Why I'd Rather Be Wrong

Chapter 6, Part 1: Charmed and Obsessed

Jaze D'Angelo

     It's already Friday, everything went well, except for this thing that drives me insane towards that f*****g guy. I just can't get him out of my head, I've been fantasizing about him against my will but there's a part of me that's so fascinated about it. I literally don't know what to do, and right now I'm on his social media profile, browsing through his shirtless photos while wallowing in self-pity at the same time. Questioning my sexuality because I don't even know who I am anymore... Well, I never did, anyway... It feels so wrong but heck, it's so f*****g amazing. I'm truly attracted to that guy, and I don't know why...

     The door suddenly opened and I quickly closed my laptop. Ian peeked his head "Hey man, aren't you having dinner yet?" he asked.

     "Yeah, I'm not that hungry yet, you guys go ahead," I replied, and he already closed the door.

     Yeah, back to what I was thinking about. That guy's presence in my life clearly made every single thing miserable, like, I don't know... And yeah, it was supposed to be the due date of my expenses today, but it's all settled, throughout my whole freaking college, I don't have to pay for my tuition anymore. I kinda felt bad for treating him that way but hey, it's not my fault that he paid for my expenses, so... I thought about having a little walk outside, just to let some things out. I grabbed my coat and put a beanie on because I'm pretty sure that it's already cold outside. I walked out of my room and they're all eating there but me. They all stared at me quietly like I did something wrong so I just stopped right before the door, looking back at them.

     "I'm just gonna go for a walk, why are y'all looking at me like that?" I asked, squinting my eyes on them.

     They just continued and shook their heads at the same time, they're so...weird... I just walked out already and the cold breeze already gave me goosebumps. I walked down the street while cars passed by, and the same familiar faces of strangers that I bump into. To be honest, it's actually not that cold anymore, unlike the past few days. Maybe winter's almost over, finally. Because I couldn't really stand this anymore, it brings nothing but shivers and longing for hot chocolate. I should've just gone for a late-night drive but this is not that bad at all, it feels kind of relieving. I've already had work last night and Dylan didn't text me today, so I was free to do whatever I wanted but all that I've ever done since this morning was to stare at the pictures of that freaking guy. I just reached the park, and speaking of the f*****g devil that charmed the hell out of me that made me go all crazy and s**t then I ended up questioning who I am is also here all of a sudden, what a freaking coincidence. He's sitting on one of the benches, or more like slouching, he's obviously very sad, even from the perspective of all the other people here would be the same as mine. I just looked around while I'm thinking about what to do. Like, do I approach him? Do I just ignore him and go home? I just found myself slowly walking towards him, I literally have no control over myself now, like I'm all driven by this stupid attraction towards this guy.

     I was compelled to approach him so I directly walked towards him. I sat beside him with my hands in the pockets of my coat. I just sat there, trying not to look at him.

     "It's still pretty cold, huh..." I said then blew.

     He glanced at me "Yeah, but not as cold as the past few days..." he replied.

     What the heck, I've been thinking the same thing. I nodded my head "Same thought," I said then sat comfortably.

     "Not as cold as me and my... sigh..." he murmured.

     I sighed tremendously "Y'know... I'm not actually mad at you... In fact, I'm actually grateful for you doing that, I guess I was just mad about the fact that you meddled with the problems that I am the one that's supposed to take care of but...thank you..." I said then looked at him, but little did I know that he's already been staring right at me and it made me look away. "I-I'm sorry about the things I've said before, yeah, that's actually who I am but I am actually sorry, I was just...carried away...I didn't mean to make your problems worse," I said then just looked straight, and I can still see him staring at me.

     "That's okay, I just got cheated on, so I don't think there's something else that'll surpass the pain I've received from that," he said then looked around while shaking his leg up and down subsequently, maybe because he's bored. "The last time we saw each other was in front of my house, right? How'd you find my house though?" he asked.

     "Tch. That's actually my line, man," I replied sarcastically. "Well, just like what you also said in that letter, I also have my sources," I said then gave off a wicked smile.

     He just grinned while he shook his head "You're so clever," he replied. "So... are you still down for tomorrow?"

     Oh yeah, I just remembered. Am I still gonna go with him? It's like walking into a trap but I feel like I have to, just so I could remove some of this guilt inside me and give something in return too.

