Why I'd Rather Be Wrong

Chapter 9, Part 1: Getting There

Cassius Clifford

     "Yeah, it was nice talking to you, Dylan, thank you so much for granting my favor, I really wanted us to go somewhere, to give him some time to rewind after he came out to his friends since he was actually struggling with it. So, yeah, I'm just gonna call you soon when we got back from our trip. Have a nice day, Dylan," I said, then already hung up the phone. I asked permission for Dylan to let Jaze have some days off so that I could finally execute something that I've been wanting to do with him: which is spending a couple of days with him only with no interruptions.

     I went out of my room while I'm still in my PJ's then headed to the living room to go check what's up. I've been up since the c***k of dawn, I was trying my best to fall asleep but I just couldn't so I'm still sleepy but I have to get up and make breakfast. I wasn't able to make dinner last night because all of the food that's available to make is only breakfast appropriate. I took a peek at the living room and he's still snuggled up in his blanket. I headed to the kitchen to make myself a cup of coffee before anything else, and I already grabbed everything that I need for making breakfast while my coffee's still brewing.

     I've already spent almost an hour here in the kitchen, and I just finished. I toasted some wheat bread and cooked some fried goodies. I put them all on the dining room table and just sat there, patiently waiting for him to wake up since I don't feel like interrupting his delightful nap. For a moment, I thought about my plans. I wanted us to go somewhere fancy, even though my house is also fancy enough. I might just let him know so that he could help me decide. But, I'm pretty sure he's gonna want us to stay here, as he doesn't want me spending for him like a sugar daddy. Going shopping with him sounds like a good idea, I bet he's not gonna say no to that.

     It's just weird now that I already have someone around, someone that understands me, that's also low-key feeling the same as me towards each other. My heart's still bleeding from the wound of my previous relationship that's why I'm also doubting this one but he made me feel secure, like there's literally nothing to worry about, that we're actually gonna last. I'm trying my best not to expect that much, since he just discovered himself so I guess there's still an ounce of uncertainty that's why I'm still holding back. I don't know, I was just so traumatized so I ended up being so careful about my actions and my feelings. I'm gonna take it slow even though things are literally happening quite hastily, as I also don't want this to end up quickly. I'm feeling so anxious about it but good thing that I'm already thinking about it so I'm low-key prepared for the consequences, but still, I don't want that to happen.

     "Good morning," he spoke as he entered the dining room, still visibly sleepy while he rubbed his eyes. "You're up so early, you could've woke me up so that I should've helped you prepare."

     "Nah, it's fine, my pleasure anyways. Go, sit," I replied and asked him to sit down, and he immediately sat down beside me afterward. He just looked at all of the food on the table "Are you looking for something? Do you want something else that's not here? Name it, I might have it."

     "No, no, no, it's not that. I'm just surprised for how plenty my choices are, not really used to something like this but it's not a bad thing though," he replied. "I'm just gonna - gargle first, and wash my face, I'll be right back," he said then already stood up. He paused for a second "Uhh...where's your bathroom though?" he asked.

     "Just head straight, you'll notice it, you won't get lost there, haha."

     He just chuckled lightly and already entered the hall towards the bathroom. He came back after a minute with a smile on his face which kinda brightened up my day. He sat down and I just remembered something, I'm supposed to tell him something last night, but he went to sleep immediately after we arrived so it didn't really come up to my mind.

     He grabbed a pair of toast and a couple of slices of bacon, he looked at me in the process "Why are you looking at me like there's something you want to tell me? Oh - wait, you do have something to tell me last night," he said as it also just came up into his mind.

     "Yeah, about that 'promises' stuff," I replied while I air quoted the word 'promises'.

     "So? What about it?" he asked then already started eating, while I'm still enjoying my cup of brewed coffee.

     "It all started when I was still a kid. That's why up to this date, I lived by that, I cherished that lesson. And the story goes like this: I was around 8 years old at that time, and we're still bound to poverty in that same decade too, that's why I can't really forget the hardships and tragedies that entered my life. We've never been brought by our parents to go swimming back then, we just kept the money for much better use, since we're also not financially stable, everything's just exactly sufficient only to our everyday needs, so we are also not privileged to get what we want, and if so, we have to work hard for it, by ourselves. My aunt, from outside of the country visited us for a week, and invited us to go out, she decided that we'll go swimming with her family. Mom's too embarrassed to tag along since my aunt will cover up our entire expenses, but she couldn't say no as she also wants to give us a chance to experience a thought so once-in-a-lifetime experience, so she accepted it. I actually adore my aunt, so much, she's so precious, kind, and loving. If I'm going to be completely honest I actually wanted her as my mother, but no, I love my mom, nothing could ever replace my love for her. So, yeah. The day of the family reunion came, I'm so overwhelmed the first time I saw her. I just used to exchange letters with her before and now she's here. I immediately hugged her, tears slid down my face, I was so...happy. The entire day, I never left her side. I sunbathed with her, we slid down a ginormous slide together, I sat beside her at lunch, and we told each other stories. That night, I wished for that day to never end, I want to be there forever, with my family, with her and her family. That outing was only for a day, and that's the reason for the quarrel between my happiness and misery. Before we parted our ways, I came up to her for the last time, then hugged her again. I looked at her in the eyes and said: Tita, come back here soon, okay? I'm going to miss you, and Shaina too... She smiled back at me and caressed my head while she pressed me against her belly then said: Of course, Chase, I'll come back here as soon as possible, I promise. I kept that promise, I looked forward to it, I've waited for years...just to know that she's already gone... Her sister informed us that she's already gone, and I couldn't believe it. My mind can't even imagine how her death could've happened, but it's actually true. I asked her, in my head: What happened to your promise, tita? Why... Up til now, I still don't know the reason why and how she died. Then I realized how miserable it is when a promise gets broken, and I, myself have broken some promises too, before, so I promised to myself to never make any more promises to everyone else. We don't really need to make a promise, all that we have to do is try. For me, a promise implies and represents inevitability. But, because life itself is faulty, even though you're certain about that particular promise being granted, we're still not sure. So that made a huge impact on my personality, even though it sounds a bit over the roof and hilarious, I still abide by it."

