? Don't do that you're making me anxious..." then she hugged me. "Shush now, all we can do for now is wait and hope for the best..."

     I just realized how lucky I am if she really is going to be my mother-in-law like she even hugs me like I truly am her own son and it just relaxes me. "I just - I just can't understand... It's clear that there's something wrong, that something's going on with him but he didn't really tell me..." I said, trying my best to contain my tears from falling.

     She grabbed my face with both hands and tilted my head up slightly, for us to look at each other in the eye "Look, Chase wouldn't keep things from people he truly loves without a valid and acceptable reason. We're just gonna have to hear him out."

     I just nodded as a reply, and she let me rest my head on his shoulders. His husband walked closer to me and patted my back, along with a smile. He's pretty nice too, I could feel it. They're both perfect, the kind of parents that literally anyone in this world would want to have...

     They waited with me and after half an hour, a doctor came out from the ER. He walked towards us and we all immediately stood up. "I suppose you're Mr. and Mrs. Clifford. I'm glad to inform you that your son is fine," then he looked down "- for now..."

     Chase's mom - well, I'm just gonna call her Tabitha; She walked closer to the doctor "I beg your pardon, but, what do you mean, doctor?" she asked, politely but critically intrigued.

     "Your son is suffering from Diabetic Hyperosmolar Syndrome. It's quite a very serious condition due to extremely high sugar levels. The accident occurred as his blood sugar spiked when he was staying at his balcony, which made certain parts of his body go numb - especially his hands then passed out afterward. I guess he was resting by the handrails of his balcony at the very moment he passed out, which caused his fall. I suppose it's been around for a while, it's quite impossible for me to believe that your son isn't aware of what he's experiencing as we also discovered that he's been taking some medications for that specific illness. For the record, there were no other things to worry about, your son only experienced a severe concussion because of the fall and some injuries but nothing more serious than that," he explained.

     Tabitha covered his mouth in both relief and shock, I don't even know how to figure out what emotion was greater though. And yeah, I was right. There was something he wasn't telling me. But he did mention his thing for sweets, gosh, only if I knew, I could've stopped him and told him to look after himself. I'm happy about the fact that he'll be okay, but I just couldn't deny the fact that he hid that from me, I'm mad at him for that. I know, we've just met each other like several days ago but - ugh, I don't know...

     I suddenly feel very anxious, so much that I may already start to overthink about the situation, which I do not wanna do at this very moment. I don't want to think about the possible conclusions of his condition, and how it'll affect our relationship with each other - well I don't know anything about that but I feel like it's actually gonna affect us somehow.

     I already stood up and they glanced at me "Uhm, I'm sorry Mr. and Mrs. Clifford but I think I have to go now, I still have things to take care of."

     She reached for my hand and clasped it with both of hers "Okay dear, we'll just inform you as soon as he wakes up. Liven up, he's going to be just fine, we all know that," then she smiled genuinely.

      "Thank you," I replied then already turned back and walked away.

     My heart's beating unnaturally fast, my mind's spiraling in circles - and dark. I just kept looking down while I headed towards the exit with my hand on my forehead. My whole body's trembling and I feel like suffocating. I reached for my sling bag to go grab my fluoxetine pills because I badly need one. It's actually the medication my therapist recommended for me and it's really effective - for me. I took a pill and realized that it was the last one, so that means I gotta go buy another bottle after I go grocery shopping. I don't even know why exactly I'm feeling like this but I'm somehow certain that this isn't my first, as if my body is already used to it for some reason. 

     I took a cab to the nearest local grocery store. I feel nauseous for some reason, but I'm pretty sure it's just my anxiety playing tricks with my body. I entered the grocery store and there are so many people in here at the moment, the store's absolutely crowded.

     I was about to head to an aisle and someone just recklessly patted my back which reminded me of - "Ben?" I asked directly after I glanced at him.

     "Hey, what ya doin' here all alone? How's Clare?" he asked, and I just got stuck staring at him after mentioning her name. "Hey - are you alright?" he asked while he waved his palm in front of my face like an i***t.

     "Uh - yeah, I'm fine, Clare's fine," I replied and just continued looking through the shelves for something we'd need. "What about you? You came here alone?"

     He scratched his nape while he looked around "No. I actually had a new roommate just a week ago and I came here with him, now I just freaking lost him. I was finding him but you're the one I found, haha," he clung his arm around my neck and walked with me. "So, do you have any plans tonight? Wanna have dinner at my place? Y'know, drink some beers with my new fella, what do you think?"

     "That'd be so nice, Ben, I truly appreciate it but...I guess I'm just gonna take a rest..."

     Convinced, somehow "Yeah, it seems like you really need some rest. Come on, I'll drive you home -"

     "No, no, no." I cut him off and just smiled. "Thank you, Ben, I'll be fine..." I insisted then already walked away because for some reason I feel lightheaded now.

     I completely abandoned the list of the items I'm supposed to be buying as I am compelled to go home already and hit the sack. I feel really stressed out and my head is spinning, also like it's traveling through other freaking dimensions if there are any. I can't see clear enough but I just happened to see the exit. I walked towards it like a walking dead that's grasping onto something nearby just so that I wouldn't fall. It's the first time I've experienced something like this, as far as I know... Finally, I am almost close to the exit and -

     I accidentally bumped into someone near the exit "Hey, watch where you're -" we gazed upon each other after we collided "- you..." he spoke right after he saw my face, and yeah, it's that Lawrence guy. He faced his torso towards me then directly squinted his eyes "A-are you okay? You seem...pale..." he asked, then he also put both of his hands on each shoulder of mine. I was about to reply but all of a sudden, I feel sleepy...

Lawrence Stephenson

     "A-are you okay? You seem...pale..." I asked. In an instant, I was immensely worried about him. I put both of my hands on his shoulders. He's blinking drowsily as if he's about to pass out any moment by now - in which he did, after a few seconds but luckily I caught him in my arms. The people started gathering their attention towards us and that's when I knew I had to make a move. "He's alright, it's fine, he just had a seizure, not the first time," I spoke to the people in the grocery store but it's like they ain't convinced. I clung his arm around my neck "He's my boyfriend, don't worry..."