     I wrapped my hands around my nape "I guess I'll think about it," I replied because I might suddenly change my mind and I don't want him to expect, we just looked at each other and he gave me that precious smile of his, I kinda envy him.

     "Do you have anything else planned for today? We could go grab some drink, I think I need some booze after all of these things that happened to me," he asked.

     And here comes me, that couldn't even stand to say no "That's nice, I'm totally down, it's been a while since the last time I have drunk," I lied.

     "Do you come here that often?" I asked as he brought me to a little yet fancy bar.

     He shrugged his shoulders "I used to, but not that often anymore, now that I've discovered that nightclub where you work at the moment," he replied and then winked, like what the f**k's wrong with this man. I've been bothered by him almost every single day ever since he came into my f*****g life and he just makes it worse, I guess it's also my fault anyway because, look at me now, hanging out with him then despising myself right after.

     "Oh, okay, it's pretty nice and cozy though," I said while I looked around.

     The place is actually nice, not gonna lie. There are only a few customers but is enough to make the atmosphere inside alive. It's cool because the vibe here is actually cozy, the lighting is very warm, the design is very classic, and the temperature is just right. The waiter then approached us and placed two big mugs of beer on the table. He just rested his chin on his hand and just stared at me, like I'm some sort of eye candy for him. I just rested both of my hands on the table and just looked at the foam of the beer slowly dissipating.

     "What's up?" I asked because I'm already feeling uncomfortable about his stares.

     He shrugged "Nothin'" he reassured. "So, what pushed you to pursue the field of arts, photography?" he asked with a blank face and put his fist against his chin.

     I was totally caught off guard because somehow, I kind of forgot the actual reason why but, I know that it's the thing that I'm into and I know so many things about it.

     "I guess it's what I wanted to do? And yeah, it's what I love doing. I may be that photogenic like everyone tells me, but I don't really love taking photos of myself but, I do love taking photos, I know it's a little complicated but...I just love photography, I guess," I replied then grabbed my mug to take a sip of my beer.

     "Oh, I have an idea," he said all of a sudden.

     I put down my mug and squinted one eye then gave a half-smile "What is it?" I asked.

     "Why don't we - play a game?" he suggested and for a moment I feel like this is something I would regret doing, but I guess I'll give it a try.

     "Sure, what's the game?" I asked.

     "Never Have I Ever. We'll take turns, we'll state something we've already experienced before, like anything under the sun you've experienced emotionally, physically, and such other stuff. If the other party relates to what you've just mentioned, they'll take a sip of the beer, sounds good to ya?" he said. 

     I feel like this is my chance for us to know each other more, it's kind of like disclosing myself too but on the contrary, I'll be able to identify if I am not the only one.

     "Yeah sure, you go first," I said because I don't have the urge to be the first one on something like this.

     He then cracked his neck, he even removed his coat and - damn... I don't wanna commentate on it anymore, it's fine, it's good, I'm just gonna try my best to avoid being distracted by those instruments of lust that's...popping right out of his chest...

     "Okay, so... Never have I ever...been cheated on?" he asked.

     I didn't even touch the mug and I felt so bad that that had to be his first question. He was kinda surprised and he just raised both of his eyebrows. Well, to explain that, as far as I know, Clare's the only one that I've had a relationship with.

     "Well, that's good," he said. "Now, it's your turn."

     I couldn't really think about anything that I've done before that he may relate to. Well, I guess I'm just gonna say random things out from my gut.

     "Never have I ever...been drunk so bad?" I asked and as expected, he took a sip. "Unsurprising anyway," I said.

     "Well, what can I say?" he replied then laughed. "Okay, it's my turn now. So...Never have I ever...blamed someone for their mistakes?" he asked while he looked at me like he knows I'm gonna take a sip.

     To think about that I do feel like I've blamed someone for my mistakes, maybe it was Janine, well I don't actually remember but I have this gut feeling that I've already done something like that a few years ago. I took a sip and didn't even bother to say a word.

     "Okay, okay, that was a stupid question anyway because I think most people have already done that in their entire existence," he explained. "Now, go ahead."

     "Never have I ever...been mugged?" I asked and he squinted his eyes in disbelief.

     "Oof, you've already been mugged before? How come?" he asked in a curious yet concerned tone.

     I shrugged my shoulders "Well, I'm in a gang, so, it's kinda normal. My friends and I often get into fights before but not that much anymore now," I explained.