     He just kept eating while I'm telling him the reason behind that personality of mine but I just proceeded and now it had already come to an end.

     He paused eating for a brief moment to reply after I spoke "I respect that, truly. Loss absolutely contributes to ourselves, ain't it? I think I have something like that too, but mine is hate and fear of consequences," he said while he contemplated at his food right in front of him.

     "How's that?" I asked.

     "Well, it's pretty literal, I hate facing consequences like if ever my actions ended up getting into something worse, I fear facing the consequences. Or, most likely the fear of facing the results, like for example; a cold relationship is already falling apart, so basically, the conclusion for that is proper closure, and I can't imagine myself doing that, I fear it. So I just end up running away from it, running away without saying anything, it's weird but that's the way I cope with it. I'd rather run than face it, I'm a coward, I guess," he explained precisely without a stutter as if he has already wallowed about this before and he's done it so many times.

     "Yeah, I guess that's pretty strange, but my advice for you is...running away isn't always the solution for anything, even if you run away from it, yet, at some point that particular thing that you ran away from will remain since you didn't face it," I replied while I also grabbed something to eat.

     "I don't know, it's just me, there's nothing I could do about it at the moment, but I'm trying my best to overcome it because I actually don't see that as a good thing," he said, and I could feel that he's already uncomfortable with the conversation.

     "By the way, I wanna ask you something."

     "What is it?" he asked after drinking some water and looked at me straight in the eye, waiting for me to speak.

     "Would you mind if we stay somewhere else?"

     He chuckled sarcastically "Why? Isn't your house enough for you? Like damn, I'd rather stay here every day and never get sick of it. What made you think staying somewhere else could be a good idea when your house is already fancy enough, as fancy as the fanciest hotel here in Denver," he replied, and yeah, just as I thought, he'd rather stay here, so here goes plan B, ask him to go shopping.

     "Yeah, I was just feeling something previously, like I was getting some sort of cabin fever with my own house, but I guess I can cope with it, I just wanted to ask you, see if you'd rather stay somewhere else, but okay," I said, then shrugged my shoulders afterward. "What if we just go shopping then?" I asked.

     "That sounds like a good idea since I don't have that many clothes here and I don't feel like going back to our apartment yet, so, okay, but I'm paying for myself, deal?" he then offered his hand like we're actually making a deal.

     I offered mine and we shook hands "Deal, Mr. D'Angelo," I said sarcastically.

     "Wait a minute, we haven't talked about what are we gonna call each other right? And I just remembered, don't you dare call me Harris when my friends are around like you did on that freaking letter because I swear they'll bust you up," he said, kind of like threatening me, as if he already witnessed what's gonna happen when someone did tamper with their code names. I actually don't know that before, I thought Harris was actually his nickname so I guess it'd be better if I called him that in that letter to be more friendly but turns out, it was too late when I realized it was kinda creepy. I thought that was just his nickname because I saw someone call him that on social media but I guess that was his friend. I personally don't like calling him Jaze as it almost sounds like my nickname.

     "We actually did, but only I introduced what name I'm usually called by people. So, once again, you may call me Chase. I have nothing against your name, it just bothers me somehow since it sounds similar to my nickname, Chase and Jaze, see. I called you Harris in that note because I saw someone call you that on social media, but I guess that was one of your friends in that apartment."

     "Yeah, only my friends in that house call me by that name so... Well, if that's actually the case...hmm...you could just call me...mine," he said, then smiled wickedly.

     I smirked "Good one, but I ain't buyin' it, heard that couple of times already."

     He put his hand on his chin as he thought about what should I call him "Aight, just call me JJ then. Janine used to call me that, but not anymore."

     "Who's Janine?"

     He shrugged his shoulders "My sister?"

     "Oh, okay. How old is she?" I asked. "I'm just curious okay, nothing else, I just wanna know."

     "She's turning 18 a few months from now. She's fine, she's also an introvert like me, but way worse. We haven't talked for a while now, I just hope that she's okay since there's obviously something she's not telling us," he replied, cheerlessly.

     "Every teen goes through that phase, let's just hope for the best..."

     "Yeah. Anyways, I'm already done eating, what time are we gonna go out though?" he asked as he stood up.

     "It's currently around 9 AM, so maybe in an hour? We'll just eat lunch somewhere at the mall too."

     "Okay, I'm gonna go shower now then, thanks for the meal," he replied along with a smile.

     We're not yet official yet it feels like we've already moved in together.