     "A fighter, huh, you better work those muscles then," he mocked me, but I just didn't mind it at all. "Anyway, it's my turn. I know this is pretty weird and disgusting but I think most men could relate to this at some point in their lives. So, never have I ever...wore the same underwear for more than two days?" I'm trying so hard not to laugh after he has said that without even lowering his voice, and the other people here are witnessing our game. And yeah, I took a sip, of course, I'm a typical guy that's so lazy to go take a shower sometimes.

    I swallowed the beer down my throat and shook my head as the beer's slightly starting to hit me already "I mean, show me a guy in this world that who hasn't done that yet?" I replied sarcastically. "Okay, my turn now. Never have I ever...dated someone younger?" I just had to ask, y'know. And f**k, he took a big damn sip like he's really into younger people, f**k.

     "Yeah, I've dated a lot of people that are younger than me, I guess I'm into younger - people, yeah," he said. "What about you? Would you consider someone older or younger?" he asked.

     I made a judgy face "Is this a part of the game or are you just wonderin'?" I asked and he just avoided eye contact with me.

     "I'm just...wonderin'" he replied then looked at me.

     I shrugged "Well, I've never dated someone older, but I guess it's not really a big of a deal to me, like really," I replied while I subsequently tapped the wooden table with my index finger.

     "Okay, so, moving on. Never have I ever...had a one-night-stand?" he asked and I just contemplated about the fact that he has already done that, which is not a big deal anyway. I feel like most people have already done that but I'd definitely fall to those who haven't done something like that yet.

     I just remained my hands clasped on the table and he just nodded, convinced. "My life's pretty boring so, yeah, I've never done that," I said. "What about you, how's the...experience?"

    He kept silent for a moment "It's actually how my ex and I ended up being together, we kept our connections to each other after that, and voila, disappeared like a bubble with another man, I feel so...used..." he explained.

     A man, huh, so I guess he's straight. But, his story was absolutely...awful. I feel so bad for him. Gah, how lucky I am that I've never been heartbroken.

     "I'm so sorry to hear that," I said then I grabbed my mug and lifted it. "Cheers," I said then he also grabbed his mug and lifted it, and we drank.

     "Go on, it's your turn now, the final one, or you still wanna continue this game?" he asked.

     I just nodded "You'll just have the last turn then, after mine. Okay, never have I ever...sent nudes?" I moved my head closer to him as I whispered the last words I'd said.

     He was trying to contain his laugh but he ended up taking a sip, I freaking knew that I'm not the only one.

     "Dare to tell?" he said in a pleading tone.

     "Well, there's this one girl last year that I met online. She's cute, pretty much the same age as me, I guess. We talked for a while, y'know, getting to know each other and stuff. And one time, I guess she was very horny that time but she can't really do anything cuz she's grounded and she missed hooking up with random freaking guys. So, she ended up sending me a pic of her...y'know...down there, and I, as a courteous f*****g guy, also sent mine in return," I said and he laughed right away and he even hit the table repeatedly with his palm.

     "That's so hilarious, man," he replied. "Me, I've sent mine several times already, because I was also addicted to hookups before. And before meeting each other, we have to send a pic of ourselves first so, that's that," he said.

     "I didn't really end up hooking up with someone, I guess I just satisfied someone's horniness and that's all," I replied then shook my head.

     "Okay, so, last one," he put his index finger against his chin as he tried to think of something. "Never have I ever...kissed a guy?" he asked and I was petrified of what he just said.

     "I-I never did," I replied and we just ended up staring at each other, eye to eye. "W-what does it feel like though?" I added as those words just randomly came out of my mouth.

     "Let's just move on with that, I'm already trying to forget about that," he said and took a big gulp of his beer and it's already empty now.

     I just sighed "Okay, if you say so," I said then also drank the rest of my beer. "Ooh, it's starting to hit me now," I said.

     "Already?" he said sarcastically then shook his head.

     I glared at him "What do you mean already we've already had one big f*****g mug, man," irritated, I replied.

     "Excuse me!" he yelled and raised his hand, and the waiter noticed him. The waiter walked towards us "Two more big mugs, please," he said even though the waiter was still a few meters away, and he had already gone back to get our drinks. He then sat down and winked at me, ugh, he's so freaking annoying...

     Why are you torturing me so delicately?